Just Breathe (2 page)

A glossary of whale and world-building terms is located at the end of this book.

All profits from sales of the JUST BREATHE Trilogy will be donated to programs that educate people about whales and the challenges they face.

—K.G.

When flames grow hot, a leviathan falls

And Dreams fade to shadow.

Borne on a black back forged from duty and love,

The Wyldling frees the key from Aqua’s womb,

Cutting a wide swath for the Bastard’s return.

The Sentinel clutches gifts in his heart,

Destroying destroyers with guile, not fists.

The Bastard rises from All Elements and None,

Revered by the ancient ones,

But held fast by a Dream traitor who must be turned.

The Mother is reborn unto another,

Returning the third Element to its noble station.

When all this comes to pass,

Then shall Balance in the Fortieth Great Age be restored.

Chapter One

Sydney, New South Wales, Australia

September 1

Randy Heller leaned over the side of the bobbing Zodiac and passed Zoe Morgan two large syringes. “Are you sure you can handle this?”

“Yeah.” Zoe squinted into the blazing sun, focused on the currents caressing her as she treaded water, and nodded with grim acceptance. This was the worst task she’d ever been faced with, but she didn’t have much of a choice. Any time one of the veterinarians—or anyone else, for that matter—got close to the emaciated baby humpback whale just outside of Sydney Harbour, the calf bucked like a wild bull. Zoe was the only one he’d let near him.

The blessing and curse of being able to speak to whales.

“Be careful with those.”

Randy didn’t have to remind her the syringes carried enough poison to end an entire family line, plus a few neighbors for good measure. Though after what she’d been through this week, dying again might not be such a bad thing. Her thoughts wandered to Gavin, but she shrugged them off into the cool ocean cradling her. She had to be strong and focused, and he complicated everything.

Too bad Scarlet wasn’t here so Zoe could introduce her to the Pentobarbital and T-61 in her hands. But that would have been letting the Fyre Elemental off easy. No, Scarlet deserved a much more violent end for slaughtering this poor baby’s mother and leaving him to die of starvation.

And there was that whole business of Scarlet shape-shifting into Zoe’s form, sleeping with Gavin, and tricking him into accidentally killing the real Zoe.

She closed her eyes for two long breaths.

Dwelling on the incident would only bring more Fire, something she didn’t need while an innocent life waited to be ended by her hand. Nope, she’d stick with the sadness, the emotional pain that came with Water. For the time being, it was all she had.

Kicking her fins to stay afloat, Zoe absorbed the motion of the gentle currents darting across her wet suit. She carefully rubber-banded the capped and loaded syringes around her upper arm where they’d be out of the way until she needed them.

Randy stared down at her, lips tight, his gray locks dancing in the humid breeze. “Zoe, that calf may be small and dying, but he could take you out with a flick of his flukes. Administer the injections and come straight back here. Understand?”

“Yep.” She turned away before he could coddle her any more and paddled toward the whale. Huffing another deep breath, she fought down a sudden wave of nausea.

Come on,
she told herself
. There’s no other solution. It sucks, but it’s the only humane option. The baby’s too far-gone.

Still, the ache in her chest grew. She fought to
protect
whales. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

None of it.

She shuttered her eyes for a couple seconds to rein in the tears and reached out to the little whale with her mind.
Hello again. It’s Zoe.

The baby barely moved. His breaths were shallow and frequent.
Did you find another mother for me? I’m so hungry, Zoe. And cold.

Zoe bit back the panic winding its way up her throat. This wasn’t a time to be selfish or to wallow in sorrow. This was about the whale. She could grieve for him later. Right now, she had to fulfill her role as death dealer.

She swam to him, and the calf’s thin, four meter-long body listed. He struggled to right himself. Hand raised with her palm open, she spoke aloud, “May I touch you, little one?”

He closed his eye.
Yes.

After a pause, she dropped her hand to his black skin and rubbed him gently.
We can’t find any milk. The doctors think it may be too late to save you. I understand you’re hungry and hurting. I’m so sorry.

