Scattered Colors (19 page)

We rounded the side of my house where he pulled me to a stop right by the front door. “I never wanted you to see her like that, Freya.” From the light of the moon and stars, I could see his head turned away from me as he stared out into the inky blackness of the trees. “You’re just…” He ran one of his hands through his hair anxiously as he blew out a frustrated breath, like he was having trouble coming up with the right words. “I wanted to keep that part of my life away from you as long as I could. Since I met you, you’ve made me feel lighter, like all the bad shit that’s happened is secondary. I wanted to keep those two parts separate for as long as I could, and when I walked into my house and saw you trying to help my mom, I just…I lost it. I’m so sorry for what I said to you. I didn’t mean any of it. You have to believe me.” Desperation laced his words and he held tighter to my hands, like he was afraid I was going to slip away at any moment.

“I believe you,” I offered, hoping it would ease some of his anguish. “But I need to ask you one question.”

“”What?” he asked hesitantly, a scowl marring his handsome face.

“Your dad gave you the bruise, didn’t he?” I reached up and ran my fingers over the fading mark on his cheek.

He didn’t speak, just nodded his confirmation.

“This isn’t the first time, is it?”

He shook his head against my hand before pressing his cheek further into my touch, nuzzling into my palm. “He’s always been a mean bastard, but it got worse after Toby’s death.”

“Oh, Parker,” I whispered, feeling my tears building back up.

His body grew rigid as he stepped away from my touch. “I don’t want your pity, Freya.” Only that time, I understood the motivation behind his cold behavior and I wasn’t going to let him push me away again. If there was one thing I’d come to learn in my time around the enigmatic boy in front of me, it was that he needed me just as much as I needed him. We needed
each other
. If I believed death happened for a reason, I also had to believe there was a purpose in my meeting Parker at such a pivotal time in my life.

“I don’t pity you,” I told him as I grabbed hold of his arm, refusing to let him run away as I spoke adamantly. “I
hurt
for you. No one deserves to go through what you have. And the fact that you’re still standing amazes me. I could never pity you, Parker. You’re too damn strong for that. But that doesn’t mean my heart can’t break for what you’ve been through. That’s what happens when a person cares about someone.”

His arm shot out and wrapped around my waist, pulling me flush against his body. His nose was buried in my hair as he asked, “You care about me?” against my neck.

“Of course I do,” I mumbled as I hugged him back, needing the embrace just as much as he did. It had been an intensely emotional evening for the both of us. When we pulled back from our hug, Parker looked up at my house. I’d forgotten to turn a light on before I left for the beach, so the windows were filled with black.

“Is your dad home?” he asked quietly.

“No, he’s working.”

Parker turned back to me and cupped my cheeks in his large hands. “Can I come inside?”

I knew what I wanted to say, but after what had happened last time, I was concerned. “Parker, I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,” I answered, reaching up to touch his bruised face again.

“He’s not home, Freya. Please. I’m not ready to leave you yet. I just need a little more time. You make it easier to breathe.”

There was no way on Earth I could say no to him after that admission. Truth was, I could breathe easier around him, too. Well, if we weren’t fighting.

I turned from Parker long enough to unlock the front door and flip on the light before stepping aside to let him in.

“Nice place,” he said as he looked around.

“Thanks. You didn’t get the full experience last time, coming through my bedroom window and all.”

The smile he gave me unfurled some of the pressure that had built in my chest from our earlier conversation, and I couldn’t help but to smile back. “Yeah, but where’s the fun in that?”

I laughed at him as I made my way through the living room, switching on lamps here and there for more light. “If you say so. I personally don’t find a broken neck all that fun, but that’s just me.” I came to a stop in the center of the room and placed my hands on my hips. “Are you hungry? Thirsty?”

“I’m good,” he replied, tucking his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “But if you’re hungry, go ahead and eat. I don’t want to interrupt your dinner or anything. Just go about your night as you planned.”

“I’ve already eaten. I was just planning on taking a shower and going to bed.”

His face grew crestfallen as he focused on the ground. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize. I can head out if you want.”

“Oh, no!” I started as he took a step back toward the door. Suddenly, the thought of Parker leaving left a gaping hole in the pit of my stomach. “I didn’t mean you had to leave. I just meant that I don’t have any plans for the night. You’re welcome to stay. I’ll just take a quick shower and we can hang out or something.”

Please stay, I thought as he stood in place, as if he were trying to make up his mind.
Please, please stay.
I didn’t want to be alone, not after such an emotional few hours with Parker. More than that, I wanted his presence, the peacefulness I felt when he was around. Deciding to put myself out there in the hopes of building on the trust we seemed to have placed between us, I told him the God’s honest truth. “I want you to stay. You make it easier for me to breathe, too.”

I watched as he exhaled a long, slow breath. The smile that spread across his face was nothing less than magnificent. My stomach fluttered with nerves as we stared at each other, neither of us moving or speaking. The atmosphere of the room had shifted, and I suddenly became acutely aware that I was standing in my house alone…with Parker Owens.

“Freya?” He spoke and pulled my head back from the clouds.

“Yeah?”

“Are you going to take a shower or stand there gawking at me all night?” His eyes shone with humor as he teased me, pulling me from my haze completely.

“Right! Shower. I’ll just be a few minutes,” I said as I bolted toward the stairs. “Make yourself at home,” I called over my shoulder and I could have sworn I heard him laughing.

