Mine & Ours (6 page)

Paxton walked into the kitchen, but it was empty. He poured himself a cup of coffee and headed into the living room. “Magda, did Sydney leave for the office yet?”

“No, Mister Carlton, she’s having breakfast in her office,” Magda nodded.

“Oh, thank you,” he left the room and headed down the corridor to Sydney’s office. He stood in the doorway, as she browsed through something that looked like brochures, while on the phone. He turned to leave when her words caught his attention.

“Yes, Doctor, thank you. I’ve read all the paperwork and information, and I’d like to have a consult. This afternoon at four will be fine. Thank you.” She hung up.

Paxton knocked on the door jam, “Hey, I heard you hadn’t left yet. Is everything all right?”

“What?” she slid the papers under her newspaper on her desk. “Oh, yeah, I had to make an appointment that I forgot about.”

“Oh, don’t you have that brunch with Bishop?”

“Not until tomorrow,” she sighed. “I’m sorry. Did I wake you when I got up?”

He walked in the office and sat down in the chair near her desk. “No, I just hate drinking alone.”

She smiled. “That’s certainly different. Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” he said.

“The stuff you said last night, did you mean it?”

“About us sharing our subs, playing together, and when we’re in private, me being your sub?”

“Yes, all of that or even some of that.”

“I meant it. Syd, and what you did to me was fucking amazing. I loved it when you took over and … well, you know what you did. Just wondering why you didn’t use the strap on, not that I minded at all.”

“I liked using it on you in the playroom, but I want to be able to feel you, it’s not the same when it’s not real. I know. I’ve been using fake penises for quite a long time.”

“Syd? You mean, you haven’t had other men? I thought you did. You agreed that I could have whomever I want as long as I’m safe. You always said you had other partners.”

“I lied,” she sighed. “PJ,” she stood up, straightened out her skirt, and walked over to the window. She pulled the curtain open slightly and gazed out at the rose garden that was just below her window. “The only man I’ve had actual sex with in the past ten years is you. Yes, you’ve seen me with men, but those were colleagues or whatever business dates. I never took them home except for a drink, and I never fucked them. It’s been you or my trusty vibrator. Well, several of them, they don’t last forever.”

He stood up and walked behind her desk, quickly eyeing the brochure that was sticking out from her papers. He focused on Sydney. “I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me? I thought we told each other everything. I told you about my suck and fuck lunch dates with Mr. Reynolds. And, now he’s my sub. I tell you everything.”

She turned around. “I’m sorry. The truth is, even though our marriage is a business deal we made ten years ago…”

“Eleven. We were engaged for a year,” he smiled.

“OK, well, I couldn’t cheat on you. I know our marriage is a marriage of convenience, and we did sleep together 3 times a year, but I couldn’t cheat. Yes, I came close, but I couldn’t do it.”

“Now I feel like a fucking loser. I’m the one who cheated, over and over.”

She put her hand on his shoulder. “Don’t. You married me for one reason, I married you for two.”

“You really believe that?”

“Yes, it’s true. You wanted to hide your being gay. You want the world to believe that you’re straight.”

“And you think that’s the only reason?”

“Yes,” she sighed.

“Syd, I would never marry anyone else but you, because of you. I care about you so much. You’re my best friend. I do love you.”

“As much as you can,” she sighed. “Uh, PJ, I have to go.”

“Wait, Syd, please.”

“No, I really have to go. PJ, I don’t … I can’t say how I feel, it just hurts too much to think about it. I’ve enjoyed these past few nights and I want to keep going. I like the idea of us each having a sub, and sharing our experiences. Now, if you want to talk, we can have dinner tonight. OK?”

“All right, dinner. Yes, sounds fine.” He watched as she grabbed her blazer that was draped over the chair and her briefcase, and hurried out of her office.

When he heard the front door close, he sat behind her desk, pulling out the brochures. “What the hell is she thinking?” he sighed. “What the hell am I thinking?” He stuck the brochure back under the newspaper.

Paxton walked in his office and smiled at Evelyn. “Any messages for me?”

“Two from Mr. Reynolds and one from the new lawyer in the Matthew’s case.”

