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Authors: Sara Schoen

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Chapter 7

 

 

No Going Back

 

I sat in the lawyer’s office with my dad for an hour while waiting for the attorney to show up and read my mom’s will and testament. It was tense since my father and I were reunited a few nights ago. I unwillingly moved back into our old house, and since then we hadn’t spoken much to each other. What could we say? Nothing would bring her back or make us feel anything other than loss and despair. We couldn’t make each other feel better so we chose not to say anything at all. We didn’t even say hello when we saw each other in the mornings. He didn’t go to work and I didn’t go to school. It was very awkward, and I had a feeling this meeting wasn’t going to make it any easier for us.

When the attorney finally showed up, he didn’t say anything to my father or me until he had the will in his hands. To me it looked like it pained him to actually be at this meeting. It may have been a Sunday, but he still had work, he should know that death didn’t respect normal work hours. It didn’t even respect age. Tears welled up in my eyes as the time my mom should have had hit me once again. I should have had at least twenty more years with her by my side. Now I’d never be able to hear her say she loved me again. I cried slightly as the attorney began reading.

“I, Karen Scott, being in sound mind and body, declare this to be my last will and testament,” Mr. Caldwell stated as he read over the document in a monotone voice.

I could see my dad sitting in the chair. He looked as if he would rather be anywhere but here. He had recently learned that my mother had filed for divorce months before I had caught him cheating. She apparently had seen the woman once before and told her to get out of their lives. I guess the woman thought she was joking, and if Dad heard it he didn’t take the threat to heart either. He just got sneakier, and a few months later he did it again. Sometimes I wondered if he actually missed her, or if he was relived she was gone.

He was forced to sign the papers out of shame. I didn’t know exactly how she got him to sign them, but she did, and thanks to her need for control she had filed early, allowing enough time for the initial petition to be filed and for my father to mess up again, and then served my father soon after we left the house. I guess it came in handy to be a little pushy, but we both had to be here for the reading, although my father was agitated because he didn’t want to be here in the first place. He probably had to meet up with the home wrecker. My anger flared, wrestling with the sheer depression I had felt the last few days. It made me feel alive, awake, but my tears dimmed the fire quickly each time.

“I devise, bequeath, and give all my possessions to my daughter, Lauren Scott. I also give her all the settlements from my recent divorce, so that she may live the life she pleases,” he stated as the attorney looked above the paper to look me in the eyes. “You must be Lauren. I’ve been waiting to meet you, but I hoped it would be under better circumstances. My condolences.”

“Thank you,” I said awkwardly, as I felt my father’s eyes on me.

“Well, I’m sorry for the circumstances, but you now own your mother’s possessions. Well, once you turn eighteen. For now it will stay with your grandmother, Lottie, and then they will be given to you on your eighteenth birthday.”

“Karen can’t do that. Lauren is a minor! She has no idea what to do with any of the stuff left to her. She can’t have the house or the car―”

“Sir, according to your wife’s will, this is what she wanted. Your mother-in-law will control everything until Lauren is old enough. I would appreciate it if you did not have another outburst like that again,” Mr. Caldwell said with a short eye roll as he picked up a manila envelope from his desk and turned back to me. “As your grandmother is in a nursing home, I will be handling the sale of your mother’s estate, and will send your grandmother a check as soon as the sale closes, which will go into your account as she sees fit.”

“She doesn’t even have her own bank account!” my father cried as the attorney tried to hand me the envelope.

“Actually she does. In that packet I provided you with, Lauren, there is an account number. Go to the bank, tell them the number, and they will unfreeze the funds your mother has already put into the account. You will also find a debit card, which will act as your connection to the account. They will provide you with deposit slips and everything you need once you open it. Everything has already been worked out for you.”

“Wow, th-that’s so much,” I stuttered, completely taken off guard by what my mom had done for me without knowing how soon her work would come in handy.

“It is. I guess I won’t have to pay for you to go to college now,” my father remarked as he leaned back in the chair, clearly offended by the turn of events.

