Manage Me (Toven's Circus #1) (25 page)

When we pull up to the bus, Jaden’s standing by the back of the bus on his phone. He looks furious, his jaw clinched, and I can see the fire in his eyes from where I stand by the bus door.  He catches me watching him and tries to send me a reassuring smile but I can see he is worried. I help bring the groceries in and start putting them away. I keep out some chicken for the whole crew. I make up a teriyaki marinade and put it all in the fridge. The boys can barbecue it when we get out to the camp site this evening. I realize then that I have been alone for a while. The band must have needed to talk, I try not to feel hurt that I was excluded but they have been a group for longer than I’ve been a part of the team. I decide to grab my toiletries to put away, and take a shower. 

Chapter 33

Jaden

I feel a bit more settled after laying out a game plan with the band but I still need to get Nell to agree. Entering the bedroom, I am gifted with an eyeful of naked wet woman and any thought I might have been thinking dissipates into nothingness. Her hand on a luffa full of soap suds, she slides it over her clavicle, down over her full tits, and across her stomach. Tilting her head back, she allows the soap to wash away; I track the bubbles down the curves of her body, before making my way back up to start all over again but I get caught in her gaze. Sending me a soft smile she continues to circle the loofa around on her skin, watching me, watch her.

“Want to join me?” She asks, her voice echoing around the glass room. Instead of answering I just strip off my clothes leaving them wherever they land. I remember that I need to talk to her but the news is bad, she’s going to be crushed.

Stepping in I give her a reassuring smile but she reads right through it. “What’s going on, Jaden? What did he say?” her voice is soft, barely above a whisper. I pull her into my arms wanting to hold her when I deliver the news. News that I volunteered to deliver because I knew I would be much more genital than her fucking asshole father.

“The band is being dropped from the label and he wants to cancel the tour but I told him we would finish it on our own dime.” I start while I run my hands soothingly along her back.

“What? He can’t do that, you have a contract.” She jerks back looking at me and I lean down to kiss her head hugging her tight because it’s nice having someone want to fight for you.

“He can actually. Our contracts were up six months ago and the lawyers were drawing up new ones. We were in negotiations and it’s been taking so long because we have been trying to get more control over writing our own lyrics and music. When you came into the office that day, I was playing him one of our songs, trying to convince him.”

“Fuck, all this is my fault. If I would have just been professional and kept it in my pants, none of this would have happened.” Misery in her voice, she sinks her head down into her hands. “Shit, what’s Toven’s going to do?” she starts jerking her head back up to look at me, almost taking out my nose.

“Toven’s will be fine. Most of the tour is taken care of already, we are just now responsible for the bills. After it’s finished, we are going to take our planned break, and then we will figure something out. Beauty, I‘m not worried about us.” I sooth.

“Not worried about us, the band, but worried about me?” She state. “I know I’ve been fired, Jaden, and I’ll pack up my stuff to leave once we get to the next venue, if that’s okay with everyone.”

“What? Nell you aren’t fucking going anywhere. You aren’t going to be leaving my fucking side, ever, got it?” I tell her.

“Excuse me? Jaden you aren’t the boss of me. I need to go talk to my Dad.”

“So call him. You don’t need to go there and beg for your job back. If I continue to pay you to be the manager, will you stay?” Shit that was the wrong thing to say, as her face twists and turns red.

“Jaden, my dream is to be a producer, not be the tour manage for a band. I’ve put in years of hard work and at my first real opportunity I end up on my back.” She seethes throwing her arms around.

“Beauty, it’s not like you were being careless and just looking for a good time. You and I are more than just a hook up.” I say gently, reaching out to take her face in my hands hoping to soothe her. “I am sorry you got fired and that all this has blown up”

“Fuck Jaden, it’s not your fault, but I need to go try to fix this with my father. I won’t beg for my job back or apologize about us, because, for as upsetting as this is, I don’t regret us. But I need to try.”

And damn it I have no argument because I know despite the outcome not being favorable, I know she needs to try everything or she might grow to eventually regret us someday. “Okay Beauty, I get it and I’ll be waiting for you here when you get back.”

I admit that I worry she might not come back, that just because I love her with everything inside of me doesn’t mean that she won’t run.

*****************************************

Nell

I walk through Deadly Sins Records, I feel the eyes on me but I hold my head high. I know what they are all thinking, but only I know the truth. It’s hard to grasp the excitement I felt when I walked into my father’s office a little over a week ago compared to the despair and dread that I feel today.

He sits behind his desk, an iPad in his hands that he doesn’t look up from as I come into the room or as I proceed to walk to his desk and sit in a chair facing him. He makes me wait for several long silent minutes, not acknowledging my presences, just like he would when I was in trouble as a child, leaving me to dejectedly squirm. I hold my cell phone between my hands because Jaden promised to text when sound check was over. It’s on vibrate and might be rude to check it while talking to my dad but I miss him already, it’s only been five hours, and I need to hear from him. I nervously rub its smooth surface, willing it to buzz but it stubbornly stays silent.

