Life-After (8 page)

I understood what was happening. We were both sharing our memories of our time after the meteor fell, simultaneously. I could see and feel everything she did and vice versa. Though I did not speak a word she understood everything about what happened to me. As I watched Clara and the others dig Barry out I could not help but think about my own trials in digging our way out of Naxum.

My thoughts about my own past came to an end. Everything around me faded into darkness. For a moment I believed that was it, but I could still feel a pain deep inside and it was not mine. As the darkness began to fade I could see Clara and Richard huddled over Barry. Behind them in a corner were several bodies wrapped in cloth. The intensity of emotions coming from Clara was stronger than ever. I knew we had reached the point she most wanted to spare me from.

Over the next one hundred and forty three days we lost all twenty six of the people with us in the bunker. At first we did not know why but soon Richard discovered the reason and one night while watching over Barry he told me the truth.

“
Richard…why are we still alive?” Clara asked. “That radiation, it killed everyone else. Barry had several broken bones and yet he outlived everyone. How is that possible?”

I only knew it as radiation at the time. The symptoms began about thirty days after we arrived. At first we believed the cause was the small amount of food and water we were able to consume. We had basic medical equipment and Richard found a scanning device in one of the crates. He spent the next week running tests and as more and more people became ill he had no choice but to give us his results.

He told us the military was working on new energy sources and that one must have been damaged after the quake. He believed it was leaking radiation and that somehow it was bleeding into our area. By then there was not much more you could tell anyone to scare them any further. To us, it was just another way to die.

Over the next one hundred days I watched each one of them die and yet I nor Barry or Richard developed any of the symptoms. Soon people began to wonder why we were immune but by then they were too weak to even protest. It was a horrible death, David. Something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. A part of me wanted to die with them. I was tired, I just wanted to let go.

“
I immunized you.” Richard answered. “What happened to the others was not radiation per say. There was an incident years ago that closed this facility. The military did experiments on humans and energy and one of the test subject developed abilities. He was able to absorb energy and use it to augment his natural abilities, but it had a side effect. He would secrete a bio-toxin from his pores which was deadly to humans. It would cause symptoms similar to radiation poisoning. In the end the toxin affected his mind and he attacked everyone in the facility. The government locked it down trapping everyone in side. Eventually he killed everyone and without any food or energy sources he died.

The government sent a recovery team but discovered the toxin was even more powerful after his death. Not even their hazard suits would protect them. Only a year ago the Naxum scientists were able to create a serum that would protect the body from the toxin. However, when they were about to begin salvage operations they discovered no trace elements of the toxin. They were going to begin recovery procedures here next week. I believed it was safe but just in case brought along an injection of the serum. It was for my wife. Barry and I were already immunized but by the time my wife left it was too late to retrieve more. I hoped their findings were correct, but I was wrong.”

“
You only had one person you could save…” Clara gasped. “…and you picked me?”

Richard confessed that he had fallen in love with me soon after we arrived. He felt horrible for his feelings. He told me about his wife and I told him about you. David, you have to understand. I knew we were going to die and I was weak. I needed so badly to feel someone was with me in those final days.

Two nights later Barry died. By then we had run out of food and water and I knew it would only be a matter of time. I could barely move. Our energy cells were depleted and had to huddle together for warmth.

Clara showed me her final moments. She was slumped over, her head on Richard’s chest, his arms around her. It pained me to see her like that, not just the suffering, but also that I was not there. Clara’s pain was at its strongest. Without saying a word she was apologizing to me though her emotions. I wanted to turn away but there was nothing to turn to. I was there, forced to bear witness to the death of the woman I love in another man’s arms.

It was so cold and I did not have the strength to move. I could barley feel Richard’s heartbeat as my own slowed to a crawl. Closing my eyes I prayed that death would soon come because I could not take anymore. The smell of the death was overpowering, to me there was no hell worse than that. The silence was broken by a whisper. It was Richard; he was trying to tell me something.

“
I’m sorry, Clara.” Richard said softly. “I began all this for selfish reasons and then was ill prepared. You could have died instantly in the strike, but I brought you all down here to die a slow agenizing death. I joined the military because I wanted to end suffering and at my end all I did was cause more. My wife was right to leave me…”

“
Don’t say that, Richard.” Clara chokes out. “You gave us hope and did everything you could. You are not at fault for this.”

Richard remained silent for several minutes. For a time I believed he had died until I finally felt him take in a deep breath. His arms tightened around me. I wanted to say something, but I could not find the words.

“
I know you don’t love me.” Richard said. “You gave your heart to David and I wish I could have been as strong as you. I still love my wife, but I have come to love you as well. You don’t have to say anything Clara. I just wanted you to hear it from me. I want my last words to you to be, I love you.”

Richard was drawing his last breaths and mine were soon to follow. I could have remained silent. I wanted to, but I didn’t. He had done so much for me, for everyone. We had all lost so much and my feelings for him while nothing like the love I have for you were still…strong.

“
I…David…” Clara softly stammered out. “I love you, too,…Richard.”

The memory that Clara was showing me did not fade into darkness it shattered into a bright nothingness. I felt her presence leave me and was left cold and hollow. My vision cleared and as the light faded I found myself back in what up until that moment I still believed was heaven.

Clara sat on her knees crying into her hands. The skies above had darkened and the cold I felt when Clara left me was mimicked by the weather. I wanted to walk over to her to comfort her but I did not. Everything that I had believed was taken from me. I wished she had never shown me her memories. Knowing the truth I was afraid I would never be able to accept where I was as heaven. For the last two years I had wanted nothing more than to be with Clara again. Now, all I wanted was to be alone.

