Unfamiliar (22 page)

Hailey frowned and held out her hand as though it was going to poison her. “B-Braxton proposed.” Her tone had turned soft and she looked like she might break down into tears at any given second.

But none of that was really registering. All I saw was that fucking ring on her finger. It was having an effect on me like acid burning through my stomach.

“And you said yes.” My voice sounded distant and far away, like I was on some other planet and Hailey was a freaking alien. She must be. Why else would she agree to marry someone who wasn’t me?

“I-I did. But-
” She stumbled over her words, clearly upset.

But what reason would she have to be upset? She’d just accepted her boyfriend’s proposal. Even after everything we’d been through together, all the ways we’d gotten under each other’s skin, she was still willing to be with someone else.

It was easy for her. It was easy for her to let go of me. So I had to let go too.

“Well,” I stalled, trying to think of what to say without sounding like a jerk. But I wanted to sound like a jerk. I wanted to rip that damn ring off her finger and talk some sense into her. But I had no right. I’d lied to her and she’d decided to shut me out of her life. “I hope you’ve found the guy you want to be with.”

Her bottom lip shook as she studied me with a lost look in those green eyes that I’d come to know so well. “I have found him.”

And that’s all I could hear. I couldn’t hear another damn word. I needed to walk away now before I completely lost it.

“Chase, wait!”

Not wanting to listen to another word that came out of her mouth, I blindly made my way back to my car. There was a weird buzzing in my head as I made the short drive back to the apartment, like I’d suddenly been hung upside down and all the blood had rushed to my brain. It was making it hard for me to think about anything else. All I could see was that huge rock on Hailey’s finger.

How could she choose him over me? How could she just forget about our time together? How could she move on when there were so many unresolved feelings between us?

And suddenly all those feelings hit me like a rush, and my mind overflowed with words and memories and mistakes. I was fucking angry but I was also upset and going a little insane over this girl.

Hailey made my life amazing—she challenged me, and irritated me, and made me laugh—and now she was gone, just like that. This shit was seriously messed up.

When I got back to the apartment, Jonathan wasn’t around and I was kind of glad to be alone, even if it was only for a little while. Walking over to the desk, I pulled out a sheet of paper and a pen, and collapsed into the chair.

My fingers flew across the page; I was unable to get the words down fast enough. Every single emotion I’d felt since I’d met Hailey spilled free. Heartbreak wasn’t what I’d experienced with my psycho ex; heartbreak was this.

Heartbreak was being shown glimpses of a future with someone you knew was right for you and then having everything ripped away before you even got a chance to be with them.

That’s what heartbreak was, and that’s what losing Hailey was like.

I can feel you slipping away…

Hailey

My hand felt as heavy as my heart. The ring was beautiful. Braxton had done an excellent job picking it out. But it didn't feel like it belonged there and I couldn’t get used to it no matter how often I found myself glancing down at it. I couldn’t forget the expression on Chase’s face when he’d seen the ring on my hand.

He’d looked so sad and then so betrayed. I hadn’t wanted him to find out about my engagement like that—honestly, I didn’t think I really wanted him to find out at all. That wasn’t a normal response, right? Weren’t girls typically overjoyed when they got engaged? Shouldn’t I be flashing my new ring to anyone and everyone? That should have been a red flag.

“Are you okay?” Tessa asked.

“Not really, but it's not me I'm worried about.”

“How is Braxton?”

“I don't really know. He just sorta shut down. Brad seems to be the only functioning person in that household right now.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too. They need me right now. I just came back to grab a few things.”

I had decided to stay in Southlake for a few more days and help out as much as I could with everything that the Douglas family was going through right now.

“Is there anything I can do?” Tessa asked.

“No, I already cleared it with my professors so I should be good there, and I'll be back in a few days.”

“Okay, just let me know.” Tessa hugged me goodbye, and I tried my hardest not to break down right then and there.

I listened to music the whole way back to Southlake. Chase was right; the best songs weren't about a happily-ever-after. The best songs—the ones that caused any sort of stirring inside me—were about heartbreak and pain. It made me wonder what else he was right about.

I was young. I was inexperienced. Maybe settling down so early in life wasn't a good thing.

Live as if this is your last day.

When I pulled into Braxton’s driveway, I noticed that the house was dark. I opened up the trunk and pulled out my bag.

“Hailey? Is that you?” asked a gruff sounding voice. I hadn't heard that voice in months but of course I recognized it.

“Yeah, Dad, it's me.”

“I didn't know you were back in town.” He stepped out of the shadows and stood in front of me. He looked the same—taller than me and round, particularly around the middle. His hair was longer, not really shaggy but just like he'd gone a few months without a trim. He also needed to shave. He wore oil-stained overalls over a plain white t-shirt. He was looking a little rough, but at least he seemed sober tonight.

“Um, yeah. Mrs. Douglas passed away a few days ago.”