More than he could ever know.

His head lifted a bit, almost like a nod.
What will happen to me?

I brought some medicine that will ease your pain. It will send you out of this world and into the Dreaming where no one can hurt you. Your mother will be waiting for you.

How do you know that’s where I’ll go?

Bitter saliva flooded her mouth. A vision of Gavin blasting her with an Elemental Water cannon into the fireplace disrupted the ripples of her swooning mind.

Her own breath choked her.

It was an accident. He didn’t mean to do it.

She shook her head.
I died and left this place. I woke up in the Dreaming, where I saw whales like you.

The baby’s eye widened.
Did you see my mum?

I may have. I didn’t stay very long. But I’m sure your mum is there. Waiting for you.

Her heart stuttered in her rib cage. A tear bled down her cheek. She’d done a lot of unpleasant things in her life, but nothing came close to this. And so soon after the very real nightmare with Gavin and Scarlet…

I don’t want you to suffer anymore, but I… I can’t do this without your permission.
A sob wrangled free of her throat, and she turned away. The baby couldn’t see her fall apart. He’d endured enough stress, and she wanted him to go peacefully. He deserved that.

She pulled in a deep breath and yanked in her freak-out by the reins.
Air
.

Inhale… Exhale… Just breathe…

I’m scared, Zoe.

I am, too.

Will it hurt?

Just a little, but the medicine should work fast, and then you’ll feel no more pain. You’ll be with your mum again.
She quickly wiped away a new spring of tears.

The whale studied her for a long moment.
What about the bad lady who hurt my mum? What will happen to her?

Cold vengeance crept into Zoe’s body and chilled the sadness raging in her blood. Determination welled and crashed over the slow boiling panic, snuffing it out in a great wave. She sniffled, skidded an arm across her nose, and raised her chin.

“I’m going to make her pay for what she did to you. When you find your mother, I want you to tell her that the Fyre Elemental who killed you both is called Scarlet. Share her name with everyone you meet in the Dreaming. Show them what she did. When the time comes, I’ll need Water to put her and the other Fyres down. Save that Water for me. It’s our most dangerous weapon.”

The whale brushed Zoe’s arm with his flipper and blew weakly.
I’ll hold the Water tight and never let it go.

Dear God. In the face of death, this frightened, tiny baby defied his fear. She had to do the same. She threw her arms around the whale.
You’re a strong boy. Thank you.

I’m ready now, Zoe. Send me back to my mum.

Channeling her anger, agony, and hatred for Scarlet, Zoe cooled the pain with a filling gulp of Air and removed the first syringe. She met the whale’s eye. The bravery behind that grapefruit-sized orb gave her the courage to do the unthinkable.

She pressed her lips together, uncapped the needle, and released the Pentobarbital into his blowhole. Unable to wait, she removed the lethal dose and readied it in her trembling hands.

The calf’s eye closed. Zoe swam to his back end and plunged the T-61 syringe into his tail fluke. He barely even flinched. Her tears flowed with the venom she injected into his frail body.

She stroked the baby’s rubbery black skin and remained by his side, despite Randy’s distant shouts to return to the Zodiac. “Go to your mum now, and find happiness in the Dreaming, little whale.”

Thank you, Zoe.

Aching from head to toe, she laid her ear against his side and listened to the racing of the great pumping muscle within. Her heart matched its speed.

The pattering slowed.

Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump…

The baby’s pulse stopped.

For one beat, hers did, too.

She lifted her head and blinked away one last tear threatening escape.

The deed was done. No taking it back now.

Zoe Morgan was a whale killer.

Chapter Two

The wildlife officials motored out to the lifeless body as Zoe swam to the Zodiac.

His expression grim, Randy grabbed her hand and hoisted her up. “What happened to you coming right back?”

Bastard
. “No one should have to die alone. Not even an animal.”

Relaxing his stance, Randy sighed. “I know how hard that was for you.”

