Lost (9 page)

We pulled into the mall, and I was
surprised how crowded it was.

“Must be a big
sale or something,” I remarked. I drove out to one of the farthest spots.
Habit. Brian always parked out in the boondocks. He didn’t want anyone near his
car if possible. I was going to give the car its due respect. We parked and got
out of the car.

“This sucks.
Why’s it so crowded?” Carey scowled.

“Well, it’s
almost the Fourth. Maybe people are just getting ready to go out of town.”

“And they do
this by coming to the mall?”

“Smart ass.” I
smacked him playfully on the arm, and he laughed.

“Ow! What’s up
with that?” He asked as he tried to tickle me.

I laughed and
dodged out of his way. It felt good to laugh. Carey didn’t do it enough these
days.

“Alright. So
jeans and shoes. Gap?” I ventured.

“Sure. But, I’d
rather get them at American Eagle, if that’s okay?”

I told him that
was fine, and we headed into the mall. It was a madhouse. Kids hanging out
everywhere.

“Yo, CK!”

I heard it, but
didn’t think anything of it, until Carey called back.

“Yo, B. What
up?”

“CK? Is that
new?” I teased him.

“Mom, shh...”

We walked up to
a group of kids sitting in one of the many lounges sprinkled throughout the
mall.

“Hey, guys.
What’s up?” Carey asked the four boys and three girls sitting there.

They all called
out their answers, and then Carey surprised me. “Guys. This is my mom. Mom,
these are the guys.”

I smiled at
them, though I only recognized one. “Luke, right?”

He was a tall,
thin boy with bleached blond hair.

“Yes, ma’am.
Nice to see you again.”

A few of
Carey’s friends had come to Brian’s funeral. Many of the kids’ friends had been
a bit shocked at the death. I think it reminded them of their own parents’
mortality, and they stayed away in fear. But Luke was one of the kids that had
shown up to support Carey. He already had brownie points in my book.

“Hi, Mrs. K.” I
looked over to the young lady that had called my name—sort of.

“Lessa?” I
barely recognized the young lady in front of me. Tommy’s daughter was all grown
up.

She laughed and
walked over to me. “Yes, ma’am. How are you?”

Lessa was a
tall girl, about 5’7”. She was just an inch or so taller than I was, and she
was growing into a beautiful, young woman.

“You look more
and more like your mom every time I see you!” I gave her a quick hug.

“Thanks. My dad
keeps reminding me how lucky I am not to take after him.”

“I’ll say!” One
of the boys teased her.

“Mrs. Klevan,
this is one of our friends, Gyle,” Lessa said as she eyeballed a boy sprawled
out on one of the benches.

I’ll be honest,
I was amazed at the manners going on. We had taught Carey to be polite, but as
we’d seen in the past, that can sometimes get lost when he’s with his friends.
It was nice to see how polite these kids were. On the other hand, I wasn’t
foolish enough to think they weren’t on their best behavior since a parent was
there.

Carey
introduced the rest of the kids, and they made small talk with me for a few
minutes.

“Hey, we were
going to see a movie. Can you come?” Lessa asked Carey.

“Well, I need
to get some jeans and some new shoes...” Carey trailed off.

“Yep, Carey
just got a job.” I told the kids with excitement.

“Oh, cool.
Where are you working?” Lessa asked.

“Umm... I’m
gonna be working for your dad.”

Lessa just
smiled and nodded. I noticed something going on in her mind.

“Well, how
about I give you some money, and you get a pair of jeans and some shoes? Then
you can do your thing with your friends and call me when you’re done.”

“Oh, I can take
him home, Mrs. Klevan.” That was from Gyle. He seemed like a nice enough kid,
but I didn’t know him.

“You’re going
into 12th grade right?” I asked him.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Then you know
the rules, right? Only one passenger with you when you’re under 18,” I reminded
him.

“Yes, ma’am. I
know, but everyone else either has a car, or they are riding together. It’s
just me, and I live right around the corner from you.”

“Mom, it’s
cool. I promise.” Carey looked me in the eye and nodded.

I took a deep
breath and gave him my permission. I wanted him to get out with friends, and
this was his chance. I gave him some money and told him if that wasn’t enough
to call me.

“If you’re
going to miss dinner, text me, okay? Any later than say 11, and I want a phone
call, alright?”

He promised me,
and after a quick kiss on the cheek, he was off with his friends.

Well, I guess I didn’t need to hang out
at the mall after all, so I went out to my car.

I sat in the
car for a minute and put my hands on the steering wheel. Brian had bought the
car about five years ago. A steal is what he told me, and though it needed a
lot of work, it brought him so much joy. He would give me part numbers as he
worked, and we would buy them as we could. I would sit outside with him while
he worked on the car. I was never much help, but he said just keeping him
company was enough.

After he got
the car painted, and we got it back, he made sure I knew how to change the tire
if need be. He showed me how to check the oil and the tire pressure. He
reminded me to only put “the good shit” in the gas tank.

I used to tease
him every time he mentioned that he needed something for the car. I’d tell him
I was beginning to hate
his
car.

“It’s not
my
car. It’s
our
car.” He would tell me.

“Really? Or are
you just saying that so I don’t bitch about the money?” I’d typically say in
return..

And he would
wink at me and give me a kiss. Though I complained at the cost and teased him
that it was like a mistress, the truth of the matter was I loved the car as
much as he did. I loved that he put in the extra work to make it a convertible,
because he knew that’s what I had been hoping for when he started looking for a
car to restore.

We used to go
for rides, just the two of us, and when we hit the highway, he would gun it. I
loved the rumble and the feel of the wind on my face.

