Out Of Bounds (Balls To The Walls) (10 page)

Maybe this wasn’t the right thing to do
. But I felt I needed to have a serious talk with Jack. I would lay awake at night wondering what his expectations were. I needed to know where his head was out.

It had been six months since my elopement with Mason. I hadn’t spoken a word to Jack in the last three. He was gone from my house and I didn’t have any way to contact him but through his job.
There was no way I was going up there. Jack’s employees love him. I don’t want to even imagine the dirty looks I would get if I stepped foot in Unger and Lowe.

I truly thought I was done with the secrets.
I just couldn’t tell Mason how I needed to speak with Jack. Mason would never understand. If the child I’m carrying is Jack’s I needed to set ground rules. I needed to know what tricks he has up his expensive tailor-made sleeves. I needed to be one step ahead of whatever bullshit he had planned for me.

I’m sure he’s still mad. I’m sure he’s still bitter but I don’t know any of these things for a fact. I’m here for facts not fiction. I need to know what’s up with my ex.

Most of all I need to know if he’s still in love with me. I want him to be okay. I’m not so heartless that his feelings don’t matter to me. I fully acknowledge that I hurt him. I just want him to have moved on with his life so he won’t be so hell bent on trying to destroy mine. I’m sure that’s wishful thinking on my part. He smashed his fist through my car window not too long ago.

If my baby is his I need to know what kind of custody he expects. I don’t want to be blindsided by ignorant bullshit. I don’t want to have to go upside his head. I want us to act like adults and do what is best for the baby. Maybe I expect a miracle but I’m sure its possible for us to coexist.
Please Lord let it be possible.

I was nervous as all hell and get out. If I were in the first trimester my nervousness would have caused me to vomit. I’m so glad that’s over. I hope Jack doesn’t force me to act like a mean pregnant chick at this lunch meeting.

I invited him. He accepted. I couldn’t believe I had made it to the restaurant first. I felt strange sitting here all alone. I think I felt this way because I’m pregnant. Are people looking at me crazy because I was pregnant and alone?

Jack waltzed in ten minutes late. His movements looked like a literal waltz.
He waltzed in like he was part owner and CEO. His confidence and cockiness were traits he and Mason shared. Apparently I have a type, Lamar is cocky but he’s a selfish jealous kind of cocky.

Jack is never late. He was probably up to something. I shouldn’t let my imagination run away with me. Is he going to apologize for his tardiness or be a bastard?
I vote, be a bastard.

The hostess led him over to my table. She was completely enamored with him. Who wouldn’t be with his handsome model good looks
and chiseled features? She was practically swooning.

Jack took the lone seat across from me. He took his menu, never acknowledging the beautiful blonde hostess that couldn’t keep her eyes off him. He dismissed her with a hand wave before she could even get two words together to form a sentence.

Then Jack decided to barely acknowledge me. I smirked. He think he doing something. I’m use to his dismissiveness. He had dressed for this meeting. He looked good in his dark washed jeans, peach Lacoste polo and tanned skin. He looks well and rested. That’s all I can ask for. I hope he showed up with a decent attitude.

“Kari.” His eyes squinted as he said my name.

“Jack.” I tilted my chin up for no reason that I could think of. His piercing gaze forced me too look somewhere other than at him. The ceiling seemed like a good enough place.

“You look well.” His thin lips pressed into a line that I was all too familiar with.

“Thank you. You do too.” I was being nice.

“So finally you want to see me.” He leaned into the table. He surely seemed closer than he actual was. How wide is this table? They should make them about two feet wider.

I regained my composure. “Yeah, you seem to talk a lot of shit over the phone. So I figured we would do this face to face. I want to see if you’re on the same ole bullshit.” That was me being extra. I really need to quit.

He chuckled like I had said something mildly amusing. “You need to stop the foul language now, before the baby is born. It’s not becoming of you or any mother.”

“You didn’t seem to have a problem with it when we were together.”

“You acted less ghetto when we were together.”

Push pause Kari and tell this asshole his Mama is ghetto. Do I throw this glass of water in his face or ignore the dumb shit, inhale, exhale. I’m rocking with ignore. “I disagree. You had a tendency to bring the ghetto out of me. So I have to vehemently disagree with that observation.”

“You would. I think I was a good influence on you.” Jack placed his hand on the menu before him as he subtly flashed a spanking new Rolex watch in my face.

“A good influence like I was a pupil in your charm school.”

“That’s one way of looking at it.
”

Change the subject.
“So Jack, how have you been?” You’ve been an asshole but besides that.

“I’m great
as good as I can be, better than good. My business is great.” He smirked. “You my dear, you look a little tired, a little fat, a lot of fat.”

Okay bitch, I got you. I’m going to leave your
Hawaiian Tropic
tanned ass right at this table. Jesus take the wheel. He just told me moments ago I look good. Asshole, make up your mind. Are you going to be nice? Or are you going to insult me? Figure it out.

I quickly stood. I am not having this monkey ball bullshit. Jack grabbed my wrist before I could step away from the table. I was pregnant and slow. Under normal circumstances I would have already been in my car driving my black ass away.

“Kari, please. I’m sorry.” Jack quickly stood. “Please, darling I’m sorry. Don’t go. Sit. Please.” He begged me with his baby blues. His forehead was wrinkled and strained. The corners of his eyes were pinched. The desperation in his face made the intensity of my anger seep right out of me. I looked down at his hand wrapped tightly around my wrist. Jack instantly let go of my wrist. I felt my nostrils flare as I respired. I’m too emotional for this. This was a huge mistake.

I slowly eased back down into my chair as Jack regarded me optimistically. He even forced a slight smile. That had to be hard for him. I wished I didn’t care about his feelings. I could just walk out of here if I didn’t care.
I do care.

