Ice Burns (6 page)

"I know how you feel," she whispered. "I am here in the world alone and without purpose to make me stronger. I would give anything to understand who I am and why I can't seem to be what Master expects of me."

4

The call of the hawk was practically in her ear; it echoed in her ears to the point that it was deafening. She wondered if the bird had made a home in the rafters over her room. She shuddered at the thought of what would motivate a bird of prey to find such a location ideal.

Can they smell solitude to determine potential prey?

A loud sound above her head on the double casement windows had Chandra scurrying away from the window frame. When she looked back, she saw a gigantic white hawk had landed on the window ledge, pushing the casement open so it could perch in the expansive opening.

It needed the space as it was easily the biggest hawk she could have ever imagined seeing. Chandra was shocked to think that birds of prey could get so big. Though she had never seen one up close, the bird seemed unusually massive. The size of the creature could be likened to one of the noisy hunting dogs with the long ears that lounged near the fire and snarled at passersby. She morbidly wondered if the hawk was large enough to carry off one of the lazy creatures.

The bird eyed her through liquid silver eyes; its immense head cocked to the side as if it studied her as she did the same. The hawk was almost pure white. Its body was lined with the palest shade of gray, making it almost look like it was white with white lines. The feathers on the underside of its wings were a shade darker of gray. Even the creature's hooked beak was little more than a dark shade of white. Chandra wondered if it would disappear if it were to land in a snowdrift.

Chandra's eyes widened at the thought that this may have been what she saw in the tree earlier in the day. It made sense that something so perfectly white and shadowed would seem to make the other colors disappear.

The great bird had finished studying her and was using its beak to straighten out some feathers on one of its long, white wings. She surmised that if the hawk were to stretch out to its full span, the reach might parallel her own.

As if on cue, it spread wide and fluttered gently; its wings created a substantial breeze in the room. Chandra realized the hawk might have had a longer reach than she did. It raised its regal head and eyed her with a look that seemed speculative.

"I wonder what you see," she said and then jumped at the sound of her voice. The hawk did not move, but tucked its wings back in and continued to watch her.

Chandra imagined herself in the dish-shaped eyes as somewhat angular in view, with a long braid of varying degrees of brown trailing down her back. Her skin was pale from all of the time she spent in the estate and no doubt her green eyes were wide and dilated from the shock of a magnificent creature like a hawk landing in her room. To it, Chandra probably looked as terrified as she felt. She looked up at the creature and met its eyes.

Is it wise to make eye contact with a bird of prey or will it think I am somehow challenging him?

It was then Chandra noticed the bird's eyes were less silver and more of a pure white. It was unlike anything she had ever seen, though most of her experience was through books or the odd bit of artwork scattered through the estate. She had seen hawkers hunting with the birds from one of the windows, but they had simply looked like specks and no larger than a small house cat.

Chandra was at a loss what to do next. She knew she couldn't continue the stare down forever and cringed at the thought of trying to shoo the bird back out the window. The hawk was the most extraordinary creature she had ever seen up close.

It's also big enough to carry me off if it wanted to.

The thought made her shudder, and she considered her options. If she went about her business would it get bored and fly away? The chair she had been reading at, where her forgotten meal adorned the table, would place her back to the bird. She felt more than a little uneasy at the thought of turning away when she didn't know what the bird would do.

She also had a fleeting image of her lifting the chair and motioning at the bird with loud sounds and big movement. It looked silly in Chandra's head, and she grinned at the visual.

The hawk made a soft keek sound as if to ask, "What?"

"I'm not sure you would get the joke even if I could explain it," Chandra tapped her head and finished with, "You had to be there."

The bird seemed to shrug and settle into its "perch" on the window.

Chandra decided she could call the guard to get rid of the hawk, but shook her head at the idea. She doubted the guard’s methods of removal would be little more than attempted target practice.

Chandra was hesitant to try to coax the bird. It had settled itself in a very relaxed posture on the window and, despite the little trepidation she had with having a wild creature so near, the bird’s presence was so unique in her unchanging life. She found herself in awe of its stark beauty and the intelligence in its eyes.

Chandra moved the chair and settled herself to one side of the table. She shifted her meal and books over before lighting the lantern on her wardrobe. Her appetite did not encourage her, so Chandra found herself looking at the plate for a long moment before picking at the meal. She looked up and saw the bird still watching her from its new roost and wondered if it was hungry. That might explain the odd behavior and the fact that it had found its way to her room. Maybe the smell of the food had somehow drawn it over.

She made a face at the meal and doubted the smell would bring anything but flies. Chandra chewed the idea for a moment before she tossed half of the fish toward the hawk. It landed with a wet plop on the floor not far from the window ledge where the bird resided. The creature cocked its head at her in question. Chandra found herself mirroring the bird's reaction by cocking her head back.

"It's not poisoned, as far as I know," she murmured, mindful of the guard outside of her room. "Please eat. I’m sure you’re hungry." The hawk seemed to nod in reply before it jumped down to eat. Chandra had expected him to ravage the flesh, but the bird ate daintily. She wondered if maybe it wasn't hungry or if the fish was that bad.

Thinking about the wet sound the fish made when it hit the floor, she was inclined to agree. Chandra had never cared for the salted fish eaten at the estate. You could always tell when Master was away by the quality of the food. Chandra flopped a bit of the meat back down on the plate and sighed.

“If you would prefer some bread or cheese instead, you are welcome to them,” she told the hawk as she pushed her plate away and leaned back in her chair. She eyed the book and parchment wondering if she could do something to appease Master when he returned.

