Scars: Book One (5 page)

I
took the pain killers. He’d only left two. Not enough to kill myself with if I
had the desire. I threw them in my mouth, even though I didn’t know what they
were or how hard they’d hit me. At this stage, anything that stole
consciousness from me would be welcome. Then I settled on my stomach and rested
my head on my arms. The blanket was too much on my sore skin, and I arranged it
in a loop so my back and legs were covered while my bottom was bare to the air.

I
stared at the door, wondering what Aaron was doing at that moment. Was he in a
calm, guilt free sleep? Or did he lie awake in his bed, staring into the dark
as turmoil washed through him? It was probably the former.

And
then I thought of Finn. Was he pining for me, or was he letting Melody suck his
cock while he stared at the poster of Heidi Klum on his ceiling? Thoughts of
Melody with cum in her hair pleased me, or maybe she swallowed it down in her
efforts to become the perfect replacement girlfriend since my disappearance.

Then
I mentally slapped myself for thinking of such stupid and superficial things
when I was stuck in this serious nightmare. This Aaron had shown a human side
to himself tonight, some compassion that conflicted with the crazy, caning
psycho.

Mom
always said that compassion was akin to weakness. Maybe I had a chance after
all.

My
sleep that night was plagued with nightmares that made me toss and turn. When
I’d roll onto my back, pain would wake me and send me scurrying back to lie on
my stomach. This repeated throughout the night, until conditioning forced me to
stay put in my sleep. I woke up to find Aaron standing over me.

“It’s
nearly noon.”

I
rubbed my eyes then winced in pain. “I need to pee.”

I
struggled out of bed; he made no move to help me and stood there watching me. I
limped past him and into the bathroom. He was right last night; I couldn’t run
in this state. If I did get a chance to escape, I would need to wait until my
body healed, if he gave me the opportunity for either. A toothbrush and
toothpaste sat on the sink. I picked up the toothbrush; it looked new, not that
I would have cared at this stage. I scrubbed at my mouth until my gums bled,
relishing in having clean teeth again.

“Can
I take a shower?” I watched his reflection in the mirror, and he gave a slight
nod of his head. I turned on the tarnished faucets and waited for the water to
warm. Then I stepped over the side of the bath and under the warm spray. It was
heaven, until I turned, and the water stung at my rear with viciousness. I
screeched and scrambled to distance myself, slipping and falling onto my hands
and knees in the process. I finally made it out of the bath, grabbing at the
threadbare towel and scrubbing at my skin as fresh tears made their way
silently down my face.

 I
went to wrap it around myself but stopped as he barked, “No.” I sullenly shoved
the towel back on the rail before folding my arms around myself and staring at the
ground. His black boots appeared in my line of vision, but I didn’t raise my
eyes.

Not
until I smelt leather, and suddenly something was being wrapped around my neck.
I jerked in surprise, my fingers going to my neck and eyes wide.

“Relax,
baby. It’s not another noose. It’s just something to remind you of your place
here.”

I
clawed at it, a small padlock cold under my fingers. “It’s a dog collar. You
put a
dog
collar on me?” I rasped out.

“Don’t
try to get it off, it’s padlocked on tight. You’d only end up hurting
yourself.” He smiled slightly. “That’s my job, remember?”

Downstairs
in the dining room, cold toast sat on a plate on the floor with a mug of water
next to it. I dropped to my knees, unable to sit any other way without hurting
myself more. I was obedient, like a dog. I hated myself but I was too sore and
too tired, not to mention hungry, to fight. I ate until the plate was clean,
and gulped the water down into my dry mouth, ever conscious of this heinous thing
around my throat. I finally set the mug on the floor and waited with my eyes
down for his next instructions.

“Put
them in the kitchen and then follow me.” He got to his feet, and I struggled to
mine. He didn’t even look behind to make sure I was following as he headed to
the living room. Of course, I followed. He’d just made me a little less human.

He
settled himself in the armchair again, as I stood naked before him. He picked
up that damned diary and passed it to me, then settled back and waited.

This
time there were two Post-It notes marking pages. I just held it and stared for
a moment.

“Don’t
make me wait, Rachel. You don’t want me hurting you while you’re still so
sore.” I flinched at his words and began to read.

‘Today
I asked Hannah to move in with me. She was getting kicked out of her rental
because it was being sold. She was damn near in tears over trying to find
another place that she could afford. Her ex was being a prick about the money
she was owed, and she’d just been laid off from her job. When I offered, she
threw her arms around my neck like her life depended on it, kissing me and
thanking me. It was nice to feel so wanted and needed. Afterward, we made love
for the first time. I said she didn’t have to do that, but she said she’d had
feelings for me for a while. When she said that, it was like everything was falling
into place.

