Hold You Against Me (4 page)

I miss him.

“Dear?”

My attention snaps back to the woman in front of me. It’s almost hard to see her face with all the diamonds crowding her neck and earlobes. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Donato. I didn’t hear you.”

It helps that the ballroom is crazy loud. It makes it less weird that she has to keep repeating herself to me. “Call me Ines,” she says with a knowing smile. “You’re practically a woman now. One of us.”

One of us.
But who is that exactly?

It’s like there’s a secret handshake that no one ever taught me. I understand what Gio meant about staying in the background and hoping not to be noticed. There’s something almost creepy about all the smiles and the wealth. And the congratulations for my sister, when everyone here knows what a monster Byron is.

Heck, everyone here
is
a monster.

All the jewels dripping from wrists and necks were bought with blood. But I’m supposed to smile and say, “I’m so thrilled to be here.”

She clucks. “It’s so hot though. More than usual, don’t you think?”

“Yes, it has been warm this year.”

Which is a lie. We live in Las Vegas. It’s basically a giant oven, a kiln that’s been baking the cracked clay earth for centuries. The grounds of my father’s estate are lush green, a testament to what huge sums of money and half the city’s water supply can accomplish.

We’ve made our own little oasis. But that doesn’t make it any less of an illusion.

I scan the crowd, but I’m too short to see above the black tuxes and fancy hairdos. “Have you happened to see Honor around?”

Mrs. Di Donato winks. “I saw her leaving the ballroom with Byron a few minutes ago. Young love is a beautiful thing.”

I manage some kind of nod that convinces her before making my excuses. Then I’m crossing the ballroom. I readjust the shawl as I go, making sure it’s covering my cleavage. My feet are aching after hours of standing in heels—seriously, whoever invented these was a masochist. Or a sadist. But they don’t slow me down. Whatever is going on between Honor and Byron, it’s not love. I have to check on her.

A man stops in front of me. I start to go around him, but he touches my arm.

I flinch back. Only then do I realize he was stopping me on purpose.

He smiles. “Are you Clara?”

I’ve never seen this man before. And I have no desire to meet him now. “Excuse me. I’m looking for my sister.”

He grins, mouth stretching wide. He looks kind of like a movie star, and I don’t like it. “I’m afraid she’s indisposed at the moment. I hope that will give you a few minutes to talk to me.”

I’m standing in the middle of hundreds of people, but I’ve never felt more alone. I don’t know where Honor is. She could be anywhere in the house. Heck, she could have left the house. And with Byron, who is no doubt hurting her in some way. He will always hurt her. There’s no way we can stop him. As I stand in the crowded room, a deep and sorrowful certainty takes root.

We have to go. Leave. There’s no reason to wait.

There’s no reason to hope things will get better.

The only thing to do is leave—and never see Gio again.

“Excuse me,” I say again, this time more quietly. I’m breaking apart inside. “I think I need to be alone.”

His expression turns apologetic. “Actually, Honor sent me to check on you. She knew she’d be busy and wanted to make sure you had someone by your side.”

I narrow my eyes. Is he flat out lying to me? It feels that way. Honor would know I don’t want some weirdo stranger hovering around me. But then again, she does get protective sometimes. Maybe she did worry about me in the ballroom by myself.

But why not send someone I actually knew? Or at least introduce me to him first?

Then again, it’s not like Byron would have given her time to do anything. If he says to jump off a cliff, he’s already pushing you off. That’s how he operates.

I look back at the party. I
do
feel sick now. Sick of smiling. Sick of pretending. I want to be in the pool house, teasing Giovanni. But it’s still my sister’s party. And I don’t need to listen to my intuition to know she might be hurting right now. I have to find her before I go. I’ll make sure she’s okay. Then I’ll make excuses so I can sneak to the pool house.

“Can you bring me to my sister?” I ask the strange man.

“Of course.” His smile disarms me. He actually looks pretty nice when he’s not blocking my path and being pushy. “She just stepped outside for some air.”

*     *     *

The lights strung
up over the patio cast the rest of the lawn into darkness. I can’t even see the outline of the pool house from here. A couple is making out, half-hidden by a bush, but they stop when they see us. Actually, not us. Him. Whoever this guy is, he makes their eyes widen and they run inside, straightening their clothes as they go.

