When Sorry Is Not Enough (5 page)

A creeping chill overtook Sally as she realised that Peterhead was a tough prison, a very tough one. She knew, because she had made enquiries about the place, that half of the prisoners held there were the most violent and uncontrollable inmates who had been transferred from other Scottish prisons. These unfortunate jailbirds had been judged to be uncontrollable and unredeemable, and they now found themselves housed alongside the other clientele – violent sex convicts and child molestors. Sally gave a derisive snigger when she recalled that the disillusioned inmates at Peterhead had labelled the monstrous institution the ‘Hate Factory’.

Sally had made contact with the prison authoritites three days before their visit and explained that she and Nancy would like to call to see one of their prisoners – one Joseph Kelly. This request was granted and here they were waiting, along with other visitors, to be allowed into the prison.

When the doors opened the anxious relatives surged forward but Sally had a desire to turn and run. Somehow she just knew that if she was to be deprived of her liberty it would be too much for her to bear. She knew that Irish had been a sailor who liked nothing better than to be out in the open air with the wind whistling through his hair. How, she wondered, had he coped in here? The day was uncommonly warm but she shivered as the chill of the hopelessness the prison exuded penetrated every bone in her body.

Sally and Nancy were shown to a small table and seated down at it to await Joe. When he entered the hall Sally wanted to run up to him and grab him into an embrace. The pathetic, stooped and wild-looking creature advancing towards them just couldn’t be the Irish she had known. Sally’s hand flew to her lips when she tried to connect with his wary eyes that were sunken into their sockets. His pallor reminded her of all those who spent time in prison. In Irish’s case it was more emphasised because in the past his complexion was always that of a weather-beaten sailor’s.

Irish had just reluctantly seated himself down opposite Sally and Nancy when Luke walked forward. ‘Who let this bastard in here?’ Irish hissed and he began to spring at Luke.

‘No. No, Irish,’ Sally pleaded, ‘please hear us out. You know me and that I would only ever want to help you.’

Slumping back down Irish looked defeated. Sally tried to figure out how establishments that were supposed to support and rehabilitate people could breed such awful despair.

‘Irish,’ Nancy, who had winced when she first saw Irish, began before Luke or Sally could continue, ‘you know me and ye ken fine I worked with your Marie. Now we are only here today to see if we can do anything for you.’

‘Like put in some more stitches?’ Irish shouted as his head twitched.

‘No,’ responded Luke, ‘we just need to figure out how you, the pussy cat that you were, got yourself transferred out of Saughton Prison to here?’

‘Oh, is that all you want to know? Well it might be because I was convicted of killing my Marie. Sure I was going to leave her because she wouldn’t come off the game, but kill her … ?’ He now stared down at his work-worn hands and his head shook from side to side. ‘No. I could never have used these hands of mine to choke the life out of her.’ Irish’s voice then dropped to a near whisper before he added, ‘Told the court that when they found me guilty but they didn’t believe me.’ He hunched his shoulders. ‘Didn’t believe my mother either, they didn’t, when she screamed from the gallery that they were making a big mistake.’

‘We understand that,’ Sally softly said, leaning over to tap the table in front of Irish. ‘But why were you transferred to here?’

‘Simple. I went crazy. Berserk. I couldn’t stand not being able to go back to sea – to be free – to be able to go and have a piss without permission. And then the psychos thought I was some kind of wife mutilator and …’ He stopped and looked Sally straight in the eye before whispering, ‘Can you imagine what it feels like to be knocked out cold against the shower room wall and all you were doing was washing the filth from your body? Shit scared I am to even take a shite in here.’

Sally leaned back. Her head shook from side to side. Tears welled up and spilled from her eyes. She was still very delicate from her recent car crash and was therefore emotionally frail. However, she knew she had to look straight into Irish’s eyes because she wanted him to know she believed him.
No way
, she argued with herself,
could the gentle Irish whom she had served in her bar have brutally ended his sweet Marie’s life.

Luke sighed. ‘Irish, are you saying you became violent to protect yourself and in doing so you landed up in here?’

