Scattered Colors (27 page)

“Of course it wasn’t me!”

“Then he’s the only one, Stella.”

She came over to where I sat on my bed and wrapped me in a hug. We sat quiet for several minutes as I continued to cry. Once I felt like I could speak without breaking down, I pulled back and gave her a small, sad smile.

“I just need to be alone right now.”

“You sure?” she asked as she brushed the hair from my face.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’ll call you later tonight.”

Reluctantly, she left my house, leaving me alone with the silence. Once I heard the front door shut, I reached over and opened my bedside table drawer, pulling the pamphlet out that had arrived in the mail a few days before. I studied over the papers for the next few hours. When I heard my father’s car pull into the driveway, I slowly made my way down the stairs, documents in hand.

“What’s the matter, baby girl?” he asked as soon as he stepped through the door, his features a blanket of concern as he took in my tear-streaked face.

“I need to talk to you,” I answered in a wobbly voice.

“Come on, honey. Let’s go sit down.” I followed him into the living room and took a seat on the couch next to him, trying to keep from sobbing at the wary look in my father’s eyes. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“I can’t stay here, Daddy,” I stuttered, losing my fight not to cry. “I know I told you I wanted to go to college locally to stay close to you, but I just can’t stay here anymore. I can’t be happy here.”

My father’s warm arms gathered around me and pulled me into his comforting embrace. “Shh, sweetheart,” he cooed. “It’s okay. It’s all going to be okay.”

“I’m s-so sorry,” I choked. “I’m sorry, Dad.”

He cupped my cheeks and lifted my face so I could look at him. “Freya, don’t you
ever
apologize for trying to find your happiness. I’d love nothing more than for you to stay close to me for the rest of your life, but if you don’t think you can be happy here, then I want you to find that place where you can. I owe you this, sweetheart. You never once put up a fight when I packed our lives away and moved you all the way across the country. I’ll stand by whatever decision you make. There’s nowhere in the world that’s too far away from me to visit you.”

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“Where are you thinking about going?”

I pulled the papers from behind me and set them in my lap, the both of us looking down at the familiar seal at the top of my acceptance letter. A faint smile touched my father’s lips as he ran his fingers over the three torches and interwoven banner.

His gaze finally returned to mine, a knowing look on his face as his own eyes clouded over with tears. “All right, baby girl. You follow your sunset.”

I lunged for him, wrapping my arms around his waist. “I love you so much, Daddy.”

“I love you, too, Freya,” he spoke against the top of my hair. “Never,
ever
doubt that for a second.”

I hated my life.

I hated my dad for everything he’d done. I hated that my mom wasn’t able to let go of the past and get better. I hated having to pretend I could stand Cassidy touching me. But most of all, I hated having to look at the girl who held my heart every single day and see the brilliance of her blue eyes fade and dull as time passed. I wanted her back. I wanted to be able to hold her and touch her and kiss her. I wanted to be near her and let her make my world better. I wanted to make her eyes shine again.

Graduation day was supposed to be a happy day, but as I stood with my classmates, all of us decked out in bright, royal blue caps and gowns, I couldn’t find it in myself to feel the same excitement as those around me. I’d spent the entire ceremony staring at the back of Freya’s head, silently willing her to turn around so I could see her beautiful face. She never did. It felt like a cloud hung over me as I walked across that stage and accepted my diploma. I was going through the motions. In the enthusiastic chaos that followed the ceremony, I was able to duck out without Cassidy or anyone else spotting me. I drove home on autopilot, wanting nothing more than to crawl into bed and ignore the rest of the world.

My spine stiffened and my instincts went on high-alert the moment I pushed through the front door.

“Get out!” I heard my mom scream from the kitchen just before the sound of glass breaking echoed through the space. I rushed to the doorway just in time to see my father duck as she hurled another glass toward his head. “I said get out!” Mom screamed. “Go back to your whore!”

Oh, God. Oh, no. No, no, no, no. She knew. After everything I’d done to protect her, she knew. “Mom, please,” I tried to coax at the same time my father spoke up. “Jesus Christ, Martha. Calm the hell down! It’s not what you think—”

“Don’t tell me it’s not what I think. I know what I saw!” she yelled back. “Get the hell out of my house. I want a divorce!”

“Fine!” Dad bellowed as he stepped over the broken glass. “I don’t need this shit anyway.” He shoved past me and out of the kitchen. Seconds later, I heard the front door slam and the sound of his tires spitting up gravel as he took off. What had just happened? I felt like I’d just walked into an alternate universe.

