Vets in Love (25 page)

‘Never mind,’ Matt says.

‘I’ll go to bed now,’ Sage says eventually.

‘Cheska isn’t much like you,’ Matt observes. ‘She seems pretty thoughtless.’

‘I’ve always been the sensible one,’ I say. ‘Does that make me sound boring?’

‘Cautious. Which is weird when you’re more than happy to risk your neck on a horse.’

I’d love Matt to stay, but together we decide he should go home because it would feel awkward if Gabriel should turn up in my bed and find Matt there as well.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Another time soon,’ he says, rubbing noses as we embrace at the front door.

‘Soon,’ I echo.

‘I hope you have a peaceful night,’ he smiles.

It is not peaceful. Sage has nightmares about giant crabs and tidal waves, crying out several times during the night, and at some unearthly hour of the morning, Gabriel crawls under my duvet, snuggles up and falls asleep.

Sunday passes in a blur, and somehow I manage to keep the children occupied and my growing anxiety hidden. But on Monday morning I sleep through my alarm, which means I don’t get to the yard to ride Willow and, more worryingly, there is still no sign of Cheska. At seven, I slide out of bed, trying not to disturb Gabriel, who once again lies with his head on my pillow, his flaming curls falling across his face, his thumb in his mouth.

I’ve got to be at work before nine. I can’t leave the children home alone. What am I going to do? I notify the police – they can make enquiries when they decide it’s appropriate. I grab a quick shower before waking Sage.

‘Where are your clothes?’ I ask her, as she stretches and stares at me, bleary-eyed. ‘It’s time to get dressed and have breakfast.’

‘Where’s Mummy?’ she asks, and my heart sinks because I’d hoped to avoid that conversation until later. ‘Have you heard from her?’

‘Not yet,’ I say brightly. ‘I imagine she’s on her way though. She should be back very soon.’

‘I worry that Mummy will do something bad to herself and we won’t know where she is,’ Sage says in a small voice.

I touch her back. ‘Has she ever suggested she’d do anything bad?’

‘Sometimes when she’s really sad, she says she’ll walk out and disappear, or she’ll hurt herself.’

I’m torn between compassion for my niece and anger towards my sister. It’s all very well harbouring dark thoughts, but you can’t express them in front of your children. It isn’t fair.

‘I keep asking her to go to the doctor,’ Sage goes on, sounding like she’s twenty-one, not eleven. ‘Could you speak to her, Nicci?’

‘Certainly,’ I say. I’ll be having words with her when she turns up. Sage is right – my sister needs professional help.

I ask Sage for their home address, but when I try to trace the phone number the landline has been disconnected.

‘Is there anyone Mummy might go and stay with? Has she got a best friend?’ She’s mentioned a couple of people, but I haven’t a clue who they are. It crosses my mind that I should drive up to London and look for her, but if she isn’t at the flat where she lives with Alan, it will be a wasted journey. When I ask Sage where
Alan works, she says he’s a plumber and he goes out and about in an unmarked, unidentifiable white van, which is no help at all.

‘Are you going to look after us today?’ Sage goes on bravely.

‘Yes, I suppose I am.’ I’ll have to.

‘What are you going to do about work?’

‘I haven’t figured that out yet. Don’t worry though. I’ll think of something.’ What can I do? I can’t possibly take them to the surgery. There’s the nursery in Talyton, but I don’t like the idea of leaving Gabriel with complete strangers, not without preparing him in advance, and Sage is far too old.

I call the surgery to see if I can negotiate a later start with Ben, but Claire says he’s out on an urgent house call and there are two patients waiting for me already. There is only one thing for it – I call my mother.

She’s over the moon.

‘Of course, I’ll have them for you.’ She pauses. ‘Nicci, I’m so sorry about the other night. I wish I’d talked to you about it, the abortion …’

‘Mum, there’s no time for that right now, and I know you would have done what you thought was best at the time. Just come over to the house asap.’

‘I’m on my way, poor little mites. Oh, I can’t wait to see them.’

‘Mummy doesn’t mind us seeing Granma?’ Sage asks.

‘She isn’t here to ask, so we’ll assume it’s okay. Now, hurry up and get dressed. I’ve got to go to work. I have patients waiting for me.’ I can tell it’s going to be one of those days.

Mum’s on my doorstep within fifteen minutes.

‘I’ll have to leave you to it, I’m afraid,’ I say, throwing on a cardigan. ‘Sage, you know where everything is.’

‘I do, Nicci,’ she says.