“He got a new lawyer? I thought he was representing himself. Uh, what’s the lawyer’s name?”

“Donnelly. Sean Donnelly.”

“If he calls again, patch him through.”

“Yes, Sir,” she nodded. “Oh, your package was delivered yesterday. I put it on your desk.”

“Great, thanks,” he walked into his office and closed the door. He sat behind his desk and opened the brown paper package. He smiled at the two framed wedding photos of him and Sydney. “You were always beautiful.” He rested the candid photo on one corner of the desk, and the formal one on the other end. He opened a smaller envelope that had several unframed photos of he and Sydney. He browsed through them and smiled. “You’re so wrong about me, Syd. So wrong. Maybe I’m wrong about myself, too.”

Mr. Reynolds knocked on the door and then opened it. “Carlton, didn’t you hear me knock?”

Paxton looked up. “Oh, Mr. Reynolds, I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you.”

He sat down on the chair in front of Paxton’s desk. “Something is bothering you.”

“Yeah, it’s personal and I should focus on work. I’m sorry.”

“Evelyn said you’ve been in here for hours and haven’t even answered your phone.”

“Oh, shit. I didn’t even hear it ring,” he sighed. “I guess I’m not doing so well right now.”

“Let’s get lunch,” he said. “And I do mean food.”

“Oh, I don’t know.”

“Come on. You need to talk and you’re doing no one any good sitting here. Let’s go, Carlton.”

“Yes, Sir,” he stood up, put on his suit jacket and slipped his phone and wallet in his pocket. He followed his boss out of the office.

The two men sat at a booth in the corner of the pub. “You looked surprised.” Reynolds said.

“Sir, I was expecting Amore Italian Ristorante, not O’Malley’s pub,” he snickered.

“You disappointed?”

“No, this is good, more my style.”

“You wouldn’t know it from your home.”

“Well, it’s really Syd’s home. She inherited it from her parents.”

“Oh, I thought you were the rich one.”

“Well, yeah, and when we were first married, we were living in my Brownstone in the City, but then she wanted to live outside the city. More privacy. That’s all.”

“I don’t mean to get personal with you, but after last night, I got a little insight in your private life. It’s more than our usual lunches at the motel. I sensed something was different last night.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” he looked up as the waitress brought over a pitcher of beer. “Uh, we’re working.”

“No, we’re off for the rest of the day. Don’t worry. I’m the boss,” he smiled. “Beer and two orders of burgers and fries, with everything.”

“Yes, Sir,” she smiled and walked away.

Tim poured them both a glass of beer. “Last night. You were hesitant about being with me. Did I screw up?”

“No, it’s not you. It’s my wife.”

“Oh, is something wrong? I thought you two agreed to what we did. She seemed to enjoy it, unless I’m wrong.”

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

“Sure,” he sipped his beer.

“Do you ever have sex with your wife?”

“No, why? You and Sydney have sex? Oh.”

“What does your wife do, if she’s not fucking you?”

“Have no idea. You see, my wife is bisexual. I know she fucks men and women, and she prefers women to men. Our marriage works for us. We won’t ever divorce, unless …”

“Unless?”

“We actually fall in love with someone else. That’s our agreement. She works at CPS so it works for her, too. So, what’s this about?”

“I don’t know if I can say.”

“Please, do. You can trust me. You know that. Hell, you know my secrets.”

“Well, first, I did call John this morning. Uh, he’s Jessica. He’s willing to have a group scene, but he’s also willing to discuss what we talked about last night.”

“Oh, John?”

“Remington. He’s Syd’s law clerk.”

“Right. I’m familiar with him. I didn’t know.”

“That’s the point. I guess we all have reasons to hide.”

“So, what’s with you and Syd?”

“My feelings for her have changed and I think hers have changed for me.”

“I thought she loved you. She doesn’t?”

