Kane, Samantha - Brothers in arms 7 (20 page)

Charles finally succeeded in shoving him off and Gideon rolled onto his back. Sarah ran over and fell to her knees next to Charles. “Are you all right?” she asked him, frantic.

Charles sat up, supporting his weight on one hand. He rubbed his neck gingerly and nodded.

“What happened here?” Gideon asked. The question was almost as hard to ask as the ones he’d thrown at Charles accusingly.

“If you knew your wife at all, Gideon,” Charles told him is disgust, “or me, you’d know that what just happened was what she wanted.” Charles refused to look at him.

Gideon could not believe that. “Sarah is a lady. That sort of rough fucking may have been fine for whores, but not for Sarah.”

Charles laughed with bitter humor. “Because only whores like me like a good, rough fuck?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to.” Charles was standing now too. “You never meant a word of it, did you? You never meant for me to have her. You thought I wouldn’t, that I’d continue to play the martyr and leave her alone. Well, I won’t. She’s as much mine as yours now, and you can’t keep me from her.”

“If you think I’ll let you abuse my wife, you’re wrong,” Gideon told him. He realized then what a vulnerable position he was in, lying there with no crutches, no defenses.

“I can’t believe you could even think that of me,” Charles choked out. He looked sick.

“I wanted it.” Sarah’s voice was firm, though Gideon could still hear her tears in it.

He looked at her and she met his gaze unflinchingly. “I encouraged him. I wanted him to take me, and I wanted it rough. I wanted him to take me against the tree and I wanted him to bite me.” A sob ruined the effect of her confession and she pressed the back of her hand to her mouth as if to hold any more emotional outbursts inside.

102

Love’s Fortress

“Sarah…” Gideon said in astonished confusion. He had not known. He’d had no idea that she wanted to be fucked like that. He didn’t know if he could do it.

Sarah stood clumsily. Charles reached out a hand to her which she caught as she rose to her feet. Then she let go and backed away from both men.

“I wanted it. I’m sorry, Gideon. I didn’t mean to…” She hiccupped on a sob again.

“I thought…” She looked at Charles and, bursting into tears, she turned and ran back to the house.

103

Samantha Kane

“You have to go to her.” Charles bent down and grabbed Gideon’s crutches. He stood and tossed them on the ground next to Gideon. “She thinks we did something wrong. You have to tell her we didn’t.”

Gideon hesitated to pick up his crutches. He had just made the biggest mistake of his life and wasn’t sure how to fix it. Yes, he needed to go see Sarah. But he had to mend fences with Charles first.

“I’m sorry.” He looked right at Charles as he said it, letting every ounce of regret he felt show on his face.

Charles sighed and leaned against the tree, his hands on his hips as he looked over his shoulder at the pasture. “I know you are.” He turned back and Gideon flinched at the pain he saw in Charles’ expression. “Is that truly what you think of me? That I could hurt Sarah that way?”

Gideon shook his head. “No. In my saner moments I know that you would never do that. That you would do everything in your power to make sure no one ever hurt her, including you or me.” Instead of taking his crutches and getting up Gideon covered his face with his hands and rolled onto his back in the grass once again. “I don’t know what I was thinking. You were both gone when I awoke, and I came searching and saw you together. The closer I got the more apparent what you were doing. It was rough and I jumped to conclusions.”

“You have a talent for that.” Charles sounded bitter rather than amused.

“I said I was sorry.” Gideon hadn’t meant to say it like that, as if he were the offended one.

“How many times am I going to have to forgive you, Gideon?” Charles asked quietly. “Five? A hundred? A thousand times? I feel as if I’ve already reached my limit.”

“God, don’t say that,” Gideon replied fervently. “I’m quite sure I’ve got a great many more offenses yet to be committed waiting inside me.”

“Gideon.” Charles voice was tired, his reprimand weak.

“I mean it. You know I’m not easy, Charles.”

“No, you are not,” Charles agreed a little too quickly.

“You told me that a few weeks ago. But I don’t try to be that way.”

Charles straightened and moved away from the tree. “Sometimes I wonder.” He shook his head when Gideon started to reply. “No, no more. Go to Sarah.”

