Scott's Dominant Fantasy (3 page)

Once I pushed it open, another part of me seemed to take over. There seemed to suddenly be something deep inside me that understood why this was necessary. I might want to run, but this other me sensed moving forward was the only way to go.

It was darker in her bedroom compared with the living room so until my eyes adjusted to the diminished light I couldn't see much, but when I could finally see what I saw I was nearly unable to believe.

There was April sitting up on her bed completely naked, but she was more than just naked.
Oh my god, she's a . . . submissive.

My dream girl was dressed in a manner of speaking, as a sex slave. With her throat embraced by an ominous, black leather collar, April's eyes were covered with a blindfold and her nipples were clamped with tight metal clips.

From each of the clips, a silvery chain led upwards to her mouth where she gripped the chain tightly between her teeth. This action must have caused her pain because the chain was too short to allow her breasts to lie in their normal resting position against her chest so the mere act of holding the chain in her teeth pulled her tits up by her nipples.

Her long gorgeous legs were spread wide apart affording me a perfect view of the shaved pussy I still yearned for. On her ankles I noticed leather cuffs with metal clips, but the clips were not attached to anything right now, but then I looked to her arms behind her back I suspected she must be wearing similar wrist cuffs. As I moved forward closer to the bed I nearly squealed with delight to see the wrist cuffs were clipped together holding her wrists behind her back. She was like the visions I'd been seeing of the helpless submissive waiting to serve, but for some reason this was different. I was hard, she was close by and helpless to resist me, but didn't feel like I wanted to ravage her sexually.

What I felt was something so completely different I knew immediately it came from some different part of me. The impulse in my head was to be like April, but I didn't immediately understand its significance.

When April moved, carefully getting to her knees and turning slightly so her butt faced me, I instantly noticed an object sticking out of her ass. It was a latex butt plug stuck deep in her ass. When we'd been lovers, April had not shown the least inclination of liking anal sex, nor had I dared bring up the subject. What was it about this Paulo which had brought out these kinky inclinations in her?

April dropped the chain from her mouth to speak. “So, what do you think, Scott? This is sometimes how I'm required to greet my Master."

Master, the word permeated my brain and I was instantly jealous of Paulo for having accomplished what I never dared to try, but then my attention turned to April and those tight clips on her nipples. “Don't you want to take those off? They must hurt you."

"No worries, I'm used to them.” She paused a moment. “Okay, it's more than that, I like wearing them. I've discovered I have quite a masochistic streak in me. You can touch me if you want, Scott. I know you're probably curious. Are you hard now?” April giggled at her last question.

I was hard, but strangely the idea of touching was different that I thought it might be. Yes, I wanted to feel her soft skin and touch her clamped nipples and the plug, but it was to try to understand how they felt to her. I wanted to feel what she was feeling and so I reached out and touched the plug pushing it just slightly deeper in her ass. “How does it feel? Does it hurt?"

"Not anymore, it actually feels good in there now, but it was painful when Master first plugged me. He insisted I be properly stretched for anal service and it turns out . . . I love his big cock in my ass. Scott, you wouldn't believe how much size really does matter.” There was a reverence in April's voice whenever she referred to Paulo and I knew she was comparing him to me and I was not faring well by comparison.

"Yes, I guess it does. I see this Paulo has changed your life dramatically. I never would have imagined you wanted this, to be a submissive, a slave.” Inside me there was despair at not knowing this April, but I suspected I could never give her what Paulo had.

"Could you take my blindfold off, Scott?” April asked and I obliged because she was unable to do it herself.

She looked up at me. “I wanted to look at you when I said this. When we were together, I had fantasies about this and I tried to give you signs so you'd see, but I never made any headway or got any feeling you understood or were willing to dominate me. Do you remember any details of our relationship like when we fought how you'd simply give in to me? Do you recall who initiated sex between us almost all the time? Scott, you were sending me signals too, about you and what you wanted, but until that Saturday night I didn't see them.” April hung her head as if she was ashamed of some failure on her part, but then she whispered. “Or maybe I just didn't want to see them."

