Cattle Valley 27 - Alone in a Crowd (5 page)

* * * *

Ryan walked into The Gym with a heavy heart. “Rio in his office?”
Kit nodded. “He’s with that hunky guy Asa sent over.”
“Hunky guy?” Ryan didn’t like the sound of that.
Kit laughed. “Down, boy. Mario’s in there, too. They’re talking about the self-defence

classes Asa’s offering to all his employees.”
“Oh, Drake, okay. Do you know when they’ll be done?”
Kit glanced at the clock. “Soon, I hope. Mario has a client coming in at eleven.” Deciding to wait, Ryan went behind the bar and poured himself a big glass of cranberry

juice. When Kit joined him, he held up the pitcher. “Want some?”
“God no. I prefer sweet to sour, but you can grab me a water if you’d like?” “I’d like.” Ryan reached in the fridge and removed a bottle of water. He liked Kit. She

had taken a little getting used to, but once he got to know her, he found her upbeat attitude infectious. “How’re things?”

 

“Good.” Kit took a sip of her water. “Hawk left yesterday for a shareholder’s meeting in

LA, but he should be back Friday.”
“I didn’t think the two of you ever spent time apart.”
“Only occasionally.” Kit leaned on the bar, her breasts nearly spilling out of the tight

tank top she wore. “Don’t tell him, but once in a while it’s nice to have an evening to myself.” “I wouldn’t know anything about that. Since Rio and I got together with Nate, I can’t
think of a single night I’ve spent on my own.” Of course he’d been alone when he’d gone to
Oklahoma, but Ryan didn’t count that because he’d been in no mood to enjoy the solitude. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Kit asked.
“Think carefully before you answer that question,” Rio said, coming up behind Ryan to
wrap an arm around his waist.
Ryan chuckled. “It’s a very good thing. I can’t imagine not being forced to eat my
vegetables every night.”
Rio nipped Ryan’s earlobe. “If I didn’t make sure you ate right, you’d live on
microwave popcorn and nachos.”
“Yep,” Ryan agreed. “I’d be fat and happy.”
“And celibate,” Rio added, patting Ryan’s flat stomach.
Drake Smith walked towards the bar, a friendly expression on his too-handsome face. If
Ryan didn’t know Drake, he definitely would be jealous of the man, but he knew for a fact
that Drake didn’t date. Hell, the man’s life was his job, Drake even lived in Asa’s building so
he could be onsite at all times. “Drake,” Ryan greeted, shaking his hand.
“Not here on official business, I hope?”
“Not at all. Just came by to talk to Rio.”
“Then I won’t take up anymore of your time.” Drake reached out to shake Rio’s hand.
“I’ll talk to Asa and see what he says about offering the classes here instead of over there.” “Sounds good.” The moment Drake walked away, Rio turned to Ryan. “What’s going
on?”
“Let’s go to the office.” Ryan gestured for Rio to go first. He’d use any excuse to stare at
his partner’s ass, no matter where they were.
Entering the office, Ryan joined Rio on the sofa. “I haven’t been able to get this thing
with Grooper out of my mind, so I did some digging.”
“And?” Rio prompted when it seemed Ryan wouldn’t go on.
“He lost his partner of twenty-three years in a car accident just before he moved here.”
Ryan shook his head. “No wonder he’s blown that fender bender out of proportion. It shook
him up so badly that he’s started drinking, lost his job and has refused to drive since.” Rio whistled. “Damn, that sucks.”
“It more than sucks, but, yeah, now that I know, I’m going to try and talk to him again.” Rio winced. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“No, but I can’t pretend I don’t know he’s suffering.”
Running a hand back and forth across his heavy five o’clock shadow, Rio sighed. “I
think the best thing you can do for him is to get him out of the house. It doesn’t sound like
he’s made any friends in town, and after what you told me, I’d say he could use a couple.” “He’s not ten years old. I can’t just demand he make nice with his neighbours,” Ryan
argued.
“Tell Nate, he’ll figure something out, he always does.”
“Hell, it’ll just give him a reason to throw another party, and even if he did, there’s no
guarantee Grooper will even show up.” Ryan leaned his head against Rio’s shoulder.
“Although I do feel like we should do something to help.” He couldn’t imagine losing one of
his partners, so he had no idea how Grooper was dealing with the death of his. Guilt sucked
when you didn’t know what to do about it.

* * * *

Rio was in the process of cleaning Lady’s stall when the barn door opened. He glanced over his shoulder and zeroed in on the box in Nate’s hands. “You should put that back where you found it.”

“Why was it in the garage?” Nate set the box on a bale of hay and opened its flaps.

Rio rushed over and closed the box before Nate could delve inside. “Ryan threw it away. I dug it out and put it in the cabinet, hoping someday he’d want it.” He picked up the box and headed towards the tack room. “I’ll hide this in here for now,” he told Nate just as the door opened.
Fuck.

“What’re you hiding?” Ryan asked.

It was too early in the year for Rio to claim it was a surprise birthday gift or Christmas present.
Double Fuck.
Standing a foot from the tack room door, Rio could do little but confess. There was no doubt Ryan recognised the box by the enraged expression on his face. “I’m sorry. I dug this out of the trash. I was fixin’ to hide it.”

