Unwilling (Book One of the Compelled Trilogy 1) (28 page)

  Rowan felt defeated, and any chance of escaping was lying in a puddle of blood in a room she did not even know how to get back to. Rowan was utterly broken shattered decimated, her heart tripping and falling and rolling over itself as it tried to beat, a black lump of ash in her chest that thumped painfully every second.  She had made up her mind sometime between the hundredth crunch of Jacob’s skull and the millionth ‘what if’; the first chance she got she was going pierce her neck with the knife she had made, that was the fastest way, and she would bleed out within minutes. Rowan hoped Jace would understand, if he ever did find her. Rowan was just like her father after all.

Cecily shuffled her feet, pulling her bottom lip into her mouth, kneading it between her teeth. Her hands were clasped behind her back and Rowan began contemplating throwing her food at the girl.
Maybe that will get her to leave
.

“Uncles not very happy with you right now,” Cecily told Rowan, still not looking at her. Rowan could care less if Kastor was happy with her, could care less what state he was in at all, really
. Unless he was dead, I would be awful pleased if he were dead
. “He talked it over with Coop and now they say I can’t go outside at all anymore.”
Was coop the sandy haired man?
Rowan wondered. “I’m not mad at you,” Cecily continued, “I know you didn’t know you would get my outside time taken away, but with those other men roaming around the mountain Uncle can’t-“

“What other men?” Rowan asked. Cecily finally lifted her head and Rowan thought she looked confused, as if she had spoken another language.

“The ones on the outside, looking for you.” Cecily responded, puffing air out of her cheeks.

“What do they look like?” Rowan asked, her eyes glinting in the dim light.
Could Jace be that close? Could he really be that near to me?
Rowan’s ears perked up as if she might be able to hear Jace walking on the ground above her, but only hers and Cecily’s breaths puffed out in the silence.

Cecily grinned, as if excited to finally find a topic Rowan was willing to converse with her on. “One has blonde hair, he’s awful handsome, and he looks so strong,” Cecily sighed, trying to hide a shy smile, “and he has an old man with him and another with longer brown hair, and another dark skinned man with tattoos. I hear Uncle talk about him sometimes.” Her voice dropped off as she shuddered and Rowan could only imagine the stories Kastor had heard about Chev.

It has to be Chev, and Jace.
Rowan reasoned, her mind whirling. Pickard would be the old man Cecily spoke of, though he was in a lot better shape than most people were twice his younger. Mills would be the fourth person Cecily had spoke of. Rowan smiled, her thoughts racing a million different directions and stumbling over each other as they tried to form into coherent lines and plans.
Jace is trying to find me and he’s close! How will he find me in this cage
?
Will he die down here like Jacob? Will they all die down here like Jaco
b?

“Do you know them?” Cecily asked, sitting cross-legged on the floor. Rowan didn’t respond, but she did scoot closer, taking the plate of food from the ground and slowly ate it, the warm food bursting with flavor in her mouth. Rowan would need her strength, after all, if she had any hope of escaping. “Well, there still a while off, and Uncle knows were hidden good down here, that’s why he hasn’t killed them already. He thinks it will attract too much attention. But now he also thinks just going outside will attract too much attention.” She sounded sad and Rowan wondered briefly how often the child managed to leave these forsaken caves, and they way she talked so nonchalantly about Kastor killing people sent a chill skittering down Rowan’s spine.

“How old are you Cecily?” Rowan asked abruptly.

“Cecily looked a little startled at the sudden question, but quickly smiled, her eyes shinning brightly, “I’m ten, but I’m going to be 11 real soon, and Uncle says I can start going with him when he goes to get supplies!”

Oh,” Rowan replied with a frown.
She’s only ten, younger than Tomman.

“It’s just us three down here ya know.” She told Rowan quickly, trying to keep Rowan engaged in conversation, “Well until you came, and now it’s us four. But Coop and Uncle aren’t very good company.” She drifted off, sucking her bottom lip into her mouth again, pushing the lip in and out between her teeth. “They do the best they can I mean, and I’m real grateful for them taking me in when ma and pa died, but Uncle doesn’t really know much about raising up kids. And Coop isn’t much better, though he has a couple of his own. He doesn’t see them now though, their ma ran off a few years ago. She didn’t like the caves much.” Cecily told her, looking at the ground, and Rowan figured the girl must be lonely.

