Touched (19 page)

They spent the evening quietly watching TV together. After Dan had ironed a few shirts, trying to ignore Tess’s frown and her comment; ‘I’ve never seen anyone iron creases into a shirt,’ he settled down to clean his camera equipment. He left the choice of channels to Tess and was surprised when she asked to watch a re-run of ‘Time Team’ on E4.

‘You’re as boring as me,’ he said.

‘I just thought you’d like it,’ she said, ‘now shush.’

A little smile played around the corner of his mouth as she settled down to watch.

Dan took a sip of wine. Red as usual, a Chilean Merlot, big and blackberry fruits, lots of tannins.

Tess glanced in his direction, the tip of her tongue showing briefly as she ran it along her top lip.

‘Do you want some,’ he said automatically, then felt terrible. ‘Oh I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to tease you.’

‘Hey I do know, don’t worry,’ she said. She got up and walked over and set next to him, staring at the glass. ‘Actually I do want a glass.’

‘Help yourself.’

‘Not got anything I could catch have you?’ she said, an anxious on her face.

‘Well I ‘ve had a bit of a cold but…’ he began but stopped when he saw her grin.

‘Muppet!’ she said, and punched him playfully in the shoulder.

He felt it.

It wasn’t warm and physical, in fact it made him shiver. It was real, but somewhat unsubstantial, cold.

But it was unmistakably a touch.

Tess had got up the instant she had done it and seen the look on his face, She went straight over to the window, to her thinking, coping place.

At least she hadn’t disappeared, Dan noticed.

‘Sorry,’ she said quietly.

Dan got up and went over to her, standing just behind her. He could sense her tenseness. He raised his hand, hesitated a second, then stroked her hair.

Coolness, that’s what he felt. Something, like touching mist.

And she reacted to his touch. She tilted her head towards his fingers and sighed. But then she shook her head and stepped forward out of reach.

‘No, don’t,’ she said firmly.

‘But I want to.’

‘Well don’t. It’s just…better if you don’t, please.’

‘Better for you or me?’

Tess didn’t answer.

‘I’ve wanted to touch you ever since we met, right from the first time.’

She shook her head.

‘I think I’d better go,’ she said.

‘What? No!’ He was appalled at the thought. ‘No. Please don’t go. We’ll just talk. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to upset you. Please forgive me?’

Tess stood, her back still to him. Dan waited, knowing it wasn’t the time to speak.

‘There’s nothing to forgive Dan,’ she sighed at last.

‘But you’ll stay?’

‘Yes I’ll stay. If you really want me to.’

‘I do.’

She turned and stepped around him, keeping her eyes on the floor. She sat down on ‘her’ settee. Dan gave a little sigh of his own and went to sit down on his.

‘Phew,’ he said, ‘I really thought I’d done it there.’

‘Dan, for a bright guy you can be extraordinarily dumb at times.’

‘What?’ he said, rather stunned.

‘Forget it. Now be quiet and watch the programme.’

He did, though he couldn’t concentrate on it. He was too puzzled and not a little hurt.

Wednesday night, Thursday morning

Sleep was a long time coming.

Too many things were going around and around in his head. When he finally did drop off his sleep was full of strange dreams.

Only when she knew he was asleep, Tess quietly pushed the door open and walked over to the bed. Dan’s bed was a double and he was laying on his side on the right-hand edge of the mattress.

She stood and watched him sleep for ten minutes and then laid down next to him, her body mirroring his.

Very gently she leant over and stroked his cheek.

Chapter Thirteen

Thursday Lunchtime

It was raining quite hard as Dan waited outside the town hall. He sheltered under his umbrella whilst struggling with guilt. Was it really right to wait for one girl, real and vital, whilst thinking of another, whatever the circumstances.

She hadn’t been around that morning, Tess wasn’t. Nor had she left any sign of her presence, nor made him a coffee. Dan had felt rather deflated. Now he was filled with doubts; was his day going to get better or worse? Why exactly was he doing this?

Jen was late. Dan wasn’t surprised by this but she wasn’t too long, appearing out of the staff entrance, struggling to put an umbrella up.

‘Sorry!’ she said, ‘I couldn’t get away. Forgive?’ She looked appealingly at him. ‘Nothing’s gone right for us two has it? Oh it’s all my fault. Should we give it up right now?’

Dan found himself warming to her, despite knowing he probably shouldn’t.

‘Hey,’ he said, ‘Come on, cheer up! This is just lunch, no expectations, right?’

She smiled.

She
is
pretty, he thought.

‘Where do fancy going?’ he said.

‘I’ll let you decide this time,’ she said, closing her umbrella and stepping under his, linking her arms through his, ‘I’m in your hands.’

The rain pattered harder on the umbrella, jumping off the well-worn pavement.

‘How about somewhere close?’ he said.

‘Good plan!’

They settled on a bar serving tapas just off the square. When they got in the door a couple of young men in business suits waved at Jenny but, although she waved back, she steered Dan away from them and towards a table at the back of the bar.

‘Let’s make it just us today?’ she said, ‘I was awful on Monday night, wasn’t I?’

‘No you weren’t. You’re fine, really.’

‘No I’m not. Hannah had a word with me.’

‘Yeah she’s good at that,’ sympathised Dan, ‘Honestly there was no need, you were just having a good time.’

‘You’re very sweet but you really can be honest with me you know. To be honest I’m surprised you’re talking to me at all.’

‘You’re just a popular girl that’s all,’ said Dan, picking up the menu.

‘Too popular for my own good, that’s what you’re saying aren’t you?’

Dan didn’t reply.

‘I’ll take that as a yes then.’