Ryan marched over and grabbed the box out of Rio’s hands and threw it against the wall. “Who fucking asked you to do that?”
“You wouldn’t have shipped it back in the first place if it didn’t mean something to you.” Rio stared at the spilled contents on the dirt floor.
“Why I brought it back is my business, so stay out of it,” Ryan fired back.
There was so much pain in Ryan’s voice it sucked the fear out of Rio. He moved to stand toe to toe with his partner and stared down at him. “You’re wrong about that. You haven’t been the same since you returned from Oklahoma. I don’t know what demons you brought back with you, but until you deal with them, they’re very much my business.”
Rio moved to scoop the bundled letters out of the mess. He held them up. “Why do these scare you so much?”
“Screw you,” Ryan growled.
Rio knew he’d hit the nail on the head. “I think you owe it to your mom to read at least one of them.”
“I don’t owe her shit.” Ryan’s voice was cold, colder than Rio had ever heard it.
“Maybe they’re apology letters,” Nate said, stepping up to join Rio and Ryan.
“Apology letters? What could they possibly say that would make me feel better? I’m sorry I let your father get drunk and beat you on a regular basis? I’m sorry I was too drunk and lazy to make sure you had food to eat? What the hell could she possibly say that would make up for all she’s done?”
Rio didn’t have the answers to Ryan’s questions, but that didn’t mean the letters weren’t important. “You won’t know until you read them. Maybe they won’t make up for everything that’s happened in the past, but maybe, just maybe, they’ll help you understand her. Whether or not you still hate her after you read them is beside the point, but I think you owe it to yourself to find answers, and those letters might give you some.”
“I’m not reading them.” Ryan pushed Rio out of his way and stalked out of the barn. “I’m sorry,” Nate apologised. “I didn’t mean to start shit between the two of you.”
Rio reached for Nate and brought him to his chest. “It’s not your fault. I’m the one who dug them out of the garbage in the first place.” He clutched the bundle of letters in his hand as he hugged Nate. “Ryan’ll stay pissed for a day or two, but he’ll eventually read them.”
“Do you think we should open one to see what it says? Maybe it would be better if we know what’s in them before we hound Ryan into reading them.”
Rio shook his head. “I meant what I told him. Whether the letters are good or bad, they’re still a piece of his past he needs to deal with.”

* * * *

Ryan stepped out of the shower and opened the medicine cabinet. “Dammit, Rio,” he mumbled under his breath. For the past three days, letters from his mother continued to show up in the most unlikely places.

He grabbed the white envelope and threw it in the small trashcan. Reaching for the toothpaste, he loaded up his brush and began cleaning his teeth. Like clockwork, he started to sing Piece of My Heart in his head as he brushed. It was something he’d done since he was a kid to time his brushing, something his mom had taught him.

Ryan paused in his vigorous routine. The brush dropped to the sink as tears began to fall for the first time since he was a kid. Toothpaste poured from his open mouth as he silently cried out for the mother he’d once had, before the years of drinking and looking the other way, the woman who had danced around the trailer with him to the music she’d loved was his mom, not the person she’d eventually become.

Ryan cried for the boy he’d been and the things he’d missed out on, but mostly he cried for his mom. Alone in the house, Ryan didn’t try to hide his anguish, another first in a very long time. He grabbed the letter out of the trashcan and stared at his mom’s shaky scrawl, wondering if she had been drunk when she’d written them.

Getting to his feet, he went into the bedroom, to his top dresser drawer. He pulled out the others he’d found sprinkled around the house and went in search of more.

One by one, he opened every drawer and cabinet in the entire house, hoping to find the rest, picking up only a few more. He didn’t know how many there were in the bundle to begin with, but he had twenty-three of them in his hand before he stopped looking.

Letters tucked under his arm, Ryan left the house and went to the barn. He quickly saddled Bucky and headed for the bluff that overlooked their small slice of heaven. It was the second time in two weeks that he’d taken a sick day, but he had so many built up, he could take off a month and no one would say anything.

With the early summer breeze blowing in his hair, Ryan began to sing American Pie, another legendary song taught to him by his mom. After a few bars, he smiled to himself. No one would ever accuse him of being a great singer, but he wasn’t half bad. Of course he couldn’t hold a candle to his mom’s voice.

Not ready to forgive her, Ryan pushed away the good memories once again and brought to mind the reasons he’d learned to hate his parents in the first place. He continued towards the bluff with no hint of song in his heart.