“Please don’t try to run away again, I promise I’ll try and make things better for you, and maybe we could be like a family, you me Uncle and Coop. They’re really not so bad, I promise.” Cecily sounded heartbroken and small tears fell from her eyes onto her plain brown shirt, dotting the fabric with pinpricks of sadness. She looked at Rowan with large green eyes and it was all Rowan could do to not reach through the bars and pull the small girl into a hug. “Well,” Cecily said, standing and brushing the back of her hands across her face, “I best get going, but I’ll come back in the morning and maybe I can dress your burn for you, it’s looking a little ... gross.” Cecily decided while making a face at the blistering wound. Cecily turned away from her, then paused and turned back to Rowan with a look of anguish on her small face. “I’m sorry he did that to you.” Cecily said softly, her eyes shining once again as though she could feel Rowan’s pain. Cecily turned once more, leaving the lantern behind for Rowan.

“Cecily!” Rowan called out, feeling the need to say something, anything, to the little girl. “Thank you.” She said when Cecily looked at her, but did not know what it was she should be thankful for.

Cecily smiled. “I really do want you to be happy here.” She replied earnestly, causing Rowan to flinch slightly with guilt. Cecily didn’t seem to notice though and soon she was disappearing back down the black hallway.

As soon as Rowan could no longer here Cecily’s footfalls, she dug in the straw for her makeshift knife, finding it by pricking her finger on the sharp end. She stuck the bleeding finger in her mouth with a scowl and scampered over to the far side of the cage closest to the exit. That side was the most hidden part of the cage, hard for anyone to see when they first walked into the room.

Rowan sawed at the bars for hours. Her muscles aching and screaming in protest each time she hammered the bars, or tried sawing them. When she finally laid the knife down, unable to go on any longer so was despaired to find she had barley put a scratch in the dense metal.

Rowan hid the knife back amongst the straw, careful to bury it deep so she or her sheep friend did not spear themselves in the night, and fell into a fitful sleep…

Rowan found herself standing in an old library, with volumes of books surrounding her on all sides and a small table for two sitting in the middle of the room in a patch of sunlight from a nearby window. The floor was made of white marble and a pool of blood, now congealed and black sat off to the side, foreboding and wicked.

“Rowan.” Elias said to her, appearing in the room in a cloud of mist and darkness. His arms were open wide and he looked so much like the brother from her memories that she ran into them, crying his name. After they had embraced for a while, Elias led her to the small table with two chairs and they sat. When Rowan told him all the horrible things she had heard about him, his expression grew somber.

“I’ve done some terrible things Rowan, but not all; I could never do all of that.” He whispered, and Rowan desperately wanted to believe him. “What horrible things you must think of me.”

“There’s something you should know Elias. About mother.”
Please Rowan,
Rowan heard her mother scream in her head and her eyes grew dark, the memory trying to wiggle its way into her thoughts. Rowan shook it back into the recesses of her mind where she tried to keep it tightly locked.

“It’s okay Rowan. I know.” Elias responded, his voice a little sad but his face blank.

“Why did you leave me Elias?” Rowan asked, looking down at the table.

“Rowan,” Elias sighed, “I was so scared, and selfish, and I regretted it every day since then, but I was so ashamed…” He trailed off, a pained expression darting his face. “There’s so much I have to tell you, but there’s not enough time to tell it in. it’s hard to talk to you like this, when you’re so far away.”

“I’m right here Elias.” Rowan told him, looking at her brother, his blue eyes catching her blue eyes and they stared at each other, a million words and sentences falling deafly to the floor where they lay in a cluttered heap, wishing to be spoken but neither sibling knowing how to force the words and sentences past their lips. “What is the carving Elias, what is the eye?” Rowan asked, before the silence that stretched before them grew so large it would not be crossable again.

