[Victoria Alexander] The Virgin's Secret (Harringt(BookZZ.org) (27 page)

“And we wouldn‟t want that.”

“No, Gabriella, we wouldn‟t. I have the sensibilities of my mother and my sister to consider, as well as your reputation. Not that you seem to be giving it any thought whatsoever.”

“When did you become so concerned with propriety?”

“When I met you.” He kicked open the library door and fairly hauled her into the room.

Mr. Dennison jumped to his feet behind his desk. “Master Nathanial! Is something amiss?”

“You might say that, Dennison.” Nathanial jerked his head toward the door. “Now, get out.”

Gabriella folded her arms over her chest and glared.

Mr. Dennison‟s gaze skipped from Nathanial to Gabriella and back. “If there is something I can do to be of assistance—”

“I will call you.” Nathanial blew a long breath. “My apologies for my rude behavior, but—”

“None necessary, sir.” Mr. Dennison gathered up some papers on his desk, then quickly crossed the room to the door, casting a curious glance at Gabriella as he passed. She didn‟t doubt there

would a note on its way to Florence within the hour. “I will be in the back parlor, sir, if you have need of me.”

“If you will simply make sure we are not disturbed.” Nathanial mustered a weak smile. “I would be most appreciative.”

“Of course, sir.” Dennison took his leave, closing the door firmly behind him.

Nathanial narrowed his eyes and stared at her in silence. One minute stretched to a second and then a third. She resisted the urge to stamp her foot on the floor.

“Well, go on. Say it.”

“Say what?” He practically growled the words.

She shifted uneasily. “Whatever it is you have to say.”

His eyes narrowed even more, if possible. “What makes you think I have anything to say?”

“Come now, Nathanial. You are very nearly about to explode.” She sniffed. “Your restraint is not that good.”

“My restraint.” His voice rose. “My restraint?”

“Yes, your restraint,” she said in a lofty manner, and started toward the door. Perhaps this was not a good time to talk about Lord Rathbourne or anything else. Besides, there wasn‟t anything he could say that hadn‟t already crossed her mind.

“Oh, no.” He stepped directly in her path. “We are going to discuss this and we are going to discuss this now.”

“Very well.” She turned away from him to take one of the chairs in front of the desk, sitting pointedly with her back to him. And realized it was not a good idea. “If you‟re going to ask if I‟m insane again—”

“Oh, I no longer think there‟s a question about your sanity.”

“I wasn‟t mad the last time you asked and I daresay I am not mad now.”

She heard him behind her, and without warning he grabbed the chair she was in and spun it

around to face him. “I won‟t allow it.”

“You have no say in the matter.”

“As you are in my home—”

“And I needn‟t be! I have my own—I have elsewhere I can reside and do so precisely as I think best.”

He ignored her. “Nonetheless, I promised to protect you and I cannot do so if you are in that house. Rathbourne is a dangerous man.” He leaned closer and braced his hands on the arms of the chair. His eyes blazed with anger. Without thinking, she shrank back. “He wants to add you to his collections the same way he has added his wife.”

She scoffed. “Don‟t be absurd.”

“He wants you to be the beautiful and brilliant curator of his collections. As much an acquisition as his art and his artifacts.”

“Even if you‟re right…” She pushed him aside and got to her feet. “…why shouldn‟t I do this? I am more than qualified. Lord Rathbourne said it and he was right. I have indeed been training for this very position most of my life. Why shouldn‟t I be the curator of his collections?”

“It‟s not something that a woman—”

“I am so tired of that argument!” She crossed her arms over her chest. “And what am I supposed to do? I cannot—no—I will not spend the rest of my days with my nose in a book gaining

knowledge I will never put to any useful purpose. It‟s all very well and good for you to stand there and say I cannot do this and I cannot do that because I happened to be born female. You can do whatever you want simply because you‟re a man. So you tell me, Nathanial, with the

benefit of your male wisdom, what am I to do with the rest of my life?”

“You could do what other women do.” He stared at her as if she had indeed lost her mind. “Get married and have children.”

“No,” she said sharply. “I can‟t.”