I remembered about our fights and that she had always initiated sex, but these signs which seemed obvious to her was not so obvious to me. “Signs? What do you mean?"

Now April looked up again and she sighed. It must have been her last attempt to get me to see on my own. “You really don't remember anything, do you? It's time to open your box, Scott, are you ready?"

Maybe it was sheer nerves, but now that the conversation had moved from April back to me I wanted to delay. I didn't want to open my
Pandora's Box.

"Please let me take those off, they have to hurt you.” Her nipple clips might not be bothering her, but they bothered me enough to use them as an excuse to delay.

"Okay, but the truth is they'll hurt more when you take them off.” April's words didn't make sense to me so I reached down and took the first one off and she groaned in pain.

"Oh god, Scott, lick it, please.” Her plea made me dip down and take the sore nipple in my mouth. I licked and sucked for a moment, enjoying sexual contact with April, before I released the second nipple and did the same to give her relief.

"I guess you might as well free my hands.” She pointed out.

More than willing, I reached behind her, but as I did I detected a bright, metallic, glint on her collar and further observation told me it was an engraved gold plate.

April noticed what I was staring at. “Oh, you've noticed his mark on my collar. Being collared means you're owned in D/s relationships and Master marked mine for me.” She lifted her chin giving me easy access to read the plate. “Go ahead, read it, but don't be freaked out by what it says. I'm proud of what it says and believe me I had to earn this mark. Master's training regimen is tough because he feels he must break a new slave down and then build her back up as he prefers her to be.” April sounded so proud of her collar, the plate, and the accomplishment of being the slave of another man, but it was all a bit unreal to me.

The words engraved on the collar were sublimely simple reflecting, I assume, what April desired to be. It read
Paulo's slut.
In the moment as I read it I felt a tinge of jealousy at April's fortune in finding fulfillment of her fantasies. It would likely never happen to me.

"I wore two collars before I got that one. The first collar was pink and said nothing because he said I wasn't worthy of belonging to him. The second one was black, but all it said was
slave
because I was a novice, still not worthy of being his
."
April paused and looked up at me. “Listen, Scott, I know what you're doing, you're delaying because you're afraid of what I'll say, but no more. Come with me and I'll explain what this means to you, or if you please you may leave without understanding yourself.” April got up off the bed and offered her hand to me. This was the moment of truth, if I took it, I knew I would open the box, but I still had the chance to leave.

I was extremely nervous to the point of sweating, but I reached out, took her hand, and followed her to the living room.

April started as soon as she sat down on the sofa. “I caught you that night, Scott, doing something I couldn't deal with. To me it confirmed all my worst fears about you and suddenly I didn't want to be with you. I realized later my reaction was overkill, but I couldn't get myself to go back despite feeling sad about how it ended. Do you have any idea of were doing when I came home from my parents?"

Suddenly I began to shake and I felt all hot and sweaty and a picture flashed in my mind, a vision of me with my hand wrapped around my dick, jerking it with abandon as April's face appeared in the doorway. “Oh god, was I . . . I was jerking off.” It was embarrassing, but still it didn't seem like a reason for her to break up with me.

"Yes, you were, but what were you wearing?” April asked in dead seriousness.

What was I wearing?
At first I just assumed I was naked, or my pants and underwear were pulled down, but then the suppressed memory hit me like a runaway train and my mind flooded with what I had not wanted to remember.
Ooooh nooooo.

I wasn't naked, but my clothes were lying on the floor near April's closet. Wrapped around my hard dick and balls was a soft pair of April-scented panties. On my chest was one of her lacy bras and on my legs were her silk stockings. Worst of all, under my nose was another pair of panties taken from her hamper which I was sniffing to get the smell of her pussy. It was a horrible memory, one I'd suppressed for two years, but I instantly knew it was all true. When the full realization hit me, I began to cry, embarrassed and ashamed by what I'd suppressed.