Banging the table with a clenched fist, Irish began to cackle. ‘Do you really think,’ he sneered, ‘that they sent me here for the good of my health?’ Irish then raised his hand in despair. ‘Can’t you see this is a place of no hope, no redemption. It’s filled with the criminally insane – paedophiles, sexual deviants, and all I can do to survive is keep my head down and my back always to the wall.’

Luke nodded and leaned over towards Irish. ‘Look, son,’ he began, ‘what I want you to do is
not
retaliate no matter how much you are goaded. Do all that is asked of you. And I will see if I can get you a transfer back to Saughton.’ Luke paused. He could see Irish was not convinced, so reaching out to pat Irish’s hand he gently added, ‘Your mother could come over from Ireland and visit you there. You don’t want her coming to this place, do you?’

Irish nodded in unison with Nancy and Sally.

‘Now why I am here today is … I want you to try and remember everything about the day, everything you did that day, the day Marie was …’

The clock on the wall ticked the long seconds while Luke, Sally and Nancy waited for Irish to respond. Nancy shifted uneasily in her chair as she silently willed him to tell them anything he could.

As if talking in a dream Irish began, ‘My ship was supposed to come in on the late tide but we had had a fair wind from Spain and we arrived on the early one. I was so madly in love with her that as soon as the gang plank was down I was running down it. Couldn’t wait to surprise her, I couldn’t.’ Pulling at his nose with one hand then with the other he pulled at his hair before going on, ‘But it was me that got the surprise. Shock really. You see, there standing at the door of the wee flat I had rented for her were two men. One of them had the bloody cheek to say to me that Marie was with his mate and he and his other pal were next in the queue. Suggested he did that I go to the pub and get a drink and then come back. The bastard even said he would keep my place so I could have her after him. Me, her legal, stupid husband, was to wait in line to get a service from her!’

Irish began to sob.

Luke waited until Irish began to get some control back. ‘Now, can you remember what these men were like?’

‘Sailors like me. Just docked I think.’ Irish gnawed on his thumb. ‘I remember lashing out at the two of them and telling them to get the hell out of it. They just laughed and lunged at me and I fell backwards down the stairs. Kind of stunned I was, but I remember picking up my kit bag and then going over to the foot of Leith Walk and staggering up it doing a pub crawl ’til nearly at Balfour Street – you know where the Chinese takeaway is.’

‘And,’ Luke leaned forward and with hand gestures he tried to egg Irish on.

‘Nothing. I thought I ordered fried rice and something else then all went black. I came to in their back shop and they said I’d been out cold for a couple of hours.’

‘And?’ Luke repeated, who was now shaking with anticipation.

‘Nice folk they are. They let me wash myself down and sponged my suit – I’d been sick you see. Then I went down to the Carriers Pub and I got quietly drunk again. That was,’ Irish was now glaring at Luke, ‘when I met you and you said to give myself up to the two bastards in Leith Police Station.’

Sally looked hopefully at Luke before asking, ‘Has anything he has said made you feel any different as to whether he is guilty or not?’

‘Hmmm,’ Luke began, ‘I’ll think about it. I gave him the wrong advice before so I want to be sure before I raise his hopes. One thing for sure though is that I’m going to immediately try and get him transferred back to Edinburgh’s Saughton Prison.’ He now turned to Irish. ‘Now it is important that you stop causing mayhem because you feel all the world is agin you. Keep your nose clean and we may not get this unsafe verdict overturned but we can get life made a lot easier for you. And remember I only have four months so the change in you starts this very minute.’

‘And why should I listen to you? Listening to you got me in here.’

Luke shook his head. ‘I know that. But I believed then it was the right thing to do. I didn’t know that there was a lot of corroborating evidence against you.’

‘What evidence? Surely you’re not suggesting Stan Roper’s mouthpiece Jessie Scott should have been believed?’

‘No she shouldn’t. And I know, and the whole of the seedy vice side of Leith knew, she was furious that Stan had taken Marie into his stable of whores on better terms than he was giving her.’

Irish rose and it looked as if he was going to punch Luke when Nancy hissed, ‘Sit down, Irish. Your temper gets out of hand when someone says anything … well you know … not complimentary about Marie.’

Luke held out his hand to Irish. ‘Look, son,’ he said, ‘I’m truly sorry about what happened to you. Believe me I am.’