Elias shook his head, “What eye Rowan? Rowan wait! You’re slipping Rowan, we can’t talk much longer, it’s hard to hold onto, but please Rowan,” Elias began to blink, fading in and out of view, “have faith in me, I am still your brother. I’ll find you, I love you Row-“

Elias’s eyes grew dark. His head began to spin and it morphed into a two-headed beast, one side Kastor, one side Coop. “Do I look like a monster?” The beast yelled at her, a forked tongue darting out and the air sizzled as if on fire. Rowan jumped from the table, her chair clattering backwards across the marble and tried to run, but found herself back in the caves turning down endless paths that went on for eternity. Forever running in circles… Forever running in circles… Forever running in circles…

Rowan twisted in the straw, panting, as she bolted awake; the sheep made a noise and scooted away from her. Rowan blinked in the darkness but she was too tired and unconsciousness soon pulled her back under…

They were laying in the grass, the sun beating down on them. The field seemed to stretch on as far as her eyes could see and dandelions stretched up in the millions, a yellow army of flowers. Rowan was standing in the field, an aching pain beginning to sprout behind her eyes. She could see herself, in the distance, laying with Jace, her head resting on his shoulder, her palm flat on his chest, feeling the rhythmic cadence of his heartbeat. Jace’s arm was wrapped around her back and rested on her waist. He made circling motions with his fingertips on the back of her hand that rested on his chest. Rowan moved closer to the pair, feeling strange for intruding, though she was looking at herself.

“I wish we could stay like this forever.” Jace sighed.

The other Rowan blinked and fell over, clearly dead, Jace bolted upright, scooping dead Rowan into his arms. “Rowan!” Jace cried, “no, Rowan.” Tears streamed down his face and he rocked back and forth, cradling dead Rowan to his chest.

The pain behind Rowan’s eyes grew deeper as she took another step forward, her heart breaking to see Jace grieving so intensely. “Jace, I’m ok.” Rowan said and Jace whirled around, startled, his eyes growing wide when he saw her. “I’m ok Jace, I mean I’m stuck in a prison with a sheep, but hey, I’m not dead.” Rowan said with a small smile.

“I’m so sorry Rowan, I should have gone with you, I should have known it was a trap.” Jace said, coming to a stand and letting dead Rowan roll off him.

Rowan frowned looking at her lifeless self, laying dead on the ground.

“You’re blinking Rowan.” Jace said, grabbing one of her hands. Rowans head began pounding and she doubled over, grasping at the sides of her head to still the agonizing pain behind her eyes. The grass and flowers around her lurched, the world tilting and fading out, turning black.

“Jace! No wait, Jace!” Rowan cried, the pain in her eyes so blinding tears sprang into her eyes, “Jace”….

“Jace!” Rowan cried flinging herself upright in her straw bed. She breathed haggardly, air being torn in and out of her chest viciously. Rowan rubbed her eyes with her palms, surprised to find them wet.
Is it so much to ask, for just one night’s sleep?
She drew her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and rested her chin on one knee. She stared out at the blackness that enveloped her and though sleep threatened to overtake her once more, she fought against it, not wanting to be subjected to any more nightmares.

Rowan sat like that until Cecily arrived. Cecily brought with her a bowl of white mush, which Rowan gulped down, the food like ash in her mouth. It was just a little too hot and Rowan burned her throat, but she was famished and did not really care.

“Sorry it’s not much.” Cecily said, shrugging a shoulder. She sat down in her usual manner, crossed legged, just out of reach of the cage. “Uncle hasn’t been able to get huntin’, and were running awful low on foods stuffs.” She explained, her eyes growing distant, as if calculating just how much food they had left.

Rowan felt guilty suddenly though she knew she shouldn’t.
It is not my problem how much food that damned man does or does not have. Maybe Kastor should not go around abducting people, then he wouldn’t be too scared to go outside and get food.
Rowan did slow down her eating after that though, savoring the thick mush that really didn’t taste like anything.

Cecily sat in silence while Rowan finished her breakfast, observing Rowan, with her eyes squinted. Rowan squirmed slightly not used to such scrutiny. “You’re really pretty.” Cecily stated as Rowan placed her empty bowl on the ground. Rowan frowned, her eyebrows low over her eyes and shook her head, looking at the floor. “It’s true, I mean right now you look like some animal pooped you out, and your hair could use some fixin, and under all them bruises… but I can tell; you’re beautiful.” Cecily smiled at her and it was so earnest, Rowan found herself starting to smile back.