“Where’s my sister?” I say.

He absently scans the dark landscape. “She’ll be along.”

It’s not only secluded here. It’s quiet. Much quieter than the voices and five-string orchestra inside. It makes me feel a little stranded, being out here alone with him, with no one to hear me. “Umm, what did you say your name was again?”

“Markam,” he says with an easy smile. “Javier Markam.”

My eyebrows shoot up. Wasn’t he in the news about some big controversy? “The governor’s son?”

“Does my reputation precede me?”

I can’t remember what he’d supposedly done. But no one in that ballroom has clean hands. Not even me. We all benefit from the criminal enterprise in some way, even if it’s only the bed we sleep in or the guards that lock us in. “Not really.”

“Good.” A glint enters his eyes. “I don’t want us to get off on the wrong foot.”

Suspicion is a dark knot in my chest. “Are you friends with Byron?”

“Good friends, yes. We go way back.”

My heart pounds. Honor would never send one of Byron’s friends to me. She wouldn’t trust him any more than I do. “He said something about wanting me to meet his friends. Was he talking about you?”

Dark eyes study me. “Direct. I like that in a girl. I hope we can speak frankly with each other.”

“Why would that matter?”

“Because we’re going to be seeing a lot more of each other. At least, if I have my way.” He winks to lighten the words, but I can read between the lines. He always gets his way.

“I don’t understand.”

He shrugs. “You know how these things work. Powerful people make powerful enemies. We need to stick together. Like Byron and Honor, for example.”

We are nothing like Byron and Honor. They’re engaged. And if that was a marriage proposal, it was seriously lame. “I’m fifteen.”

That earns me a chuckle. He has handsome features and an expensive tux, but he’s twisting and distorting while I look at him. Everything looks exaggerated, fake. His smile. His hair. Even the good humor in his eyes. It’s a creepy kind of humor. “I know you’re too young for anything serious. We’re just getting to know each other. Getting to know if…there’d even be a point in pursuing this, understand?”

No.
“And if there is?”

“Then you’d still stay here, finish your studies. You’d be under Byron’s protection. I’d visit from time to time.”

In other words, he’d be free to play the field while I’d stay locked up in here. Gross. “I’d like to find my sister now.”

“Look, Clara.” He drops his head. It’s an endearing move. A practiced move. “The truth is, Byron didn’t only introduce me to you because of the family connections we could make. He thought I’d like you…and I do.”

Somehow I don’t think he’s talking about my personality. “Why would he think that?”

“You have a certain innocence. A youthfulness I find appealing.”

It’s called being underage, jackass.
“Well, thanks. I guess. I’d like to find my sister, though. I’m worried about her.”

“You never have to worry about her. Byron would never let anything happen to her.”

That’s what I’m afraid of. I take a step back. Then there’s a hand clamped around my wrist. Javier’s hand. “Let me go.”

He pulls me closer. I wobble on my high heels, almost falling into him. The shawl comes lose. His gaze drops and darkens.

“Clara, I think you and I really get along.”

“Let go of me
now.
”

He walks forward, and I have no choice but to walk backward, stumbling as I go. One of my shoes twists off, and then the other. I’m off balance, almost falling, except that he’s holding me up, fingers clenched into my skin, wrenching me. The trellis is at my back, the same metal trellis I use to climb down, the one I use to escape, and now it’s part of my prison. I’m caught between those unforgiving bars and his body, breath coming fast. Now I understand how Honor feels. I understand why she puts up with it—because she has no choice. I knew it before, but I never experienced it until now, never felt fear like a living thing inside me, clawing its way up my throat.

I kick at him, even as part of me knows that will only make it worse. I don’t have the poise and class and core of steel that Honor has. I can’t endure this, even when I know I have to. I can only fight.

“You little bitch,” he snaps as my knee connects with his shin.

He twists my wrist, and I’m facing the wall. The scarf is long gone, and my breasts are pressing into the metal criss-cross. Javier is holding me in place, his breath hot against my temple. “I want us to get off on the right foot, Clara. I told you that.”

And this is the right foot. Violence. Coercion. Tears stream down my face. There’s no way out.