“No, she loves me. I know she does. I always knew she was in love with me, from the moment we met in third grade. It was always me and her, best friends, who also dated. Yes, in high school, I knew I was gay, but I kept it hidden. She was my go-to excuse as a date when I was fucking some guy from another school or whatever. I was her date in public. Sometimes, so she could date other guys, we acted as if we broke up or something. This carried on to law school. I was confused about so many things, but not her. She loved me. She went to NYU and then Harvard. She always knew she wanted to be a lawyer and then a judge. She was up for partner in her firm when she was nominated for her seat. Now, they want her to take the lead seat in the appellate court when Bishop retires.”

“That’s big. But what does this have to do with your feelings for her or hers for you.”

“I didn’t want to be a lawyer at first. I was pre-med when I changed majors. I’m two years behind her in law school. She was always ahead, but then she’d wait for me to catch up. She made me see what I really wanted to do. I was afraid of my sexuality and that it would interfere with the career plans she pointed out that I wanted. She always knew what I wanted before I did. I asked her to marry me and we were engaged for a year. During that year, I didn’t fuck anyone. We had a large agreement for our marriage. The past couple years, I felt, and I know she did, too, that we were distant.”

“And you tried to fix it with this new lifestyle?”

“Well, yeah, last week, we were talking. It was the first time in a while. We were watching a movie together, and we just started talking. The movie was some sappy romance, but it reminded me that we were married and we were best friends. My heart doesn’t want to be without Syd. Ever. I’ve been gay my entire life, and have only slept with one woman. Syd. Now, she wants to do something that will change her whole life.”

“Paxton, what is it?”

“For one, I think she loves me more than I ever knew.”

“And how do you feel about her?”

“I don’t want her to change herself. I love … uh, her for who she is, not who she will change to be.”

“You’re talking in circles.”

“I think she’s seeing a doctor about a sex change.”

“She’s wants to be a man?”

“I think she wants to be herself with man parts.”

“Why?”

“So she can fuck me, with her own body part.”

“Oh, you know this for a fact?”

“I saw the brochure on her desk. Yes, I snooped. I also know she has a doctor’s appointment with Dr. Lawrence Markowitz. Today at four.”

“So, if this happened, would you still want her? Would it make you not want men, and only her?”

“I don’t want any men, I want her. I mean, I like that we have subs and I can’t wait for us to all play, but I want my wife. As my wife. Not as a partial man. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but I have a feeling she’s doing it for all the wrong reasons. She doesn’t want to really be a man, I’d know it. She wants to have a penis so she can fuck me.”

“You know this for sure?”

“I know my wife. She practically admitted to me that only body parts will do when she fucked me.”

“You want my advice?”

“Yes,” he sighed.

“Go to the appointment. Confirm that her reasons are what you think they are, and tell her how you feel.”

“I don’t know how I feel. How can I be gay and then all of a sudden fall in love with my wife? After ten years, no, after 25 years?”

“It’s not all of a sudden if you ask me. Just because you like fucking ass and sucking cock, doesn’t mean that you can’t give your body and heart to your wife. They call it bisexual for a reason.”

“You sure?”

“I can’t read your mind or your heart, but we’ve been friends for a few years. Even before we had our lunches. Also, if you want this sub thing to work for all of us, you and Sydney need to be honest with each other.”

“Thanks,” Paxton looked up as the waitress put their food in front of them, and then walked away. “You think I’ve been hiding my feelings?”

“From yourself, yes. What you and Sydney can’t fake, is how you’ve always looked at each other. Hell when I first met the two of you at the Governor’s inauguration party, I thought you were straight and completely in love with your wife. It wasn’t until you and I were drinking together, do you remember?”

“Yeah, you invited me out for drinks,” he looked around. “It was here.”

“Yeah, the night before you came upstairs to work for me. I accidentally let it slip that I sucked cock now and then, and you offered your cock to me.”

“I remember. I can’t even do that anymore. I mean, you coming over, but having our fuck and suck lunches, I can’t do. I promised Sydney. Hell, I’ve cheated on her since we were married and she never did.”

“Never? I thought she had other partners.”

“So did I, until this morning. Her only other partner was her vibrators.”

“Sounds like your marriage isn’t as either of you pictured. You should go to the appointment.”

“I will. I definitely will.” Paxton leaned back in the booth.