104

Love’s Fortress

“Does this mean I am forgiven?” Gideon asked as he finally grabbed his crutches and stood up awkwardly. Charles did not offer to help.

“No. But I suppose you will be eventually.”

It was more than Gideon had hoped for. Things were not right by any means, but at least they were not quite so wrong.

“Don’t forget we leave for Suter’s today.” Neutral ground. Gideon almost sighed with relief as Charles brought up the horse-buying trip. They were walking up the hill together silently. Hills were never easy for Gideon, though he had mastered the ability to traverse them without falling down.

“Can’t you go without me?” Gideon asked. He didn’t want to anger Charles again, but he hated going anywhere. It was thoroughly unpleasant to watch people’s reaction to him.

“No, I can’t.” Charles was exasperated. “I’ve told you, most of these gentlemen don’t wish to deal with me. They consider me your lowly servant. They won’t negotiate price with me or talk about bloodlines. They want you for that. And I don’t want to risk losing this Arabian. He’s from von Fechtig’s stables.”

Gideon’s lips thinned. Charles had told him what was happening after several unsuccessful trips. Gideon tried to take care of the problem through his correspondence with several buyers, but it was a futile effort. And Charles was right. They needed the Arabian.

“I’m sorry.” He winced as the words escaped again.

“Yes, I know,” Charles answered wryly. “So you’ve told me.”

* * * * *

“Come in.” Sarah kept her voice level by sheer force of will. She knew as soon as she heard the knock it was Gideon. It was well past dawn now. She’d been waiting for him for what seemed like hours.

The door opened and Gideon stepped in. He didn’t look at her where she stood beside the bed as he shut the door behind him quietly.

“I’m sorry.” He stood by the door, leaning on his crutches as he apologized, as if afraid to come any farther into the room. “I was an idiot and I came to beg your forgiveness.”

Sarah let out a watery chuckle, on the verge of tears again. “Yes, you were.” She licked her lips nervously. “But you were shocked. I know you were. We should not have done that there, without you.”

“Nonsense.” Gideon moved over to the chair in the corner and lowered himself into it. “You two have every right to do that whenever you please.” He looked at her with an eyebrow cocked. “Although try not to do it in front of the entire neighborhood next time, please.”

Sarah laughed again. “Oh, Gideon. Everyone was asleep.”

105

Samantha Kane

“You hope,” Gideon muttered loud enough for her to hear. She blushed. Gideon cleared his throat. “I want you to know, Sarah, that I was not upset at the fact that you and Charles have finally become intimate.”

“We were rather intimate before this morning,” she answered drily, sitting on the edge of the bed with her hands folded in her lap.

It was Gideon’s turn to laugh quietly. “Yes, quite. But you know what I’m talking about. I always expected that Charles would have you that way one day. I’m not sure why he hesitated so long. You both knew. I’ve told you enough times that I would not deny you that.”

“But you do not like it.” Sarah finished the sentence for him, but he shook his head.

“You are wrong.” Gideon took a deep breath and looked away. “I think you know how much I do like it.”

Yes, she knew. At least, she knew he liked to watch her and Charles when they were together. “You didn’t get to watch us this morning.” The words were spoken without thought, and Sarah’s eyes grew wide with dismay as she realized what she’d said.

Gideon nodded. “Ah, then you do know. Yes, I would have liked that.” He clasped his hands in his lap, staring at the floor. “Does that bother you?”

Sarah shook her head and then realized Gideon couldn’t see it. “No, it doesn’t. I suppose it should.”

Gideon’s head jerked up. “Why?”

Sarah was taken aback at his question. “Why? Well, I guess because it would certainly bother everyone else to know what we do with Charles.”

Gideon waved away her concerns with a snort of disgust. “Bah, who cares what they think? They can mind their own business. I certainly do.”

Sarah laughed. “Yes, you certainly do.” She sighed. “I could have said no that first night you came with Charles. He didn’t want to be here.” She wondered if he still felt that way. He’d sought her out today. But was this really what he wanted? Or did he feel compelled to consummate their relationship because of Gideon? “I never even thought to say no that night. I suppose part of me wanted him there. What does that make me, I wonder?”

