Just Breathe (3 page)

She nodded and sat on the bench to put on her clothes over her bathing suit.

The harbor loomed, resurfacing dread along with it. Life would be so much easier if she could stay out here on the ocean until she got her head sorted. The whales were her only comfort. Reality had become too overwhelming.

“I don’t want to talk to anyone at the dock. No cameras, no interviews. I need to be alone,” she said.

“I understand. I’ll try to run interference for you.” He touched her shoulder and looked her in the eyes. “Take a day off. For me.”

She fought the urge to scowl. “Maybe.” Absolutely not. She needed the whales now more than ever. Time off would give her nothing better to do than think about Gavin…

Randy slowed the boat as he passed the harbor breakers. Almost show time. She erased all expression from her face and donned her Cetacean Research Network cap and sunglasses. Then she tugged a hoodie over her chilled arms. Zoe emptied her mind of the vivid images of her thumb depressing the plunger on the syringe and steeled herself for the media circus.

After Randy docked, a horde of people swamped her, demanding details. She kept quiet and let Randy do the talking. Hands reached for her, people shouted, and cameramen charged toward her. Head down, she pushed through the angry and sad faces, silently begging the sweltering air for oxygen.

Gavin? Where was Gavin? When he dropped her off earlier, he said he’d wait for her near CRN’s slip…

“Zoe,” Randy called out behind her.

She turned to the only familiar voice in the crowd, the one belonging to the ex-lover she didn’t want, while the lover she desperately needed was curiously absent. Go figure.

Randy nailed her with a hard stare. “I’ll catch up with you in Hervey Bay tomorrow.”

She shot her gaze across the docks once more in search of Gavin. “Don’t bother.”

Chapter Three

Gavin Cassidy scoured the crowd packed around the Zodiac. After seeing Zoe off earlier at the harbor, he followed the trail of her sad whale song and kept close track of it. Several times over those grueling two hours apart, he nearly wept at the overwhelming sorrow the song carried. Though he didn’t understand whales like Zoe did, it wasn’t hard to guess how deeply the spiraling cascade of the week’s events affected her.

But her grief couldn’t possibly compare to his.

He had
murdered
the woman he loved.

His heart locked in a steel cage of regret, he barricaded himself behind a wall of Fire and Water and threw away the key. No incarceration would be long or harsh enough to pardon his crimes. Not even an eternity of time served.

He hated himself.

The human swell parted and spat out a tall woman wearing a Cetacean Research Network hat. Zoe. People trailed behind her, tugging on her shirt and yelling questions. Keeping his head down, Gavin bolted toward her and prayed no one would notice him. He used to thrive on the attention his band, Just Breathe, brought him, but since he met Zoe, he often wished he could make himself invisible.

He sidestepped reporters, greenies, and tourists on his way toward her. He made eye contact, but neither of them said anything. She lowered her gaze and followed him away from the media.

“Hey, that’s Gavin Cassidy!” someone shouted. Attention shifted
en masse
from Zoe to him.

Fuck.

He could almost hear Zoe’s sigh over the rising commotion. Cameras targeted him like an animal caught in a hunter’s sights. Clicks filled the air. He nodded to a few people gawking at him. Silently wished them away.

“Gavin, were you here to see the whale?”

“Oh my God, it’s him!”

“When’s the new album coming out?”

He shot Zoe a forced smile. She replied with the same.

“Here to support the efforts to help the whale, but I’ve got to be off.” He wrestled with the throng, tried in vain to evade the hands groping for him, and stumbled onward. In the process, he lost track of Zoe.

When it became clear the gathered fans wouldn’t leave any time soon, he signed some autographs and chatted with them, gritting his teeth through every torturous second. At least his appearance took the pressure off Zoe, wherever she was.

The longest twenty minutes of his life later, he excused himself as graciously as he could and made for the exit. Attention split between him and the wildlife officials on the dock, the crowd eased off and let him go. When he reached the car, Zoe stood waiting for him.

He couldn’t see her eyes through the dark sunnies, but the guts of her aura were painted in the pale, shimmering green of Hervey Bay’s waters and fringed with a navy halo. Screaming of exhaustion and heartbreak, the colors matched his.

