The Gathering (36 page)

The Whole Thing

I
stride through Headquarters, desperate to get away from Luka’s and Cap’s and Connal’s objections. I need space. I need quiet. I need to think. I barge inside my room to Joanna tweezing her eyebrows in front of our mirror. Luka follows me inside and grabs my arm—to get me to stop, to get me to listen.

I pull away, not wanting to do either.

Joanna’s tweezers freeze. She gapes like a fish. “You’re awake.”

“Unfortunately.”

She looks from me to Luka. Tension rolls off his body in waves. I’m sure she’s trying to figure out why the pair of us seem so furious about my wakeful state. “I’ll, uh, just give you two some privacy.” She drops her tweezers inside her bag and slips out of the room.

Luka turns on me. “You can’t reject it. That isn’t an option.”

“According to Lexi, it
is
an option.”

“Not one you would take.”

“Why not?”

“You have bigger things than my life to consider. You’re not my Keeper. You said so yourself. It’s not a luxury you have.”

“I said that when you weren’t at risk of dying.” When transurgence was off the table. When protecting him meant sparing his feelings, not his life. Darkness swirls inside of me, gathering like storm clouds. “I already lost my dad, Luka. I can’t lose you, too.”

“What about your mom? And Pete? You think either of them can lose
you
?”

“What about
your
parents?”

“I already told you. I stopped considering their feelings as soon as they tried having you locked up in mental rehab facility.”

“They’re still your parents. Your mom risked everything to give you life. You should value it more.”

Luka releases a frustrated growl and rakes his hands through his hair. “This is stupid. We’re fighting over something that might not even happen.”

“You read the prophecy—victory requires sacrifice.”

“We don’t know what that means.”

“You used to think it meant my death.” When we came upon the prophecy at the Rivard’s, Luka was wrecked. Tortured. Just now in the dream simulator? He wasn’t tortured at all. He looked confident. In control. The kind of look a card player has when he’s holding the highest trump. That is, until Lexi shared her latest bit of info. Turns out, I’m holding the final trump, but it doesn’t feel victorious. No matter how I play my cards, I’ll end up losing.

“You want to know the dream I had the night my gifting returned?”

I don’t answer. It’s hard to talk past the growing tightness in my throat.

“The same dream I’ve had a thousand times. Only this time, it was different. This time, I could finally get to you. We were unstoppable, Tess.”

If he’s hoping to instill some confidence, it doesn’t work. No offense to Luka, but the prophecy has more credibility than his dreams.

“I’ve had the same dream the last three nights. I thought it was a cruel joke—all of it. Finally being able to protect you when you weren’t there to protect. Victory in my dreams when I’d already lost everything. But it wasn’t a cruel joke.” He shifts closer. “You’re here. And you are incredibly, amazingly strong. You’ll make the right choice if the time comes.”

“You’re wrong. I’m not strong. I’m weak.”

“You have
weaknesses
. We all do. But we don’t have to let those weaknesses define us. We don’t have to let them stop us from doing what we were born to do.”

“You were born to live.”

“I was born to protect you. To keep you alive so you can do what
you
were born to do.” His eyes are fastened on mine. “And you’re doing it. You’re leading the army. The dream I’ve had since I was a kid is coming true.”

His confidence undoes me. I don’t want him to believe in me. I want him to forbid me from going on this mission like he forbade me from going to Shady Wood. Only this time, I’ll listen. Because this time, I know something I didn’t then. Losing my life isn’t the worst thing that can happen. Not by a long shot.

“Listen, we have a powerful team. We have a solid plan. And contrary to what you might be thinking, I don’t
want
to die. I’m not looking for the opportunity.” He brushes a strand of hair away from my eye. “I want more time with you. I want all of it. The whole thing. The happy ending. You and me, together, sharing a lifetime of memories and moments. I’m not looking for an excuse to give my life away. I want to keep it, and live it with you.”

They are amazing words. Perfect words. At the moment, they also feel like impossible words. It’s that impossibility that makes me ache. I take his hand between mine and run my fingers over the bandage around his knuckles. “What happened?”

“I punched a wall.”

My attention jumps to his face.

