Her Secret Pleasure (10 page)

I squeezed my eyes and turned my face away. “I can’t tell you.”

“Tell me,” he ordered in that husky voice I couldn’t deny.

“When I came without permission … I came screaming your name.”  

Sean took possession of me too quick for me to stop him. He pinned my wrists into the pillows on either side of my head and lorded over my prone body. He nudged my thighs apart with one leg and buried his face against my neck.

“You’re lying,” he growled.

“I swear I’m not.” I strained against him, against his hold, but we both knew by the electricity rushing between our bodies that the last thing I wanted was to break free. “It’s all true. It happens sometimes when I lose control. I came screaming your name and begging for more.”

Sean’s restraint shook his body. If he wanted me, he could have taken me and I wouldn’t have stopped him. I wanted him to feel his cock in me once more, spreading me open, and taking me for his. I felt like I’d been holding my breath for six long years and I could finally exhale.

And then he ripped himself off me and stalked across the room. He breathed hard, held both hands against the back of his head and paced. The cool air that replaced his burning body left a heavy emptiness inside of me.

My disappointment…there weren’t words for it.

“We can’t do this,” he said finally and turned his gaze on me. All the cool, icy blue walls fell in place around him and the Sean I remembered was gone.

“I know.”

I climbed to my knees and he abruptly turned away. I stood, my knees wobbling unsteadily.

“You can’t just show up in my life again and expect me to be the boy you once knew. I’m not him anymore, Kara. I have a very public life and a girlfriend who is everything you never were. She’s outspoken and fearless. Things are good and you show up and threaten all that and I’m what, supposed to give it all up to go back to being your secret?”

Sean paced, could only hold my shocked gaze briefly before turning away. He wiped a hand across his mouth, through his hair and though every part of me wanted to run from that room, his words rooted me in place and forced me to listen. It hurt. Every word hurt.

“I spent three years watching you act so terrified of what other people thought of you that I couldn’t even kiss you in public. Nothing I said every changed your mind or convinced you that I wanted you. That you were perfect. And I was so tired by the end. I would have protected you from anything, but I couldn’t protect you from yourself.”

“Stop,” I begged. “Please stop.”

“Do you know why Zach brought you here? Because he can’t stand Taylor. He hoped that by offering me the girl I’d pined after for years I’d be unable to resist the temptation.” He exhaled and turned away from me.

“Enough!”

I made for the door, determined to get out of that room before he said something he couldn’t take back, but before I could yank the door open, something stopped me.

“You win, I get it. I didn’t realize I was so afraid, but since you’re not the first person to question my commitment issues in so many days, I’m starting to wonder. And maybe I’m not outspoken and fearless, but I’m not weak, Sean. I was never weak. You should have told me all this six years ago instead of vanishing. You shouldn’t have left me aching for you. I could have taken the truth, but the silence was so much worse. I’m tired of secrets.”

The silence between us softened. There it was, six years’ worth of anger and hate and love out in the open so there could be no more questions or secrets or lies. A part of me wanted to yell at him and deny his accusations, but he wasn’t wrong. In my memories it was always him who kept his distance, but that wasn’t exactly true. It was me. How many years had I wasted because I was so sure I didn’t deserve him?

I pulled the door towards me and let in the light from the restaurant. I turned a fraction towards him and the sight of him, his silhouette against a false star filled sky, broke my heart.

“For what it’s worth, Zach’s right. You deserve better than her.”

The crippling pressure around my heart eased and this time I was the one who walked out.

10

____________

The lights flickered with a sudden crash of thunder while outside rain battered my old building, shaking windows and gutters. I stood at the window in my bedroom and watched the rain come, thinking about the man in the subway who told me there’d be storms for days just before trying to mug me. He really wasn’t kidding.

Black streets stretched out in every direction, the street lights having flickered out about ten minutes before. Worried I’d lose my electricity too, I’d already set out a few candles and made sure the flashlight was handy. Most nights I enjoyed the peace and quiet of living alone, but not these violent nights.

It was worse of course after what had happened losing Sean a second time. Though it hurt very much, though I’d cried shamelessly in the back of Davis’s car and he’d been good enough not to ask too many questions, I was able to let go of so much hurt that I actually felt lighter than I had in years.

