Keep the Faith (13 page)

We were all bopping away and I looked up and there was Miss Ramsbottom on the balcony. She was dressed all in black and looked as if she was about to unfurl her bat wings to swoop down and feed
on the blood of the young. Had she been up there all night? I hope she didn’t notice that impression I did of her.

Finn put his arms round me while we were dancing and I felt better than I had all evening. I just hope Icky stays right away from him.

I was supposed to be going shopping with Megs today, but her grammy has had a fall and is in hospital. I hope she’s all right. Grammy does always make you admire her
gnomes, but she is quite fun for an old person and always liberal with the biscuits.

Mum sent me upstairs to catch up on homework, but then Sam wandered into my room like a fly into a Venus flytrap, so I said, ‘Do you want to play a game?’ in a friendly and entirely
non-threatening manner.

‘Why?’ he said, stepping backwards. ‘What are you going to do to me?’

‘Oh, Sam, you’re so suspicious. Anyone would think that I’d harmed and ridiculed you before.’

‘You have. A lot.’

‘What does Mum always say?’

‘Don’t put that there? Who’s eaten all of this? Am I talking to myself?’

I nodded; she does say all that in quite a shrill voice, quite often. ‘She also says you’ve got to start each day afresh.’

Sam was unmoved.

‘It’s more of an endurance test really,’ I said. ‘But if you’re not brave enough . . .’

He took another step into my room. ‘What do I have to do?’

‘We have to see how long we can bear terrible trials.’

‘Both of us?’

‘Yep.’

‘What’s the first one?’

‘Just a minute.’ I dashed down to the kitchen and gathered a few supplies. When I came back, I said, ‘Stick your tongue out.’

‘What for?’

‘First test. How long can you bear mustard on the tongue?’

Sam grinned. ‘Easy.’

But there’s a difference between a blob of mustard on your hot dog and a great fiery layer of it painted on your tongue. After a few seconds, Sam’s eyes started watering and his nose
began to run. To be fair, he held on quite a long time before rushing to the bathroom to rinse his mouth out.

‘Well done, Sam!’ I called after him. ‘You might be weak in the head, but at least you’ve got a tongue of steel!’

When he came back, still dribbling and wiping his eyes, he said, ‘Your turn.’

I looked at him in mock surprise. ‘What’s that?’

‘Your turn. How long can you take the mustard?’

I smiled. ‘Oh, I’m not doing it.’

‘But you
said
. You said we’d both do it.’

‘No, I said that we would both bear terrible trials.’

‘And you haven’t done yours!’

‘Yes I have,’ I said while I bundled him out of the door. ‘I’ve had you in my bedroom for fifteen minutes. It was a terrible trial putting up with you for all that time,
but I went the longest under unbearable conditions so I’m the winner.’

As I slammed the door, Sam’s face was purple.

I don’t think it had anything to do with the mustard.

I should thank Sam for helping me not to worry about Grammy. I’ll show him my gratitude by not kicking, punching or poking him for twenty-four hours.

Megs’s grammy has got to stay in hospital for a few days, but she’s OK, which means I was able to worry about something else this evening: tomorrow is
Valentine’s Day.

For several years, I’ve assumed that all I needed to make me perfectly happy on Valentine’s Day was a boyfriend. But now I realise that it’s not enough. What I really need is a
boyfriend who will notice something like Valentine’s Day and do something about it. I’m not sure that Finn even knows that such a thing exists.

I should probably just be grateful for the fun we have together.

But I see no reason why I can’t have fun with my boyfriend
and
a card. And maybe a thoughtful gift or three.

I’m just saying.

Nothing in the post this morning. No one stopped me on the way to school to give me flowers and no one sent a singing telegram into my Maths lesson. Cameron walked all the
way over to our school gates to give Megs a single rose wrapped in cellophane and ribbon at lunchtime.

By the time I got to Geography this afternoon, I was starting to feel really depressed. I sat down at the table and Lily gave me a chocolate heart.

‘What’s this for?’ I asked.

She grinned. ‘Because I love you.’

Which just goes to show that you should not forget what really matters in life.

True friends.

And chocolate.