He didn’t have a clue. Didn’t matter. She shook herself off, removed her mask and fins, and tossed the diving gear into a pile behind the steering wheel. A puddle collected around her feet as the last of the cool ocean water trickled down her suit. She wished she could melt into it. Disappear for a while.

“I told the feds I’d stick around to help with removal of the carcass,” he continued. “I didn’t think you’d be interested.”

“You thought right.” The baby was dead. What happened to the body didn’t matter. Him making it back to his mother in the Dreaming did.

Randy put his hands on his hips. “Zoe.”

She refused to meet his gaze and set about wriggling out of her wet suit.

His fingers brushed her cheek. She lurched back and pushed him away. “Don’t touch me. I’m not in the mood.”

“Okay, will you at least look at me?”

She huffed and faced him, her soggy mess of a suit
slopped
around her ankles. Normally she would’ve been self-conscious about standing in front of him with only a bathing suit on, but she was so full of conflicting emotions, she didn’t bother to cover herself.

“I was trying to say thank you. You did a good thing, even though you’re not proud of it. Euthanasia was the only choice. He would’ve starved to death, and that would have been way worse. Researchers have to put their feelings aside, and you did. You’ll do me proud when you’re Vice President of Cetacean Research Network.”

Not even the promise of the promotion she’d been after for years made her feel better. No, the cold, empty grave in her chest could only be filled by one thing.

She searched the distant harbor for Gavin, not that she could see him this far away.

Did he sense her despair right now? The loss, the regret, the utter sadness that had seized her body and soul so completely?

“Can we just get back to the dock?” She grabbed a towel from her dry bag and ran it over her shoulders.

Randy stared at her, arms folded across his chest, lips in a straight line. She silently dared him to say anything else.

“Fine. I’m here if you want to talk about it.”

“I don’t.”

He started the engine and headed toward the shore lined with spectators.

The hot sun bore down heavily on Zoe’s back. Nothing made sense. She wanted—
needed
—Gavin’s arms around her, but he’d been careful to keep his distance after what happened.

They’d talked about The Incident, but nothing had been resolved, nor would it be any time soon. One minute she felt utterly betrayed and helpless, the next, she wanted to cry against his chest and squeeze him forever.

Gavin might have cheated on her and killed her, but it wasn’t his fault. It was an unfortunate mistake. The blame lay solely on Scarlet. At least that was what Zoe’s rational head kept telling her broken heart.

She scanned the crowd again. He was nowhere in sight.

God, could she ever forgive him?

Could he ever forgive
himself
?

“You heading back to Hervey Bay today?”

Randy’s question unlocked the door to the prison of her conflicted mind and freed her thoughts into the light of reality. Work. Yes. Maybe that would distract her from these empty dreams of changing an unchangeable past. “Yeah. I’ve done enough damage here, and I have research to finish.”

Randy glanced at her, then returned to navigating the waves. “You should take the rest of the day off. Maybe tomorrow, too. Iri can drive the boat.”

Shit. Iri.

“Uh, about him…” How would she explain that the manipulative Aer Elemental had been snuffed out by Fyres in the Sydney hospital where his daughter had been held captive? Easy. She wouldn’t. “He bailed on us a few days ago. Not sure where he went.”

Randy whipped his head in her direction. “What?”

She shrugged. “He left his stuff in his room. No note, no phone call. He just disappeared.” It wasn’t a total lie.

Straightening, Randy pursed his lips. “Jesus Christ, why didn’t you tell me? Did you file a police report?”

“No. He was scheduled off the boat, so I figured he must’ve gone for some R & R. He’ll probably be back by the time I get home. But if not, I’ll definitely call the police.” Great, now she’d be implicated in a missing persons case. More fuel added to the fire of her rapidly declining stability.

He rubbed his forehead. “Be sure you do. I can’t believe he’d take off without telling anyone. A disappearance could pose legal trouble for CRN. His family in New Zealand needs to be notified. Keep me apprised.”