The sound of my mother’s sobs yanked me back into reality as I went to her and wrapped my arms around her tiny frame. “Shh,” I soothed into her hair. “It’s okay. It’ll be okay.” I wasn’t sure who I said those words for, me or her. After everything I’d done to prevent her from finding out about my father’s cheating, it still hadn’t been enough. Terror ran through me at the thought of what she was going to do.

I led her from the kitchen into the living room, sitting with her on the couch as her sobs slowly tapered off. When she’d finished crying, she pulled back and looked at me. Even with red rims from crying, I saw something in her eyes I hadn’t expected…determination.

“I’m not going to break,” she spoke sincerely. “I need a lot of help, Parker, but I’m not going to break. I promise you that.”

I spent hours holding my crying mother as we spoke of what needed to be done. At the end of it all, I helped her to her bedroom and gave her a sleeping pill so she’d be able to get some rest. I descended the stairs once I was sure she was out for the night. Weary from the day’s events, I ran my hands over my face roughly as I stepped into the kitchen and stared out the large windows at the water. The sun had begun to lower, the sky blanketed in deep oranges and yellows as the day pushed to an end. It was right then that it hit me. My mom knew the truth. She knew and she was going to be okay.

With a renewed sense of hope, I pulled the back door open and rushed from the house. It was as though my feet knew where to carry me without my brain having to form a coherent thought. With each step toward that beach…
our
beach, I sent up prayers that she’d be there, that she’d hear me out, let me explain why I’d done everything I had. My heart beat rapidly in my chest as I ran down the path. I breathed my first real breath the moment my feet hit the sandy beach. She sat on our log, bathed in the last rays of daylight. My heart. My world. She was so damn beautiful it made me ache.

“Freya.” My voice came out rough and gravelly as I spoke her name. I wanted to rush her and wrap her in my arms, but the closed-off expression that took over her face once the surprise faded away told me I needed to keep my distance.

“What are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to you.”

She turned her back on me, staring out at the darkening water as she replied, “There’s nothing left to say. I want you to leave.”

Desperation took over and I couldn’t stay back. Walking to her, I crouched down and took her hands in mine. “I can’t do that, gorgeous. Please don’t ask me to.”

She tried pulling away, but I held on like my life depended on it. It
did
depend on it. “Don’t touch me,” she seethed, fighting against me. “Parker, let me go!”

“
Please
.” My voice was hoarse as I begged. I let go of her hands just long enough to cup her cheeks in my hands. “Please. You have to let me explain, baby. You have to. I’m so sorry I hurt you, but I had a reason—”

“I don’t care!” she screamed as she slapped my hands away and scurried from the log. I rose to my full height and reached for her again, only to have her step back. “I don’t care what your reasons were. I don’t care that you’re sorry.
I don’t care!
”

I was in her space in a blink of an eye, my hands clenched into fists at my sides to prevent me from grabbing hold of her. “You have to let me explain!”

“I don’t
have
to do anything! We’re done, Parker. You said that yourself. I’m not your girlfriend
or
your friend. I don’t owe you a damn thing.”

God, why did she have to be so stubborn?

My breathing was erratic, my chest rose and fell as I tried to hold on to my rapidly deteriorating control. “You
are
mine! You gave yourself to me, no one else. You said it yourself.”

“And you ruined it!” Tears broke free and ran down her cheeks, each one gutting me as they fell. “I loved you and you ruined it! You betrayed me. I’ll never forgive you for what you did, Parker. I’m leaving this god-forsaken place and I’m never looking back.”

“What? No!”

This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Everything was all wrong. She wasn’t supposed to leave me. She was supposed to stay in Sommerspoint and forgive me. She was
mine
, goddamn it! She couldn’t leave!

“Come tomorrow morning, I’m gone.” Each word she spoke undid me. “I’m leaving and I never want to see you again.”

“You can’t leave.” I choked on the words as my own tears broke free. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. We were supposed to be together. There was a
reason
we found each other. “Please don’t leave me, Freya.
Please
.”

I watched on in misery as she steeled her spine and lifted her chin after brushing the tears from her cheeks. “It’s done.”

As she turned and walked away, something inside me broke. I couldn’t breathe; the pain I felt was more potent, more overwhelming than anything I’d ever felt before. As I fell to my knees on our beach, I turned my head just long enough to see that purple and blue sky fade to black. In that moment, alone on the beach in darkness, I let the silent tears fall for everything I’d lost in my life. The night wrapped around me, cloaking my world in black once again.

I hung my head and closed my eyes, letting myself feel the loss of Freya…

My heart.

My world.