Room to Breathe (18 page)

“What is wrong with Wales anyways?” I ask once I am sure Lucinda is far out of earshot.

“Nothing. It just isn’t London or another major world city so it isn’t right for her highness,” Miranda responds.

“I think she is just sad and she isn’t good at expressing her feelings,” Claire says in a sympathetic tone. She is sometimes sweeter than she is smart.

“I think you should go to London. Get to know Harrison and see if you like him. If you do, then go to Japan. Eric is who he is, Cora. At least this way you will have something to keep your mind off Eric and you may get an amazing trip out of it,” Miranda offers her voice softening again.

“You never know what could happen. Maybe you will end up liking Harrison more than you like Eric,” Claire adds.

I know in my heart that isn’t possible. I love Eric. I love him as surely as I am breathing air. A few months and a trip abroad isn’t going to change that. I do think that Miranda has a point about it helping take my mind off the fact that he clearly doesn’t return my feelings.

“Thank you both for being so kind to me. When I am in London we will have to get together,” I smile weakly. “I think I am going to be okay now.”

“Are you going up to your room?” Claire asks.

“Fuck no! It is still early and I am wearing a fabulous dress. I am not going to go sit alone and feel sorry for myself. Let’s go party.” I force myself to smile. I really do want to just go cry somewhere but that won’t fix anything. I have shed enough tears over Eric Ashford tonight. I know more will fall tomorrow but for now I am going to try find some good in the night.

Miranda loops her arm through mine as we walk back into the warmth of the tent behind Claire. A good looking man comes over and hands Claire a fresh drink. Without a word she winks at us and goes off with him.

“We need drinks,” Miranda suggests heading over to the bar. On the way my eyes meet Jane’s across the room. She doesn’t move towards me. She simply nods and then goes back to her conversation. I am really glad she seems to have changed her mind about speaking with me. I really don’t think I could handle her at this moment.

Miranda hands me a shot of tequila. “Here is to moving on!” She slams the shot and I follow her lead. The tequila is so smooth there is no need for any helpers. Before I have really recovered from the liquor she is pushing another shot in my hand.

“To new friends!” I toast this time. I drink the second shot as quickly as the first. Two more shots of tequila follow quickly. I am starting to feel a little light headed from the amount of alcohol I have had tonight. I look around for a place to sit for a moment and instead find Harrison.

“Care to dance?” He asks taking me by the arm not waiting for an answer.

The music is a waltz. For a second my mind drifts back to the waltz Eric and I shared in the library the other day. I feel my eyes start to well up slightly. No! I am not going to cry one more tear over him tonight. I shake my head a little clearing it as Harrison pulls me into the classic hold. We move gracefully around the dance floor.

“I am really glad you are coming to London. I think we will enjoy getting to know each other,” he says spinning me a little.

“I think we will too,” I smile up at him.

“Cora, you are pretty. I really enjoy a woman that looks like a woman. One that has curves,” his eyes seem to glaze over slightly.

“Well that is good,” I answer, biting my lower lip a little. I feel his hand twitch on my back. I am pretty sure he has more than just a dance on his mind. The song ends and I start to make my way off the dance floor. Harrison is right next to me.

“May I have this dance?” Tristan asks.

“I am flattered but you really aren’t my type,” Harrison responds with a chuckle.

“I will take that as a compliment. Cora?” Tristan holds out his hand. I hesitate for a moment but I then take his hand as he leads me back to the dance floor.

“I should warn you I have no idea how to dance to this music,” I admit honestly. The new song has a faster tempo than the waltz I just danced.

“It is alright. Just follow me. I am an expert at leading a woman’s body,” he smiles a sly smile at me. I never can tell how serious he is being and it makes me a little uncomfortable. I mean he is gorgeous and under different circumstances I would jump on him in a heartbeat. Right now; however, his wife is across the room speaking with Claire. The fact that he is Eric’s best friend makes it even more of an issue, even if Eric doesn’t feel the same way about me. I roll my eyes in an exaggerated motion.

“Will you just stop?” I ask. Clearly the alcohol is having an effect on my filter.

“Stop what?” He looks genuinely confused.