“Oh,” he said, reaching out toward me. I must've had an involuntary reaction to his attempt at comforting me because he hastily shoved his hands back in hi
s pockets, looking embarrassed. “I'm sorry, Hay. Real sorry to hear that.”

It was kind of chilly and we were just standing around in awkward silence until I finally couldn't take it anymore, so I said, “Okay, well, it was nice seeing you.”

I turned and started to make my way to Braxton’s house.

“Hailey wait,” he called out. “I, uh, I have something for you. Can you come inside for a minute?”

I reluctantly agreed and followed my father inside the house I’d grown up in. Nothing about this house made me feel like I was home. Though I didn't really feel at home next door now, either.

Sure the Douglas family had tried to make me feel like I was part of the family, but I knew that I didn't really belong there. I had no home.

I stayed in the entryway, not feeling comfortable enough to venture further into the house. He went to the kitchen and came out a few minutes later with an envelope. He held onto it nervously, trying to gauge my reaction to what he was about to say.

“I—uh—wanted you to know that I called that number you left on the table for me. I've been—uh—talking to someone about my problems. I'm doing better, and I know that it's not something that's just going to go away—but I'm recovering.”

“That's great, Dad,” I told him and I meant it, but I'd been trying for years to get him to do the right thing and get help, so why was this time any different?

“I also have been putting back some money from my paycheck each week to pay back what I stole from you.” He cleared his throat uncomfortably and handed me an envelope.

“It's not everything, but it's a start and I will pay back the rest.”

My hands were shaking as I took it.

“I don't want your money, Dad,” I said quietly.

“It's not my money Hay, it's yours. I had no right to do that to you and I know that you probably can't forgive me yet, but I hope that someday down the road you can try.”

I didn't know what to say so I just hugged him and he started to cry.

“I'm so sorry.” He repeated those words over and over in bet
ween his tears. “For everything.”

We talked for a little while longer. It was a little weird; I wasn't quite ready to renew our relationship—it would take some time to build back the trust but it was a good start.

I spent the next few days with the Douglas family cleaning the house, cooking meals, and helping Brad take care of everything. Mr. Douglas didn't leave his room the day we buried Mrs. Douglas and when he did emerge, he was like a zombie. He just wandered aimlessly through the house. He'd answer questions with a yes or no, but other than that he didn't speak to anyone.

Braxton kept telling me how happy he was that I was here and how he couldn't have gone through this without me. It made it harder for me to find the right time to do what I knew needed to be done. It seemed cruel to break his heart when he obviously needed me.

But as much as I wanted to continue being here to help the family that had helped me so much, I knew that it was time for me to head back to school.

I had been torturing myself for months trying to fight against what I so obviously wanted because I was scared. Tessa was right, it was time for me to follow my heart, to take a risk. Maybe I'd get hurt, but it was a chance that I wanted to take.

I didn't want to just exist anymore—I wanted to live.

Be the woman you are and the one you are meant to be. Do not become what you think others want and live as if this is your last day...

I think that’s what Mrs. Douglas was trying to tell me before she died. I think she knew that I tried hard to be perfect on the outside because I thought maybe if I was, then my mom never would’ve left me and my dad never would’ve checked out and we could’ve been a perfect family like I perceived the Douglas family to be.

Nobody was perfect—and it was too exhausting to keep trying to be.

But did I really just want to settle for the comfortable and ordinary now that I knew something greater was out there? Or was I being naïve? Maybe the butterflies were only temporary and it was wiser to stick with what I knew instead of exploring this unfamiliar territory that could very well end in my heartbreak.

Either way, I knew that I wasn't being fair to Braxton. This uncertainty was weighing heavily on my mind and my heart. I needed to tell him the truth—that I wasn't ready to settle down and get married, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it yet. He’d just lost his mom and it didn't seem right to hurt him anymore. I just needed to go back to school and give him time to get over this obstacle before I broke his heart all over again.

Chase

I’d been put in a lot of awkward situations in my life.

Hell, I’d had to put up with excruciatingly awkward lunches every Sunday with my parents and try to make small talk with them.

And, you know, I’d just found out that my girlfriend of three years had been cheating on me with a guy from my own band. That was pretty awkward. Okay, that was beyond awkward.

Yet, despite all those awkward situations I’d faced, working with Hailey on our assignment kind of took the prize for the most awkward situation I’d ever been in.

First of all, we were barely acknowledging each other or making eye contact. What little we did say mostly consisted of a ‘yes’, ‘no’, or some murmurs and grunts. I’d throw in a slight head nod from time to time, but beyond that there wasn’t a whole lot of communication going on. I didn’t believe it was from a lack of things to say—I think we really just had
too much
to say to each other.

Secondly, that ring on her finger was like a huge slap in the face, followed by a kick to the balls. There was barely any time for me to recover. I mean, did she really have to rub it in my face?