5

I had been lying to myself, keeping parts of my past locked away deep inside. Ever since I closed my eyes and prepared for death another memory began to creep up from the deep recess of my mind. Just thinking about it caused so much pain, not just because of what the memory entailed, but because I felt just remembering it was disrespectful to Clara. After witnessing what happened to her and hearing her words and feeling her feelings, I could not help but think back on that time. I had told myself Clara was the only woman I ever truly loved, but that was not true. There was one other.

When I decided to enlist I wanted to do so away from my home country. I had severed ties after finishing high school and did not want to look back upon my time there. Since the alliance military needed troops they did not care where those troops came from. In the end I signed up in a small town in western Canada. We were shipped off and trained in what was then called Michigan. I did not know any of the other recruits and that was fine by me. Their names did not matter and I could be whoever I wanted to be.

Though I planned to be distant and focus on my training from the start I still ended up caring about three people. What I never expected was that I could come to fall in love with one of them. Originally I did not respect her. Sara Preston was the daughter of Captain Vincent Preston, head of the Alliance Eastern Air Force. When she arrived at basic training everyone expected her to be given the royal treatment because of her name. It did not help matters any that Sara was a proud woman, very confident to the point that if you did not know her you would think she was arrogant.

Sara’s pride, as I soon came to realize, was warranted. She did not take the easy road to anything. Everything she did was to prove she was just as good as everyone else. Sara wanted to be the best, not to live up to her father, but her own goals and standards. As basic training continued it became clear to everyone that Sara was a true solider and she earned everyone’s respect. I still had my reservations about her.

Growing up the way I did, I hated anyone with a famous lineage. After being ostracized for my parents’ refusal to join the alliance military I grew to resent people who used their last name to get ahead in life. All I saw when Sara would go to extremes was someone who knew the correct way to utilize their family name without bringing negative attention. I found nothing special about her accomplishments during the beginning of basic training. I myself had done what she had and more.

The problem obviously was with me, but I was stubborn and wanted to prove my opinion right. During my time in high school I became proficient in accessing restricted networks and had even cracked the alliance network downloading a prerelease copy of an operation system that was to go global once the war was over. I used my abilities to break into Sara’s personal records. I learned her father did not want her on the front lines. Sara was an accomplished diplomat during her time in college. She was asked to join the Alliance Nation’s Council but refused the offer instead transferring to the marines.

I read her family history discovering that she was kidnapped as a child along with her mother by a Federation terrorist group. The group planned to use Sara’s mother to get Captain Preston to give up sensitive information. Captain Preston notified Alliance command that pressured the Federation government to peruse the terrorist cell. The Federation military eventually found the location of Sara and her mother. When they sent in their forces the terrorist killed Sara’s mother right in front of her.

After reading about everything Sara had gone through and the fact that she still fought so hard to be accepted changed my opinion about her. I befriended her and near the end of basic training we fell in love. Soon after my friend Hershel was killed during a virtual reality simulation. The loss of a friend and my love for Sara make me rethink my service in the military. I told Sara how I felt and mentioned her time with the terrorists. She knew that information was classified and I had to confess to what I had done.

She was livid. I told her she had nothing to prove and neither did I. For the first time I wanted to just run away. I asked her to come with me and leave the war behind. She refused and walked out on me. The next morning I went looking for her to apologize. The commanding officer told me she was sent on a mission. I did not even know she had been tasked. They would not tell me anything and I was left waiting weeks to hear word of her.

One night Jonathan walked into the barracks, he had the same look on his face as he did when Hershel died. Sara was captured and was killed trying to escape, that was all they would tell me. I never saw her body, there was no funeral. All I wanted was to tell her I was sorry and that I understood her dedication. I decided to apologize through my actions and completed basic training. My career in the military was dedicated to her and I was determined to serve with dignity in remembrance of her.

When I began work at Naxum I sat Clara down and told her about Sara. She listened as I told her everything including the fact that I still wished I could apologize to her. A look came over her face as if I had crushed something inside her. Just as she was about to speak the phone rang. It was her aunt. Her parents had been killed in a car accident. I never brought up Sara again and neither did she. For a time I wondered what she was going to say to me.

I stood frozen. A cold breeze blew across the fields sending a chill throughout my body. Watching Clara cry was killing me inside and yet I could not bring myself to comfort her. There were words in my mind, things I wanted to say, but the words did not come. Standing in what was to be heaven felt just like the night Clara received word her parents were killed. She cried hysterically, I did everything I could to comfort her, but she just wanted to be alone. I understood that need, I had felt it plenty of times growing up and so, I gave her space.

That was what I needed, space. I believe Clara knew it as well. She slowly rose to her feet. The wind blew through her hair drying her tears. She walked over to me and looked into my eyes.

“
We could never have continued if I did not tell you the truth David.” Clara said. “This place is created using our thoughts, memories and feelings. We can live amongst each other or create a world of one, it is our choice. I wanted to create a world just for us so we could be together, to be happy. To do this we have to be in sync with each other to keep the world stable, if not it will collapse.”

Clara took my hand. It was no longer warm. The skies above began to lighten. Her words made sense to me. While I never concerned myself about the afterlife I had dealt with terrible nightmares as a child. Along with my troubles socially I had experienced health issues as a child as well. It was an experience that left my mental state damaged and though during the day I could function semi-normally, at night I would be plagued with terrible dreams.