More Confessions of a Hostie (4 page)

There are a few things that can make me feel better now. Alcohol is one, but it is not really acceptable to start drinking in the morning. One needs to draw the line somewhere. My friend Mary Gomez would argue otherwise, but then Mary has no rules when it comes to alcohol.

I decide to visit my good comrade Mr. Starbucks first.

Then, with a double latte running through my veins, I catch up with my best friend Helen for lunch. It doesn't matter how self-absorbed I become or how much drool comes out of my mouth, Helen will listen to anything I say with a smile on her face. She is more loyal than ever now because I have Helen on my staff travel benefits, and next week she is coming to Honolulu with me. She has never been to Hawaii before, and it has always been a dream of hers to go. To say that she is excited is an understatement. To say that she is jumping out of her skin would be about right.

I prattle on about what a fool I made of myself in front of Dean, and Helen says, ‘So, is the hotel far from Waikiki beach?'

I talk about how difficult it is to maintain a relationship due to my job and Helen asks, ‘What's the shopping like in Honolulu?'

I complain about how worn out I feel, and Helen comments, ‘Does the hotel supply beach towels or should I pack one?'

Yes, I'm being a tad melodramatic in my portrayal of Helen at present. She does actually listen to my problems. She always does, but at the moment she is so excited, and I am just as excited for her. At times I take for granted the lifestyle and opportunities that are available to me, and it takes someone like Helen to show me what I have.

There are dozens of negative things about my job. Jetlag, fatigue, being away from home for long, missing birthdays and Christmas and parties, as well as being unable to turn up for a niece or nephew's school play. But for every negative, there are a thousand positives.

I forget about my problems for the moment and tell Helen about all the fantastic things she can do and see in Honolulu. We will be spending two days there, and although that is not a long time, it is still enough time to see and do a lot. As I have been there many, many times, I know where to go and what to do, so we can get the most out of our stay. I am starting to get excited as well.

is ice-cream a food or a frozen drink?

Before my Honolulu trip with Helen, I have a trip to Japan. I have been so focused on the Honolulu trip that I have barely given any thought to the land of the rising sun.

The last time I was in Japan, Dean's brother Danny was on the trip. What a fantastic time we had. I haven't been back there since that trip, which was just prior to the 2011 deadly earthquake and tsunami. I was home when it happened (albeit jetlagged) but one of my good flight attendant friends was in Narita at the time. I was glued to the TV and watched with tears streaming down my face as the magnitude of the catastrophe unfolded.

When you stay in a city or country as many times as I have, you develop a connection with that place. When a disaster the size of what hit Japan occurs, you take it personally. Tokyo and the surrounding areas, including Narita's shook violently during the earthquake, but Narita being inland and Tokyo being in a protected bay were not directly affected by the tsunamis. Even so, it must have been terrifying for the people who live there.

My friend was the boss of the crew that had landed in Narita only a few hours before the earthquake. When my friend operated the flight home he had forgotten to do some important onboard paperwork as well as paperwork relevant to his holidays, which would mean he would miss out on his holiday time of choice. He told our company he was so traumatised by the earthquake that he had been unable to function normally at the time. His manager was very sympathetic. Not only was the excuse accepted but there were no ramifications to the overlooked onboard paperwork; he was also given the holiday time of his choice.

He later told me that when the earthquake hit, he was asleep, thanks to sleeping pills, and slept through the whole thing. He had no idea of the drama unfolding in the country he was staying in until, later in the day, he had turned on the television. It is difficult to find comedy within such a tragedy, but I found this incident hilarious.

There is always a thought at the back of my mind that an earthquake or tremor could occur at any time in a country like Japan. Yet, I am aware that this could happen in other parts of the world I frequent as well. You can't live your life in fear. Even so, I think about the possibilities and am always aware of my surroundings. In the hotels, I take note of the emergency exits, and if something were to occur I am fairly confident that I would be able to react to the situation quickly. It may make a difference. It may not. Many things in life are a bit like some of the scenarios that could occur on an aircraft, and therefore much of what we crew learn as part of our emergency training comes in handy in general life situations.