I met Finn in Juicy Lucy’s after school. When we said hello, he gave me a kiss on the cheek. This made me feel quite sophisticated and I hoped everyone else had
noticed how me and my boyfriend just throw the cheek kisses around like that. I told him all about Mr Hampton nearly setting fire to his own beard in Chemistry and Finn told me about someone
driving off the top of a skyscraper in the film he watched last night. (I tried to find out what the car was doing on top of the building in the first place, but Finn was a bit hazy on the details.
I think he sort of dips in and out of TV. He needs a loud explosion to get his attention.)

The thing I like about chatting with Finn is that I never feel like I’ve got to say anything really brilliant. We just sort of ramble along. Sometimes we run out of things to say, but he
doesn’t seem to mind that either. At one point I plucked up the courage to say, ‘So Megs was going on about her Valentine’s rose from Cameron yesterday.’

Finn looked blank.

‘You know, it was Valentine’s Day yesterday.’

‘Oh. Right.’

‘I was going to get you a card. I didn’t know if you like that stuff.’

He shrugged. ‘Cards are cool. I don’t know about that Valentine’s thing. It’s like everybody has to do the same thing on the same day?’

I sort of understood what he was saying so I nearly just said ‘Yeah’, but I didn’t really mean ‘Yeah’ and, you know me, I like to be clear so I said, ‘I think
it’s a nice idea. It’s good to tell people how you feel.’

He thought about this then he picked up his cookie and handed it to me. ‘I feel like I think you’re really nice, Faith.’

Which is actually way better than a rose wrapped in plastic.

Granny came over for tea. She poked about at the bowl of mixed leaves Mum put on the table and said, ‘What’s this?’

‘It’s rocket and baby spinach leaves with watercress,’ I said.

‘Don’t be patronising,’ Dad said.

I don’t know why everyone mistakes my helpful voice for a patronising one. I can’t help it if there are a lot of stupid people who need to be told things. Slowly.

And then Dad said, ‘It’s salad,’ to Granny, which I thought was much more patronising.

‘Salad used to mean some lettuce from the garden, a few pieces of cucumber and a tomato cut into quarters,’ Granny said.

I nodded politely, which was a mistake because it gave Granny the idea that I wanted to hear more.

‘The first time your grandfather took me to a restaurant on a date they cut the tomato into the shape of a flower and put a pinch of cress on top of my salad. We thought that was very
fancy.’

I thought that if I heard any more about glamorous vegetables I might lose consciousness so I said, ‘How’s your boyfriend, Granny?’

She batted her eyelashes, tossed her hair around like a St Mildred’s girl and said, ‘Which one?’

Outrageous. I finally manage to get a boyfriend and Oldie Pants McAncient has to outdo me with her pack of wrinkly gentleman friends.

‘They are all . . .’ She threw out a hand in a sweeping gesture as if she was talking about the population of a small country. ‘. . . Very well.’ She sniffed.
‘Except Malcolm. He’s having a hip replacement.’ She jammed a chicken leg into her mouth. ‘Ows ors?’ which I took to mean, ‘How’s yours?’

I gave her a stern look to let her know that I didn’t approve of her showing off or talking with her mouth full. But I’m not sure she noticed because she’d got her false teeth
stuck in the chicken and was trying to pull them loose.

‘How is my boyfriend?’ I repeated. ‘He’s very fit and healthy. No false bits. Just shiny hair and glowing skin, boundless energy and never wears his trousers pulled up
under his armpits.’

Granny narrowed her eyes at me. ‘There are some things that an older boyfriend does better.’

‘Like what?’

‘Pays with his credit card. Drives a car. Flies you to Switzerland.’

When I say something clever, I’m pretty sure that people find it enlightening. When Granny does it, it’s just plain annoying.

‘Yeah, well,’ I said, ‘I bet none of your boyfriends can jump the library steps on their skateboard.’

Granny peered down her nose at me. ‘Why would I want them to?’

I had to admit that she had me there so I passed her the garlic mayonnaise. Let’s see what her boyfriends think of her breath after that.

Today was my pre-birthday day. When I’d assembled my minions at lunchtime, I said, ‘What have you got for me?’