God, if he could only turn back the clock…

He wanted to hug her, kiss her, cry with her, but Scarlet’s cinnamon stench still oozed from his pores, and he couldn’t let Zoe smell her on him. So, he kept his distance. She didn’t seem that enthused to be around him anyway. “You all right?”

Zoe flashed a tight smile. “I’m fine.”

He cocked his head to the side. “Your aura disagrees.”

“No, really.” Her neatly pinned expression quavered, and she dropped her gaze to her feet. Her jaw trembled and face reddened.

He reached out to touch her, but the pollution fouling his spirit stopped him. Remnants of the dirty Fire that had tricked him into the biggest mistake of his life lurked like pre-cancerous cells in his blood, waiting for the right moment to metastasize and claim his body. He could almost hear Scarlet’s laughter.

When Zoe looked at him, tears lined her pink-rimmed eyes. “I’d like to go back to the hotel now. Can you take me? If not, I can call Jack.”

“Sure.” Hands aching, he slid the keys out of his pocket, unlocked and opened the passenger door, and got behind the wheel of the rental car.

Dark Water ebbed and flowed around Zoe on the drive to the hotel. Neither of them spoke.

What the hell could he say?
Sorry you had to kill a whale two days after I fucked my ex-girlfriend in front of you and crushed you to death with an Elemental tidal wave
. He’d done a lot of shitty things in his life, but this went a million feet below rock bottom. This was center-of-the-Earth-low.

He snuck glances at her at every stoplight. She stared out the window, her head propped in her chin, shoulders sagging.

Fuck.

Another surge of Scarlet’s stench poured off him. His stomach roiled. He pressed the knuckles of a balled fist to his lips to quell the sudden urge to puke and unrolled the window. The smell threatened to suffocate him. The wind on his face eased his rioting gut, but only a little.

He pulled into the hotel lot and parked the car. “Jack said he’d crash on your pull-out tonight if you want him to.” Gods knew Zoe didn’t want Gavin there. Even if she did, his Sentinel presence would prevent her from dreaming if they shared a bed, so it was a no-go either way.

Couldn’t live with her. Couldn’t live without her.

“That’s all right. Jack should be with Whetu, and honestly, I need some time alone.”

Her refusal to look at him and the sucker punch of her words—though anticipated—hurt more than he expected. His first reaction was to demand someone stay with her for protection from the Fyres, but they both knew keeping her safe was no longer an issue. Scarlet had seen Gavin kill Zoe. She and the rest of the Fyres were probably celebrating Zoe’s death with a massive orgy or some shit.

He faced her. “I know you don’t want to talk to me—about anything—but I can’t leave you by yourself after all that’s…happened. I’ve got to know you’re okay.”
Because I love you more than life
.

She picked up the dry bag at her feet and turned to him. So beautiful. How could he have hurt her? How could he have let Scarlet fool him so easily? Yes, her Fire was powerful—he’d experienced the effect of it when they were together before—but he’d honestly believed his love for Zoe was strong enough to see through Scarlet’s shit.

Weak, stupid fool.

“You’re right. I’m not okay. And I won’t be until I’ve had time to process everything. I euthanized a baby whale an hour ago, and that tears me up inside. As for the rest…” She blinked several times and looked away. “I’m sure of a few things. I care about you. A lot. What happened at your house was an accident. But it hurt. I don’t blame you, but…it hurt.” Her gaze fell to the hands wringing in her lap.

He wanted to squeeze those hands in his, let each kiss he brushed across her fingers explain how sorry he was, but he still couldn’t bring himself to touch her. Or even look at her.

“It hurt me, too. More than you know. Seeing you like that, broken because of me…” He shook his head and buffed away the wetness gathering at the corner of his eyes.

Zoe nailed him with a cold stare. “Let’s remember where the real blame lies. Scarlet tricked you.”

“I should have known it was her.” But he’d been so anxious to get inside Zoe, he let his reason—his Air—burn away. They both paid dearly for it.

Her warm palm covered his fist resting on the seat. “But you didn’t. We can’t change what happened. Let’s focus on waking up Whetu, putting the Wæter Archelemental in place, finding the door into the Dreaming, getting the Fyres out, and killing Scarlet. When that’s said and done, you and I can talk about us.”

He wriggled his hand from under hers. “That’s a good plan.” His voice cracked.

Was she breaking up with him?