‘Don’t worry about us,’ Mum says with a smile. ‘We’re going to have a lovely day.’

When I return from work, they appear, from the state of the kitchen, to have had far too much fun together. For once, Mum’s clothes are rather the worse for wear, spattered with what could be cake mix and tomato ketchup, but she’s still smiling – for the children’s benefit anyway. She’s extremely anxious about Cheska.

‘She hasn’t been in touch with you, Nicci?’ she says, taking me aside.

I shake my head. I’ve tried calling her several times throughout the day.

‘I spoke to that daft police constable on the phone – I didn’t like to go down to the station with the children.’

‘What did he say?’ I ask quickly.

‘He said he’s making some enquiries and he’ll let us know when he has any news, but he wasn’t terribly optimistic. Cheska’s an adult and she left voluntarily. And she has a habit of disappearing.’

‘I know,’ I say, forcing optimism. ‘I just wish she wasn’t so thoughtless. All she has to do is text me to let me know she’s safe.’ I change the subject, finding it too painful to think of the alternative, that she’s done something really stupid and hurt herself. ‘How have the children coped?’

‘They’ve been wonderful. You know, I’ve loved having my grandchildren for the day. Sage is such a clever girl – she reminds me of you. And Gabriel – well, he’s cheeky and happy-go-lucky, much like Cheska used to be at his age.’ She lowers her voice. ‘Do you think she’ll let me have them another time now she knows I’m not going to snatch them away from her?’

‘Sage and Gabriel, would you like another day with Granma sometime?’ I ask them when they return to the kitchen to show me the drawings they’ve done, a rainbow and a ‘Please come home, Mummy’ card, the sight of which makes me want to cry.

‘Can we do some more cooking?’ Sage says. ‘We made gingerbread men and iced them.’

‘Didn’t you save me one?’

‘We ate them all,’ Sage giggles. ‘I had two and Gabriel had three.’

‘They didn’t want any tea,’ Mum says.

‘Hardly surprising,’ I say quietly.

‘Let me spoil them a little. I have to make up for a lot of lost time.’

I keep my thoughts to myself, that she might have to make the most of this precious day, in case Cheska throws a wobbly when she does come back and refuses to let her see them again. I can only hope that this is progress, and that Sage and Gabriel will be able to put pressure on their mother themselves.

I notice a rosette lying among the post and other debris on the kitchen worktop and wistfully I picture Willow in my head. How I wish I could be riding instead.

*

It’s three days in all before my sister comes home. She calls me from the train.

‘Hi, sis. You couldn’t give us a lift, could you?’

‘Actually, I couldn’t.’ Although I’m relieved to hear her voice and know she’s safe, I’m furious with her for not getting in touch before, and I’m in the middle of morning surgery. ‘I can’t just drop everything. You’ll have to get a bus.’

‘There isn’t one for another two hours. Buses to Talyton St George are as rare as hen’s teeth, you know that. What about Matt? Could he pick me up?’

‘I’m not asking Matt. How much is a taxi?’

‘I can ask,’ she says brightly.

‘I’m not paying for it. Cheska, you’ve brought this on yourself. You’ll have to bloody well walk.’

‘Nicci, you swore!’ she exclaims. ‘You never swear.’

‘You’ve driven me to it,’ I tell her sharply. ‘You have one hell of a lot of explaining to do.’ I cut the call and immediately phone Mum at the house to let her and the children know Cheska is safe and well and on her way. Then I turn my attention back to Fifi Green’s blood test results, mulling over the possible causes of her anaemia before I call her up to give her the news and a plan of action to return her red blood cell count to normal.

Cheska arrives at the surgery two hours later when I’m sitting in the staffroom eating lunch with Claire.

‘Nicci, would you mind? The taxi driver’s waiting outside,’ she says as if nothing has happened.

‘Yes, I do mind. Tell me why I should bail you out again? You’re a liability, Cheska. You’re thoughtless, cruel—’

‘But the driver needs paying. What am I going to do?’ she goes on helplessly.

‘Oh, for goodness sake. Will he take a card? I haven’t got any cash on me,’ I say, fuming inwardly as I get up to fetch my purse out of the locked drawer in my desk in the consulting room. Luckily he does take cards. When I return, I find my little sister eating the remains of my sandwich.

‘Hey, that’s mine.’

‘I’m sorry. I thought you’d finished with it.’ She smiles. ‘I wish you wouldn’t get so stressy.’

My fingers tighten around my purse. ‘I take it that you’ve been having a good time while putting the rest of us through hell.’