“It is a lot, and her only stipulation to the will is that you remain with your father while you finish school. He is also in a legal contract to take care of you, which includes college and housing prior to then,” the attorney growled as he glared at my father. “If he gives you any trouble, please contact me. His lawyer and I have an understanding and I will make sure you are cared for through college.” He handed me his card and motioned for us to leave. My father took the order to heart and raced out of the room while I lingered for a few more moments, staring at the card and trying to process everything he just said.

“Thank you.” I hesitated as I glanced at the card in my hands. I’d have to keep it with me just in case. “It was a pleasure to meet you today,” I said politely before I exited the office.

“Lauren,” Mr. Caldwell said, stopping me at the door. “If your father gives you any trouble about what’s legally yours, please call me.”

“I will,” I promised again before I went to meet my father outside. I could hear him grumbling to himself as I approached, but he quickly stopped once he saw me. He didn’t say a word as he got up to lead me out of the office.

The walk was painfully silent as my father vented to himself about what occurred in the attorney’s office. I slid into the car as he muttered to himself. He was acting as if I wasn’t in the car while he complained that he had been weaseled out of everything. He was asking how I could be the sole benefactor and how was it legal. He was acting as if she planned this.

Didn’t he listen when the police told us that she was in a head-on collision with an eighteen-wheeler truck? It had been raining and the truck lost traction on the road. It started to spin as the tires hydroplaned and the driver could no longer control it. Mom tried to dodge him as he crossed over into her lane, but she couldn’t. The sudden turn had caused her car to flip over. The truck slammed into her car, and she was killed in the collision.

“She takes you away from me, and for what? To get killed in an accident two months later?” he cried out, breaking me from my trance as we pulled into the driveway.

“Dad, just stop! She’s dead. She did this for me, not to spite you,” I screamed as I turned in my seat to face him, tears in my eyes from frustration and grief. I felt the fire burning in me once again, and this time I wouldn’t let my tears wash it away. I’d stand up for us both now. “Just shut up! I’m sick of hearing you bad mouth Mom because she gave everything to me. You cheated on her and hid it from us. I’m sick of hearing you complain. You don’t get to do that after what you did to us.”

“You can’t speak to me that way, young lady,” my father stated as he locked the car doors so I couldn’t get out.

“I’m only here because Mom wants me to be, not because I want to be. She’s gone, and you don’t get to ruin her memory. You can’t take back what you did, and you’re not even sorry about it. I don’t care what you say, or what you complain about, because it’s falling on deaf ears. You don’t control me anymore,” I replied, letting my words drip with venom as I disengaged the door’s lock and got out of the car. I made sure to slam the door behind me and make a show of walking away. He had lost the obedient girl, the one who followed every order he gave. He didn’t deserve her, and he wouldn’t get her back.

I could hear my father screaming at me as I walked into the house and headed for my room. I knew eventually my grief would win over my anger again and I’d crumple. The sadness always won and if I didn’t have my anger to encourage me to fight, then there wasn’t a good reason to stay and argue. At least not until I saw a female figure sitting at our kitchen table. I stopped dead in my tracks as I recognized the tanned female from my parents’ bedroom. My anger flared again, stronger than before, and took over my body. Without any hesitation, I walked up to her and just stared at her until she realized I was standing there.

“Hello, Lauren, it’s good to see you again. I’m sorry to hear about your mother, it’s simply tragic,” she said with a sullen tone as she looked into her tea, but never at me.

“I’m sure you are, since you broke up this family anyway, and now you have the audacity to sit in this kitchen like you live here. Why are you here, anyway? I don’t want you here, and you shouldn’t want to be here.”

“Lauren!” Dad yelled as he walked into the house. I guess he didn’t like how I talked to his
girlfriend,
but I didn’t stop.

“You’re the reason we left. You’re the reason Mom had to take a different way home from work, and as far as I’m concerned,” I paused as I leaned into her. With each word I had gotten closer and closer to her, but she didn’t flinch until I finished speaking. “You’re the reason she’s dead.”

“Lauren Elizabeth Scott!” Dad shouted as I straightened up and glared daggers at his lover. If she had the courage to look at me, then she’d never willingly come into this house again. She shouldn’t even be here now, but I’m sure Dad had been letting her shack up here while Mom and I were gone. “Go to your room!”