“Making innuendos at me. We both know you have no interest in sleeping with me so stop with the one liners making it sound like you do.”

“You are right I don’t want to sleep with you. I might fuck you but I think Eric would kill me. I mean that literally not figuratively.” I stumble and fall against him a little out of shock.

“What? You want to fuck me? What about your wife? Oh and I am pretty sure Eric could care less who I fuck.” I giggle a little that I just said “fuck” to Tristan Cooper. I am starting to feel a little dizzy.

“Yes, I want to fuck you. I think most men would Cora. You have wonderful curves and a sweet face. As for Jane, we have a different kind of marriage. We don’t really hold traditional views on sex or monogamy. And I think what you meant to say was that “Eric
couldn’t
care less” but I think you would have been wrong. I am sure you will agree with me before long too.”

“Wow that was a lot. Do you love your wife?”

“Well, that is a very odd question. Of course I love her. She is truly my soul mate.”

“But you both have sex with other people?”

“Sometimes. Not often really and we are always honest with each other about it. I am not saying it would work for everyone or even forever for us but it does now. We are both very happy together.”

“Hmm, I don’t think I could do that. Every time I see Eric even talk to another girl I want to scratch their eyes out.”

“So you care for him?”

“I love him but I don’t think it matters.” My voice sounds weird. I think my tongue isn’t working right. I wonder if I broke it.

“It is love, Cora. It always matters. You just may have to wait awhile to see that it does.” Tristan spins me and I stumble over something. I look at the ground and can’t see what it is I tripped over. I wonder if someone did that on purpose. Where is Lucinda?

“Tristan there are two things I need to tell you: One, you are a lot nicer than I thought you were. And B, I think I am drunk.”

“Well thank you, I think and let’s get you to your room.”

“Okay but don’t try to fuck me please.”

“I promise that I won’t,” he says wrapping his arm around my waist and leading me off the dance floor.

“Hey look it is Harrison! Hi Harrison!”

“Hello Cora. Are you okay?”

“I am fine!”

“She is just a little tired. She is just going up to bed now.”

“I can take her. I am sure you don’t want to miss the rest of the festivities.” Harrison offers.

“Oh no, I really do think that considering how tired Cora is I should take her.” Tristan says. I am just watching the two of them hoping someone helps me upstairs before tomorrow morning. I look between the two men and see Eric standing about twenty feet away watching us. I don’t want him to know how upset I am. I have gone passed hurt and I am now just angry.

A waiter walks by carrying a tray of drinks in a martini glass. I grab one and hold it up motioning to Eric and down it in one gulp. I pause as it threatens to come back up. Then force a smile as he scowls at me.

“Oh will one of you just please take me up!”

“There you are darling,” Jane says placing her hand on Tristan’s arm. “Are you heading up now? I was just thinking I am ready if you are. Cora would you care to walk up with us?”

“That would be great, thanks. Good night Harrison,” I say checking to see if Eric is still watching. Eric eyes meet mine again as I lean forward and kiss Harrison on his cheek. Jane loops her arm through the one of mine that is free from Tristan. We make our way out of the tent and head to the house arm in arm. We must look like a strange group off to see the wizard. I giggle and consider skipping but I think I will trip over my dress.

“Holy shit! It is really cold out here! Hey look snow!” I say out loud to myself really. There are just a few flakes falling. “I love the snow it makes everything so pretty and pure.”

We reach the warmth of the entry way. I kind of want to go back out and see the snow but I think Eric would be mad if I am outside without being dressed for it. Oh, wait I forgot. He doesn’t care about me anymore. He just passed me off to the first person to ask.

“Why doesn’t Eric care what happens to me?” I ask out loud although I am not sure I meant to. I see a look pass between Tristan and Jane. “I am sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I am being whiny and it is irritating. And I know if I am irritating myself I am bugging the fuck out of you two.”

“You are fine,” Jane says with chuckle. “And don’t be so sure you have everything figured out Cora.”

We reach my room before I know it. How did I get upstairs? Tristan opens the door to my room although I don’t remember telling them which one is mine or what the code is to get in.

“How did you know this is my room and how did you open the door?”

“It isn’t your room. It is Claire’s. You two are trading for the night.” Tristan explains.

