The Road To Forgiveness (4 page)

“Now you know as well as I do, that that man
was here for you. It’s not a crush either. You don’t stay in a
small town, for weeks, if it’s just a crush. That man loves you and
you came here running away from that. Why? I don’t know.”

I’m silent as we approach the farmers market
and thankfully my mother has dropped the subject. We stay for about
and hour. My mother has gotten enough fresh fruit and vegetables
for the next month. I’d be afraid it would go bad if it weren’t for
the fact that my mother makes jams and purees to last through the
winter.

We drive back to her house and I come in for
lunch. We talk about a lot of nothing and I leave a little while
later telling her I’ll visit tomorrow.

“You can stay with me, you know. I would love
to have you here.”

It breaks my heart to hear her say this. I
know she wants me here. I know she’s lonely and grieving, too, but
I can’t stay at her home. Too many memories of Miles. I’m not ready
for that.

“I can’t, momma. Jonathon needs me right
now.”

I hear her murmur under her breath, “I need
you, too.”

I pretend like I don’t hear her and say
goodbye. I get in my car and drive to the cemetery. It’s Saturday
so its a little more crowded than the day before. I spot a few
familiar faces but thankfully everyone stays away. A cemetery isn’t
the place to catch up with old friends.

I sit at my son’s grave and start talking
about my trip with his grandma to the Farmer’s Market. I tell him
about the latest town gossip, about my phone call to Charlie, and I
even tell him about Sebastian. This is the first time I have
brought him up to Miles. I explain how he came by last night. I
tell him how I pushed Sebastian out of the apartment as quickly as
possible and that I’m not ready to talk to him yet.

Before I know it the incoming car gates are
closing to the cemetery. I look at my watch and its closing time. I
say my goodbyes to Miles and started to walk to my car. When I get
close, I look up and gasp. Sebastian is leaning against Jonathon’s
car waiting for me.

How long has he been here? His arms are
crossed over his chest as his back leans against the car and his
legs are crossed at the ankles. It reminds me of the scene in
Sixteen Candles
when Sam leaves the church and spots Jake,
leaning against his car, waiting for her.

This isn’t a movie though and I’m not leaving
a wedding.

I walk over to the car and stop about a foot
in front of him.

“What are you doing here?”

“You said we would talk today. I hadn’t heard
from you so I drove over here and decided to wait for you.” He
stands up straight and takes a step towards me. I freeze up. My
body will literally not move.

“Were you planning on calling me today or was
I right? You were you just going to blow me off.”

“I don’t know… I hadn’t decided yet.”

His features become soft as he looks
adoringly at me. “Well, I made the decision for you. Can we go
somewhere and talk?” He reaches out for me and I move away from his
grip. He turns me around so I am facing him with my back to the
car.

Sebastian pushed me back against Jonathon’s
car with desperation in his eyes. His left hand grabs my hip and he
thrust himself forward so every part of our bodies touch. I inhale
slowly trying to take him all in.

He isn’t leaving town.

He isn’t leaving without a fight.

On the outside I show no emotion, but inside
I feel relief spread throughout my body. I don’t want to admit it
but I need him. His touch makes me feel alive again. I’ve missed
that these past weeks. I’m not sure if these feeling are going to
break me but I’m going to grab hold of it. Even if just for a
moment. Even if I know it can’t last.

His other hand wraps around the back of my
neck as he pulls my forehead to his. I can smell the remnants of
his mint gum and feel his breath tickle my skin. His mouth moves
closer to mine.

“Kiss me,” he whispers onto my lips.

I want to but I can’t. I don’t want to give
him the wrong impression again. I don’t want him to think he has a
chance.

“No.” I say firmly.

His lips move closer to mine and lightly
brush against them. “Kiss me, Mia. Let me show you how good it
feels. Let me help you forget the pain and just be in this moment,
with me.”

His mouth lightly touches mine in a quick
tender kiss. My lips burn from his touch and it takes everything I
have not to make a sound, to look indifferent. I’m giving in.
Caving. Another few seconds and I would be his for sure.