“Fine, but don’t be mad at me when she leaves you too. It’s not my fault you can’t be faithful,” I responded with a deadpan expression as I walked past him. I felt proud as I left them both staring after me in disbelief as I walked upstairs. I knew Dad would come upstairs to order me to bed, but I had a phone call to make before I did. I had a plan, but I needed help and I could think of only one person who would be willing to help me through this. I just hoped Parker was up for what I needed to have done.

I sat on my bed and typed in the passcode for my phone. Once open, I scrolled through the contacts. There weren’t many, as I didn’t have many friends, but the one friend I needed would always be there for me. I felt a power rush over me as I replayed what just happened in my head. I took control and I wasn’t going to let it slip away. I dialed the all too familiar number and waited patiently until Parker answered the phone.

“Hello?” she questioned, she must not have looked at the caller ID if she was asking who this was.

“Parker, I need your help with something,” I stated without pausing for common telephone pleasantries. I wanted to get to the point of this conversation as fast as possible so I wouldn’t have time to change my mind.

“Sure. What is it, Lauren?”

“I need you to teach me how to break the rules. I no longer want to live under the rules set for me. I want to break free and live life. I want to honor the wishes my mom had for me,” I stated, not realizing Parker wouldn’t understand what I meant without her knowing what happened in the attorney’s office. “She left me everything, and she wants me to live the life I want, but I don’t know how. If I do it alone, I’ll never be able to do it. I’m a mess, and need help. I need
your
help.”

“I would love to help with that,” she stated. “Can I just say that it’s about goddamn time you made this phone call?” I could hear the smile in her words as she agreed to help me. “There’s no turning back once you start this, Lauren. You know that, right? I know you’re upset about your mom, and you have every right to be, but once we start down this road you’re stuck with it.” It sounded more as if she was warning me instead of asking to make sure I knew what I was getting into.

“I don’t want to go back, Parker. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said as I hung up the phone and glanced out the window. I could feel the heartache of my mother’s loss slowly washing over me again, beginning to crash down and suffocate me. Tears had already welled up in my eyes, even though I had cried so much lately I didn’t think I had much more in me. I wanted to push it away, to feel something other than the void in my chest, but the only thing easing me was the promise of a new life. That’s when I decided I wasn’t going to stay in my room, I was going to go to Parker’s house no matter what my father had to say about it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 8

 

 

Virgin White

 

“Parker, where are we going?” I whined as she dragged me toward my locker. She hadn’t explained anything since she made me race out of Physics to meet her before lunch. Ever since she agreed to help me she had been sneaking around and keeping secrets. That included when I went to her house the first night. We tried a lot of little things to build my confidence, but I felt as though it wasn’t working. I was slowly slipping back into my old behavior around my father and I could only attribute it to losing my mother. She had been my support and guidance, with her gone I wanted to please my father again, if only to stop the arguments. “Can you just tell me what we’re doing?”

“Well, I don’t really know how to teach you to be more like me. So far you’ve managed to talk yourself out of everything we tried because you’re worried about getting into trouble. So I got you a mentor instead,” Parker said with a forced smile as she looked at me nervously.

I felt a dejected expression take over my features. It’d barely been a week and she was already giving up, but maybe it was for the better. As my friend, Parker wouldn’t want to start a fight, maybe she found someone who was willing to push me to take a leap out of my comfort zone. “Okay, so what’s wrong?”

“Well, you’re not really going to like
who
it is,” she said with a fake smile on her face.

“What does that mean?”

“It means that I could only find one person to help you out, and you and him don’t really see eye to eye,” Parker said as she pointed down the hall toward my locker. I didn’t understand what she was saying until my eyes landed on Kayden. He was leaning against my locker flirting with some blonde girl as if he were there for fun instead of meeting with us. Why wasn’t I surprised that he’d taken advantage of getting the attention of the first girl he saw?

“Are you kidding me, Parker?” I growled as I caught sight of Kayden pulling the girl in for a kiss in front of my locker. I whipped around quickly to glare at my best friend, who held her hands up in a surrendering gesture, so I wouldn’t have to watch them make out in front of me. “I don’t want to work with him. I don’t even want to be in the same building as him!”