“My kind of woman, apparently,” Gideon responded drily. She laughed and he smiled that lopsided grimace of his that she loved. “Why?”

She didn’t understand his question. “Why what?”

“Why did you want him there? Because of me? This?” He ran his bent fingers down his scarred face.

Sarah gasped. “No! I knew you wanted him there. I could see that his being there eased your concerns. I wanted you to stay and I didn’t think you would if I refused to allow Charles to stay with us.”

106

Love’s Fortress

“You know me so well,” Gideon murmured, leaning back in the chair. “You have from the moment we met, I think. And I thought I knew you. But today I realized that I do not know you at all.”

Sarah had known this was coming. She turned her face to the wall. “I heard what you said to Charles. I’m sorry I’m not what you thought I was. I’m not a lady, not really.”

“I spoke out of turn. That is not what I meant.” Gideon’s response was sharp. Sarah looked at him and he seemed angry.

“Wasn’t it? It’s clear you wanted a lady for a wife. You said as much in our first interview. You have treated me as if I were. But I failed a test today, I think.”

“No, you did not. There was no test. To me you are every inch a lady. I failed the test.” Gideon was furious with himself for putting Sarah in this position. That she could question herself this way was his fault entirely. Now that he’d started his confession, he felt compelled to finish it. He owed it to Sarah to risk his pride. “I panicked, you see.

You and Charles were gone and I thought you had left me.”

Sarah gasped and jumped to her feet. “Gideon, I would never. We would never…

Surely you know that.”

Gideon leaned his head against the wall behind him and blew out a breath. They said confession was good for the soul. He didn’t feel good but he did feel a certain lightness at revealing his deepest fear.

“Yes, I do. But what I know and what I feel are two entirely different things, aren’t they?” His mind flashed back to when he awoke this morning, to the second he realized they both were gone. He never wanted to feel that way again.

“Gideon…” Sarah sounded as if she wanted to cry. He definitely did not want that.

So he sat up and went back to the point he’d been trying make.

“I did not know that you would like it so rough.”

Sarah blushed so hard it seemed as if her entire body turned red. Gideon found her blushes charming. “Neither did I.”

“I should have known.” Gideon had berated himself repeatedly before he gathered enough courage to knock on Sarah’s door. “I should have at least asked you what you wanted. I should have noticed that you were not satisfied with what we were doing.”

Sarah glared at him indignantly. “Of course I was satisfied. What we have been doing is equally as satisfying as what Charles and I did this morning. I certainly would have said something if I had been unhappy. I am not such a ninny as that.”

“How could you have known?” Gideon asked incredulously. “I am well aware, madam, that prior to our wedding night you had no carnal experience. I was the experienced one who should have seen what you needed.”

“Are you so much a rake, then?” Sarah asked curiously. “I did not think you had much experience, particularly since coming back from the war.”

107

Samantha Kane

Gideon could have kissed her then, if she were closer. She had spoken of the war and his injuries with mild curiosity, not morbid, reluctant fascination. As if it were commonplace to discuss it and not as if the mere mention of it would send him screaming from the room. There were a handful of people who spoke to him like that.

He was eternally grateful his wife was one of them. “Come here.”

Sarah did not question his command at all. She simply walked over to him and stood before him, waiting. After the way he acted this morning, her trust in him was humbling. He reached for her hand and pulled her down to sit in his lap.

“Gideon, surely I am too heavy,” she protested, resisting. “I don’t think your leg can hold me.”

Gideon was affronted. “Nonsense. It carries me around, doesn’t it? And I weigh a great deal more than you do, even without half a leg.”

Sarah gingerly lowered herself onto his lap. Gideon jostled her around until he was satisfied with her position. He very much enjoyed the feel of her delicious derriere against his crotch. The thin material of her gown and wrapper were more a tease between them than a barrier. He squeezed her gently and she laid her head on his shoulder. He wore only a shirt with no waistcoat or jacket. Not even a cravat. He could feel her soft breasts pressed against him, and her hair tickled his exposed chest.

“You did not answer my question,” she said quietly a few moments later.

“Hmm, did I not?” Gideon murmured. “Do you suppose other married couples discuss these things?”