“Huh?”

“Just trust me Cora,” Jane says helping me over to the bed. “Here sit down and I will help you with your shoes.” I sit on the edge of Claire’s bed and she slips my heels off for me. It is really tempting to lay back and not move for a few days.

“Here put these on,” Tristan hands me a pair of my pajama shorts and a tank top.

“Um no! Not with you standing there. I am naked under here!” I don’t care how drunk I am. I am not showing him my tits.

“Okay,” Tristan says with an exasperated sigh. “I will be right back.” He disappears into the bathroom. I try to shimmy out of the dress but almost fall off the bed instead.

With Jane’s help I manage to get the dress off and my pajamas on. She is just helping me into bed when Tristan comes out of the bathroom.

“Jane,” I whisper, “your husband is hot.”

“Thank you and I couldn’t agree more.” She smiles at me.

“Here take this and you will feel fine in the morning,” Tristan offers me a large glass of water and a few pills. I am not sure it is wise to take pills without knowing what they are but what the hell.

“Alright, good night Cora. We will talk more about you coming to London tomorrow,” Jane says softly heading towards the door.

“Jane,” I call after her. “Did I do something wrong for Eric to be sending me away?”

“No, you didn’t,” she responds glaring at Tristan.

“Don’t worry, it will work out in the end,” Tristan says to us both.

“Okay, Good night and thank you for being so nice to me,” I yawn and close my eyes.

“This had better work Tristan Cooper or so help me I will never forgive you.” Jane says sounding a little angry.

“It will. Just trust me. I know him. He just needs a little push,” Tristan says, closing the door to the room, cutting off the rest of their conversation. I want to think over the night, so much has happened, but I am so sleepy. I take a deep breath and fall fast asleep like a rock.

Chapter 25

It is Monday morning and I am just finishing packing my things. I have ended up with a lot more clothing then I had before I got here. Eric has offered to store most of my personal belongings as long as I wish so I can travel a little lighter. We haven’t spoken much since Saturday night and when we do he won’t look at me. I am still at a loss as to what made him change towards me so quickly. He won’t even stay in the room once I enter.

I am laying out all of my shoes on the bed in their boxes to decide what to take when there is a knock on the door. It swings open without waiting for a response from me.

“Hi,” Claire says walking into the room. “You still packing? I was finished last night.”

“Yeah, I didn’t even start until an hour ago. I always procrastinate packing. Are you excited to be leaving?”

“No not really excited but I am happy. Brandon is a great guy,” she says smiling.

“He seems like it,” I say smiling back.

“He is really sweet and unbelievably brilliant. He is the youngest person in the history of his company to make VP. That is why he needs me though. He works at least seventy hours a week and then is still expected to entertain clients and their wives. He said he knew we would be great friends when I got a
Star Wars
joke he made.” she says, twirling her hair. Claire is really pretty and truly one of the sweetest people ever. She is also a big geek.

“So do you think you would want things to go to another level with him?” I have been wondering if they were going to have that kind of a relationship but I haven’t really found the best way to ask.

“Do you mean would I shag him if he asked?” Well, leave it to Claire.

“Yes, I guess I do.”

“I think so. Like I said he is a really kind person and we have lots in common. I know he is kind of average looking but I think everything else more than makes up for it. I just don’t know if he has had a lot of experience, if you know what I mean. He works so much I am not sure he has ever taken the time to shag someone,” she says with a shrug.

“Well you could always teach him,” I say winking at her. “Now come on and help me decide what shoes I need.”

“They are shoes Cora. I am sure you will need them all at some point. You are still you after all. Are you okay? You seem kind of sad.”

“Yeah, I am fine. I have just been wondering if I made a mistake coming here in the first place,” I answer fiddling with the shoe boxes.

“Well why did you? Was it just to be with Eric?” Claire asks as she sits on the bed.

“No, I wanted to spend more time with him but that really wasn’t at all why I decided to come here. I really thought with the right connections I could make a difference,” I respond and sigh.

“Well then what is your problem? Harrison has the connections and the money to help you do what you want to. I know you are upset that Eric isn’t as invested in your relationship as you want him to be but you said he told he wasn’t interested in a relationship upfront. So stop your bitching.”