I know what to do and how to react in case of a fire, especially if one breaks out within our hotels. My first-aid training has been used on a few occasions outside of work (and many times onboard the aircraft). I am more competent than most in survival situations, and I am far more vigilant in my assessments of situations. In case of a natural disaster such as an earthquake, I know I have the skills to make quick and crucial judgments. I am also acutely aware that some things in life are out of my control.

I am not one to take big risks, but I am also not the type of person who is going to sit in an underground bunker, fearing the possibility that something bad might happen. Life is too short.

Just like my stay at home this time, which is over in the blink of an eye. Somehow my three days here feel like a nanosecond, and it's already time for me to pack my bags for my next trip. A quick check on the internet tells me the weather in Japan is going to be good, so I pack the appropriate clothes. Fortunately my wardrobe has the capacity to hold clothes meant for any type of weather.

A hostie once gave me some terrific advice: ‘Pack half the clothes you think you will need, and take double the money you think you will spend.'

She then explained, ‘If you need more clothes, you can always buy more – and sweetheart, what girl doesn't like to buy more clothes?' Sound advice indeed.

Shopping in Japan is not as enjoyable as it is in some other cities I've been to. They have the big shopping centres like most of the Western world, but, for me, it falls short of being known as a shopping paradise. It kills me to say this, but not all shopping is necessarily good shopping. Let me explain myself, because those who know me will expect an explanation. I can relate shopping to ice-cream, my second favourite food group (after chocolate). I like most flavours of ice-cream, but not necessarily all of them. The same goes for shopping.

Funnily enough, I don't particularly like the ice-cream in Japan either. I adore Japanese food overall, but some of their ice-cream flavours make me cringe. I've tried green tea ice-cream. It was just OK, surely tolerable. However, a particular Japanese ice-cream flavour made my stomach turn: shrimp ice-cream. Yes, shrimp, and it actually had pieces of real shrimp in it. The Japanese love their seafood and they love ice-cream, and they probably thought they can mix their two loves. In Japan, apart from shrimp ice-cream, they also eat crab-, eel-, octopus- and even oyster ice-cream.

I tried shrimp ice-cream once, just on the off-chance that I might be wrong, and it might actually taste nice. I was not wrong, and the ice-cream didn't taste nice.

I love raspberries, and I also love caviar, but I would never dream of putting the two together. I am respectful of other culture's culinary tastes, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

Another weird ice-cream flavour I have seen was spaghetti ice-cream in Venezuela. It thought it would be ice-cream with some kind of candy that looked like spaghetti, but it had actual pasta mixed into it. Did I try it? No way.

It is not just the exotic lands that come up with strange ice-creams. I was in a Denny's Restaurants in the U.S. once, and they were having a month-long celebration of bacon products, called ‘Baconalia'. Though I found it odd, I was also amused to find many bacon-worshippers from all over the country dropping into the joint. One of the promotional dishes served was bacon ice-cream sundae: ice-cream sprinkled with bacon chips. I refused to give it a try.

Some food should never have chunks of meat or seafood in it. They should pass a law to make ice-cream vegetarian-only.

See, not all ice-cream is good. And not all shopping is good. And there ends my ice-cream analogy: there is not much of a connection there, but I have enjoyed sharing some of the weird and not-so-wonderful flavours from around the world.

When I am in other countries, I don't really have a choice regarding the hotels I stay in – our company decides that for us – but luckily I do have a choice regarding the food I eat. I love to eat, and I love to travel. These two passions are intertwined, and I try as far as possible to experience the local cuisine. When I am in Japan, I eat Japanese food (except seafood ice-cream, of course); when I am in Bangkok, I eat Thai; in Germany, I eat schnitzels; in Italy, I eat pasta and so on. I am constantly baffled at the number of tourists who spend massive amounts of time and money to travel to exotic destinations but then seek out the same type of food they eat at home. Worse still, they prejudge a country's food by the often miserable imitations they have eaten before.