“It wasn’t my finest moment.” He rubs his thumb along my jaw.

I close my eyes and lean into his touch. His skin is the perfect combination of rough and warm.

“I will do everything in my power to keep us both alive. I promise you that. But if something happens, and there’s no other choice,” he cups the side of my face, “you will be okay without me. I know you will.”

I shake my head fiercely, but Luka doesn’t let me start my objection. He curls his fingers into my hair and covers my lips with his. I kiss him back. I kiss him like he can save me from the dark cloud swirling inside. I kiss him with all the urgency I feel.

And he responds. After three days of thinking I was as good as dead, he drinks me in like he’s a parched man and I’m a glass of cold water. I wrap my arms around his neck. He lifts me onto the dresser, his scruff scratching against my skin. And somewhere beneath the loud pounding of our hearts comes the sound of a knock.

“Hey Xena, you in—?”

Luka steps away, his chest rising and falling.

I sit on the dresser, my lips puffy and bruised.

Link stands in the doorway, his face as red as a beet. He scratches the back of his head and looks away. “Uh, Felix wants everybody in the gym in thirty minutes.”

I run shaky fingers through my tussled hair. “W-why?”

“Joe called. The Surgeon General’s been taken care of.”

“That was quick,” Luka says.

“One of his team members was in the right place at the right time. Cap told Felix that tonight is a go. He’s going to tell everyone the plan.”

The pit in my stomach opens wider. It’s like I woke up on a train barreling down a track that’s ruined up ahead. It’s going a thousand miles a minute and there’s no hope of jumping off.

He’s Not the Only One

M
ost people linger after Felix finishes laying out the plans and answering questions. They talk in small pockets around the basketball court. So many bodies inside the basement gymnasium make the usually cool space warm and sticky. Nerves and excitement and fear charge the air. I wind around the groups and keep my eyes down, avoiding the stares and the way people look at me—like I’m some dazzling angel of hope—feeling increasingly claustrophobic.

As I near the exit, a tiny voice catches my attention.

“I don’t want you to go.” Henry stands with his arms wrapped tightly around Felicia, who combs her fingers gently through his hair—a gesture that has me missing my own mother terribly.

“It’ll be okay,” Felicia murmurs. “This will be over soon. And when it is, we’ll be with your dad and your sister again.”

Henry hugs her waist tighter. “But what if something happens to you?”

Felicia unwraps his arms from her waist and bends down so she can look him in the eyes. Hers are thick with moisture. “What happens in the stories I read to you at night? Who wins?”

“The good guys.”

“Remember that, Henry. The good guys always win.”

The air grows stuffier. I skirt around them and make my exit. As soon as I’m out in the corridor, I take a deep breath. I want to be alone. But where can I go? Joanna will be in our room soon, and I’m sure she’ll want to rehash everything Felix discussed during the meeting. I find myself wishing for the greenhouse in the hub, which goes to show how much has changed. Plants in a warehouse basement? I used to long for the redwoods in Northern California. Only those are impossibly far away.

Except …

An idea comes. I’m surprised I didn’t think of it sooner. I make a beeline for the private wing, slip past the bustling command center, and enter the room Ronie set up for the dream simulator. I flip the lights. I’ve never worked it before, but I’ve seen Link and Ronie do it plenty of times. How hard can it be? I turn on the machine. The screen lights up with a bunch of scrolling numbers that make zero sense.

Muttering, I untangle the probes, trying to figure out which ones are which.

“What are you doing?”

I spin around.

Link leans against the doorframe.

“I want to be outside, and since I can’t, I’m doing the next best thing.” I unwind two of the probes and plug one of them in.

“Here.” Link nudges me aside, unplugs the probe, takes the other from my hand, and hooks it to the machine. He attaches the end to my temple. I lie down on the cold floor while he sets everything up.

When I open my eyes, I’m standing in the middle of a forest much like the one outside my home in Thornsdale. Towering trees surround me. Sunlight dapples through the branches, casting flecks of gold along the mossy ground. I inhale the rich, woodsy air deep into my lungs and begin walking—faster and faster. But it doesn’t matter. My thoughts follow me.