On top of that, I kind of felt like a complete moron for telling her that I loved her. Yeah, I could use the alcohol as an excuse and lie to her—she wouldn’t know any better—but I’d still know the truth. I’d still know that I was crazy about her and that I really did love her, so, really, what was the point in lying to myself?

Thankfully, this was the last time we’d have to work on our assignment together. We were just adding the final touches before we had to perform it in class one last time, and then I could stay as far away from Hailey Peters as I wanted.

I’d never have to talk to her again or worry about what I was going to do next to piss her off. I could just go on with my miserable existence and chalk it up to the girl who got away. Because that’s who she’d always be to me--the girl I wanted but could never have. I’d always wonder what it was like to have a life with her.

It didn’t matter who I ended up with—I’d always want to be with Hailey.

With that thought, something shot through me, like a charged current. Screw that. I wasn’t the guy who sat around and wondered some bullshit for the rest of his life—I was the guy who took what he wanted because life was too short to wonder.

I wasn’t going to look back on this moment five years from now and regret not doing everything I could to be with Hailey.

“Why are we acting like strangers?”

Hailey flinched, and I noticed she took a deep breath before looking up at me. Her eyes were troubled, framed with creases; I didn’t like seeing her like this. I had never wanted to hurt her.

“I-I just don’t know what to say right now, Chase.”

The way she said my name broke my heart. I wanted to hear her say my name for the rest of our lives. This couldn’t be the last time.

I blew out a frustrated breath. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m apologizing again because I know I screwed up. I shouldn’t have kept the truth from you, but I was so worried, Hailey.”

“Worried? Why?” She seemed confused, and I saw some of the anxiety disappear from her face. “You knew I loved William C. Lancaster.” A layer of blush flush appeared on her face. “Um, you knew I was a fan, so why would you be worried?”

Even though it was kind of embarrassing talking about this, I had to get it off my chest. Especially if I wanted to make a difference in the way that Hailey saw me. I didn’t want her to think of me as a lying jerk forever.

“Well, uh, I already knew you didn’t think a whole lot of me. I wasn’t your favorite person and I guess I liked the fact that you really did like something about me, even if you had no clue.”

Hailey pressed her lips together. “You really hurt me, Chase.”

Her words made me feel like a shitty person. “I know, and I’m sorry. It’s just, at first I didn’t really care. You weren’t my favorite person and I wasn’t yours, but something changed. I know you felt it the same time as I did. Something changed between us and then it became harder to tell you. I didn’t want to ruin that for you. Your face would light up when you talked about William C. Lancaster. I couldn’t take that away from you. Stupid reason, huh?”

Hailey’s expression softened. “I’ve come to expect nothing less from you.” A smile peeked at the edge of her lips, and it was like the sun rising after a long period of darkness. That smile had a way of affecting me like nothing I’d ever felt before.

“I screwed up and I know that, but people screw up, Hailey.”

“I know that, but sometimes it’s hard to let for me to let go of things.”

I could see where she was coming from. It probably wasn’t easy having a mother who’d abandoned her and a father who’d been emotionally absent pretty much her entire life. I now saw Hailey’s need to make plans and hold onto the things that were familiar to her, like her boyfriend/fiancé, for what it really was—it was her way of asserting control over her own life, the only way she knew how and that was completely understandable.

But that wasn’t the way she should be living her life.

“Hailey, I know what it’s like to be screwed over by someone.” I took her hands in mine. A look of surprise shot across her face, but thankfully she didn’t pull away. “My ex, Heather, was cheating on me with our guitarist, Deuce. I found them together that night I drunk dialed you.”

“What? I’m so sorry! I didn’t know!” Hailey squeezed my hands, and then a look of disgust appeared on her face. “That’s an awful thing to do! Why would she do something like that to you?”

I shrugged. “If I spend my entire life wondering why then how am I ever going to move onto something better?” I gave her a meaningful look and she turned a shade of dark pink and tried to pull her hands away from me.

“No, stop.” I held onto her. “Stop and just listen to me. Everything I said to you that night was the truth. Yeah, I was drunk, but I meant it all. I am in love with you, Hailey. I don’t know how or why or when, but it’s real. I can feel it, just out of reach, tucked away in some part of me, but I know it’s there. And I know you feel the same way.

She began shaking her head, tears brimming in her eyes as she stood up. “I can’t talk to you like this, Chase. Braxton proposed and he just lost his mother.” Her voice wavered, and I rose to my feet so I could hold onto her. I didn’t want her to run away from me just yet. “I just lost a mother. I can’t-I don’t know what to do.”

I ran my hand through her hair and pulled her into me. “You don’t need to marry him. You don’t need to commit to him if it doesn’t feel right.” I lowered my face to hers as my hands glided over the sides of her sweater dress, finally resting on her hips. “Everything about this feels right. I want you to be mine. I want to love you like he never has. He’s never given you a chance to grow or to live your life. You need to get busy living
your
life and making your own choices.”