Rescue Me (18 page)

“I hadn't even thought about that. I just can't believe this happened. I should have stayed with her, spent more time with her. That baby, that precious premature baby . . . Sierra's not going to make it the full nine months . . . The doctors are buying days,
maybe
weeks, but not two months. What if . . .” Her words choked off on a sob.

He kissed the top of her head. “You can't think that way. You have to be positive.”

“I'm trying.” She dragged her wrist under her nose, another gesture so unlike her, relaying the depth of her fears. “But I keep imagining a premie baby and wishing I could have done something to help. If I'd been with her . . .”

“According to what Wyatt told me, the doctors said it wasn't the fall. Remember? She fell because her high blood pressure made her dizzy. You couldn't have prevented that any more than her family who was right there.”

“Maybe if I wasn't so preoccupied with things of my own . . .” She looked up at him with such guilt in her eyes, such a weight of unreasonable blame, much like when she'd told him about her sister's seizures. “Then I would have noticed she was light-headed—or should have noticed it even earlier.”

“You can't be responsible for the world, Mary Hannah. You didn't make a mistake. You didn't miss a sign. And even if you had, you're only human.”

“Believe me, I understand my limitations and flaws all too well.”

“Are we going to have the firefighter/arsonist discussion again?”

She shook her head against his chest, the scent of her shampoo teasing his nose. “I'm tired of trying so hard to make wise choices. I'm weary with measuring my every decision.”

Angling back to look at him, she cupped his face in her hands. She rested her lips on his and held, just held in an intense way that was every bit as powerful as their earlier tangle on the sofa. Then the kiss changed. She changed. She slid her arms around his neck, her lips parting, her body angling closer.

He tugged lightly on her ponytail until he could look into her eyes. “Mary Hannah, make no mistake, I want you so damn much it's tearing me up inside. But I have to ask. Are you sure this is the right time? I don't want to wake up and find you gone again, pretending nothing happened between us. This time I don't want us to have any regrets.”

He knew all about regrets and how they could shred a person for far too long. Mary Hannah helped so many and seemed to have no one protecting her.

“I'm uncertain about a million things in my life, including where you and I are headed tomorrow,” she said with unmistakable honesty. “But I am one hundred percent certain that tonight we need to finish what we started earlier.”

Doubts vanished. Desire roared up like she'd just poured gasoline on a blaze. The best kind of arson.

“That's all I needed to hear.” He took her mouth, fully this time, his hands sliding up the back of her sweater.

Her satiny skin intoxicated him. Everything about her, actually, sent his senses reeling with the need to be inside her. He was done fighting the attraction. Done resisting. She was soft and perfect in his arms, the scent of peppermint lingering on her tongue.

He felt like a man awakened from a deep sleep. All of his senses were alive because of her. She'd tapped into something inside him he hadn't felt in longer than he could remember. With her, he could be real. No walls.

His decision to move to Tennessee, to close the door on his past, had been the right one. Maybe it hadn't been a coincidence the first person he'd seen when he arrived in this town had been Mary Hannah. Maybe they'd been meant to be together all along and they'd both been fighting fate. Hell, he didn't know, but he did believe he could be a different man here. Mary Hannah was all about new beginnings.

Starting tonight.

Paws over my eyes, time for a commercial break—aka a nap.

—HOLLY

I
F MARY HANNAH
had any reservations about sleeping with AJ again, they all vanished. Tonight had shown her quite clearly how fragile life was. She needed to grasp what she wanted where she could, when she could. And right now she wanted AJ.

She needed the release of being with him. Finally. To finish exploring every inch of his muscled body. Her fingers flew down the buttons on his flannel shirt, parting the fabric and exposing the broad expanse of his chest. Her palms soaked up the feel of warm skin and hard planes.

He held back so much of himself in day-to-day life, but here, in this moment, he gave his all, every bit of his attention focused on kissing her, his tongue stroking, his hands caressing. His erection pressed along her hip as she sat on his lap, and she wriggled to get closer, straddling him, aching for the feel of him against the core of her.

His growl of approval rumbled from his chest to vibrate along hers. He wrapped his arms around her waist and stood. She locked her legs tighter around him as he walked toward the bedroom, carrying her with him.

Each step rubbed a delicious temptation against her. The brush of their bodies. The rasp of his late-night beard. The scent of his soap. And most of all the intensity of his cobalt-blue eyes as he
saw
her. Took her in, flaws and all, yet he wanted her anyway.

That knowledge spurred desire as surely as his touch.

He shouldered open the door to his room, a masculine space of dark mahogany and sparse furnishings warmed by a crackling fire in the hearth. She let her legs slide down until her toes touched the floor. The braid rug gave ever so softly against her socked feet.

Then AJ tugged the hair band free of her ponytail and finger-combed her dark hair around her shoulders. The light glide and tug of the strands through his fingers made her scalp tingle and her nipples tighten. She'd worn her hair shorter for years, only to let it start growing once she finally completed her master's, determined to start a new life for herself.

