Surrendered Hearts (18 page)

Bill glanced around his office. Should he apply? What about his work here? He’d invested almost four years building the programs at Wild River. He had a dedicated staff and good group of volunteers. Under his guidance they’d won the Silver Eagle award for excellence in environmental education. He was proud of those accomplishments. Besides his job he had a great church and good friends. Immediately, Jenn’s face flashed across his mind. “Thanks for the heads up, Mom. But I don’t—”

“Please, Bill. Just think about it. It would be wonderful to have you back in North Carolina. It’s been months since you’ve been home.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I know. I’m sorry. Spring and summer are always a busy time around here.”

“I hope you’re planning to come home for the holidays. It wasn’t the same without you last year.”

His mom really knew how to heap on the guilt. “I’ll be there for Thanksgiving. But I’m not sure about Christmas. I haven’t worked on the schedule for December yet.”

“If you took that position at Hawk Mountain you could come home anytime you like. Why don’t you just call and talk to the people up there?”

He rubbed his jaw, trying to come up with an answer. But he knew she wouldn’t be satisfied until he agreed to make the call.

“I know you love Vermont,” his mom continued, “but the Hawk Mountain center is twice the size of Wild River. The salary is probably higher, plus you’d be closer to family . . . and there’s no price you can put on that.”

“It sounds great, Mom. And you know I love you and Dad, but I’m settled here. I own a house, and I’m involved at my church.”

“But you’re dad and I miss you, and we’re not going to be around forever, you know.”

He held back a chuckle. “You’re not exactly on your deathbeds yet.”

His mother gasped. “Of course not. I didn’t mean that. I just wish you lived nearby so we could see you more often.” She waited for his reply and then sighed. “Okay. I guess I better go fix your dad some lunch. You take care, honey. And let me know what they say when you call up to Hawk Mountain.”

He grinned and shook his head as he told his mom good-by. She never gave up. Tilting back in his chair, his thoughts drifted back to Jenn.

He’d tried his best to stay away from her, but in a small town with common friends and activities, it was more difficult than he expected. Whether he was with her or not, he still cared, much more than he should if there was no future for them.

He released a weary sigh, recalling the night Wes had told him to back off and stop pursuing Jenn. He’d known the truth then. He couldn’t just walk away and forget about her. He’d have to leave the state before that would happen.

That thought made him sit up straight.

Leave Vermont? Was that the answer? Could the opening at Hawk Mountain be a sign that God wanted him to let Jenn go and move on? He clamped his jaw against the pain twisting through him. That couldn’t be right. Surely, God didn’t expect him to give up Jenn and everything he had here, did He?

He closed his eyes, pushing those thoughts away. He didn’t have to decide right now. His best friend was getting married in a few days. He needed to focus on helping Wes and Lauren. But he would have to face this issue soon. Was he willing to go if God called him back to North Carolina?

Soft organ music floated toward Jenn as she entered the church foyer. Her long blue dress swished against her legs, and the scent of roses from her bouquet drifted in the air around her.

Three last minute wedding guests slipped past and entered the sanctuary through the side door. Jenn glanced at Julia and Lauren. Their faces glowed and their eyes sparkled. They looked as lovely as any models she’d seen in the bridal magazines she’d scanned in the last few weeks.

If only she felt as confident and radiant.

A tremor passed through her as she approached the main doors to the sanctuary. She hated being the first one to walk down the aisle, and knowing Bill stood up front next to her brother would make it even harder.

He had remained distant even after she visited him at the nature center. Telling him she wanted to stay in Vermont didn’t seem to make any difference to him. Last night, during the wedding rehearsal and dinner afterward, he’d barely acknowledged her.

She silently scolded herself. This was no time to worry about seeing Bill. She was here today for Wes and Lauren. She just wouldn’t look at him. That was the only way she’d make it through this ceremony without doing something awful and embarrassing herself, like breaking down in tears.

Clutching her bouquet, she turned to Julia. “Promise me you won’t wait too long.”

Julia smiled. “Don’t worry. I’ll be right behind you.”

Marie Shelton, pastor Dan’s wife, leaned toward Jenn. “Are you ready, dear?”

Jenn nodded though her knees felt weak and wobbly.

“All right then. Listen for the music, then take it nice and slow, just like we practiced last night.” Marie gave Jenn a confident nod and opened the double doors.

The sight of the crowded sanctuary sent a shiver racing down her back. She lifted her chin and looked straight ahead, trying to quiet her dancing stomach. The organist transitioned into the processional, and she stepped through the doorway.

All eyes turned toward her. She swallowed and focused on her brother standing at the front of the church. He looked incredibly handsome in his black tux with a single white rose pined on his lapel. Smiling, he encouraged her forward with his eyes.

Forcing a stiff smile in return, she began her long journey down the aisle. Wes deserved to be happy today. And she would do whatever it took to make that happen, even though she felt like a bug under a microscope with 135 pairs of eyes staring at her.

A few seconds later, Wes broke eye contact and looked past her shoulder. Julia must have made her entrance because everyone turned toward the back of the church.

Jenn blew out a shaky breath, reminding herself to stay focused on Wes. But her gaze drifted to the right and connected with Bill’s.

A look of awe and tenderness filled his expression as he watched her approach.

Jenn blinked and checked once more. Was he simply moved by the emotion of the moment, or did his reaction reveal something deeper? She glanced away, fearful he would see her response, and read her thoughts.

She finally reached the front of the church, but before she took her place she cast one more glance at Bill. His gaze remained on her even though Julia followed a few steps behind and Toby fidgeted right in front of him.

Jenn turned and faced the guests, her mind spinning with confusion. Julia took her place beside her, and the first notes of the bridal processional rang out.

