Horrid Henry and the Zombie Vampire (2 page)

Horrid Henry lay down on his bed.

He’d get writing as soon as he finished this week’s
Screamin’ Demon
comic.

“Margaret! Stop shouting!

Steven! Stop grunting!

William! Stop weeping!

Soraya! Stop singing!

Henry! Just stop!

Everyone. BE QUIET!” yelled Miss Battle-Axe. She mopped her brow. One day she would retire to a war zone and enjoy the peace and quiet.

Until then…she glared at her class.

“Now. I want everyone to settle down and write a story.”

Horrid Henry scowled. Miss Battle-Axe always hated his stories, even Henry’s brilliant one about the Troll Werewolf Mummies who hid beneath teachers’ beds and snacked on their toes. She hadn’t even liked his cannibal can-can story about the cannibal dance troupe who ate their way across Europe.

It was hard, heavy work writing a story. Why should he bother when his efforts met with so little reward?

What was that stupid thing Peter had read out last night? That would do. Quickly Horrid Henry scribbled down Peter’s dreadful butterfly fairies story. Miss Battle-Axe didn’t deserve anything better.

Done! Now back to his comic. Screamin’ Demon was just about to discover where the Master of the Macabre had hidden the treasure…

Horrid Henry felt a long fingernail poke into his shoulder. He looked up into Miss Battle-Axe’s evil eye.

“…And why aren’t you writing your story, Henry?” hissed Miss Battle-Axe.

Horrid Henry smiled.

“Because I finished it,” said Henry.

“You…finished it?” said Miss Battle-Axe. She tugged on her ear. Perhaps it was time she had her earwax removed again.

“Yup,” said Henry.

“Let me see,” said Miss Battle-Axe, holding out her bony claw.

Tee-hee, thought Horrid Henry, handing her the story. She doesn’t believe me. Wouldn’t batty old Miss Battle-Axe get a surprise.

“Hmmm,” said Miss Battle-Axe after she’d finished reading. “Hmmm.
Butterfly Fairies Paint the
Rainbow
. Hmmm.” She stared at Henry and tried to smile but her mouth had trouble turning up due to lack of practice. “
Much
better than usual, Henry.”

Henry stared. The men in white coats would be coming to take Miss Battle-Axe away any moment if she liked this story better than his others.

“In fact…in fact…I want you to go now to Miss Lovely’s class and read it out loud to the kindergartners. They’ll love it.”

What? NO!!!!!!!

Perfect Peter’s class sat expectantly on the carpet as Horrid Henry stood before them, story in hand. Now everyone would think
he’d
written this stupid story. Moody Margaret would tease him until he was old and gray and toothless. But what could he do? He was trapped.

“
Putter fair pat the rainb
…” mumbled Horrid Henry.

“Speak up, Henry,” said Miss Lovely. “Don’t be shy. We’re
so
looking forward to your story.”

“Butterfly Fairies Paint the Rainbow
,” hissed Horrid Henry.

Perfect Peter’s jaw dropped. Too late Henry realized his mistake. Writing a story about butterfly fairies was bad enough. But he’d never hear the end of it if people found out he’d
copied
his younger brother’s story. Though even Peter wouldn’t be such a tattletale…would he?

Peter put his hand in the air.

“Miss Lovely, that’s
my
—” began Peter.

“Just kidding,” said Horrid Henry hastily. “My story is really called, uh,
Butterfly Fairies Fight the Giants
.”

He glanced down at his story, changing words as he read:

“Once upon a time there lived two hideous giants, King Hairy the Horrible and Queen Gertrude the Gruesome. Stamp and stomp, stomp and stamp went the hideous giants every day.

“They liked stomping on fairies, especially the butterfly fairies who polished the rainbow every day.

“‘One day the giants looked up at the sky. Whoopsy daisy! All the butterfly fairies had fallen off the rainbow.

“‘Oh what fun,’ cackled King Hairy the Horrible, squishing the blue butterfly fairy.

“‘Yippee!’ squealed Queen Gertrude the Gruesome, squashing the orange butterfly fairy.

“‘Ha ha!’ they both shrieked, stomping on the green butterfly fairy.”

Perky Parveen looked shocked.

Spotless Sam began to sniff.

“‘I’m going to roast those fairies for dinner,’ said Queen Gertrude the Gruesome. ‘Yum, yum!’ she drooled as the delicious smell of cooked fairy wafted through the castle kitchen. Then the Queen picked up the fairy bones and—”

Miss Lovely looked pale.

Oh no, what now, thought Horrid Henry desperately. He’d reached Peter’s horrible fairy song.

“Tee-hee. Tra-la.

Tra-la tra-la

We are dainty little fairies

And we play and sing all day

Maybe you can come and join us

Then we’ll paint the day away

Tee-hee hee hee

Tra-la-la-la.”

Horrid Henry took a deep breath.

“King Hairy the Horrible and Queen Gertrude the Gruesome were so happy that they began to sing:

‘Tee-hee. Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

We are big and ugly giants

And we belch and kill all day

Maybe we can come and find you

Then we’ll squish your guts away

Tee-hee tee-hee

Ha ha ha ha,’”

bellowed Horrid Henry.

Perky Parveen began to cry.

“The fairwies got squished,” sobbed Lisping Lily.

“I don’t want the giants to eat the fairies,” shrieked Tidy Ted.

“I’m scared,” howled Helpful Hari.

“I want my mama,” wept Needy Neil.

“Wah!” wailed the kindergartners.

Horrid Henry was thrilled. What a reaction! Maybe I’ll add a bit more, thought Horrid Henry. This is such a great story it’s a shame to end it here.

“‘Let’s find some bunnies,’ snarled the giants. ‘I’m sure—’”

“Stop! Stop!” said Miss Lovely. She looked gray. “Better go back to your class,” she whispered. What had Miss Battle-Axe been thinking?

Horrid Henry shook his head and closed the door on the screaming, howling class.

Wow. What a great story he’d written.

Maybe he should be an author when he grew up.