Lone Bean (9 page)

Chapter 17
Wiggly Legs and Shaky Hands

“S
ee you there,” I said to Gabrielle as she climbed into her mom's car.

“Break a leg,” she said, and smiled.

I knew she didn't really want me to break a leg. That's just the way people say “Good luck” before a big performance.

Me and my sisters piled into Dad's car and we hit the road. I had butterflies in my tummy, but not bad ones. These butterflies were excited!

Gabrielle and her mom followed us to the college, but when we got there, they disappeared because they had to park far away. Dad gets to park right up front in the teachers' lot. He has his very own parking spot with his name on it, you know.

We grabbed our instruments from the trunk and marched into the building. The walls were covered from ceiling to floor with holly and wreaths, and there was a huge Christmas tree right by the door. You could tell the holidays were almost here, for sure.

We followed the posters and signs that said
HOLIDAY MUSICAL EXTRAVAGANZA
to the auditorium, where people were beginning to arrive for the show. We walked down the aisle in the middle of the room, and as I passed row after row after row, those nervous butterflies chased the excited ones right out of my tummy. This place was h-u-g-e HUGE!

We climbed the stairs on the side of the stage and headed backstage. It was full of people getting ready for the show. I spotted Stanley putting his saxophone together.

“Hey, there!” I waved.

“Hi, Bean,” Stanley said, and then turned his attention back to his saxophone. I could see he was a little bit nervous too.

All the musicians were getting ready. Gardenia opened her flute case and started putting the shiny silver parts together. Rose sat down at the piano to practice her piece. A man with a beard was tuning his guitar, and a pretty lady was playing scales on a harp.

I got started prepping my violin too. I opened up the leather case and carefully pulled out the bow. It's very fragile, you know. I screwed the top gently to tighten the bow hairs, just like Dad had taught me, and rubbed the rosin up and down the strings to make them sticky and ready to play.

“Okay, we're going to start in a couple minutes,” Dad announced to the performers. “We are going to perform tonight, youngest to oldest. Sorry, Jackson,” Dad said with a wink at a man holding a trombone. He had gray hair, so I guessed he was the oldest.

Oh, wait! I looked around frantically, trying to find someone younger than me. No luck. I was the youngest—and that meant I was first.

“Dad,” I said, “I can't play first.”

“Sure you can, sweetheart. You're ready to go and looking good. You're the perfect start for tonight's performance.”

“No way! I can't! I won't! I mean Mom isn't even here yet.”

“Don't worry. She'll be here,” Dad said, smiling to comfort me. Then he turned to Stanley. “You're up right after Bean.”

“Please go before me,” I begged Stanley.

“No way, Bean. Sorry,” Stanley said, and I understood. Of course not! No one in their right mind would want to go first.

I peeked around the curtain, and when I saw the huge auditorium almost full to the brim with people, my legs got all shaky like noodles and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

Everyone was so busy tuning their instruments and warming up that they didn't notice when I ran down the hall and into the ladies' bathroom. I stared in the mirror and took a couple deep breaths. “You can do this,” I said to myself. I stood up straight as an arrow, puffed out my chest full of deep courage-filled breaths, but then, as I turned to the door, I deflated like a balloon. It was no use. I was s-c-a-r-e-d SCARED!

I didn't know what else to do but hide until Mom got there . . . or the show was over. I ran into the last stall, locked the door, and sat on the seat with my legs crossed so no one could see me.

Someone came in to pee, and I closed my eyes and held my breath. Not a peep! Luckily, they flushed, washed their hands, and left without spotting me.

Then through the door, I heard Dad call in a muffled voice, “Five minutes, everyone!”

I held my breath, knowing that someone was gonna start looking for me.

“Bean? Are you in there?” Rose yelled as she peeked under the stall doors. She didn't see my feet, though, because I was curled up on the toilet seat.

The door shut behind Rose, and I let out a sigh of relief. Alone again . . . or so I thought.

“Bean!” Gardenia shouted, scaring me to death. She was standing on the seat in the stall next to mine, peering over. “Everyone is looking for you.”

“I'm not going on, never!”