When he final does address me, it’s to steeple his hands and stare. When I was a child, this is the point I would usually breakdown and start crying, apologizing for whatever I had done, but I am no longer a child. I am so angry that he is pulling this manipulative crap that I refuse to play along and give in to him.

“Why are you here, Nell?” He finally asks, his eyes like ice and his jaw muscles jumping.

“I came because I wanted to talk to you. To explain in person about Jaden and me.” I say calmly.

“Jaden and you.” He scoffs. “The man is a whore that’s probably already got his dick up a new cunt already.” My body jerks back in the chair at his harsh and vulgar words. “Jaden is a rock star with woman throwing themselves at him every second of the day, you’ve seen them, and you even fell for him. Why would he settle for you?”

And with a few short sentences every idea and hope my heart was harboring, shatters and I am left breathless. I shared the exact same thoughts but allowed Jaden to whisk them away with his words and the feels that he stirs up in me. There is no way that he would be happy with me forever when he has so much being thrown at him constantly, what man would be?

“Nell, I know you think he cares about you but you need to be smart here. Toven’s Circus is done. No one will touch them, they are a seasoned rock band past their prime that can’t write their own music.”

“But they can write their own and are amazing. The fans are loving the original stuff that they have been performing.” I argue, defending them because, in spite of my hurting heart, I believe in Toven’s Circus. I believe they have the talent to be much bigger than they are.

Just then my phone buzzes in my hand,

Beast: Good luck, My Beauty. I miss you like crazy, hurry up and cum back 2 me. I love you <3 Your Beast

And just like that, I am reminded and nothing my Dad says can change what I know Jaden feels for me. His support and love is all I need and I know it’s real. I trust Jaden and I smile.

But he scoffs making a face of disgust. “Here I was about to offer you your position as intern back but if you think that the garbage band is the next big thing, then you have no right to the job and no future as a producer.” He sneers. “I guess your mother was right and you were just an ineffective waste of our time.”

At one time his words would have been crushing but wrapping myself up tight in Jaden’s love, I find that I am stronger. That I obviously have never had his love and never will, so why continue to try to make him happy, when I have a man waiting for me that wants to shower me in love. Standing, I walk towards my father’s desk and look him dead in the eyes.

“I could stand here and list all the reasons that I am worthy and all the reasons Jaden and I will work, but no one’s ever been able to tell you anything, so why waste my breath. But this is the last time I will ever allow you to talk to me like this and after today, after I walk through those doors, I am done.” I say slicing my hand through the air. “You and Mom never loved me and for years, I anguished over what I had done or what I could do to fix it but meeting Jaden taught me something. It was never me. It was you, both of you. You both are heartless, soulless beings that because you didn’t plan me, tossed me aside. Well, lucky for you I am over it and you can pretend for good that you don’t have a daughter to deal with.” Turning on my heel, I march away, and out the door. I don’t turn back, forward is where I am ready to be, forward to Jaden.

Chapter 34

Jaden

Nell was gone for 14 hours and I was a depressed nightmare from the second I dropped her off at the little podunk airport in George. I went to sound checks and sat in our bedroom with my guitar. The only good thing to come out of her leaving is the song I wrote for her.

When I played it for Ryker, he told me I was a pussy-whipped bitch, so I took that to mean it was perfect. I chew on my thumb nail while standing on the tarmac waiting for the private plane to taxi to a stop. It’s a horrible habit that I had growing up that only comes out when I am really stressed out. I don’t even know why, she came back, she wouldn’t have come back if things weren’t good, right?

When they lower the stairs, I don’t wait for her to appear, I just jump up them, taking the steps three at a time, and turn the corner to wrap my woman up in my arms. Her sweet mango scent filling my head. She giggles before I slam my lips down to meets hers until we are both gasping for breath.

“Damn it Beauty, you’re never allowed to leave me again. Come on, let’s go home, so I can remind you what you like best about me.”  I say wiggling my eyebrows at her and grabbing her hand.

****************************************

The day of the show, rehearsal and sound check went great. Nell seems relaxed but quiet, I know she’s nervous. With the unexpected trip to L.A., she only had a day and a half to practice. She’s solid and knows the music but I worry she didn’t have enough time to mentally prepare herself. 

Nell stands in the wings watching us play the first half of the show. The sun setting behind her, bright flowers donning her head, and a smile on her face as she swayed to the music, I am finding it hard not to look at her. She looks fucking sexy in her black tank top with lace roses covering the back, hot pink short shorts, and black Converse with white poke-a-dots. She has on a pair of designer sunglasses so I cannot see if she’s stressing but from her body language I don’t think she is.