Ignoring the hand of friendship offered to him Irish hunched his shoulders before spitting, ‘So you think saying sorry should be enough for me?’

Shaking his head Luke answered with a quiver in his voice, ‘You’re bloody right, sorry is not enough. And when it’s not enough you have to try and find another way of squaring things up. Please, Irish, give me the chance to do just that.’ He stopped and inhaled deeply before whispering, ‘Let me try. You see I have to do something to help you or I’ll never be able to live with myself.’

Sally was choking back her tears. She could see that as Luke had been wrong about her and had been very sorry when it was too late to matter, he was now in the same position with Irish. Irish’s life and that of his mother back in Donegal had been ruined. But could things ever be put right? She knew that Luke desperately wanted to do right by Irish – but were Luke’s endeavours going to be enough? She doubted it and if Luke failed again to get those in authority to listen, Irish’s despondency could end up killing him.

Nancy, who had sat silently, got up and leaning over towards Irish she whispered, ‘I know you don’t want to trust Luke again. But you know me and I knew Marie so what I am saying is, you have no other choice but to let him try and I will be at his back every inch of the way to make sure he doesn’t waver. So what do you say?’

‘I suppose you’re right, but tell me, Nancy, why does a woman go on the game? Why was the better life I was slaving to give her not enough for Marie?’

‘Can’t talk for Marie. All I know is there was a time in my life that punting on the streets was the only thing I thought I was any good at. Pity Sally never got her hands on Marie because I know, like me, Marie would eventually have made the break. And she had an even better incentive … a good husband like you.’

The prison doors had just clanged shut behind them when Luke looked up and down the road. ‘It will take us a few hours to get to Smithton so we need to eat. You two fancy some fish and chips? At least here we know the fish will be fresh.’

Sally and Nancy looked from one to the other. ‘Don’t know if I have much stomach for eating right now,’ Sally mumbled.

Nancy looked at Luke. She judged he needed some normality in his life and it just might be that another trauma awaited them at Smithton. So thinking it would be better to be prepared for what was to come on a full stomach she said, ‘Fish and chips you said, Luke? Now that’s just what we need – especially as you’ll be paying.’

It was seven thirty when they arrived at Smithton. Luke banged the knocker and then he opened the door and walked in.

Flora, drying her hands on her apron, came out of the kitchen and squinted at the three intruders. ‘Oh my, is that you, Luke, and my, Sally? Praise be to God for this lovely surprise. Have you eaten?’

‘Aye,’ replied Nancy, ‘we feasted on fish and chips in Peterhead. Real guid they were tae.’

‘Och, but you will be ready for a cuppa. Just wait there until I run next door and fetch Shonag. Sure she’ll be as pleased as me to be seeing you. Then you can get me up to date about what’s been happening down in Leith. Leith, sunny Leith, how I remember it well.’

Flora had just left when Luke turned to Sally. ‘Everything seems normal. She’s just like her old self.’ Luke now looked at the table that had been set for three. ‘And look, she’s been baking and not only some nice scones but also some gingerbread. Here, do you think she remembered that I just love her gingerbread and that somehow she knew I was coming?’

‘Mmmmm,’ was all Sally replied before suggesting to Nancy that she go into the kitchen and switch the kettle on.

The kettle had just started to boil when Flora returned with Shonag and Shonag’s son William. Most people referred to William as Sweet William, because he was effeminate but Sally always said him being inoffensively camp just seemed to add to his charm.

Sally and Luke tried not to look at each other in case they registered their disbelief at the state of William. Nancy, however, started to grin. She was delighted that he did not appear to have been ravished with the, as yet unnamed, disease that she thought he had contracted. This was the condition that nobody really spoke out about. It was a justifiable affliction, according to some misguided religious fanatics, visited on those who had disobeyed God and had decided to be gay or indulge themselves with narcotics. The poor victims were too often ostracised and shunned as lepers had been back in biblical times.
But
, she thought as she smiled again,
here was William and yes, he was hobbling about and required the assistance of crutches to do just that but his bones were still covered amply by healthy flesh.

‘What’s she grinning at?’ William sullenly asked of Sally. ‘Has she never seen a bloke crippled by a sadist before?’