“Bean, it's gonna be okay. You've practiced and you're gonna be great,” she said sweetly. Then she went back to her usual tone. “Now open the door and come out . . . now!”

Just as I opened the stall door, Gardenia grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the bathroom and back to the dressing room.

“What's wrong?” Rose said.

“I'm not going on. Mom's not here and she promised and I'm gonna mess up and . . . ,” I whimpered as I fell into my sisters, who hugged me tightly. “Mom's never here when I need her.”

“I know Mom gets stuck at work a lot, but we're here,” Rose said.

“We love you. You're gonna be great!” Gardenia added.

I remember when I got in trouble with Tanisha and my sisters were worried about me. Even though my sisters love to torture me every chance they get, I know that when I really need them, they will always be there for me.

“Okay, everyone, it's time!” Dad called. “Bean, you're up.”

“Dad, Bean really wants to wait for Mom to get here,” Rose said.

“Do you think you could switch up the order?” Gardenia asked. “I don't mind going first.”

“All right, I guess that would be okay,” said Dad.

“Thanks,” I said, and gave Gardenia a big hug.

“Welcome, everyone, to tonight's Holiday Musical Extravaganza with all our very talented local musicians,” the announcer said. “Now put your hands together for our first performer and our youngest, Bean Gibson. Huh?” He was stopped short by a woman behind the curtain. They whispered for a minute, then he continued, “Okay. Change of plan. Please put your hands together for Gardenia Gibson on the flute.”

I watched as Gardenia sashayed to the stage with her head held high. She is brave. Gardenia played a piece by Mozart so beautifully that I bet even he couldn't have played it any better. After her, a girl named Suzette played the guitar. She messed up a couple times, but the crowd didn't seem to mind.

Next, Stanley got onstage and played his jazz tune on his saxophone and everyone, including me, danced and clapped along. When he was done, the crowd went wild.

“You were awesome!” I told him, and gave him a big hug when he was done.

I was feeling a little more relaxed as I watched Rose play. She was amazing. She played Beethoven with both hands and without even one mess-up. The audience clapped and shouted.

“Okay, sweetheart, you're up,” Dad whispered in my ear as Rose took her bow. “I know you are scared, but you're going to be great.”

“But Mom's still not here,” I whined. “And she promised.”

“I know. I'm really sorry, sweetheart. I'm sad that she didn't make it too.” Dad hugged me tight. “There are no more kids—and the show must go on.”

My hands were shaking like earthquakes and my feet felt like sandbags stuck to the ground. I couldn't move, but Dad grabbed me by the arm and dragged me onstage.

With a kiss on the forehead, he said, “Go ahead, honey. Go play.”

The curtain opened. I was frozen, with my violin and bow dangling at my sides. I looked out into the audience, and it was overflowing with strangers. They seemed like big, mean-looking men and creepy, strange-looking women—and they were all glaring at me. I wanted to turn and run, but my feet were superglued to the stage.

Slowly, I raised my violin to my shoulder and placed the bow on the strings. You can do this. You can do this, I repeated to myself. I took a huge believe-in-myself breath and pulled the bow to start.
Screeeeeeeeeech!

Oh, no!
Screeeeeech!
I couldn't do it!
Screeeeeech!
I fought back the tears that were filling my eyes, but one got free and then they all started falling down my cheeks. They dripped down my chest onto Gabrielle's special dress, so now she was gonna be mad at me too. This was a disaster.

I turned and looked over my shoulder, and Stanley was waving. Rose, Gardenia, and Dad were there too. When I saw them all smiling back at me, it gave me a teensy tiny bit more courage. I took another deep breath and turned back to the audience.

The lights were just bright enough that, in the crowd of strangers, I spotted Carla and Sam, and there was Gabrielle too, and she didn't even look mad. I saw Tanya and Grand Mommy and Aunt Bobbie. The more I looked at the audience, the more familiar faces I saw and the better I started to feel.

I put my violin back on my shoulder and kept my eyes glued on all my friends. I started again and there was no screech. I played the whole song without another mess-up. When I was all done, everyone stood up and clapped for me.

I bowed and curtsied and bowed again and waved to all my friends.