She will be our victory. Or she will be our downfall.

I can’t escape it. Not even here, in this world I can control. I lift my arms. Several trees rise up from the ground and grow into the sky like Jack’s beanstalk. I wave my arms left and the earth crumbles away, creating a sharp cliff that drops into the sea. I point my hands at the sky and the darkness inside of me gathers overhead, obscuring the sun, swirling like ominous storm clouds. The wind stirs and strengthens, whirling in a circle until it roars like a freight train and bends large trees like they’re nothing more than saplings.

“Well, this is interesting!”

I turn sharply.

Link stands a few yards away, shielding his face against the wind and debris.

I drop my arms to my sides. The world goes still and silent. I sink onto the wet, mossy ground and wrap my arms around my shins, wishing I could go to sleep—a dream within a dream. Maybe then I could escape whatever lies ahead.

Link sits beside me. He plucks a clover from the ground and twirls it between his thumb and pointer finger. “You know, you could construct a fourth leaf on this bad boy and have yourself some good luck.”

“That would be cheating.”

Link flicks the clover into the air. “Luka came by looking for you, saw you laying on the floor. He was worried you went to go do something crazy. I set him straight.”

“Thanks.”

“He told me about the whole transurgence thing.”

I hug my shins tighter. “You two are confiding in each other now?”

“Oh, you know us. We’re best buddies.” Link gives me a playful nudge with his shoulder. “He’s under the impression that I have some influence over you. That you might actually listen to me if I offered up my two cents. And here I thought Williams knew you well.”

I try smiling, but the gesture falls flat.

“C’mon, Xena. Talk to me.”

“About what?”

“About the crazy storm I just walked into.”

I set my chin on my knee. “I’m afraid.”

“Of losing Luka?”

“Of becoming my grandmother.”

He shakes his head. “That’s not going to happen.”

“You sound so sure.” The same blood that ran through her veins runs through mine. Does the same darkness, too?

“Your grandmother was looking out for herself. You’re looking out for someone you love. That’s not the same thing.” Link makes me sound a whole lot less selfish than I feel.

“All right. I’m going to give you my two pennies’ worth. Feel free to take it or leave it.” His shoulders lift and fall with a big breath. “I know you love Luka, and nobody can touch that. But don’t forget the scene you pictured in your head, the one that represents happiness. He’s not the only one there.”

“I know.” My throat goes hot and tight. That’s why none of this is easy.

Link takes my hand. “Here’s the deal, Xena. For three days, we all thought you were gone. And for three days, everyone was lost. The world stopped making sense. This planet’s a lot better with you in it. So for the betterment of the world, can you please try your hardest to stick around?”

I stare at Link’s hand holding mine, a slow burn rising in my cheeks. “You’re not … You aren’t … in love with me, are you? Claire thinks you are, but I think Claire’s an idiot, so—”

“Maybe.”

I look up, the fire in my cheeks spreading down my neck. “Maybe she’s an idiot?”

He shakes his head.

I bite my lip, unsure what to say. In my most honest parts, I know Luka’s right. Link’s more than just a friend. We
do
have this thing. With him sitting next to me, it’s impossible to deny. There’s chemistry. And attraction. I’m attracted to Link. Of course I am. He’s good-looking and funny and about a hundred other amazing qualities. If Luka wasn’t in the picture, I’m positive I’d have a massive crush. I’d probably doodle his name on my notebooks, write about him in my journal, daydream about kissing him. My attention wanders to his lips and the heat in my face grows hotter. It’s a silly thing to imagine, because Luka
is
in the picture.

“Don’t worry. I’m not waiting for you to reciprocate. What you have with Williams? It’s not something I can compete with.” His tone is light. The tightness around his eyes, however, tells a different story.

I hate that I’m hurting him.

“Would you please stop looking at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m a puppy you just kicked. It’s a crush. To be honest, you’re kind of hard not to have a crush on.”

I laugh. Because no, I’m not.

“What? You have this whole fierce-adorable combination going on. It’s a little bit irresistible.” He gives me another shoulder nudge. “I promise I’ll get over it, all right? Now will you do me a favor?”