The ordeal at the hospital and all the memories it stirred had left her raw in so many ways. From Sierra to Lacey, talk of pregnancies and babies hit her where she was most vulnerable. God, she didn't want to think about that.

She just wanted to let the sensations sweep her away. She focused on the feel of AJ's hands as he tugged her sweater over her head. Warm air brushed her bared skin a second before his mouth grazed her collarbone. She shoved his flannel shirt aside into the rapidly growing pile of their clothes, followed by jeans, socks. Until with a slow attention to detail he peeled away her bra. His sigh of appreciation whispered over her and drew her breasts to pebbled peaks.

Her head fell back as she arched into the blissful sensation. Thank goodness his arms banded around her waist or she would have fallen onto the bed.

Instead, he guided her there, gently stretching her out onto the mattress, kissing his way down her stomach. He captured the low band of her bikini panties in his teeth and let the elastic snap with the lightest tease before he swept off the scrap of satin altogether.

She arched up onto her elbows. “You're still a bit overdressed for the occasion.”

“That I am,” he agreed, standing again to push his boxers down and kick them away. His erection strained thick and hard against his stomach as he reached into the bedside drawer and pulled out a box of condoms.

Good thing one of them could still think clearly.

A log rolled in the fireplace, sparks snapping and popping. The hint of smoke in the air was earthy.

She drew in a breath. “I love the smell of a fire in winter.”

“The fireplaces are my favorite thing about this cabin. Fireplaces in Atlanta just aren't the same.”

Inspiration struck, and she rolled from the bed to stand in front of the stone hearth, the blaze warming the back of her while his steaming gaze heated her front. “Then let's make love in front of the flames.”

“Perfect idea.” He tugged the thick comforter from his bed and spread it on the floor, tossing the box of condoms onto a corner of the spread.

Only a few hours ago, they'd been together in his living room, hoping for just this outcome. She'd fought hard against that attraction for so long, trying to do the right thing. But she couldn't fight the comfort she found in his touch. Not now.

Her hands in his, he knelt, bringing her to the floor with him. “We're finally going to do this.”

“Yes, we most definitely are.” She leaned back, her hands on his shoulders, bringing him with her.

The warm bulk of him pressed skin to skin in a sensation like no other. Intimacy. No barriers. He stretched over her, his leg nudged between hers. Her fingers played along his back, his hips, before gliding around to clasp his hard-on. His jaw clenched, his eyes closing as she stroked, cupping the weight of him. They'd been so close to landing in bed earlier. He'd brought her to release on the sofa, but already her body made that climb again. Desire ramped hard and fast, threatening to spill over too soon.

She writhed with need, her calf hooking around his, anchoring their hips closer, mumbling . . . she didn't know what.

“Mary Hannah . . .” He breathed her name against her neck. “I could look at you all night. It's mesmerizing how the flames cast an amber glow over your skin.” He nipped her bare shoulder. “How they send light and shadows along the curves of your breasts.” He took one dusky peak in his mouth, his tongue flicking and circling.

She moaned low in her throat, stroking him again, bringing a low growl from his throat.

“No rushing,” she whispered. “I want this night to last.”

She needed him to keep the outside world from leaching cold through the walls and into her doubts.

The future? The past? So much of it was tangled up in the present, especially tonight. The last thing she wanted was to think of another man, especially not her ex.

AJ pressed another kiss to her lips as if reading her thoughts. “This is just for us. We don't have to think about the future. We're here, now.”

Right now was about being with AJ, throwing aside all baggage and accepting the moment and each other. She vaguely registered his arm stretching to grasp the condoms. Between kisses and strokes she heard the rustling of the box, the tearing of the packet, all sounds bringing them that much closer.

He went still over her, the room silent other than the crackle of the fireplace and the light howl of the wind outside. She opened her eyes and found him looking at her, waiting. Once their gazes connected, he slowly, so very slowly filled her, taking his time with that first moment they connected on such an intimate level. The frenzy of their kisses and caresses shifted into something far more familiar. This wasn't impulsive or rushed. This was the two of them. Together.

A ripple shimmered through her.

Then he moved again and again, each stroke taking him deeper, inching her farther up the blanket until she hooked her heels to stay with him and wring every ounce of pleasure from the synchronized movements of their bodies. He whispered in her ear, the hot breath of each word telling her how much he wanted her, how long he'd waited for her, dreamed of having her.

The ways he wanted to take her over and over.

All that brooding intensity made him a powerful, thorough lover, and she was determined to give back as much as she took. She wanted to imprint herself in his memory in ways she had never imagined before. He made her feel bold and desirable with more than his words. She felt how much he wanted her. Sensed it in the tensing and bunching of his muscles as he struggled to hold back his release until she found hers.
Sweat popped along his forehead, their bodies slick against each other in spite of the winter freeze outside. The tendons in his neck stood out, and he said her name in a hoarse voice, raw with desire, “Mary Hannah . . .”