When I came off the stage, Dad gave me the biggest bear hug ever and then took the stage with a few of his friends.

Dad played the guitar and sang while his friends Jack and Tom played the drums and bass guitar. Rose joined them too and played the piano as they shook the house with what Dad calls “ol'-school rock.” They were the hit of the show, for sure. Everyone got up and danced in the aisles. Gardenia grabbed my hand and we got onstage and danced too. Dad was beaming. This must be how he felt when he was in that band when he was young.

After the show, everyone met up backstage.

“How about we all go for ice cream?” Dad said cheerfully. “Tonight is a very special night.”

“Yippee!” we all squealed, but then my happy face turned sour when I spotted Mom pushing through the crowd.

“I'm so sorry. I can't believe I missed it,” she cried as she ran toward us with tears in her eyes. She knelt down in front of me and said, “I got a flat tire on the freeway, and it took forever to get someone to help me change it. Baby, I know I promised, but this time it was out of my hands.”

Even though I'd made it through the performance alive, my body was still churning with angry and sad feelings. I could tell Mom felt bad, but this time I had really needed her and she had let me down . . . again.

I couldn't help the tears from filling up my eyes. My hands shook as I wiped my wet cheeks. I clenched my teeth and yelled, “You always miss everything!”

“I'm really, really sorry, Bean,” Mom said, trying to console me.

But it was no use. My head was spinning from my fury. I opened my mouth again and screamed, “I hate you!”

Mom winced at my words, and all the people around us froze. I knew it was really mean to say, but I couldn't stop the fire burning inside.

“Bean, that's enough,” Dad said sternly, but I spun around and ran away to get lost in the crowd.

“It's okay. Let her go,” I heard Mom say to Dad as I left. She was crying. “She has every right to be upset.”

I spotted Tanya first in the crowd that was still hanging out in the auditorium. I hadn't seen her in so long, and boy, had I missed her. I gave her a big hug, which made me feel a little better.

Just then, Carla ran up too and wrapped her arms around me. “You were awesome,” she said.

“Thanks! I'm so glad you both were here. I don't think I would've been able to get through that without you guys.”

“Hey, who's this?” Carla asked, motioning toward Tanya, who was standing next to me.

“Oh, meet my cousin and really great friend, Tanya. Tanya, this is my best friend, Carla.”

“It's really cool to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you,” Tanya said. “I'm glad everything worked out between you two.”

“Yeah,” said Carla. “We forgave each other.”

“And now everything is great,” I added, but my heart still felt like it was missing something, like Swiss cheese with all the holes. I felt bad about what I had said to Mom. I mean, of course, I don't hate her. I love her. I was just really, really mad, you know.

I guess we all make mistakes, though. I hadn't meant to be a bad friend to Carla, and she had forgiven me. My eyes flicked to Stanley in the crowd. He had forgiven me for calling him names, and Gabrielle had too, for the muddy-water incident.

“I've been looking for you,” Rose said, when she finally spotted me. “Everyone's waiting outside. Time to go.”

“Wanna come for ice cream?” I asked Carla and Tanya.

“For sure!” they both cheered.

I grabbed Carla's hand with my right and Tanya's hand with my left as we headed out of the auditorium. We spotted Sam, Gabrielle, and Stanley and invited them too.

Mom, Dad, and the rest of the gang were waiting outside for us. I could tell Mom was still feeling really bad. Her eyes were red and her head was hanging low. Dad had his arm around her shoulder, trying to comfort her.

I ran up to Mom and grabbed her hand. “I'm sorry I made you sad, Mommy.”

She hugged me tight and said, “I'm really sorry too, baby.”

I wiped her tears from her cheeks and said, “It's okay. Everyone messes up sometimes, and I know that, for sure, because I mess up a lot, you know. I don't want to be mad anymore.”

“Oh, baby,” Mom said as she hugged me tight. “You've become such a big girl and I am very proud of you. I love you so much.”

“I love you more,” I said as I snuggled deeper into her chest.

“I really wish I had been there to see you play.”

Then I had a great idea. “Maybe I could play for you tonight when we get home?”