His lips leave mine but still hover over my
mouth. “God I’ve missed you. I’ve missed this, us, just being
together. Kiss me, please.”

I look up into his eyes and see the
desperation there. He looks tired. He looks like he hasn’t slept in
weeks. His gorgeous blue eyes have dullness to them that I hadn’t
noticed yesterday. I want to comfort him. I need to make sure he is
okay. It makes no sense but I know I won’t be okay unless he is
okay.

Ignoring the inner battle going on between my
head and my heart, I lean forward and connect my lips with his. His
response is immediate. His hands grip me tighter as his tongue
slips into my mouth.

My hands drift up his chest and wrap around
his neck. He lets out a moan as my hands grab onto his hair to pull
him closer.

I can’t breathe. I need more of him. This
feels so nice. I start feeling tingles run through my body as the
urge to get closer to him grows.

Sebastian presses me even tighter against the
car as his lips drift from my mouth. He starts kissing my cheek,
behind my ear, down my neck. My body starts getting hotter as my
legs voluntarily lift around his waist.

His hands grab my ass and lift me until I’m
sitting on the hood of the car.

“Oh… Sebastian,” I breathe out as his hips
thrust into mine. I can feel his erection pressing into me and I
let out a high-pitch moan.

His lips come to conquer mine again. His
tongue gently teases mine as my hands move to touch every inch of
his body. Just as I’m about to ask him to move this to the back
seat of the car, I feel my morning sickness hit with a
vengeance.

I move my hands to Sebastian’s chest and push
hard. He stumbles a step back and looked at me confused.

“What’s wrong, Honey?”

I’m about to respond but instead jump down
from the hood of the car, put my head between my legs and vomit.
The dry heaves continue as Sebastian approaches and gently rubs his
hands across my back.

Once I’m feeling a little better and I’m sure
my stomach is empty, I stand up and am faced with a concerned
Sebastian.

“Are you okay?”

I lift the back of my hand across my mouth to
make sure nothing is lingering on my face.

“I’m fine.”

His hand lifts and he brushes his knuckles
across my cheek.

“You’re not fine. You just threw up in the
cemetery parking lot. Are you sick? Do you have the flu?”

I’m not sick, at least not with the flu but I
don’t want him to know that.

“I have been starting to feel a little sick.
My body aches and I have a headache. Its probably just the start of
the flu.”

His hand continues to gently glide across my
cheek. I don’t want to react but my body has a mind of its own. I
close my eyes and lean into his caress.

“Lets get you home and in bed. We can leave
your car and I’ll arrange to have it picked up in the morning.”

I want to argue with him so that I can take
my own car home and avoid him. After that kiss my legs are weak.
I’m light headed, and my heart feels like it’s going to beat
outside my chest. Add this to the morning sickness, and there is
now way I can go home by myself.

“Okay,” I say quietly as I nod my head in
agreement.

Sebastian takes my hand and leads me to his
car on the other side of the road. He walks to the passenger side
with me and opens the door for me. Even after the past few weeks he
is still a complete gentlemen.

I get in the vehicle but my eyes stay on
Sebastian as he goes around the front of the car to get to the
driver side door. Once he is in the vehicle Sebastian turns the
heat on low and starts the car. We sit in silence for a few
minutes. I don’t even dare to chance a look at him. I’m afraid if I
do, I’ll melt right into his eyes and forget the reason I left him
in the first place.

Finally, after what seems like forever,
Sebastian pulls away from the cemetery and starts driving towards
Jonathon’s place.

“Are you hungry?”

I shake my head no.

“Thirsty?”

Another shake no.

“Do you want to stop at the drugstore and
pick up some medicine? I have a doctor in Miami who would be happy
to call something in for you.”

I shake my head no for the third time. “I’m
okay, Sebastian. I just need to go back to Jonathon’s and lay
down.”

He is silent again and I’m thankful for it. I
need a few minutes to process what happened back there. The minute
Sebastian touched me I completely lost the battle to stay strong.
All my emotions and feelings for him came flooding back. I guess if
I was being honest with myself they never truly went away.