A long moment of silence embodied the cool space between them, yet unspoken words volleyed back and forth inside his head like tennis balls on speed.

I love you.

You betrayed me.

I need you.

You cheated on me.

I’m sorry. So sorry…

I’ll never forgive you.

Zoe’s sigh interrupted his maddening inner dialogue. “I think it’s best if I get my stuff and head back to Queensland today. There’s nothing left for me here, and I have a whale to find in Hervey Bay.”

Another gut wrench. Could she twist the knife any harder? “I’ll take you to the airport.”

“No, you go and check on Jack and Whetu. I’ll grab a taxi.”

She
was
breaking up with him.

Certainly wasn’t a shock, given the circumstances. Sentinel circuitry took charge, and a fresh, reasonable breeze of Air directed his words. “Then promise me you’ll keep hidden—in the Dreaming and Realis. The Fyres think you’re dead. You have to maintain that illusion.”

“I can hide in the Dreaming, but I won’t stop working my day job. I have whales to tag. The Fyres aren’t likely to look for me on the ocean anyway. I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.” She smiled and patted his cheek. He fought the urge to recoil. “Besides, I have plenty of Water to keep me company.”

He couldn’t deny that. He only wished it was the warm kind of Water that used to dominate her aura before everything went to shit, rather than this new, cold variety laced with a shot of despair.

Maybe she was right. She needed time and space. And he needed…shit, he didn’t know what he needed. A do-over card would be nice to play right now.

“Can I see you tomorrow?” The words came out in a desperate rush before he could put a leash on them.

Her eyes narrowed, and she took a breath. “Yeah.”

She paused, then leaned over as if to kiss him. Instinct pulled him away, but then love shoved him forward, just in time to miss his opportunity. The dull ache in his chest flared to a sharp, jabbing point on the tiptoes of their awkward dodge-dance. She looked to the handle where her fingers twitched.

“Be careful. I’ll see you later.” She yanked the lever, shouldered the panel open with a squeak, and bustled out.

“I love you,” he said softly. The words crashed into the slammed door and rebounded into him like a slap across the face.

* * * *

Scarlet lay in bed, giddy.

Off with her head. The bitch is dead. Gavin will keep me fed
, she sang to herself.

She giggled and touched the wet folds between her legs. Hot embers of victory flared again. She slid her fingers in and out. Not nearly as filling as Gavin’s cock, but it would do for now. The memories of him pounding her bareback, followed by Zoe’s head cracking against the brick fireplace provided excellent visual stimulation.

Gavin had been a proper
beast
in bed.

I’m still inside you, Scarlet,
she imagined him saying.

She plunged her fingers harder, faster, and closed her eyes to focus on the delicious rhythm. “You liked fucking me, didn’t you? You liked feeling all of me.”

Your Fire is exquisite.

“Isn’t it just?” Her breaths increased as an orgasm snuck up behind her.

His rich cedar scent lingered in her memory. The silky red sheets added to the sensory overload. She switched hands and licked the sweetness from her index finger, imagining it was Gavin’s cock slathered with her juices. That was all it took.

Her body ignited, and she screamed in pleasure as flame after flame scorched her. Moments later, she emerged Fire-drunk in a blazing bed. The inferno danced around her like the cage of Gavin’s arms. She sucked the energy from the bonfire, drank it down, and stored it in her soul. When the high ebbed and the fire went out, she lay on the scorched remains of her bed. Black scars singed into the carpet. A beautiful, burnt aroma lingered in the air.

It was her third climax of the morning, and by far the best. Imagine how good it would have been with Gavin’s flesh burning against hers.

Ah, soon.

She laughed. She’d never get out of the house today if these incessant thoughts of Gavin didn’t stop taunting her. Might end up burning the whole place down.

I want you again, Scarlet,
Gavin’s voice whispered in her head.
Zoe’s dead, and soon, we’ll be together forever. You as Archelemental and me as your mate. We’ll steal Eidan’s Fire and rule Australia side by side.

“Yes, my love. We will.”

She stood up and stretched, her body languid, though primed for yet another go. She could have wallowed in Fire all day long, but she had things to do. Time to contact her informant on the Sentinel Council to get things moving along. She grabbed her cell phone, wandered out of the bedroom through the thick haze of smoke, and dialed.