Rachel
was delighted when we told her. She wrapped her arms around me and pressed
herself to me tight. “Thank you,” she whispered in my ear. She really is the
most polite young lady. I’ve learned she’s fifteen, although her body is, shall
we say, mature. Hannah worries about the boys who go after her. She says
Rachel’s too innocent for her own good. I told her I’d help see off any
unsuitable kids who came sniffing around her.

Hannah
started to cry again, telling me how grateful she was to have a responsible man
in her little girl’s life again. I won’t be telling her my secrets; she’s so
happy. It’s time for my life to start over on a fresh path.”

The
entry ended and I shut the book.

“You
haven’t finished yet. Open it to the next page that I marked.”

I
swallowed; the collar uncomfortable around my neck, as I did as he asked. I
cleared my throat.

“Hannah’s
gone away for the weekend with a girlfriend. I told her that I’d take care of
Rachel, and she should go ahead and have a good time. All went smoothly until
the second night. We were sitting in the den together; she was playing on her
phone and I was reading the paper. She sighed and turned off her phone,
throwing it aside.

I
asked what was wrong. She gave a laugh and said she hated boys her own age,
they were so immature. She liked older, more mature guys.

I
laughed at that and said not too mature I hoped.

She
smiled as well. ‘Someone like you,’ she said. ‘Someone who can take care of
me.’ Then she yawned and said it was late. She came over and to my surprise
gave me a goodnight kiss. I’m ashamed to say it, but I was so aware of her
breast pressing into me as her lips touched my cheek. It took me a moment to
remember myself and stutter out goodnight. She gave me a smile and walked off.
I made sure that my eyes rested safely on the newspaper until she was out of
sight.

The
storm that night was something fierce. Thunder and lightning crashing down made
it impossible to sleep. I was lying there in the dark when I heard my name
called and the creak of the door being pushed open. I turned on the lamp and
sat up as Rachel approached. She was wearing a short nightie that brushed the
tops of her thighs; it was white and near see through. All of her was on
display for me, and I looked, God help me. I was only brought back to reality
when thunder clapped loudly. This sent Rachel scurrying for the bed. She jumped
in beside me, clinging to my arm.

“I’m
sorry. It freaks me out. Can I stay with you until it’s finished?”

I
nodded wordlessly. I knew I should have sent her back to her own room, but it’s
like that other me took over again, and I couldn’t.

She
gave me a small smile and moved closer, resting her head against my shoulder
and nestling herself on my arm. I won’t give details here because it sickens
me, but suffice to say that little nightie ended up torn and on the floor as
she rode me hard and my hands gripped onto those amazing breasts like there was
no tomorrow.

After
we finished she collapsed beside me. “That was so beautiful,” she said,
breathlessly. My head was in turmoil. She grabbed my hand. “Don’t worry, this
will be our little secret.”

I
snapped the book shut. Aaron got to his feet and took the diary from my hands,
placing it on the side table before returning to me. “You look very pretty with
this around your neck. You look primal and wild.” A finger reached out to trace
the collar. I trembled.

“Don’t
worry,” he said quietly. “I’m not going to make you ride me like you did him.
You’re still too sore for that.” He leaned in close to whisper in my ear. “All
you have to do is suck my cock.”

I
gave no reaction, although he waited for one. I stared straight ahead as I
heard him unbuckle his belt. “And no teeth, sweetheart. You maim me, and I’ll
maim you. That’s a promise.” He sat back in his armchair waiting. I bit my lip
before sinking to my knees in my most degrading position yet and started to do
what I was told. It was okay, I told myself. I always did what I was told, and this
was no different than doing what my mother had commanded…

Before
I could free him from his jeans though, a hand grabbed my hair and pulled me
away with a sharp tug. I looked up at him in surprise. He was staring down at
me, but I couldn’t read what was in his eyes.

I
waited there until he nudged me with his boot. “You can go back to your room
now.”

I
didn’t need to be told twice; I was dying to get away from him. I got up
swiftly, forgetting my pain until it was too late. But even then, it didn’t
stop me. I didn’t try to run for the door or anything like that. I headed up to
the room, ever conscious of him right behind me. Once inside I waited to hear
him pull the door shut and the familiar sound of the bolt being drawn into
place.

But
when he didn’t, I looked up to see him leaning in the doorway, staring at me. I
faltered under his gaze, letting my eyes rest back on the floor as I waited for
him to go, or speak, or do whatever the hell he wanted. “You know,” he said
finally. “I never would have made someone do that to me, not in a million
years. You could have said no, but you didn’t, you just proved that everything
he says about you is true.”