Chapter Four

Rio leaned against the front counter at Deb’s Diner, waiting for his order, when Deputy Pete Nash sat on a stool beside him. “How’s Ryan?” Pete asked.
“Fine. Why?”
Pete looked surprised. “He called in sick again today. I don’t mind telling you, we’re starting to worry about him.”
Rio was worried about Ryan too, but not for the same reason. “I’m sure he’ll be back to his old self before you know.” He shrugged, not wanting to make a big deal out of the situation. “He’s dealing with some personal stuff, but he’s working it out.”
Deb set a large sack in front of Rio. “Here ya go, Sweetie.”
“Thanks.” Rio lifted the to-go order off the counter. “See you later, Pete.”
Pete nodded in acknowledgement before giving Deb his order.
The moment Rio climbed into his truck, he called Ryan’s cell phone. “Come on, pick up.” When the call went directly to voice mail, Rio sighed. “Hey, give me a call when you get this.”
Rio pulled out of the parking lot and headed back to The Gym. He delivered Kit and Mario’s lunch before leaving again, heading home to check on his man. It wasn’t like Ryan to miss work without calling him.
Finishing the last of his fries, Rio parked beside Ryan’s SUV and went in search of the wayward Sheriff. “Ryan?” he called, entering the house.
He searched each room before checking the garage. When he came up empty, he headed towards the barn. The moment he found Bucky’s stall empty, Rio knew where Ryan had gone.
Rio spotted Bucky first, lazily eating grass under a mountain ash. He dismounted Charlie and ground tied him next to Ryan’s horse. One hundred yards away, he found Ryan sitting in front of a pile of burned paper. Rio had no doubts what his partner had torched. “You mad at me?”
Ryan looked up from the pile of ash. “Nope.”
Rio settled on the ground next to Ryan. “Did you read them first?”
“Yeah.” Ryan gestured to his leather saddlebag. “I didn’t burn all of them, just the ones she wrote while drunk.” It took several minutes of sitting in silence, but Ryan eventually met Rio’s gaze. “I need to go back to Oklahoma for a few days.”
Rio wanted so badly to prod Ryan for more answers, but it was obvious he was trying to work through things on his own. Pushing Ryan to do something usually resulted in the opposite action, so Rio simply reached for Ryan’s hand. “You want company?”
Ryan threaded his fingers through Rio’s. “Thanks, but I’m still not sure why I’m going back. I just know I can’t let this thing go until I do.”
“You know there’s no harm in changing your mind once you get down there. One call is all it’ll take to have us on the first plane out.” Rio loved Ryan with a passion, but Ryan had never been good at accepting help.
Ryan moved closer to Rio. “Don’t suppose you brought a blanket and lube up here with ya?”
Rio chuckled and pulled Ryan back until they were lying on the hard-packed ground. “Who needs a blanket? If I remember correctly, you and I’ve fucked plenty of times without civilised trappings.”
Ryan grinned and pushed his hand under the waistband of Rio’s workout pants. “Seems like years ago.”
Rio snorted. “It was a couple days ago.” The ride back from Oggie’s ranch had been interesting. The three of them had made it as far as their southeast pasture before giving in to the temptation to fuck in the tall grass. “Hell, my damn chigger bites still haven’t healed.”
Ryan pushed Rio’s pants down and trailed his fingertips along the line of small red bites that dotted Rio’s waist and upper thighs where the elastic of his boxer briefs fit. Although Ryan’s touch was making Rio’s cock harden, he could tell Ryan’s thoughts were somewhere else.
“How much do you love me?” Ryan finally asked.
“More than I love my own life. Why?” Rio toed his athletic shoes off before kicking out of his pants and underwear.
“I’m just trying to understand her. She went on and on about how my father came back from Vietnam a different man, but then in the next paragraph, she’d talk about how she loved him so much more than she ever had before he’d been drafted. I was born ten months after they got married, while he was still in Vietnam, so I didn’t know the man he was before, but he was a bastard to me once he came home.” Ryan leaned over and licked the crown of Rio’s cock. “According to my mom, he never believed I was his son, but instead of making her pay for his belief, he made me pay.”
“Did she say why she put up with it?” Rio asked.
“Not really. Just that she let him drag her down with him. The really shitty part about it is that she knew the way he treated me and did nothing to stop it. From her letters, it sounds like she accepted that part of him because she loved him so much.” Ryan looked up the length of Rio’s body to meet his gaze. “What does that tell you about her love for me?”
Rio reached down and pushed Ryan’s hair behind his ears. “Not every woman is qualified to be a mother.” He regretted the way he’d pushed Ryan into reading the letters. “I’m sorry.”
“Not your fault.”
After learning more of Ryan’s past, Rio began to question whether or not it was a good idea for Ryan to return to Oklahoma. “What do you hope to find if you go back?”
Ryan shrugged. “Redemption, maybe. According to my mom, my dad’s stroke changed him yet again. I guess it took not only his mind, but most of his memories, but I’m not buying it. You can’t hit your child every day for years and conveniently get let off the hook for it because you don’t remember it. I want to look him in the eye and remind him of why he’ll go to hell when he dies.”
No longer in the mood for sex, Rio tugged on Ryan’s hand until he moved up into Rio’s arms. “Do you think that’ll be enough for you to move on with your life?”
“I don’t know, but I need to do it anyway.”
“When are you planning to go?”
“Tomorrow.”
Although Rio understood Ryan’s need to get it over with, he hated to watch him go in such a dark mood. “Can you wait until Friday or Saturday?”
“Why?”
“Because I want a couple days to remind you how much Nate and I love you,” Rio explained.
Ryan tilted his chin up and kissed Rio. “I don’t need to be reminded. I feel it every day.”