I started the
car, but took a left. The grocery store could wait. I was going for a ride.

“Nice car!” I
heard a voice call out to me as I sat at the light.

I looked over
at the group of young men in the car next to me, and I could see them
appraising the car, giving it the appreciation it deserved. I put on my
sunglasses.

“I know.” I
returned with a grin, and when the light turned green, I took off. I laughed as
the wind whipped my hair around, and I felt the power of the 426 Hemi engine
Brian had so lovingly restored. I drove around for about an hour and enjoyed
every minute of it. Then, I directed the Charger toward the grocery store.

“Remember all
the fun we had in this car?” I asked. I believed with every ounce of my being
that somewhere, somehow Brian could hear me. “You loved this car—almost as much
as you loved me. I used to tease you about it.”

God, I love
this car.

I promised
myself that I would drive Brian’s car more. He would want that, and I wasn’t
going to disappoint him. He would want us enjoying life and all that he had
provided us. He would want us happy!

I was thankful
that the kids were starting to get back into a routine. In the summer, so much
of their days had been tied to their father. All three of the boys worked with
him, spent weekends at the lake house with him, did projects around the house
with him, and so much more. But this summer was different. It was just the six
of us, and I wanted the boys to start finding their own way. Jessie and Maggie
had occasionally joined the guys at the lake house and even helped with some
little things around the house, but their summers were often filled with day
camps and sleepovers with friends. They were finally coming back out of their
shells a bit and were doing more of the things they used to.

And then there
was me. In past summers, I spent my time shuttling the girls around,
occasionally having lunch at whatever site Brian had taken the boys to,
shopping with Bee, or going to have lunch with Amy. I could still do some of
that. Brian had made provisions for the employees to take over the company in
the event that something happened to him, and four of them did just that. We
had received generous compensation from that as well, so the business was out
of the picture for us. So, for the time being, I still drove the girls around,
and I still went out with Bee and Amy occasionally. But it was the nights I
dreaded. During the day I would occupy my time, but at night, when the house
was quiet and when my friends were asleep, I laid in our bed waiting. For
what
I didn’t know—sleep I suppose. But I would lay there and feel restless.
Like I was forgetting to do something or forgetting to prepare to do something
the next day. But I was slowly coming to the realization that my restlessness
had less to do with me actually forgetting something and more to do with me
being lonely. I was in no way ready to “get back out there” as all my women’s
rags—Brian’s words, NOT mine—say, but I missed having someone next to me. I
missed being held.

I pulled into the grocery store and
grabbed my bags before I jumped out of the car. I walked up to the entrance and
grabbed a cart. Walking into the store, I spied a display of gaudy red, white,
and blue flowers. They made me smile, and I decided to buy a few bunches to put
around the house. I would have Sam put up our American flag, and maybe we would
even have a barbecue. I figured one of us could figure out the grill.

I went up and
down the aisles getting fresh fruit and cookies for the kids to snack on. I got
meat for dinner and plenty of milk and bread. When I was done, I headed to the
front to pay.

“Julie?”

I turned around
when I heard my name. “Becca. Hi!”

Claudia’s
mother pulled her cart up next to me. “Thank you so much for taking Claudia out
with you guys the other night. She had a blast!”

“Oh, anytime.
Truth be told, I had a great time too. She’s really a wonderful young lady.”

“Thank you. Listen,
I was going to call you, but since I ran into you, we are having a little
cookout next weekend, and Claudia was hoping Jimmy could come.”

“The Fourth?” I
wanted to be sure.

“Yeah, we don’t
go anywhere for fireworks. We drove to Richmond once, and it was a madhouse
trying to get out of there. Never again!”

“Oh, I know.
Same here. We sit on our porch and just watch the ones that Busch Gardens shoot
off.”

We chatted for
a bit longer, and I assured her I would ask Jimmy and have him call Claudia. I
was sure he would be thrilled, but he was getting older, and I didn’t want to
make plans for him. I pulled out my phone and texted the plans to Jimmy. I just
didn’t want to forget, and at least this way it was out there.

When it was my
turn, I put my things on the counter and waited while the cashier rang them up.

“That’ll be
$178.53, ma’am,” the young lady behind the register told me.

“I was just in
here. I swear my kids inhale food,” I joked and pulled out my debit card to run
through the machine.

The cashier laughed.
“That’s what my mom says too.”

I thanked her
and the young man that bagged my groceries and pushed my cart out to the
parking lot. I fished my keys out of my pocket when I got the strangest
feeling.

It was quiet
outside—too quiet for a busy grocery store on a Friday—but I felt like I was in
the eye of a hurricane. It was still, unnaturally still, and the quiet was
disconcerting. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw something by the
fence. Something big. Something that moved quickly. I turned slowly, sure I
would see something I didn’t want to see.

Nothing.

I suddenly
heard the cars pulling into the lot, people putting their carts up, and the air
itself felt lighter. I shook my head and brushed it off.

Just tired
, I said to myself.
Just really
tired, Jules.

I popped the
trunk and put my bags away. I slammed the trunk closed when I was done and put
my cart up. I stood by the door for another minute, wanting to be sure that
everything was as it should be.

It was, and I
opened the door, started the car, and drove home.

Later that night

It was dark outside—and wet. He smelled
the damp earth. It wasn’t an unpleasant smell, but it was overpowering. The sun
still hurt his eyes, and he had found a place to sleep during the day. He was
healing, though much slower than he thought he would, but he
was
feeling
stronger.

He didn’t know
why he watched her, but he did—and had for weeks. He spent the nights praying
she would come outside, hoping she would. She was... something. It was right
there. His head still hurt. Maybe when it finished healing, things would come
back to him.