The Knitting Diaries (15 page)

T.J.
was perfectly capable of getting a rented tuxedo on his own, but apparently the choice wasn’t his. So there he was in the tux shop, accompanied by Eleanor, Marion and Adeline. The three women studied all the different styles before settling on a black tux guaranteed to provide “James Bond allure.”

T.J. eyed the sign doubtfully. He was walking a seventy-something woman down the aisle. Allure wasn’t required. Still, it was easier to let the sales guy take the measurements, then bring out a sample for him to try.

At one time he’d owned a tux. Custom-made. But he’d gotten rid of it when he’d lost everything. He hadn’t wanted the memories.

“Show us what it looks like,” Marion instructed, before guiding a still-healing Eleanor into the chair by the three-way mirror.

“He’ll need a vest,” Adeline announced. “I’ve never trusted a man in a cummerbund.”

“We have several vest patterns over here,” the sales guy said as T.J. ducked into the dressing room.

He undid his shirt, then stepped out of his jeans. Being
around the three old ladies wasn’t as tough as he’d thought it would be. Once he’d known they weren’t bringing Robyn, he’d been able to relax. Not that he could avoid her forever, but he honest-to-God didn’t know what to say.

How could he explain that he’d been caught up in passion and desire and that he’d acted without thinking? Not that he regretted making love with her. At least, not until afterward, when the guilt had nearly crushed him.

He’d lost his wife and son. He wasn’t supposed to move on and heal.

“Has she decided?” Adeline asked in a low voice.

“I think she’s torn,” Eleanor replied, also whispering. “It’s a wonderful opportunity. A chance to sing on Broadway.”

“So why is she hesitating?” Marion asked. “She should go.”

“There are complications,” Eleanor said. “I’m sure she’s worried about me, but I think there’s something else. Something that makes her hesitate.”

“She should go,” Adeline announced, her voice rising slightly. “It’s a great part. What she’s always wanted. There’s nothing to keep her from leaving.”

T.J. stood in the dressing room, listening to every word. Robyn had been offered a part on Broadway? She’d said she wasn’t interested in going back, but obviously she’d changed her mind. Probably for the best, he told himself. She would get on with her life and he would…

Slowly he shrugged into the tux jacket. He would what? Continue to live his empty life? He hadn’t wanted to like Robyn, but over the past couple of months, she’d become a friend. More than a friend. She was important to him. Sure he was confused, but that wasn’t any reason for her to leave.

He had to get out of here, he thought, reaching for his clothes. Go find her and talk to her.

And say what?

Who was he to tell her anything about her life? He’d been living in a fog for the past couple of years. Existing without purpose. If she had a dream, if she had goals, no one should stand in the way of them. Certainly not him. It wasn’t as if he had anything to offer her.

Someone knocked on the dressing room door.

“Did you get lost?” Marion asked.

He opened the door and did his best to look normal. “What do you think?”

She tilted her head and nodded. “Very nice. This is the one.” She smoothed the lapels, then the shoulders. “You’re very handsome.”

Words that would have sounded a whole lot better if she hadn’t chosen that moment to start crying.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, feeling helpless and guilty. “Did I say something?”

She shook her head. “No. I’m fine.”

He put his arm around her and led her to the bench by the dressing rooms. Neither Eleanor nor Adeline were anywhere to be seen. He sat next to Marion and put his arm around her.

She cried into a tissue she’d pulled out of her purse, then sniffed. “Sorry. I’m a little emotional these days. It’s the wedding. Most of the time I know I’m doing the right thing. I’m so happy and lucky to have found love again. But then I think about my first husband. He’s been gone ten years.”

“You were married a long time,” T.J. said.

“We were. And we were happy. Oh, sure, there were difficult times, but he was a good man.” Marion glanced
up at him. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m allowed to be happy again. I know that’s silly, but I can’t escape the question. How can I move on without him?”

He thought about the love in her eyes and how beautiful she’d looked in her wedding gown. “You’re allowed to be happy again. It doesn’t take away from what you had.”

“That’s what everyone says. What they don’t talk about is that the sadness never really goes away. I will always miss him. Moving on isn’t as easy as people think.”

He knew that firsthand. He missed his wife and son every day. Sadness was easy, he realized suddenly. It was healing that took work.

“You have moved on,” he told her. “Don’t let your past keep you from having a future. You deserve this.”

She smiled through her tears. “Thank you. I want to believe you. Sometimes it’s hard.”

“Do you want to break an old man’s heart by changing your mind?”

“No,” she said firmly. “I wouldn’t hurt him for the world.”

“Then you’re going to have to accept being a beautiful bride and making every other man in the room jealous.”

Marion laughed. “You’re too sweet to me. To us all.”

He hadn’t been sweet to Robyn, he thought grimly. He hadn’t even talked to her since that night. He’d walked out and left her alone, probably hating him. Not that he deserved better.

Marion stood. “Thank you for listening. My weepy moment is passing. Come show Eleanor and Adeline how handsome you are. I can’t wait to see you dance at my wedding.”