“You are right. You are completely right. I am sorry. I have been kind of a whiney bitch. I am done.” I respond honestly. I didn’t realize how I am acting until Claire pointed it out. I look down at all the expensive clothing and accessories littering the bed. I pick up one of the shoe boxes and remove the lid. Looking at the red, spikey, overly expensive heels a thought occurs to me.

“I just had a great idea. How much do think someone would pay for these shoes?” I ask holding up one of the heels. “I mean I only wore them once and never outside.”

“Probably still a lot of money,” she says taking the shoe out of my hand. “They look brand new. Why?”

“Because I am going to sell them and the handbag that matches.”

“Why? Aren’t you staying with the Coopers?”

“Yes, I am going to take the money and donate it a charity that helps with clean water,” I smile as her jaw drops.

“Cora, are you serious?” she asks, looking at me like I just told her I am from Mars.

“Yes, I am. Also you are going to go with me and sell one of your bags,” I say as I put the shoe back in the box.

“Oh really? What makes you so sure?”

“You are a good person. You also like me and I am asking you.”

“Fine,” she sighs as she takes her phone from the pocket of her jeans. “My car is here. I should be going.”

“Okay. I am leaving as soon as I am packed. Angus offered to drive me.”

“Okay. Lunch in a few days?” she questions as she walk toward the door.

“Yep, that will give me some time to find the best place to sell couture.”

“You aren’t going to forget this are you?” she asks rolling her eyes.

“Nope,” I smile at her.

“I will call you tonight.”

“Okay, be safe.”

“You too,” she says as she leaves the room.

I finish my packing after separating the things I am taking to the Cooper’s for what I will send for later. I use the command center one last time to have someone take my bags to the car.

As I look around the room I wonder how I could have been so sure of something and so wrong at the same time. I spent most of yesterday in my room alone and crying. I feel drained but I am refusing to let it sink me. I take a deep breath and put my shoulders back. I will do what I can to move on. I have to. I don’t want to cry one more tear over Eric Ashford.

I think the part that makes me the saddest is that I would have never given up on him. I would have done what was needed to make our two worlds co-exist. At least I know that even if I never find someone who truly loves me, I will know that I truly loved.

I walk out of the room and close the door behind me. I walk downstairs. The place seems unusually quiet after the chaos of last weekend. I start to walk towards the door and see Eric waiting next to it. I had hoped to avoid saying anything to him before I left. Now I am face to face with him alone.

“Do you have everything you need?” he asks, running his hand through his dark hair. It is messy and he looks like he hasn’t shaved since Saturday. I love looking at him when he is a little rough. My hand twitches slightly from the desire to touch him.

“Yes, I think I am good,” I force a smile. We stand there for a moment in awkward silence. He puts his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. I am fighting the urge to wrap my arms around him and slap him at the same time.

“I guess I will be seeing you,” I say reaching for the door. I just need to go.

“I guess so,” he says beating me to the handle and pulls the door open. The snow from the other night has melted. It is still very cold but just above freezing and it is pouring rain. The awful weather matches my mood perfectly.

I want to say so much to him but I don’t think he wants to hear it. I am not in any rush to get my heart broken again. Instead all I say is, “Good by Eric.”

“Good bye Cora.”

Without giving it much thought I lean forward and kiss him lightly on the lips one last time. I run down the front steps and to the car before he can respond. Angus shuts the door behind me before getting in the driver’s seat. We start down the long drive leaving Greenwood Manor behind us.

“I have to say Miss Allen, I am sorry you are leaving. You will be missed.” Angus says in a soft voice.

“Thank you Angus. Would you mind turning on some music?” I ask. I like Angus but I am not in mood to talk with anyone. He turns on a satellite station that I like and turns the volume up. Feist is singing about how her heart behaves as we pass through the main gate. I rest my head against the back of the seat and close my eyes.

*********

Eric stands on the front steps of his home watching his car drive away with Cora. He has already stopped himself twice from running after her in the rain. As the car drives through the main gate of his estate he wonders how everything has gone so wrong so fast.

As the tail lights vanish into the gloom he turns to go back inside. He makes his way through the empty home to his office. He doesn’t have much work to do since he had originally planned to spend it with his sweet American girl.