Sebastian reaches for the radio and turns it
on low. His sudden movement brings me back to where we are.
Sebastian’s car. I’m siting in a luxury Mercedes sedan. What type,
I don’t know, but it’s a sharp car. I’m afraid to touch anything.
The seats are black leather and match the black interior. The
dashboard and interior have chrome accents to give the car an
expensive look.

“Do you think Jonathon will mind if I spend
the night?” Sebastian asks me as we stop at a red light.

“Excuse me?”

“Jonathon. Do you think he’ll mind if I spend
the night?”

“Umm… I don’t think so. You don’t have to
spend the night, though. I’ll be perfectly fine. I feel better
already.”

He looks at me with an annoyed expression.
His hand goes out to grab mine as he laces our fingers together and
sets our hands on the middle divider.

“I’m not leaving you. You said your not
feeling well and I just witnessed you expel the contents of your
stomach all over the road in the cemetery. I’m going to stay and
take care of you. Plus, this will give us time to talk.”

Great. Kill me now.

“Jonathon’s apartment is really small. It
only has one bedroom and I sleep on the bed that pulls out from the
sofa. There is not enough room for you to sleep at the apartment,
too.”

I’m met with silence. I think he is going to
listen to me and drop me off at the apartment. The song changes on
the radio to the new Imagine Dragons single as Sebastian slows the
vehicle down and turns on his left turn signal. Before I know it he
is making a U-turn and driving down the opposite lane of
traffic.

I look at him, then behind me, then back at
him.

“Are you insane? That turn was illegal.”

“We’re fine, Mia. The turn was perfectly safe
and no officer is going to write me a ticket,” he says
confidentially to me.

I glare at him as my breathing starts to
settle. “Where are you going anyway? We’re only five minutes from
the apartment.”

“Change of plans.”

Oh, no. I want to go to bed. I don’t want to
sit in the car with the man I love any longer than I have to. It
would be pure torcher.

I turn my body towards him, “What do you mean
change of plans. What changed?”

His eyes never leave the road as he turns
onto the only freeway around here.

“You said Jonathon’s apartment was too small
and I said I need to stay with you tonight. Being the levelheaded
man that I am, I decided to compromise. We’ll stay at the hotel
I’ve been staying at. It’s not far from here.”

Levelheaded man? More like complete control
freak with dominance issues. He is kidding himself if he thinks
this will convince me he is compromising. The reality is, he is
getting exactly what he wants.

“This isn’t a compromise, this is kidnapping.
Just take me back to Jonathon’s.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that. You need to
sleep and I need to talk. The hotel is the best place to accomplish
both. It’s an Embassy Suites, so nothing special. Do you know how
hard it was to find a hotel around here?”

I laugh at his ridiculous comment. “The
population is under one-thousand. Why would anyone need a
hotel?”

He smirks at me as if he is enjoying my
frustration with him.

“Good point. We’ll go there, you can rest
while I order room service and we’ll talk when you wake up. How
does that sound?”

It sounds great, actually. I need to be
strong when it comes to Sebastian but I’ve become completely weak
in his presence. He is like an addiction to me. It took awhile to
wean myself off him, but I was doing okay now. Then… boom, he pops
back in to my life and I’m putty in his hands.

“I guess that will be okay as long as you
promise to bring me my car in the morning.”

“Definitely.”

We sit in silence the rest of the car ride
until we reach the Embassy Suites. I’ve been here once before, for
my fifth grade chorus concert. I remember thinking how beautiful
and luxurious it was. I still think it’s a nice hotel but
Sebastian’s lifestyle has shown me what beauty and luxury really
is.

We park and head up to his suite. As soon as
we walk in the door I head to the bathroom and Sebastian heads to
the phone. I wash my face and hands in an attempt to cool myself
off. I’m feeling feverish all of a sudden. Like my body is
punishing me for lying about being sick.

I dry my hands and walk out of the bathroom
just as Sebastian is hanging up the phone on the nightstand.

“I ordered us some room service. A little bit
of everything because I wasn’t sure what you wanted.”

I look at him. I mean really look at him. On
the outside, all that reflects off this beautiful man is
confidence. On the inside, on the inside I can tell he has all but
given up.