No one.
No one
had ever made her feel more wanted than in this moment just by speaking the syllables of her name. Her orgasm built, shattering through her like ice giving way into millions of pieces and letting the wave crash through.

Her arms locked tighter around him as she held on, feeling his own release rock through him with shudder after shudder. The heavy thud of his heart against her chest echoed her racing pulse. He buried his face in her neck as they both trembled in the aftermath. It was different this time, more intense, because this time they both knew they weren't walking away. There was a special, deeper connection this time.

And in the silence of that moment when words floated through her mind like snowflakes that would melt on her tongue if she tried to speak, she knew. This hadn't just been about sex. There was no going back.

*   *   *

AJ OPENED THE
refrigerator and pulled out the leftovers from their supper. Each movement gave him time to gather his thoughts, because sleeping with Mary Hannah again had most definitely knocked him off balance.

The whole evening was so upside down from what he'd planned and expected. He'd thought they could have an affair. They would work the inescapable attraction out of their system and move on, firefighter and arsonist on different paths.

Except he couldn't justify the negative image of her. She'd made a mistake, sure, but she'd done everything right to fix her life and make amends. Her whole existence had become about serving others. He respected that. Which left him in the position of accepting that he wanted to know more about her.

He wanted to be with her for more than the night.

But would she want to be with him when she knew everything about him? Even if he worked through the tangled mess of his past, he was still a cop and there would be other missions to mess with his moody mind.

At the moment, however, the image of Mary Hannah wearing his flannel shirt—only his flannel shirt—wrecked his concentration in an entirely different way. She held a handful of dog treats and worked with Holly on shaking her hand.

“Paw, Holly, paw,” Mary Hannah said, extending her fingers.

Holly cocked her head to the side for an instant before flattening to the ground. When all else failed, Holly opted for “down” instead of whatever other command was being given. Mary Hannah laughed softly. “We'll get there, girl. I know you're trying.”

She sat at the table, placing a treat on the floor beside her. AJ had learned that while he couldn't reward Holly when she didn't complete the command since that would negate the training, he could find another, easier task to reward her so the session still ended on a positive note. Retrieving the cookie Mary Hannah set on the floor would necessitate Holly coming closer. Getting her trust and even seeking out human contact was an ongoing part of the dog's conditioning that would need to be reinforced long past the Valentine's event.

He pulled out two plates and set them beside the barbecue, rolls and brownies in the middle of the table. He placed two long-neck bottles of beer beside their long-overdue dinner, twisting off the tops. How many more meals would they share before she learned more about him and walked away? Part of him wanted to delay that as long as possible and another part of him pushed to get everything out there now and see how she dealt with the real AJ Parker.

He turned a chair around and straddled it, resting his arms on the back and watching her go straight for the brownie. “Thank you for all the time and work you're putting into training Holly.” He thumbed condensation off the long-neck bottle. “And that thanks isn't just for her but for me, too. My boss here was right about the whole emotional-support-dog notion. I left Atlanta because if I didn't, I would end up fired or dead.”

She glanced up sharply, then set her brownie on a plate slowly. “Could you elaborate?”

He grabbed the beer bottle for something to do with his hands more than for the buzz of alcohol. “I'd spent so long undercover, I burned out. I was no good to anyone. Not the department, not myself. I took this job with my cousin to slow down and still be able to feed myself.”

Although the job had backfired on him in a major way over Christmas and now his escapist coping mechanisms weren't working so hot anymore.

“I know you worked narcotics, but I envisioned more sting operations like over Christmas.” She frowned. “I take it your work went deeper than that?”

He scratched the back of his head, his hair just brushing his collar, which was short for him these days. “You wouldn't have recognized me. I had a magnificent beard. Scruffy as hell. My hair grew just past my shoulders.”

“Pictures.” She grinned, resting her chin on her hand, eyes wide with mischief. “Please say there are pictures.”

“Not that you'll ever see.” He broke off a piece of brownie and tapped her lips.

“Spoilsport.” She took the bite of chocolate, nipping his fingers, then sucking lightly.

His body went hard at the flick of her tongue over his fingertip. He set his long-neck bottle on the table. He would need all his wits around this woman.

He stroked along her plump bottom lip before continuing. “The highlight of that stage of my life came when I went to a concert between assignments, and these dudes standing next to me were debating about where to score some weed. One of them pointed to me and said, ‘Ask him. I bet he sells.' My disguise was rock solid.”

“What about your personal life? Wasn't it difficult to have serious relationships?”

Now, wasn't that as sobering as any bucket of cold water? “Having friends or anything more was dangerous to those around me.”

Dangerous for Sheila and her child.

Mary Hannah nudged away the chipped plate, searching his face. “Are you going back to that once you've finished your hiatus here?”

He couldn't lie. “That was the original plan. Yes. To return to Atlanta or another large-city force where they can use my skills.”