“That‟s right because you‟re not like other women!” He shook his head. “You certainly can‟t if you work for Rathbourne. Gabriella, your reputation will be ruined.”

“I don‟t have a reputation.”

“You will. Do you know what people will say?”

“Bloody hell,” she said for the first time in years, the outburst as startling to her as it was to him.

Regardless, she was past reason now. She raised her chin and lied. “They‟ll say what a clever, competent woman she is.”

“They‟ll say you were bought and sold!” His tone was grim. “They‟ll say that you were as much an acquisition and are as much a possession as everything else in his collection. And such talk would inevitably include speculation about your personal duties with regard to Rathbourne.”

She gasped. “There will be no personal duties!”

“No one will believe that!”

She shrugged. “I have never particularly cared what people have thought of me.”

“I have always thought it absurd that we care so much about what other people think at all.”

Nathanial‟s gaze locked with hers. “And yet, despite what you say—which I don‟t believe, by the way—you will care.”

“All right, then.” Her voice rose. “I admit it! Yes, I know exactly what people will say. And yes, I understand it won‟t be especially pleasant. And yes, it will concern me and I will care!”

“Your reputation will be shattered!”

“No more so than—”

“You will be ruined!”

“I‟m already ruined!” The words were out of her mouth before she realized what she‟d said.

“And that is why I will never marry.”

He stared at her. “What do you mean by ruined?”

She widened her eyes in disbelief. “Surely you don‟t need me to explain? This is difficult enough as it is.”

Realization dawned on his face and he paused. “How ruined?”

She choked. “I didn‟t know there were degrees!”

“Certainly there are degrees.” He huffed. “Was it a single indiscretion or were you…”

“What? A whore in a brothel?” How could he possibly ask such a question? “Now who is

insane? And furthermore it‟s none of your concern!”

“Of course it‟s my concern. I want to know how many men have come before me.”

“Before you?” She scoffed. “There has been no you. Nor will there ever be!”

“I wouldn‟t wager on it!”

“Your confidence, Nathanial…” She strode to the door, yanked it open, and stepped through.

“…is exceeded only by your arrogance.” She slammed the door behind her.

And almost at once regretted it.

Nineteen

She slammed the door in his face? How dare she? How could she?

Not that he didn‟t deserve it. His heart sank. Asking just how ruined she was might not have been the wisest thing to say.

But he‟d never been in this situation before. He ran his hand through his hair. What in the name of all that was holy was a man supposed to say when the woman he loved, the woman he fully intended to marry—even if he hadn‟t quite accepted it yet himself or mentioned it to her—told him she‟d shared someone else‟s bed? It wasn‟t the kind of thing a man wanted to hear. One wanted—no, expected—to be the only man to ever share the bed of the love of his life.

He should have said he didn‟t care.

Damnation! If he‟d taken a minute to think, perhaps his brain would have come up with just that, or at least something considerably better than his mouth had. He should have said it didn‟t matter to him if there had been a hundred men or just one. That no matter what had happened in her life before him, it was of no significance. He should have said the only thing that mattered was here and now and forever after.

Blast it all, that‟s what he should have said. Well, he would say it now if it wasn‟t too late.

He took a step toward the door and it swung open.

Gabriella stepped into the room, closed the door behind her and pressed her back against it. “I am not used to running away in a cowardly manner. I find I don‟t like it.” Resolve lit her eyes.

“When I was fifteen, I met a boy not much older than I who, for want of a better word, seduced me. I was young and foolish. And that, Nathanial, is the degree of my ruin.”

Relief washed through him, and guilt. “You didn‟t have to tell me.”

She studied him. “I know.”

“Why did you?”

She shrugged, “I suppose I didn‟t want you to think even worse of me than you do. Now…” She folded her arms over her chest. “…it‟s your turn.”

“My turn for what?”

“I made any number of assumptions about you before we even met. I must confess that in most of those I have been proved wrong. However, I am fairly certain that you too are not a virgin.”

He sucked in a sharp breath. “Gabriella!”

“I simply want to know what the degree is when it comes to your own fallen status.”

He huffed. “Men do not fall!”