He allowed her to lead him into the main part of the store. But as the old ladies fussed over him, he found himself thinking about Robyn and the opportunity she had back in New York.

Adeline had been right. Robyn had no reason to stay here. Unless someone gave her one.

T.J. paced restlessly in the back of the church. For the past week, he’d been determined to figure out what to do, what to say, how to fix things. The reality was, he had no right to stand between Robyn and her dreams. If she needed to go back to New York to be on Broadway, he had to support that. But he also believed he couldn’t let her go without telling her how he felt.

It had taken several sleepless nights, two days with his former in-laws and getting drunk enough to endure the granddaddy of all hangovers before he’d figured it out.

When he’d finally come to his senses, it had been four in the morning. A little too early to make calls. He’d spent yesterday dealing with last-minute wedding details for Marion, then chauffeuring Eleanor around. As much as he’d tried to see Robyn, he’d been thwarted by a senior citizen at least a dozen times. If he didn’t know better, he would say there was a conspiracy to keep them apart.

Maybe there was. For all he knew, they believed Robyn was better off going back to New York and wanted to make sure he didn’t mess with her dreams. He wouldn’t stand in her way, he thought now as he waited for the bride to decide it was time to walk down the aisle. He would tell her how he felt, then let her decide. If she was going to New York, he was going with her. There were a lot of talented musicians in the city. He would find them and bring them to the label.

The truth was, he didn’t want her to go. He wanted them to stay here, in Texas. He wanted roots and connections and all the messiness of life. But this wasn’t all about him. It was up to Robyn, too.

What if she didn’t love him back? What if she didn’t want him to go to New York with her? What if he was turning into a woman with all this introspection?

Marion stepped out of the bridal room, a petite pink flower of a woman. “I’m ready.”

He crossed to her and held out his arm. “Then let’s make an honest woman of you.”

Marion giggled. The lady from the church motioned to the organist and the wedding march began.

They moved slowly down the aisle. He was aware of the fifty or so people in the church, the sunlight streaming in the stained-glass windows and Marion clinging to him as they moved toward her groom. But all he saw was Robyn.

She stood on the bride’s side, her blond hair nearly to her shoulders now. She was beautiful enough to take his breath away, and looking at him as if everything was all right. In fact, she smiled.

There could be a dozen reasons for her good mood, he thought frantically. Everything from the smug satisfaction of knowing she was leaving him without a second thought to pleasant memories about their night of passion. Or maybe she wasn’t thinking about him at all. Maybe…

He swore silently. He had to know. He couldn’t wait another second.

Without considering where he was or what he was supposed to be doing, he stopped in front of Robyn. Surprise widened her eyes, but she didn’t look angry. That was something. Now if only he could figure out what to say.

Robyn was aware of every person in the church staring at her. She wanted to give T.J. a little shove. The minister and groom were waiting, only a few feet away. But the tall, handsome man watching her so intently didn’t seem to be moving at all.

“T.J.,” she whispered. “The wedding?”

He glanced at Marion. “I just need a second.”

“That’s all right. Take your time, dear.”

T.J. turned back to Robyn and reached for her hand. “I was a jerk,” he began. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have walked out that night. I should have stayed and explained.”

She felt herself flushing as she desperately hoped he was going to keep the information vague. Not only didn’t she want to discuss their sexual encounter in front of a crowd, church really seemed the wrong place to go into it.

“When I lost my family, I thought I had lost everything,” he said. “I didn’t want to live anymore. Then three women came into my life and forced me to keep moving forward.” He gave her a faint smile. “Against my will, they helped me heal.”

His fingers were warm and strong against hers, his gaze intense.

“Then I met you,” he continued. “I didn’t want to like you, but you were amazing. Warm, caring, funny, determined.” He paused. “I found myself wanting to be with you. I didn’t know how to reconcile those feelings with what I’d gone through.”

“I sort of figured that out,” she admitted. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not. I hurt you and you’re the last person I want to hurt.” He drew in a breath. “I love you, Robyn. I love
you. I mean it. I’ll even go to New York with you, if that’s what you want.”

His words washed over her, filling her, making her feel all floaty inside. She felt herself smiling.

“Really?”

“With all my heart.”

“I love you, too.”

“I’m glad to hear that, because I want us to be together. Even if that means moving to New York.”

“Why would we go anywhere?”

“That part you want. The opportunity of a lifetime?”

Robyn glanced at her grandmother. “You told him about that?”

Eleanor shrugged. “I might have mentioned it.”

She turned back to T.J. “Did she also mention that I decided not to go because my life is here?”

He raised his eyebrows. “No. That wasn’t discussed.”

“Someone needed to push things along,” Adeline said with a sniff. “We’re not getting any younger, you know.”

Robyn ignored that. She leaned toward him. “I’m staying. Does that change anything you just said?”

He brushed his mouth against hers. “Not in the least. I love you and I want to marry you.”

There were a few gasps, one loud sniff and a couple of sighs. She felt her heart racing in her chest. “I love you, too, and we can talk about the marriage thing. Maybe after a few more dates?”