This is how Honor must feel.
Trapped.

There is a sudden cry and groan from the man holding me captive, and then he’s up against the metal grate himself, flat with arms spread wide, while Giovanni punches him again and again. The only reply Javier makes is a groaning sound that makes the hair rise up on my neck.

“Giovanni, stop!” He’ll kill him, and that will be so much worse. He’s the governor’s son—and worse than that, he’s Byron’s friend. “Stop!”

Giovanni turns to see me, and the rage parts like dark clouds, long enough for me to see
him
looking back. Him, the boy who spent those nights in the pool house, cracking jokes and letting his hand brush against mine. The haze clears. “Clara?”

I’m crying, my hands clenched together as if in prayer. Begging. “Giovanni, please.”

He turns and faces Javier. For a minute I think he’s not going to listen. He’s just going to keep beating him until Javier is dead, and then what will we do? I don’t even know what we’ll do if he’s alive. We’re in so much trouble. This goes beyond trouble.

Giovanni speaks low, so low I can barely hear him. “How does it feel without your buddies backing you up, huh? How does it feel one-on-one?”

Then he slams Javier into the wall one last time. Javier’s eyes are closed as he slumps to the ground.

I stare at the unconscious man, his nose bloodied, his crisp tux rumpled and torn. “Is he…dead?”

Giovanni wipes his brow with his forearm. “No.”

“Is he the one who did that to you? The bruises?”
With his buddies.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does. Why would he—”

“We need to get out of here.”

Right. What would happen if we were found out here? Every man in there is packing heat. Some of the women too. “We have to find Honor.”

“There’s not time.” He puts his hand out to me. He doesn’t grab me. Not like Javier did. His eyes are as dark as the night behind him—unfathomable. They scare me just as the night too, but I trust him. No matter how much he’s tried to scare me away. No matter that he once stroked my neck, that he once held it in his hand.

I put my hand in his. “Let’s go.”

He doesn’t wait. We run toward the pool house together. We don’t even have to discuss it first. We both head toward there like it’s our north star, our home.

I’m out of breath when we stumble inside. Adrenaline is like lava in my veins, making it too hot to stand still. Too hot to sit down. I can only pace in the small space, running my hair through my hands. “What are we going to do? Oh my God.
What are we going to do?
”

Gio takes my hands in his, and I finally stand still. I’m breathing hard, trembling.

“You have to go,” he says. “It’s not safe for you here anymore.”

I know it’s true. I knew it from the moment he first punched Javier, from the moment when Javier attacked me. I knew it even before then, when it was only Honor being hurt. But it’s still hard to hear the words. This is my home, the only place I know. And for all that my father has been distant—and maybe not even truly related—he’s the only parent I know.

“You’re the one who told me my father was right to keep me here.”

Gio swears in Italian. “He isn’t fucking in charge anymore. You aren’t safe here. You won’t ever be safe here again.”

I swallow hard. “Honor?”

“She’ll go too. She won’t fight it once she knows about Javier.”

“And you, you’ll come with us, right?”

He rests his forehead against mine. “Clara.”

Panic rises in my chest. “Gio, you have to. He’ll wake up. He’ll tell them it was you.”

T
he door bursts
open. I jump back from Giovanni, guilty and afraid of being caught touching—even though we have worse problems than that. It’s not my father. Not even Byron. It’s Honor.

Her gaze snaps to Giovanni, but she speaks to me. “Clara, I need a word with you.
Now.
”

She must have heard about Javier. I can tell by the strength of her voice—and the tremor hiding underneath. “You can say it in front of Gio,” I tell her. “He already knows.”

Honor’s eyes narrow. She’s wondering if we can trust him. She doesn’t know him like I do.

“You have to get her out of here,” Giovanni says. “There’s not much time.”

Slowly she shuts the door behind her and leans back against it. “I know.”

“Take my car,” he says. “It’s gassed up. It should get you a few hundred miles. Then you’d better switch vehicles.”

Honor nods. “That’s better than the bus. I know they’ll be checking.”

Giovanni crosses the room and stands on the back of the sofa. I can only stare as he reaches up to the vent that had been above us all those nights. He unhooks the grate and pulls out a black bag. “This has money,” he says. “It’s all I’ve got.”