‘That’s rather melodramatic,’ she counters.

‘Hardly,’ I say. ‘Where have you been?’ I take her aside into the consulting room where we continue our conversation in private.

‘Where do you think? I went to see Alan,’ she goes on without waiting for my response.

‘You and Alan? Are you back together?’

‘Not. We had some fun trying, but it’s time to accept it and move on.’ Her eyes begin to water, but they’re only crocodile tears, I think crossly.

‘You could have texted to let me know where you were, or left your address. We’ve all been worried sick. Sage thought you’d come to harm. We’ve even alerted the police.’ I stamp my foot. ‘How could you?’

It’s as if a lightbulb is suddenly switched on in my sister’s brain. ‘I’m sorry. I was angry with you, so I went to see Alan, and I kind of got swept up with
seeing him again, and I thought everything would be fine because Nicci will look after Sage and Gabriel,’ she says, turning to face the window. ‘I thought you’d enjoy getting to know the children.’

‘I did, but you forget that some of us work for a living, and I have a horse to ride. I can’t drop everything to babysit for three whole days.’

‘Where are the children?’ She turns abruptly to face me.

‘With Mum,’ I say simply.

‘How could you? They’re
my
children.’

‘Why don’t you treat them properly then? I love them too, Cheska, which is why I made that call. You left me with no choice. It was Mum or Social Services. You’re completely irresponsible.’ I take a step towards her. ‘Sage and Gabriel have loved every minute they’ve spent with their grandmother. Whether you like it or not, they should continue to have a relationship with her.’

‘What about me? What about what I want?’

‘Right at this moment, I really don’t care. You’re so bloody selfish.’

‘At least I’m happy,’ she sobs, despite the fact that clearly she isn’t

I fall silent, I’m out of my depth and unable to deal with her. She is a slave to her emotions, taking life’s highs and lows to extremes. She knows better than I do how to have fun and perhaps if I’d been able to let myself go in the same way as Cheska, I would have had more fun too. Or maybe my life would have ended up in a similar mess.

Not only does she exhibit extreme emotions, she inspires them in others – I am both livid and supremely sorry for her. My heart goes out to my confused and lost little sister.

‘Cheska, come here.’ I hold out my arms and she lets me give her a hug. ‘I’ll take you to Mum’s to collect Sage and Gabriel. I bet they can’t wait to see you.’

‘They’re at Mum’s house?’

‘Don’t start again, Cheska,’ I say, upset at her attitude after I’ve done my best to cope. I pick up my bag and keys and drive to Talymouth.

‘I’ll wait in the car,’ she says when I park outside our old family home, a three-storey terrace painted the palest cornflower blue and facing out to sea.

‘You’re coming in with me,’ I say, getting out and tapping on the roof of the car. ‘Move!’

‘What are you trying to do, Nicci? Make me play happy families?’

‘I’m not forcing you to do anything. You’re going to go in there and give your children the biggest hug ever. I’ll look after Mum,’ I add because I know she’s going to be devastated.

As I anticipated, Sage and Gabriel almost fall out of the front door into Cheska’s arms when we ring on the bell. Gabriel looks as if he’s been making mud pies, while Sage clutches a pink trowel.

‘Mummy!’ Gabriel squeals. Cheska squats down and holds him tight. ‘Mummy, Mummy, where have you been?’

‘Mummy went on a little holiday. I’m sorry, darlings—’ Cheska looks up at Sage ‘—I should have kept in touch.’

‘We had a holiday too, in a way,’ Sage says, giving her mother a kiss. ‘Matt and Nicci took us to the beach and Gabriel was scared of a crab.’

‘I was not,’ Gabriel says.

‘You were. You cried. You’re always crying.’

‘What else did you do?’ Cheska asks quickly.

‘We’ve been shopping and gardening with Granma.’ Sage glances behind her where Mum is standing in the shadows of the hall beyond, her arms folded and her lips pressed together.

‘Let’s go.’ Cheska gets up and takes the children by the hand.

‘We haven’t finished planting the new rose bushes yet,’ Sage protests. ‘We can’t go yet, can we, Granma?’

‘Let them stay, Cheska.’ Mum takes a step towards my sister.

‘Please, Mummy,’ Sage says.

‘Nicci needs to get back to work.’

‘I can bring them back to Nicci’s later.’

‘No,’ Cheska says. ‘I’m here now. They’re my kids.’ She glares at Mum. ‘You can stop playing the doting granny now.’