“Sure.” He turned back to Marion, then held up his hand. “One more thing. I’m not exactly an out-of-work songwriter.”

“Is that what you told her?” Marion asked.

“I own Long Day Records.”

Robyn blinked. “The one with all the big country stars?”

He nodded. “So if you ever want to make a record, I’m your guy.”

“Not today, but thanks for asking.” T.J. owned Long Day Records? She never would have guessed. “You must have a really good staff to take care of things. You spend most of your time at Only Ewe.”

“I do. In fact I just promoted my COO to president. I want to spend my time finding new talent. I thought maybe you’d like to join me. After all, you have a great staff yourself.”

It was too much, she thought, swaying slightly on her feet. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Tell me you’ll still be mine after this wedding.”

“That I can promise.”

“And that you’ll love me forever.”

“Even longer.”

“Good.”

He kissed her again, then tucked Marion’s arm through his. “Ready to get married?” he asked.

The beautiful bride beamed at him. “This is already the best wedding ever.”

“I’m thinking your groom is getting impatient.”

He led the bride the rest of the way up the aisle. Robyn watched them, her heart overflowing with love. Eleanor squeezed her hand. Adeline sniffed loudly into a tissue.

Robyn watched the man she loved give away the seventy-something bride. Then he returned to stand by her side. A place she knew he would stay, for a very long time.

Christina Skye

To Celia,

Knitter, crocheter and crafter extraordinaire

Thank you for showing me the world
through Caro’s eyes—
And thanks for being so amazing
at the work you do.

Right and left hands are the same.

Using worsted-weight yarn and size 7 needles, cast on 63 stitches using a fairly loose long tail cast on. (Video tutorial at www.knittinghelp.com. Walk, don’t run. You’ll be
thrilled
you learned it!)

Row 1 (WS) K2, p5 *(k4, p5)* and repeat pattern between asterisks, through to last 2 stitches. End k2.

Continue in rib pattern as established for 4 more rows.

Row 6 (RS) Decrease row, using a centered double decrease (video tutorial at www.knittinghelp.com).

P2, *(k1, slip 2, k1, pass 2 slipped stitches over, k1, p4)*. Continue repeat inside astericks through the row. End last ruffle decrease with p2 instead of p4.

Row 7 (WS)

K2, p3, *(k4, p3)* Repeat */* to last 2 stitches. End with k2.

Row 8

P2, *(slip 2, k1, pass 2 slipped stitches over, p4)*

Repeat */* and end with p2 instead of p4.

Next row and all remaining odd (WS) rows.

K2 *(P1tbl, k4)*

End P1tbl, k2.

Next row and all remaining even (RS) rows.

P2 *(k1tbl, p4)*

End k1tbl, p2.

Continue in pattern to desired length.

Caro chose 7 inches. Your choice!

Bind off

Work loosely in rib pattern (knit the knits and purl the purls.)

Notes:

TBL = through back loop.

Pattern stitch purls and knits are
both
done TBL for row definition on right and wrong sides.

Trust me, it is worth a little irritation, clumsiness, fuming fiddliness.

(Is
fiddliness
a word? It is for me.)

On decrease rows 7 & 8: be sure to slip the 2 stitches as one, knitwise, then pass them over together, making a neat, centered decrease. Any other decrease will put the ruffle off balance. And we don’t want that, not after the lovely, crisp line of raised twisted stitches!

Video links (these were current at the time of this writing, but may change.)

Long tail cast on—http://www.knittinghelp.com/videos/knitting-glossary

An excellent and immensely helpful site.

Centered double decrease—sl2, k1, p2sso (or S2KP2), YouTube has a dozen listings.

Twisted knit stitch, ktbl knitted through the back loop—http://www.knittinghelp.com/videos/knitting-glossary

Same for twisted purls.

Finishing

Turn wristlet wrong side out and fold vertically, matching the sides. Mark thumb hole on your hand using a hair clip or sewing pin. (Plastic, spring-loaded orchid clips work perfectly here. Check your local garden or home-supply store. Who knew?)

Sew seam with matching yarn and a blunt darning needle, working up from the bottom, through both layers close to the edge, catching yarn outside of one stitch on each side of the hem, back and forth. (Finishing tutorials are available at my blog. Or email me—[email protected]). Pictures work best for this.

Continue sewing until you reach the bottom of the marked thumb hole. Break yarn, leaving 8 inches to weave in. Sew top of seam above thumb hole. Ditto 8 inches. Break yarn and weave in all ends.

All done.

Wear and enjoy your toasty hands, just as Caro does! Gage loves her red pair, knit in Malabrigo Twist yarn. So soft.

Come visit my website, www.christinaskye.com, for a full charted version of this pattern, along with more free knitting designs and tutorials.

Happy knitting!

Note—I am delighted if you knit this pattern for gifts, charity donations or resale. Feel free to use the pattern on your blog or website also. Credit is requested, and highly appreciated:
Copyright Christina Skye 2010.