My
eyes snapped up. I stepped forward until I was but a foot apart from him and
met his gaze. “So? Do you want me to act like some pathetic, weak, victim? You
want me crying and begging you all the time? Justify it all you like, but
you
are the monster here. Everything you’ve done is unforgivable, and you don’t
even care. You’re a fucking sadist. You get off on hurting people so don’t get
all moral on me.”

He
stared hard back at me, and I managed not to flinch under his gaze, even though
I was shaking internally. He took a step back, hand on the door but before he
could close it, I stepped closer to him.

“I
want my
clothes.
You’ve degraded me every way possible, so now
give
me back my clothes. You fucking psycho cunt!
” My voice hurt from my scream
and fear shot through me at the look he gave me. Before I could react, he was
grabbing my arm and turning me as he twisted it behind my back. I bit out a yelp
as pain shot through me, and he pushed me face down on the bed and held be
tightly there. I struggled, my breath dragged in as panic threatened

“Don’t.
Oh god, please
don’t
” This voice didn’t sound like it came from me. It
was too low, too desperate to be me. But it was, and he paused.

I
shook even under his firm hand. And then he released me suddenly. I stayed
still until I heard the door shut, and the bolt draw into place. Trembling I
turned and sat up, hugging my legs to my chest. My ass still stung, but it was
nothing in comparison to the mixture of relief that was flowing over me. I
stayed like that for a long time. I missed Torrance and Mara desperately. I
knew that they would look for me if I went missing. The same couldn’t be said
for the other people in my life. It was with that realization that I began to
cry as I clawed at the collar around my neck. It held though, and all I
succeeded in doing was clawing at my neck until blood stained my nails.

I
stopped then. The sobs stopped as well as numbness took over. I lay down on my
side in the fetal position and stared at the faded wallpaper until I fell
asleep. No sunlight snuck in through the tiny gaps in the wood covered window
when I awoke. It must have been night and my stomach hurt with hunger. Would he
feed me? I hugged myself tighter and tried to go back to sleep, but it was no
good.

When
the bolt was drawn back, and the light turned on, I blocked my eyes from the
painful light as I hesitantly sat up, drawing the blanket around me as the only
defense that I had.

“Get
up. Leave the blanket.”

I
did as he said. As I went to move past him, his hand shot out and gripped my
wrist. I looked at him in alarm.

“You
shouldn’t have mouthed off like that.”

And
then he was dragging me behind him down the stairs. My survival instincts told
me I should apologize, but I couldn’t. The front door was already unlocked, and
I struggled to keep my footing as we moved. Even in the dim light I could see
we were heading toward the barn. I sucked in my breath. Nothing good happened
in the barn. There was no point trying to dig my heels in because he was moving
with such force and determination.

Once
again, I was weak, and I hated myself for it.

The
barn was lit poorly by a lamp and shadows gave it an appropriate eerie effect.
Once inside, he released my arm with a slight shove. I rubbed at my skin as if
his fingers had burned me but kept my eyes firmly trained on Aaron. I was
scared that if I looked up I’d see a noose, and if I looked elsewhere, I’d see
the cane.

“You
want to call the shots? I’m going to give you a choice.”

 I
swallowed as he started to unbuckle his belt, but all he did was pull it
through the loops of his jeans. He folded it in half and held it so it hung
down against his thigh. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the leather.

I
shook my head. “I didn’t mean too. I’m sorry.” My voice was breathless and
pleading. “I just wanted to wear clothes again.”

“Too
late,” he said, softly. I shut up then. I had no control here. He slapped the
belt into his free hand. “I’m going to give you ten lashings with the belt.
Now, I did too much damage to your ass to do it there. See? I’m not completely
heartless. So I’m going to give you a choice of the other two places.” The hand
that held the belt lifted it and carefully ran the leather over one breast,
dragging across my nipple before moving to the next. “Here.” My breath caught
and I think I stopped breathing. “Or, you can have them–“ The belt then slowly
made its way down across my stomach to rest between my legs. “Here.” The belt
started to nudge into me and rub. “Better choose quickly, Rachel, or maybe I’ll
do both.

“I
don’t deserve this,” I forced out in a shaking voice as I dared to look him
directly in the eye. “Please don’t. I’m not her. I–“

“
Choose,
Rachel.
”

My
head sunk down in despair, and I covered my face in my hands, shaking my head
from side to side.

“Choose.
You’ve got five seconds or I double it. ”

I
sucked in a breath and slowly lifted my head to face him. “Breasts,” I said.

He
gave a nod, and then for the slightest second he looked away from me.

That’s
when I ran.