Lily handed me a tiny package. I unwrapped it, hoping for a diamond pendant, but inside was one of those plastic chips that you get in the amusement arcade when you win a game. When you’ve
collected about a thousand, you can swap them for a prize.

Lily had given me just the one.

It was worth a thousandth of a giant teddy.

‘Thanks,’ I said. ‘What am I supposed to do with it?’

Lily spread her hands. ‘I don’t know. I thought it was what you wanted.’

‘Why would I want one of these? Why would anyone want one of these? I’m not sure anyone even wants a thousand of them because, once you’ve got over the excitement of a giant
teddy, there isn’t much you can do with it . . . Except maybe leave it in your brother’s bedroom doorway late at night so that it casts a terrifying grizzly bear shadow . . .’
Actually, I was warming to the idea of the giant teddy, but it still didn’t excuse the token.

‘When I said I’d already got you a present for your actual birthday day, you said that this pre-day thing present didn’t have to be big. You said it was just a
token.’

Sometimes I wonder why I bother to spend hours lecturing Lily in the art of being a normal person; it’s clearly not making a dent in her insanity. ‘I meant like a
token
box
of chocolates or a
token
tenner. Not an
actual
token.’

Lily shrugged. ‘Mr Hampton was right when he said that you need to work on your clarity.’

I gave her a punch in the arm.

Which I think made things pretty clear.

Ang said, ‘I’ve got part of your present now and you can have the other bit on your other birthday.’

That seemed fair enough. When I opened the package, it was an earring. Just one. A tiny toadstool. It’s pretty cute, but I fear that she’s taken the surprise out of the second part
of the present. Unless Lily’s loopiness is catching and the second present isn’t the matching earring. In which case there’ll be more punching to do.

Megs gave me a box of Roses.

‘That’s more like it,’ I said. ‘See? This is why you get to be top friend.’

Megs shoved me. ‘And there was me thinking it was my wit, charm and lively conversation.’

‘Well, it’s not your modesty, is it?’

Then I crammed an Orange Cream in her mouth to stop her from saying anything else.

I enjoyed my pre-birthday day a lot. I might have a post-birthday day later on in the year.

Finally, it’s half-term. I swear the holidays are getting further and further apart. I went out for pizza with Finn to celebrate. I thought about inviting the gang
along too, but apart from Cameron that lot seem to struggle to chat to Finn. I don’t know why; I find that as long as you don’t use too many long words Finn is prepared to talk about
pretty much anything.

‘I love the holidays,’ Finn said. ‘I really like that big long one.’

‘Yeah, that’s the best. Although sometimes my dad makes us go and see my cousins. They live in the middle of nowhere and it always manages to rain when we’re there. Even in
August. I wish we were going somewhere hot.’

‘Mmm, the sun is awesome.’

‘Where do you go on holiday?’ I asked.

‘My mum likes Portugal and my dad likes France. Me and my brother like anywhere with good surf. Some years we end up going to three different places, then everybody’s
happy.’

Which just goes to prove that I was right when I told Mum that the secret to a more harmonious family life is lots of money. She seemed to think it was something to do with love and compromise.
I pointed out that if we were rich she’d be able to pay me to love Sam and compromise with her.

‘I like to go surfing whenever.’ He touched my hand and gave me a lovely smile. ‘Hey, some of us are going to Cornwall in the summer. Maybe you could come for a bit. We stay in
a hostel so it’s not crazy expensive.’

I wasn’t sure how much thought Finn had put into this suggestion, but it’s always nice to be asked.

‘Who’s going?’ I asked.

‘Me, my brother, Josh, couple of my brother’s mates. It’s going to be pretty cool. Surfing, swimming, maybe some mountain biking. You’d love it.’

I wasn’t sure about that list of activities, but there’s nothing wrong with the beach; I certainly do enjoy lying around eating ice creams and watching boys splashing about in the
water.

‘Sounds great,’ I said.

Well, why shouldn’t I make holiday plans? My parents are always telling me I need to take more responsibility and I am practically an adult. As far as I can see,
there’s no reason why I shouldn’t go to Cornwall with my boyfriend.

Well, maybe three reasons: 1) I’ve got no money; 2) Mum; 3) Dad.