“Jack, I don’t want it to be like this between us, trading insults. I have apologized to you so many times. You’re not tired of being mean to me.”

He didn’t speak but his eyes were welding me into hot steel. What was he looking for in my eyes? If I knew how to look, I would look at him how he wanted. I would give him that one thing he was searching for.

“Kari, actually.” He closed his eyes slowly and opened them. “I am tired of being an ass to you. I am. Shit
, I am. I’m trying to hold on to anger and I’m exhausted from it.”

“Well stop it. Let’s not do this. Let’s get pass this so we can just be good parents if that’s how it turns out.”

“I swear I will try but I can’t make any promises. My feelings for you just, just run so deep.”

“Okay that’s fine. I just want you to try.”
I wished he would just be cool.

There was an awkwardness that afforded the table when the waitress finally returned to take our order. I ordered first. I got the spiced-rubbed steak with carrot and quinoa salad. Jack ordered lobster frittata with avocado cream sauce. He quickly dismissed the waitress and I felt sorry for her for some reason. Being ignored by Jack was torture. I knew that first hand.

Jack was silent for a few seconds. “Why didn’t you just get the amniocentesis?”

“I couldn’t risk losing the baby. I know it would have made everything better for you if I got the paternity test but this is my baby. This is my body. I wasn’t willing to take that risk. I wasn’t trying to hurt you or anyone else.”

“You aren’t stalling for him?”

“No, I’m not stalling for Mason. I seriously did not want to take the risk. It’s my body and my baby so I’m sorry, you and Mason have no say so.”

Jack bobbed his head like he agreed with me. “Do you know what we, you’re having?” He asked and I was still suck on WE.

“Yes.” Jack didn’t respond with words but his face wanted an answer. “Do you really want to know?”

“Yes.”

“What if the baby isn’t yours than why even know the sex?”

“Does Mason know what you’re having?”

“Yes.” I quickly stated and watched as Jack tapped his fingers on the tabletop. “It’s a girl.
Does that little piece of information make a difference?”

Jack pressed his body back in his chair. “A girl.” A slight smile formed on his
thin lips and made the fine lines in the corner of his eyes crease. “A girl.” He repeated.

“Yep.” I nodded and shrugged.

“That’s good.” He drifted off somewhere for a few seconds. 

“Jack.” I snapped him out of his little
daydream. “What do you expect to happen?”

“What do you mean?”

“What do you want? If this baby is yours then what do you want?”

“I want to be in her life. I want equal time. I want to know my daughter.”

“Jack come on.” His declaration frightened me a bit.

“Do you think I would just relinquish my rights?” He frowned although it looked like absolute annoyance.

“I didn’t say that.” But Lord knows that would make everything better than my baby girl having two daddy’s that hate each others guts with a passion.

“Well Kari, what are you saying?”

“Jack I don’t know. I’m trying to figure this out.”

“I will know my daughter. I will see my daughter. Kari I don’t want to play dirty. I don’t want to be the bad guy here but if you think I’m going to just be a stepfather when I’m the real father, my dear ex fiancée you are sadly mistaken.”

“Jack I’m not trying to take anything from you.”

“It sure sounds that way to me and the rest of the world. I want my daughter half the time.”

I tipped my head at his audacity. “Jack, seriously, you can’t breastfeed. Women take care of infants. You are a very busy man. You have an entire advertisement agency that you run. A nanny is not going to raise my daughter. I would never deny you the right to see your daughter, if she is your daughter, but half the time is too much.”

“I’m not going to be pushed out the picture.”

“I’m not trying to do that.”

“Sounds that way to me.” He sneered.

“I’m trying to be civil. I’m trying to do what’s right for my daughter.”

“Our daughter.”

I shrugged. “Maybe.” Jack had no idea how I prayed this was Mason’s daughter I was carrying. I had went over things in my head so many times but with the stress of planning a wedding and the fact my period was irregular. This all took its toll on my body. For the life of me I couldn’t come to a conclusion. I just wasn’t able to figure out whether Mason or Jack had fathered my baby. I tried my damnest to do the math but I couldn’t get it right.

“Kari, you know I’m a good father. You know I can’t just stay out of our daughters life.”

“I know you’re a good father. I didn’t choose this situation, it choose me.” I sound like a gang member in a John Singleton film.

“No dear, you made choices that put you right in the fucking hot seat. Do not act innocent. Do not play the victim. You are culpable.” Jack waved his Rolex wrist across the table. “This white trash bullshit I’m in is your fault and no one else’s.”

Waterfalls, my tears flew from my eyes and started sprinting down my cheeks. I went from calm to hysterical sobbing in nanoseconds. Through my tears to could see the startled expression plastered on Jack’s face. His hands had gripped the edges of the table. What the fuck am I crying about? I had to ask myself what was really going on.

The other customers had begun to notice me. I was in a frenzy trying to control my emotions. I grabbed the cloth napkin. For some reason I was having the hardest time trying to dislodge it from its intricate fold pattern. Jack reached out and covered my hand with his.

“Stop.” He slowly whispered.

My eyes were focused on his soft hand above mine atop the napkin. His voice was strange yet soothing. I peered up to see his face because I thought I heard Mason’s voice come out of his mouth. But no it was Jack sitting across from me
, the crazy pregnant black person acting a fool in a classy restaurant.

Jack calmly removed the white cloth napkin from my trembling hand and instantly freed it into a crisp sheet. He handled it over and I took it. I gently wiped the tears from my swollen cheeks. I was on the road to regaining my serenity. It was just a long dusty road.

“Kari, I’m sorry I upset you. I should know better and I’m sorry. I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m not trying to cause you any stress. I care about you and this baby and I just want you both to be okay.”

All I could do was look at him. I wished Mason had said that to me.