I took what was probably the fastest shower in female history. I had no doubt I could have used a few more minutes with the conditioner sitting on my long, thick hair, but the nervous energy coursing through me wouldn’t allow my body to slow down. I dried quickly, slapped on some lotion and twisted my damp locks up into a clip at the top of my head, uninterested in taking the ten minutes I normally spent on drying it. I slipped into the sleep shorts and tank top I’d grabbed and opened the bathroom door, coming to a halt at the sight of Parker on my bed. He was propped against a pile of pillows, his shoes kicked off and his feet crossed at the ankle. In his lap was the photo album I’d been looking through the night before. I’d left it sitting on my bedside table and he must have gotten curious in the ten minutes I was in the bathroom. When my gaze finally landed on his face, those deep brown eyes of his darkened even further as he dragged them up my bare legs. There was nothing overtly revealing about my pajamas, but the shorts were kind of tiny and the tank hugged my curves just enough so imagination wasn’t necessary.

Goose bumps broke out over my skin as my cheeks heated with a deep blush. The nervous excitement I’d been feeling while down in the living room had tripled, leaving me unsure of how to act. Clearing my throat awkwardly, I hugged one arm around my waist and used the other to point at the open album in his lap. “Find anything interesting?”

Parker sheepishly ducked his head down and gave a little laugh. “Uh, yeah. Sorry. I didn’t mean to snoop but I looked at the first couple of picture and kind of became fascinated.”

I smiled gently to reassure him that I wasn’t upset and walked over to sit next to him against the headboard. “It’s okay.” I pulled the album so we could both see it and ran my finger across the photo of my mother’s smiling face. My own smile was a mirror image as I grinned down at it.

“I know I said it before, but damn, it’s unbelievable how much you look just like your mom.”

“I know,” I whispered as I took in the sparkle shining in her azure eyes. I sniffled back the tears and looked at Parker, the corner of my mouth quirking up in a tiny smile. “You know, I could say the same about you and Toby. In that picture I saw, you could have been twins if you’d been the same age.”

He laughed, but I could hear the melancholy in it. “Believe me, I know.” Parker closed the album and lifted it to put it back on my nightstand.

“It hurts, doesn’t it?” I asked as he lay back on the bed, his head twisting to face me.

“What hurts?”

“Looking in the mirror every single day and seeing the person you lost looking back at you.”

“Like a knife to the stomach, gorgeous.” I scooted down on the bed and curled up on my side, propping my head up so I could focus on Parker’s beautiful face. “But it gets better,” he continued. “Eventually, you’ll be able to smile when you look in the mirror. If you really think about it, we’re lucky.”

“How do you figure that?”

His hand came up and tucked a loose, damp strand of hair behind my ear. “Because we’ll never have to worry about forgetting what they look like. Most people don’t have that, gorgeous. As the years pass, people tend to forget what the people they loved looked like. We’ll never lose that.”

“I never thought of it like that.” My smile stretched from ear to ear at the poetic way Parker spun something that had been causing me so much grief. “You know, you’re kind of smart.”

A deep chuckle resonated through his chest. “Who’da thunk it, huh?”

I gave his shoulder a shove as we both fell back laughing. “The day you came to school with that bruise, I was so excited to see you,” I said quietly. “I wanted to thank you for everything you’d done for me the night you snuck in my room, how you’d been there for me…”

“I’m so sorry, gorgeous.”

“It’s okay. I understand what you were going through and it’s forgiven. But what I also wanted to tell you was that I’d talked to my dad.”

He rolled over onto his side and propped his head up in his hand. “You did?”

“Yeah.” I grinned widely. “We’ve been talking a lot more and he’s even managed to make it home a few times for us to have dinner together. Things aren’t back to normal yet, but we’re slowly getting there.”

“Freya, that’s great! I’m so damn happy for you, sweetheart. You deserve to be happy.”

After telling him about my dad, Parker grew quiet, the humor and sadness gone as we looked at each other. My breath sped up at the intensity in Parker’s eyes, and by the rapid rise and fall of his chest, I knew he felt it, too.

His brows tipped together in a frown as he opened his mouth to break the silence. “When you told me you wanted to pretend you’d never known me, I can’t begin to describe how much that cut me. I know what I said hurt you, and I’m so damn sorry for that, Freya. You’ll never know how much I hate myself for hurting you like that. But I can’t pretend we never met.” He spoke so passionately, so honestly, that my breath hitched in my lungs. “I know it sounds crazy, sweetheart, but you make me feel better when you’re around. You make
me
better. I don’t want to lose that. I
can’t
.”

My heartrate spiked at his impassioned declaration. If I hadn’t already forgiven him, there was no way my walls would have been able to sustain the impact after what he’d just said. Parker held too much power over me. It was dangerous how much of myself I was giving him, but I had no control over it.

“Friends fight, Parker. They fight and they get past it. We’re past it, I promise.”

When his scowl remained, I began to worry about what was going through his head.

“I can’t be your friend, Freya.”

With that one sentence, my heart shattered. In the blink of an eye, I’d gone from happy to devastated. “But…why?” My voice broke. “You just said—”

His rough fingers came up and covered my lips, effectively silencing me. “I can’t be your friend because I can’t keep acting like I’m okay not kissing you every time I see you. I don’t know what the hell you’re doing to me, gorgeous, but you are all I think about. I’ve wanted you since the moment I laid eyes on you down on that beach. I can’t be your friend because I want you to be my girl more than I want my next breath.” He leaned in closer, wrapping his strong hand around my neck and resting his forehead against mine, his eyes clenched shut as though he was in pain. “Tell me you feel the same way, Freya. God, please feel the same way. I don’t think I could take it if you didn’t.”

I couldn’t find my voice. My mouth opened to speak but no words would come out. I wanted so badly to tell him I felt exactly like he did, but I was overwhelmed by just how much I wanted him. As the seconds ticked by without a response from me, I could see his devastation growing. He inhaled sharply and began to twist away from me. Panic took over, lancing through me as he stood from the bed and took steps for the door.