I have never seen sweet and sour pork in mainland China, nor pizza with pineapple in Italy. Authenticity is important when it comes to cuisine, and you can't get more authentic than eating dishes in the country of origin.

Many major cities around the world are home to sizeable immigrant populations that bring with them delicious authentic food. The food is not so good, however, if the restaurant or café is run by someone belonging to a different nationality than that of the food being served. Outside of Japan, plenty of Japanese restaurants are run by Chinese and, conversely, the occasional Chinese restaurant is run by non-Chinese. The food is rarely good.

I recently saw a restaurant in the U.S. that boasted of serving authentic African cuisine. Africa is a big place. The distance from Tangier, in Morocco, to Cape Town, in South Africa, is over five times more than the distance from London to Rome. Yet, we don't compare tortellini with Yorkshire pudding. This so-called ‘authentic African cuisine' featured dishes from what looked like two or three north African countries. When I looked through the kitchen window, out of curiosity, I saw Asian staff and what appeared to be a Mexican chef. Multiculturalism is a good thing, but not in a restaurant that boasts of serving authentic regional food. Eating exotic food in such places is much like reading a travel book and claiming you've been around the world.

Similarly, I was in a food court in Los Angeles not long ago and noticed something odd: almost half of L.A.'s population is now Hispanic, particularly Mexican. Subsequently there are Mexican restaurants everywhere, and they are usually pretty good. In this particular food court the only Mexican food outlet had Asian staff. I can only imagine how Mexican the food must have tasted.

When I eat dishes from another culture I want the food to be cooked with passion and patriotism, not commercialism. Nothing beats eating regional cuisine in the actual region from where it has originated. When I get to Japan, I'll be having gyozas, ramen, sushi and a healthy serving of satisfaction.

I am truly excited about going to Japan. If it weren't for the fact that I still feel tired and am beginning to dread the hellishly long flight to get there, I would be more excited. Who am I kidding – I'm still excited.

it's a balancing act

My excitement levels for my upcoming Japan trip are brought down a few more notches when it dawns on me that I have emergency training and exams coming up soon. As crew, we are regularly tested and have to spend time in mock emergency situations. As much as passengers would like to think that we are available on aircrafts purely for the service, the reality is very different. Providing safety is an important part of our job – the most important – and therefore we are tested stringently, thoroughly and regularly. The exam and training processes can be very stressful and need to be taken seriously. Even though I have been flying for around twenty years, I cannot take these exams lightly. Emergency procedures change constantly. There are information about new aircrafts, different configurations, updated ways of doing things, and reams of paperwork to read and revise.

My exams are after my Honolulu trip with Helen. I need to study on this trip, as I won't be able to study on the trip with Helen. I also know my body and brain will be frazzled after this upcoming trip, so studying in Japan seems to be my only option.

When I was at university I had no problems studying. Trying to study while living the flight attendant lifestyle is, however, a whole different ballgame. When I was an eighteen-year-old student I lacked maturity and discipline, but I did have a routine. The only routine I have these days is not having a routine.

I often joke that I travel all the time because I hate having my life disrupted by a routine. There is a lot of truth in that joke, but when you can't have something, it is sometimes the one thing you crave. Trying to find time to do important tasks like studying is not the problem here; the problem is finding the time to do important tasks when my brain is capable of functioning well. At the moment, the only book I would be capable of reading is a gossip magazine. Even then, my brain is so tired that it would probably only take in the pictures, rather than read any of the articles.

I am not always this dysfunctional. I can spend weeks doing back-to-back trips where I just don't get the chance to recover adequately, and then I may have a week or so off. That week or so becomes like a mini-holiday, and after three or four days I start feeling normal again. It's almost funny that I spend inordinate amounts of energy to try and have a normal lifestyle when the rest of society is trying so hard to make their lifestyles different.