The table rocked loudly with a sudden movement, and Chandra fell backward in her chair. The hawk landed on the table but ate nothing. He, she decided it must be a he with the beautiful, full plumage, walked across the wooden surface to look over the edge at her.

Keek keek.

"I'm all right," she told him and rubbed at where her backside had hit the floor. She stood slowly, and the bird backed up a bit on the table. She eyed the creature and shook her head at the momentary notion that the bird could understand what she said and picked up the hated book. She eyed it in the same way she would have a slug on her shoe and shifted it from hand to hand while watching the hawk as he now ignored her to neaten his feathers.

He was a gorgeous bird. The light from the lantern caused his white and silver feathers to glow. Several shades of white reflected the light and Chandra realized that there was no such thing as simple white but varying shades of white mixed with different grays, silver, and even blue. She imagined that if she were able to hold a massive snowflake in her hands that the bird would be the same frost white colors.

"I don't know how long you plan to stay or if you're only visiting, but I'm going to name you Frostwhite, if that's okay with you," she spoke in a low tone, not wanting the guard or Andre to come in the room and see the hawk. Of course, she reasoned, if they hadn't come in when she fell over in her chair or when Frostwhite landed on the table, it wasn't likely they were going to bother even if they heard her screaming about someone killing her.

Frostwhite didn't acknowledge her words but instead continued to rake at his feathers with his beak and then smooth them over. Chandra was reminded of how the cats in the yard would occasionally groom their fur and realized that the motion was very similar.

Chandra opened the book in her hands and stared at the random lines and marks on the pages without any comprehension. Some time and several eons later in history, Chandra put down the book and eyed Frostwhite, who had settled himself into her napkin as if it were a next of the softest material imaginable. She could not help but smile at the strange creature’s odd behavior. He looked like a giant chicken in a nest, though she was certain his beak would do more than give her a nick if he snapped at her.

“Don’t get too comfortable,” she told Frostwhite as she stood and brushed away the crumbs in her lap. “I’m not going to be comfortable sleeping with you in the room. You’re going to have to find a different roost for the night.”

No sooner had she finished the sentence than the bird was up and flying out the window. Chandra stared after it with her mouth open. He had flown away as though he understood her. Chandra's brain froze as she grasped for conclusions.

Movement. Of course. I startled him when I stood.

She had risen from the table, and the movement had startled the bird away. That’s all that had happened. It wasn't as though a bird could understand what a human said. Even the hawkers had used sounds and gestures to make their birds understand them.

She crossed the room and tried to reach the window casement to close it before half climbing on the windowsill and swinging at it. The window closed most of the way, but she couldn't reach the latch. She decided that it would have to do.

If Frostwhite comes back to kill me in my sleep, at least I won't have to deal with Master's disappointment again.

Chandra doused the lantern and turned to her bed.

And if I'm still here tomorrow, I will read every book Andre will bring me until I can figure out some way to tap my powers, whatever they may be and however limited.

No more distractions.

Chandra pulled the blanket over herself and tried to get comfortable around the stress and anxiety that squeezed her to the bone. She heard the night sounds again and attempted to focus on nature's music as a lullaby to put her to sleep. No matter what she did, though, it was hard for her to ignore the lingering feeling of regret that the bird was gone.

The next morning dawned hazy and dark. A bruised storm of purple and blue was moving quickly across the desert. Jagged slashes of lightning tore across the sky, but no rain fell over the dunes that reflected the sky's rage back at it. It was as if a seam were being ripped open to show a glimpse of stark, bright world behind the curtain. The air was alive with the excitement of the storms.

Chandra's hair reflected the sky's levity by sticking out at every angle possible. She closed the awning and wedged the chair against her wardrobe so she could almost climb fully on the ledge to shut the casement. She even managed to latch it with the tips of her fingers after several attempts.

"Who built this place? Giants? A race of tall angry people who wanted to make sure no one would ever be comfortable in their home once they left?"

Chandra was flushed and panting from the efforts when she climbed down. Her mirror reflected a madwoman with wild hair, glowing green eyes in contrast to the rough purple of her cheeks and her mouth open as it tried to fill her lungs.

"Apparently, I don’t get enough exercise, or this mirror is intent on only showing me the worst views of myself," she muttered as she fought her hair back into a braid, barely winning the fight.

Chandra stood at the closed window for a moment before opening the awning a tiny bit. She watched in awe as black clouds flew across the sky as if being pursued by demons. The wind scraped at the star curtains and across the barely-open awning as though demanding entrance suitable for such an elemental force. It called in a whistled sound that was steadily growing louder as it entered regardless of the narrow opening. The elements tugged at her auburn hair like it was critiquing her braiding abilities. She moved away but did not close the awning. Even with the electricity in the air, the cool, moist breeze felt good in the still room.

Chandra went to the basin to wash and dress for the day. As she rubbed down with tepid water, Chandra entertained the notion of staying in her bedclothes. It wasn't as though she would be allowed to leave her room. In the end, she decided that if she wanted Andre to bring her books, she probably would need to be fully dressed for the encounter. Besides, once the storm kicked up fully, it would likely bring in a chill when it clashed with the Northern winds. Storms always blew in warm from the desert, hit the forests and went damp before a northerly wind would collide with it, kick everything up to a wild gale and make the outside dreary with damp and chill. The cold wetness always managed to find its way into the rooms of the estate.

It would be louder by the time night fell again. The storms seemed to carry bits of rock and sand from the dunes and used it to chip away at the walls and windows, seeking entry. Sometimes it sounded like the estate was under siege with the way rocks, sand, and bits of forest rubbish were flung gleefully at the estate. It had scared Chandra when she was young, but as she got older, she imagined that it was a fairy queen using the elements toe try to free her from the estate.