"Scott, don't cry. I know it's embarrassing, but I've forgiven you for it. I know now you couldn't help it. In fact it was perhaps an attempt by you to make me see what you wanted, but back then I couldn't.” April took my head to her bare chest and comforted me as my mind began to work on what she meant by an attempt to make her see.

"What do you mean? I pleaded.

"Scott, don't you see? Everything points to it. You aren't a dominant man; you're a submissive one with I'm assuming a serious desire to be female. I realized after that night it wasn't the first time you'd done it because I'd seen odd stains of my panties in the past. You have to see at the very least you're a cross-dresser, Scott, but I suspect and Paulo agrees, your desires probably go a lot deeper than that.” April's voice was animated and seemingly certain, but could I be like she was saying?

When I didn't say anything, she continued. “Please don't shut down or pull away from me. You need to confront this. If this was a plea from you, I should have helped you do that back then, but I was too caught up in my own needs.” April sounded like she was apologizing to me for not being there for me and that made me realize she was on my side, but in balance I remembered what was in the bottom drawer of my bureau at home. Three soft and silky pairs of panties were hidden there and while I hadn't put them on in two years I knew they were there and no doubt I had masturbated in them prior to that Saturday night when it all became something to be suppressed.

"So what are you saying, April? I'm some perv who needs help? How are you going to help me with this?” My voice betrayed my fears, my shame, and perhaps a lack of belief that I could be helped.

April got animated again showing she was clearly prepared for this question. “I showed you the real me and I had to have courage to make that happen. Do you have the courage to explore your sexuality and become the real you? If you do I have a plan to help you."

What does she mean? Does she mean do it, live in real life? I can't do that, can I?
I was frozen unable to respond, but April saw that.

"Listen, when I talked to Paulo he said . . .” April was interrupted by a loud wail from me.

She had said his name before, but I hadn't made the connection then because I was so upset. This time I realized what she'd done. “You talked about this . . . with him!” I could not believe it and waves of fresh shame rolled over me.

April looked frightened as if she was worried she'd lose me. “I had to, he knows this stuff. I had to have his expertise on dominance and submission or I would never have known what to do. No one thinks less of you. Will you listen to what he thinks?"

Suddenly my mind opened to a possibility I'd never imagined. Could April and Paulo understand me better than I did. It was obvious I didn't fully understand my sexuality, but could I trust them to help me. “Yes, I guess so. What can it hurt now?"

April took hold my hand and squeezed it before beginning. “We discussed you at length and he says the reason you think you have dominant fantasies is you're confused about who you really want to be. You see the picture and it excites you and so you look at the dominant man and identify with him. Your learned masculinity tells he must be what you want to be, but remember there is someone else in the picture, the submissive female.” She paused there to let me fill in the blank and it took a moment but I did.

"So you're saying I really want to be the sub and a girl?” It seemed impossible to believe my submissive and cross-dressing behavior went that deep, but as I thought about it, it did make some sense. When I looked at the pictures I never thought of what the dominant male was thinking or feeling, instead I saw her pretty face and wondered what emotions made her want this, and how it felt to be totally at his mercy.

April squeezed my hand again. “Paulo says you fear it because of your fear of crossing over the established roles males are supposed to play in our society. It's embarrassing, just like when you found out I talked to him, to expose these desires to another man. They aren't what men are supposed to be, but who decides that?"

What she said sounded right and so freeing, but was it possible? “So how would I explore these things?"

"Scott, you want to be submissive and you like dressing like a woman. Paulo feels you see yourself as a female submissive and you likely want to be dominated, at least at the beginning, by a female. He suggested to me how I can give you a chance to see if it's all true.” April clearly seemed to have bought into her Master's thoughts and she believed it could help me find myself.

And truthfully, who was I to be sure it wouldn't. “How would you do that?"