He sits at his desk glancing at the couch against the wall. He suddenly remembers the fun he had with Cora what feels like a lifetime ago. He shakes his head and turns back to his computer. He decides to find some work to do. It isn’t going to do any good to drown in memories of Cora.

He becomes absorbed in the figures of his sister’s accounts. He is trying to understand how she is going through money so fast. He is in the process of tracing some large transfers when his assistant Dean comes in.

“Sorry to interrupt. Here is your post,” Dean says as he places a stack of mail on Eric’s desk. One of the items is a cardboard mailer. The kind used to mail important stacks of documents. Eric reaches for it first.

“I saw that the car was gone. So I take it everyone has left?” Dean asks. He is curious about Cora but wants to let Eric bring it up.

“Yes. It is just us now,” Eric answers, opening the mailer.

“I am really going to miss Claire. She is really a ray of sunshine. I have to be honest though, if I never see Lucinda again that is fine by me,” Dean comments in hopes of leading Eric to talk about Cora. He has known Eric along time and is worried Eric will start to self-destruct over this.

“Uh huh,” Eric responds not really paying attention. He pulls out a large piece of thick paper that had been folded in half and small note.

The note reads:
Here is a thank you card from the children in the village and a photo of them. Your donation will guarantee them all safe water for the future. We hope to continue to work with you and Miss Allen and thank you for your generous support.

“What is that?” Dean can’t make out the picture from where he is standing.

“It is something I did as a gift for Cora a few weeks ago. I don’t know if you recall I told you about her safe water crusade, and I wanted to show her support. I sent this charity all the money they needed to provide an entire village in Ethiopia with clean water in Cora’s name. I asked them if they could send me a picture so that I could show her. They did, as well as a thank you card signed by the children in the village,” Eric explains showing Dean the picture.

“I take it you didn’t tell her what you told me the other day?” Dean asks, raising his eyebrows.

“What? That I love her?”

“Yes.”

“No, thank god for that too. I would really have looked the fool.”

“I know that in your world looking like a fool may be one of the worst things that can happen but in mine crazy grand gestures of love are wonderful reasons to be seen as foolish,” Dean says sarcastically. He has come to understand the way Eric lives but that doesn’t mean he agrees with it.

“Maybe, but your world isn’t my world,” Eric responds, brushing Dean off.

“No but my world is Cora’s world,” Dean points out. After all the one thing he has in common with Cora is where they come from, more than just both being from America.

“Why the sudden change of heart, Dean? I seem to remember you thinking I should get rid of her as quick as possible.”

“I did think that when I saw her as a liability. When I saw the two of you together that day in the library I realized I had been wrong. I still don’t understand though. You told me Saturday afternoon you were in love with her and by the end of the night she is all set to leave with Harrison and your blessing.”

“I was in an awkward position. Tristan and Harrison were both there when the offer was made. I felt I should leave the final decision up to her so I did. She chose to go,” Eric says in somber tone.

“I understand that part but why didn’t you try and tell her later not to go? I mean you could have said something later that night or even the next morning.”

“It was her choice. She didn’t have to say she would go and she did. I felt that was what she wanted and it probably is what is best for her. She will have fun staying with Tristan and Jane. Harrison is a decent bloke and can help her achieve her dreams as well,” Eric responds. He leaves out that he did go to Cora’s room that night. He got there just in time to see Harrison knocking on her door. He doubts that Cora was sober enough to let him in but it seemed to be a sign.

“Well I would consider you a decent bloke and I am pretty sure you could have helped her with her goals faster so I still don’t follow,” Dean counters, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Well to put it simply, Harrison is normal. He is a little egotistical but normal. I am damaged. Time spent with him would be easy for her.”

“Eric I know that technically you’re my boss and all but I have to tell you, you have really fucked this one up,” Dean says fearing he may have crossed the line. You never really know with Eric.

“Excuse me?” Eric asks, looking surprised.

“You heard me. Go see her. Take all of that water stuff to her and go tell her how you feel. You may look like an idiot for a moment but that is better than spending the rest of your life wondering what might have happened.”

“Fine.”