Tilley stood and the other guests rose to their feet. Cameras flashed and everyone turned to catch a glimpse of Lauren as she floated down the aisle, her face alight with love, her eyes fixed on Wes.

Adoration glowed on Wes’s face as he took Lauren’s hand and together they turned to face Pastor Dan.

Jenn’s throat burned. She tried to hold back her tears, but a few spilled over and ran down her cheeks. Wes and Lauren looked so happy, so in love. And she knew it was true. She’d watched them closely over the last few weeks. Even during the hectic days leading up to the wedding the love and respect they showed each other amazed her.

Would she ever experience a love like that, one that connected her heart-to-heart with a man who would be committed to her for life? She closed her eyes to keep from looking at Bill again.

Pastor Dan’s warm, steady voice welcomed everyone and then led them in prayer. Jenn listened carefully as he read two Bible passages about love.

His comments were personal and meaningful, and sincerity shone in his eyes as he spoke. “The type of love and commitment Wes and Lauren share is rare in our world today. They are promising to serve one another and honor one another above themselves, to put the other’s interests above their own, and to always seek the highest and best for each other. That kind of love takes humility and sacrifice.” His gaze traveled around the room, giving everyone time to consider his words. “And that is at the heart of the promises they make today.”

Jenn looked down at her bouquet. Had she loved Phillip like that? Did she even know what it meant to place someone else’s desires and plans above her own? What about sacrifice and service? She’d never really thought of love like that before.

The commitment Pastor Dan talked about was not a fifty-fifty arrangement where each one waited for the other to do his or her part. He spoke of a total commitment motivated by unconditional love that gave one hundred percent without waiting to see what the other person would give.

That kind of relationship sounded risky, but wouldn’t it be amazing to be loved like that?

Pastor Dan glanced at Lauren and then Wes. “This kind of love is only possible if you are directly connected to Jesus Christ, the source of true love. As we grow in our relationship with Him and experience more of Him in our lives, then we will have a never-ending river of love that can flow through us to our mate, our children, our friends, and all we meet.”

Longing stirred in Jenn’s heart. She looked across the sanctuary at a stained glass window that pictured Jesus as the good shepherd tenderly carrying a lamb in his arms while several other sheep followed Him along the path.

Her throat tightened. How would it feel to be held like that, to be back in His care?

But it had been so long since she had prayed or acknowledged Him. Would He even want her back . . . or was it too late?

A story she had read in the Bible the night before replayed in her mind. It told of the shepherd leaving the ninety-nine sheep and going to look for the one that was lost and needed his help. The memory warmed her heart with a secret knowing. He was searching for her now, calling her home to His arms.

Pastor Dan’s words brought her focus back to the ceremony as he led Wes and Lauren through their vows and the exchange of rings. Then they walked forward and lit a unity candle while a young couple sang a song about climbing the hills together. Pastor Dan prayed the final prayer. Then, with a broad grin, he pronounced them man and wife and invited Wes to kiss his bride.

Jenn bit her lip as she watched them embrace and exchange the sweetest kiss.

Pastor Dan beamed. “Let me be the first to introduce to you Mr. and Mrs. Wesley Evans.”

The organist began the triumphant recessional, and everyone clapped and rose to their feet. With smiles wreathing their faces, Lauren took Wes’s arm and they walked up the aisle together.

Julia stepped forward to meet Bill and slipped her arm through his. She smiled up at him, her blue eyes bright. But Bill’s gaze flickered to Jenn. It only lasted a second, and Jenn suspected no one else had seen it. Then he turned and walked away with Julia. People smiled and nodded as they passed.

“Aren’t they a lovely couple,” an elderly woman in the second row said as she watched Bill and Julia pass.

Jenn’s stomach tumbled. She forced a shaky smile, took Toby’s hand, and followed Bill and Julia out of the sanctuary.

* * * *

Jenn sipped sparkling cider from a fluted goblet and glanced up at the big white tent sheltering the reception guests. The Wild River Resort lawn had been transformed into a beautiful reception area. Round tables for eight were set with white china, sparking crystal and blue napkins. Overflowing bouquets of white roses, blue delphiniums, and purple orchids sat in the center of each table.

Soft music played in the background while a roving photographer clicked candid shots of people as they moved through the buffet line. Most of the guests had already filled their plates and returned to their seats to enjoy the delicious dinner.

Jenn set her goblet down and released a soft sigh. A melancholy mood had settled over her now that the ceremony had ended and the reception was winding down. In less than an hour Wes and Lauren would leave for their honeymoon, and she would stay behind to work in the gallery and help Tilley care for Toby.

She was glad she could do it, really she was . . . but somehow she couldn’t help feeling deflated. She toyed with her stuffed chicken breast and pushed her plate aside. Glancing down the long head table past Toby, Lauren and Wes, she focused on Julia and Bill seated together at the other end of the table.

Bill had taken off his jacket and loosened his tie, but he still looked as handsome as ever. He turned to Julia. She flashed a quick smile and then laughed at something he said.

Jenn strained to listen, but with the music and conversation of the other guests swirling around her, she couldn’t make out their words.

Julia leaned closer to Bill, laid her hand on his arm, and whispered in his ear. He nodded and sat back with an amused expression on his face. Then he shifted his gaze to Jenn and sent her a quick smile.

Jenn pulled in a sharp breath. The nerve! Flirting with Julia one second and with her the next.

She scooted her chair back, intending to snatch her purse and make a quick exit to the ladies’ room, but Toby turned and banged into her. His cold cider splashed her shoulder.

Toby gasped and looked at her with wide eyes. “Sorry, Aunty Jenn.”

“It’s okay.” Her cheeks burned as she grabbed a cloth napkin and tried to blot up the mess. She deserved this for watching Bill and not paying attention.