“I know, Nathanial.” She heaved a resigned sigh. “And I consider it a great pity. Another

example of the inequities in this world.” She paused. “I am going to my room now. I have quite a lot to think about, what with the question”—she gestured with her left hand—“of Lord

Rathbourne‟s offer of employment and”—she waved in his direction with her right—“you.”

With that, she nodded, turned, and swept from the room.

He stared after her. She didn‟t have to tell him about her past, and if he hadn‟t been such a fool, she wouldn‟t have felt compelled to do so. It was obviously something she didn‟t want to

discuss. He‟d always considered himself fairly successful with women. Probably not as

successful as Gabriella imagined but successful nonetheless. But with her, his foot was lodged firmly and permanently in his mouth and he was a complete and total idiot.

And again he had missed the opportunity to tell her it didn‟t matter. He resisted the urge to smack his hand against his forehead and started after her.

Without warning the answer struck him and he pulled up short. She didn‟t have to tell him, but she had. She trusted him! She cared what he thought! He grinned. She couldn‟t live without him.

Thank God.

He hurried along the corridor to the main staircase. First he would tell her that he didn‟t care about anything that had happened before the moment they met. He started up the stairs. What she‟d done or—he snorted to himself—who she‟d pretended to be was of no consequence to him.

He turned into the wing that housed their rooms. Then he‟d tell her he loved her. He reached her door, was about to knock, instead grabbed the handle, flung it open, and said the first thing that came to mind.

“Did you love him?”

She stood near the window. Her eyes widened with indignation. “What are you doing here? You can‟t just come in here without my permission. And why didn‟t you knock?”

He started toward her. “I want to know if you loved him. This…this…boy. Not that it matters,”

he added quickly. “I simply want to know.”

“Very well, then.” She rolled her gaze toward the ceiling. “As I said, I was quite young. I knew nothing about love. I cannot say I know anything about love now, to be honest although I do know—” She shook her head and continued. “It was exciting and dangerous. As stupid as it

sounds, I didn‟t even understand it was wrong. But I can say no, I was not in love with him. I‟ve never been in love before. It was…” She thought for a moment. “Oh, I don‟t know, a first taste perhaps, of desire or passion.”

“A first taste?” He moved closer.

She eyed him suspiciously. “What are you doing?”

“I‟d like to discuss passion.” He stepped toward her. “And desire.”

A flicker of panic showed in her eyes. “I‟ve never talked to anyone about this, Nathanial. Never.

I don‟t know why I did so now.”

“Because you trust me.” He cast her a smug smile.

“Yes I suppose, but…” She shook her head. “Trust is a fragile thing that can be easily shattered.”

She stepped back. “I do hope you don‟t think you can now take advantage of me because I am—

”

“I don‟t think that at all. I would never think such a thing.” Indignation sounded in his voice, and before she could bolt he caught her and pulled her into his arms. “And I resent you thinking that I would. And I further think there is an excellent possibility that you will take advantage of me.”

“Do you indeed?” She raised a brow. “And yet it is your arms that are around me.”

“Convenient, isn‟t it?”

“If I intended to take advantage of you.” She pushed against him in a token and ineffectual manner. “And I can‟t imagine why you would think such a thing is even possible.”

“I don‟t.” He gazed into her eyes and smiled slowly. “I simply hope.”

She stared at him and heaved a sigh of surrender. “You are so annoying,” she muttered, threw her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his. He gathered her closer, slanted his lips across hers.

Her mouth opened to his, and his tongue met hers. She tasted exactly like she smelled, of spice and heat and all the things he‟d ever loved. Desire welled within him and hunger deepened his kiss. And she responded in kind, sharing his hunger, his greed, his need.

Abruptly, she wrenched her lips from his. “This is a dreadful mistake, Nathanial.”

“And yet it seems so right,” he murmured, his lips trailing along the side of her neck. “We are made one for the other, Gabriella. I cannot imagine why it would be a mistake, but do feel free to tell me.”

“Because I have grown to like you, and yes, to trust you and possibly…” She sighed, and he nuzzled that lovely spot where neck met shoulder. “I am not a fool, Nathanial. Anything more between us and I shall surely lose my heart. And you will most certainly break it.”