“You said it yourself, he’s bad news. He knows what he’s doing, and he’s willing to help.”

“Did you
not
hear the terms of the agreement he wanted to help me “shed the goodie-goodie reputation” before he blurted my family’s divorce reason in front of everyone he could? He wanted me to give him my virginity,” I added the last word in a whisper after checking to see if anyone was around us and listening. “I can’t give that to him! Why can’t you teach me? You’d be a great teacher! We can go home and eat on the couch right now,” I offered with a smile, hoping to win her over.

“What you want to do is more than sitting on the couch and eating messy food,” Parker pointed out. I told her I wanted to be different. I wanted to feel like me, not who someone else made me to be. But every time we tried, the goodie-goodie in me came out or the black hole that had been left by my mother’s death swallowed me whole and we had to take a break. “I know you guys haven’t gotten along the last few years, but he’s willing to help. It’s up to you if the stakes are worth the prize. I can’t help you make that choice. I can only give you the means to make the choice.”

“I like how you choose now to let me decide while you get all deep and spiritual,” I said with a frown as I glanced over at Kayden, who was waving good-bye to his new female friend. I groaned as I realized she was right. Parker wouldn’t push me, especially when it came to being upset over my loss, I needed someone who truly didn’t care about me, and on the top of that list was Kayden. He’d make sure I stuck with this choice, and if it was the only way to do it, I’d have to. “I can’t believe I’m about to do this.”

“Good luck, you’ll probably need it,” Parker said as she gave me a pat on my back before giving me a slight push forward.

I stumbled from the force of her push. Luckily I caught myself, and made it to Kayden without falling into him. That would have been a great impression for the first time we were going to have to get along since fourth grade.

“It’s about time, GG. When Parker told me you wanted to talk to me I didn’t think you’d leave me here waiting for you,” he said with an unamused, stoic facial expression. I opened my mouth to say he hadn’t been waiting that long since the blonde girl walked off, but before I could speak he started talking again. “I’m sorry, by the way. I know I’m really hard on you, but I shouldn’t have blurted out your family problems to the whole school. I thought since you were telling Parker at school that everyone knew, but I should have known better.”

“Yeah, you should have,” I agreed with a snide remark.

“Anyway,” Kayden said, “I asked Parker how to apologize and she said the only way I could make it up to you was to be here at noon. I didn’t think I would be standing here for almost twenty minutes waiting for you. Otherwise I wouldn’t have agreed. I have other things to do, starting with eating lunch.”

“Is that the only thing Parker told you? That you’re going to make it up to me by waiting for me to show up so I can hear your best try at a sincere apology?” I asked curiously, because if he thought that he was dead wrong. That wouldn’t make up for what he’s done to me, not even close.

“Well, no. I have a feeling it has to do with your plan to keep your minimal freedom. You still want to shed the goodie-goodie reputation and try living life on the edge, right?”

I nodded my head, shocked he had the intelligence to make the connection. I kept that remark to myself though, we needed to make progress in our relationship if this was going to work, and snide comments weren’t going to help. “Can you help me with this? Because that’s the only way I’m going to forgive you for what you’ve done to me over the years.”

“What have I done that’s been so bad that you’re going to force me to be your rebellion tutor? It couldn’t have been that bad,” he said with a disbelieving gleam in his eye.

I didn’t miss a beat as I rattled off one of the more embarrassing things he’d done to me over the years. “Do you remember that time you put fake blood on my pants when I first started high school and everyone laughed at me because they thought I had my period?” There were worse, but I decided to start off small in case he didn’t get it.

“Oh yeah! That was great!” He laughed as the memory came back to him. Glad I held back the worse ones now. Kayden had no heart if he didn’t feel bad for everything he’d done to me over the years. He had to know they weren’t right, and were downright demeaning.

“Or how about when you pulled down my shorts in gym and everyone saw my underwear and told me to be careful or I’d ruin them on my next period?”

“That sounds like good advice to me,” he replied with a nonchalant shrug, as if that made it
all better
and I’d suddenly understand his crass humor and forgive him. Wrong.

