Tainted Love (13 page)

Abbi had only been over to Ben’s campus and adjoining hospital a couple of times. Ever since, Abbi had dropped out of university, she felt a little out of place around the world of academia. She kept Buddy on his lead as she walked across the car park to the entrance of A and E. She noticed two people sitting on a bench outside. The young woman was in scrubs and smoking. The handsome dark haired man was wearing a doctor’s coat and had his arm draped across the bench. He was stroking her shoulder, as they talked. He said something, and she kicked back her head and laughed. He leant in and kissed her neck. Abbi watched for a few seconds, and then walked over to them.

‘Abbi?!’ Ben jumped up. He was clearly startled and shocked at seeing her standing in front of him, of them. ‘What? What are you doing here?’

‘I took Buddy to the park, and thought I would swing by and we would surprise you. I guess we did.’ She gazed down at the pretty blonde nurse. The equally embarrassed blonde put her cigarette out on the ground. She got up and looked at Abbi and the Ben.

‘I need to go,’ she said then turned and began walking very quickly towards the entrance.

Abbi slumped down on the bench beside Ben. He leant back, and they both sat in silence for a few minutes.

‘I don’t know what to say, Abbi,’ he said. He turned towards her, and took her hand. ‘Please look at me. I don’t want a big scene outside of where I work, but we do need to talk.’

Abbi squeezed his hand and looked back at the man who was once her life. She knew now. It all made sense. The random times of coming and going. The faint smell of cigarette smoke, the times he had come home late. She had no doubt this wasn’t his first affair. He had probably been at it for years but she’d been too naïve in thinking Ben wasn’t the type to have an affair. She wasn’t ashamed to say that she had been gullible. But things were different now. In the end, nothing Ben did mattered anymore. It seemed they had reached the same place after all. All this time she thought they were on different paths and they had been on the same one. Looking for something other than each other. How screwed up was that?

‘It’s okay, Ben. I’m not going to make a scene. That’s not what I came here for. I came to say goodbye.’

Ben seemed a little unsure of how to proceed. ‘Well I guess it was only a matter of time. If we’re both honest, we can say that we haven’t really been on the same page for a while. I’m not blaming you for anything, Abbi. I do love you. It’s just…’ He sighed and looked miserably up at the hospital.

‘Ben, I love you too.’ Tears welled up in Abbi’s eyes. ‘But love isn’t always about being together. It’s also about knowing when to let someone go.’ She combed her fingers through her hair. ‘I don’t know what happened to us, Ben, or when things got so bad that we just stopped communicating.’

‘Me neither,’ he said quietly.

They sat there in silence again. Finally, he turned to her and said, ‘I’m sorry. You might think it’s just for getting caught, but it’s not. I don’t know what to say. I haven’t known what to say to you for a long time.’

‘I know, Ben. We’ve both been all wrong.’ She hesitated for a minute. Bringing Taylor into this was not going to help. The only way her affair helped was to remind her that she was just as guilty as Ben. They both had been unfaithful. Maybe she was letting herself off easy, but maybe that was alright too. She wasn’t sure. All she was sure of was that it was over with Ben. She sighed, and he stood up.

‘I’ll start packing up tonight. Will you keep Buddy? I can’t take care of him.’

‘Of course,’ Abbi said, ‘I would never leave Buddy or give him up.’

Ben looked away. ‘I guess that’s supposed to mean something about me or my loyalty. I just don’t know what’s right for me to say or do. Around you, around Buddy. I’ve felt that for a long time.’

‘It doesn’t matter anymore. Go and save everyone, Ben. You’re going to be a great doctor.’ Abbi stood up and looked at him. ‘Buddy and I will be just fine.’

Ben looked down at his feet and then turned away. Half way up the path he turned back to her.

‘Taylor’s a good guy. He has your best interests at heart. He’ll be good for you.’

‘What? What do you mean?’

Ben smiled sheepishly. ‘He knows about Zoe. He saw us together in a bar once. That’s why I was stand-offish when I saw him at your office. I thought he was going to tell you.’

‘He knew?’

‘Yeah but don’t be too hard on him. He made me promise I was going to tell you the truth. I was going to come clean last night but we had that argument and you walked out. If it wasn’t for Taylor, we might have made the biggest mistake of our lives and actually got married.’

He gave a wry smile before continuing to walk back up to the hospital, and Abbi watched him go.

‘Come on, Buddy,’ she said. ‘Are you ready for a new life?’ She looked down at Buddy happily panting back up at her. She had a lot of things to arrange.

Two weeks later, Abbi drove through dense forest and up and down beautiful rolling hills in her rented car, Buddy at her side. She glanced back down at the directions she had written down, and looked back up at the road ahead. She saw the gravel drive appear on the right around the bend, and she slowed and turned on to it. The tyres crunched on the gravel, and she slowed down and crept carefully around the winds and bends. The cabin emerged around a final curve. It was small and smoke was coming out of the chimney. There was a hammock off to the left, hung between two evergreens, and she could see the lake glimmering in the sunset behind the cabin.

Putting the car in park, she got out and opened the boot. She grabbed a small duffel bag she had packed and another bag full of Buddy’s food and some of his toys. She opened up the passenger door and Buddy gaily bounded out. He began to run around sniffing the grounds of his new home. Abbi looked up and around her taking it all in. It was beautiful and perfect. It was just how she had imagined it to be, so many times.

‘Hi there. You made it!’ Taylor stepped out on the decking and was waving at her.

‘Yes. We both did. This place is beautiful.’

Taylor walked down the steps. Buddy went racing up him. ‘Hey there, Buddy. Whoa!’ Taylor laughed as the little dog peed on his shoe again. ‘I think we met this way before.’ He laughed as he rubbed Buddy’s head.

‘Some things never change.’ Abbi smiled.

‘But some things do, and then life’s amazingly different,’ Taylor said. He took Abbi’s face in his hands and they kissed.

Yes,
she thought,
that moment on the train was the best moment of my life.