Dan looked up. Jenny was looking crestfallen. ‘Hey no, sorry, I was just reading the menu.’

‘Yeah, right!’ she said. ‘Don’t worry, Dan, I know myself only too well. I try too hard to be popular, to be everyone’s best friend and the girl every guy wants to be with – once,’ she added slightly bitterly.

The waiter arrived, his notebook open and ready.

‘What would you like to drink?’ he said, glad of the distraction.

‘Just sparkling water, please.’

‘Make that two bottles please, and I think we need a few more minutes for the order,’ he looked questioningly towards Jen who nodded, her lips pursed.

Dan waited for the waiter to get out of earshot then asked: ‘Why do you need to try so hard?’

Jenny shrugged.

‘It’s a bit silly,’ she said.

‘Go on.’

‘Promise you won’t laugh?’

‘Of course not.’

She waited a second, took a deep breath and then said; ‘I’m scared.’

‘Scared? What of?’

‘Being alone. Of people not liking me, not liking the way I am.’

Dan was genuinely surprised. ‘But you’re lovely. You’re great fun. There’s nothing wrong with the way you are.’

Jenny sat back, her eyes fixed on Dan’s face. ‘Fun maybe, but answer me this, and do it honestly,’ she said, ‘Would you want to spend a lot of time with me?’

Dan hesitated, and he knew as soon as he did that he had answered her question and that there was nothing he could say now that would tell her anything different.

Jenny was nodding, ‘See?’ she said, ‘Thanks for at least being honest.’

‘Oh Jen, no, don’t be like that, I didn’t mean it,’ he took her hands and squeezed them in his.

‘It’s OK, I know what I am. I’m just a girl for fun and that’s all, not one to be serious with. I’m the blonde bimbo, the girl whose chest is bigger than her IQ, a good shag, a fire-and-forget girl.’

‘Oh Jen that’s not true.’

‘It is true, I know it is. And what makes it so sad is that I’m shit-scared of losing even that. Isn’t that sad?’

‘Jenny you’re lovely, pretty and bright. That’s not going away.’

Jenny pulled her hands out of Dan’s and picked up her bag, rooting around inside it. She looked serious, sad even. Dan could not remember seeing her without a smile on her face. He thought she was reaching for a tissue but, to his surprise, saw it was a photograph that she eventually pulled out.

She didn’t look at it, but held it towards her, against her chest.

‘I’m going to show you something. There’s not many people get to see this,’ she said, still looking very serious, ‘just really good friends, people who I can trust.’ She started to pass it over, hesitated as if thinking it over, then held it out, face down, even though there was no one nearby. Dan took it, looking into her pale blue eyes. He was surprised; she was nervous, all the usual bounce and brashness and confidence stripped away. The Jenny that sat in front of him was a different person, one he didn’t know.

It took him a while to drag his eyes away from her face and to the photograph. He turned it over. It was a photo of a very plump girl, dowdily dressed, wearing glasses, her rather greasy fair hair cut very badly.

‘Do you recognise her?’ said Jenny.

Dan shook his head.

‘That’s me at 16, nearly 17 actually,’ she said.

‘No!’

‘Yes!’

Dan looked at the photograph more closely but he didn’t get much of a chance. She held out her hand for it, he gave it her and she quickly put it back in her bag. Dan noted she tucked it carefully into a flap of her diary which was then zipped into the inside pocket of her bag.

‘Yes, that was me. I was a geek, a sad little fat girl with no boyfriend. A hopeless little virgin.’

Dan looked at her more closely, ‘Wow, you’ve changed!’ he said.

She nodded. ‘Two great things happened: A gap year and getting into a university miles from home. I re-invented myself and then went where no one knew me and no one could point and laugh and say “fake”.’

The waiter came back, bringing their drinks then hovering expectantly with his notebook.

‘Shall we order?’ she said brightly. The smile and the façade was back.

Thursday Evening

To Dan’s surprise, Tess was in the flat when he got in.

‘Hey,’ she said, ‘How was work?’

‘Ok. Still busy which is good.’

‘Yes. Any chance of keeping you on?’

Dan wrinkled his nose, ‘It’s possible I guess. It’s just one instruction though, it’s not enough in itself.’

‘Better get on with those applications then!’

‘Yes better had. I’m useless at them though. Heavens knows how I’ve ever got a job.’

‘Well I’m a bit of a wiz at them. Want a hand?’

‘Yeah, that would be brilliant.’

After Dan had eaten, they settled down at the dining table to look at them. Dan placed each of the photocopied adverts in front of her and she read them carefully.

‘I see why you like the Abu Dhabi one,’ she said, ‘Development/investment manager. Sounds great. Have you been there?’

‘No. I’ve got a friend over there, well in Dubai actually. He reckons Dubai is a bit frantic but that Abu Dhabi is more conservative and quiet and a better place to live.’

‘Yes that’s about spot on. I was there a few years ago.’

‘Oh Ok. With work?’

‘No. I went with…someone.’

‘Ok.’

There was a definite hesitation there, he thought, and wondered why. She had told him about being engaged and how it hadn’t worked out, so surely she would have just told him if she had gone out there with him. So who was it then? Dan couldn’t help but wonder who it was and what he was like. He also couldn’t help thinking something else; whoever it was would have been able to hold her, kiss her. He felt himself getting jealous, even though he knew it was totally illogical.

‘…so I think it would be better, don’t you think?’

He suddenly realised that Tess had been speaking and that he hadn’t been listening. She was looking at him, clearly waiting expectantly for an answer.

‘
Er,’ he said, ‘yes?’

She rolled her eyes and shook her head.

‘Where did you just go to?’ she said.

‘
Erm…nowhere.’