“Oh, and let’s not forget blurting out what happened to my parents in front of the whole school a few weeks before my
mom
died,” I said with a glare, practically choking on the words. I tried to force back the tears, I had gotten better at it, but a few still managed to slip out. It would never stop hurting.

Kayden straightened up suddenly, shocked at the news, and I knew I had won this fight. I just wish I hadn’t needed to pull the ‘my mom died’ card. He’d think I used it as a ploy later, and I’d never hear the end of it. He clamored for an answer and settled with a mediocre apology. “I didn’t mean to, Lauren. I didn’t know. It was―”

“I really don’t want to hear the excuses, Kayden. I just want one answer—are you going to help me or not?”

We locked eyes for a second. I could see the mental debate going on through his icy blue eyes, but the decision came quickly. “I will, but you know the terms in order for you to get my assist, GG. If I have to spend months on this project, then I want something out of it too. Doing it for a month would make up for all that stuff I did to you, but if you’re dedicated, it’s going to take a couple months to make it stick and not just be a phase.”

“What are your terms again?” I asked, hoping he would change them since he wanted to make it up to me for telling the whole school my family problems. I wasn’t sure I could risk something that I held so highly. I was trying to save it for when I fell in love, but so far that hadn’t happened, and if my dad had his way, it wouldn’t happen until after medical school. I was okay with waiting though, if that’s what it took. I wanted it to be special, and not just another lay for some high school guy.

“Your virginity. It’s got to go, and it’s got to be by me, my little rebel.” He offered me the smile he used to win the other girls over. When was he going to learn that it didn’t work on me?

“Would you stop calling me that?” I asked as I tried to think about how to get around his terms and not have to give him my virginity.

“I thought you’d like it better than GG, but I can stop if you like. So what do you say, GG? Do we have a deal?” he asked with a smirk. As I looked him in the eyes, I could see this was the only way to get him to help me. If I wanted his help, I had to give him the only thing I had to offer to make this project worth his time. “I don’t have all day to waste, Rebel. Either take the terms of the agreement as is or don’t. It’s your choice,” he said.

When I didn’t answer right away, he rolled his eyes and started to walk away. If I let him go, I wouldn’t get another chance, and Parker had already said she couldn’t be my teacher and help me the way I wanted. Kayden could have asked for more, and while the asking price was high, I had nothing else to give him, I had nothing else to offer. So if I wanted this, I had to agree. As he turned toward the cafeteria I realized it was now or never and I had to make my choice.

“I’ll make you a new deal,” I called out. He stopped and turned back to look at me with his eyebrow raised slightly. “I’ll help you pass whatever classes you need help in. I’ll do all of your homework, and for the class we share, you can cheat off of me for the tests. I won’t tell anyone, I swear. Just help me!”

Kayden turned the rest of the way and offered me a smile. “While that’s tempting, I regret to inform you I’m actually acing all of my classes. I don’t need your help in any of my classes, so let me be perfectly clear when I say that the only way I’m helping is if you agree to the terms I set. You know what I want.” He waited again, and I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I wanted to change, and I knew I needed help, but did he have to ask for the one thing I didn’t want to give up?

I sighed, calming myself down. I knew I needed his help, and to get his help I had to agree. Here goes everything. “If you can actually help me change my reputation, you can have my virginity, but only if it changes and sticks. It can’t just be for a week because you convince people that I’ve changed and then you go back to calling me GG again, Kayden. It has to change for good and you have to make it believable too.”

He nodded. “We’ll start over Christmas break.”

“That’s next week,” I said nervously, realizing what I had just agreed to would be happening sooner than I thought. Was I ready?

“Yeah, that’s kind of the point, GG. Start as early as possible,” he said with a smirk. “I get another week to figure out how to change you for the better, and to call you GG. I would like more time, but there’s no time like the present. I’ll see you next week. Catch you later, GG,” he said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

What did I just get myself into?

With Kayden as my mentor this meant one of two things; either my plan was going to work out perfectly and I had to pay what I promised, or it was going to fail epically and I would become a laughingstock again. I’m not sure which I would prefer, but there was no backing out now. I didn’t want to live under my dad’s rules anymore. I wanted to make my own life, just like my mom wanted me to, and I was going to succeed no matter what.

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