Molly jumped up onto the window sill beside me and yawned. I gave her a scooping pet before turning away from the storm to the box in the middle of my room.

I knelt in front of it and ran my hands around its rough edges. It still smelled like oiled wood and dust, just as it had the day we found it in the antique shop. I traced the dancing witches with my fingers before folding my hands against the lock and twisting it open.

The lid felt heavier than I remembered. Everything was more or less as we’d left it six years ago, a little jostled and disorganized, but mostly the same. I ran my fingers along the soft, thick flogger strips, nudged them aside to find the folds of satin underneath.

The edges of the satin package were frayed. I unwrapped the folds of fabric to expose the glossy polaroids inside.

The pictures brought back an immediate memory of the day we’d taken them and I couldn’t help but smile. Sean had bought me a corset, a lovely cobalt constriction with heavy brocade patterning its silk. He’d loved tying me into and gazing in the mirror, for maybe the first time in my life, I’d felt sexy. Running my hands down the taught boning had made me feel strong, armored. Sean ran his fingers through my hair, tousled the blonde waves so he could see the swell of my pale breasts. He’d skimmed his fingers over them, lowered his mouth to kiss and suck on them and I’d had to grab the closet door to keep from falling to my knees. Then he’d posed me in the middle of his bed and taken the pictures.

I’d laughed at first, most of the pictures were of a bright, giggling young girl. I hid my face behind my hands and peeked between my fingers shyly. With each picture the giggles gradually subsided until my eyes were filled with intense desire, though I can only vaguely remember he’d been talking to me, telling me how gorgeous I was, how badly he wanted to bend me over and claim me. My lips looked so wet and puffy in the pictures because he couldn’t stop breaking away from the lens to kiss me. Most of the pictures were of me kneeling, knees spread prettily before him. The last two were of me laying back, my fingers toying with the edge of my lace panties, my bottom lip caught between my teeth. He’d been unable to hold back any longer and the photographs were abandoned to indulge his wanton cravings.

What I searched for in these photographs was the girl Sean saw, the beautiful one. The sexy one. The one he pined for.

I found her in each photograph, each smile, each shy giggle, each tempting gaze. How had I not seen her before? The way these pictures were taken, it was obvious he was infatuated with the girl he saw, not the girl she thought she was.

I could still see the curves, the heavy breasts, the wide hips, but somehow Sean had brought out the gorgeous girl who owned them. Wasn’t that what I’d told that girl, Dani? I’d told her to embrace her crazy. Why shouldn’t I embrace my curves?

The lights flickered again, but this time they went out entirely and didn’t come back on. I groaned and put the pictures back in the box, shut the lid and pushed it aside. Flickers of lightning let me see enough to light the candles.

I jumped at the sound of a fist pounding on my front door and almost knocked one of the candles over in my panic. A moment of silence passed before the knocking continued. It was possible Ms. Glass had run upstairs in fear when the lights died, so I grabbed the flashlight and made my way into the living room to check.

I unbolted the deadbolt but left the chain in place as I opened the door.

Sean stood soaked to the bone outside my door, his hands gripping the doorframe like he might rip it down. He raised his head when I cracked the door and when our eyes met I felt the power of the storm in those blue eyes. I couldn’t get the chain unlatched fast enough.

I’d barely freed the door when he pushed his way inside and captured my face in his hands. He crushed me beneath a rough, urgent kiss. I could taste rain water on his lips and that
something else
that was so Sean and so familiar to me. My resistance failed on impact and I responded to his capture, bent beneath his overpowering body.

The shock of his cold, wet skin only magnified the burning heat inside me. In his frenzy to strip my clothes from my body I dropped the flashlight and it spun away putting nothing but the dark and the rain between us.

“I’ve missed you so much,” he groaned when he broke our kiss to pull my shirt over my head. He backed me up, blind in the dark, and we stumbled and clung to each other as I lead him towards my bedroom. I peeled his wet clothes from his body, left a trail of them to the edge of my bed.

He stroked a strong hand down my spine, over the curve of my ass and back up. There was too much time to make up for in one night that we couldn’t concentrate our touches on any one place for too long.

I broke the kiss first and trailed my mouth to his collarbone. I stood naked in the dark beside my bed, but he still had on his pants and I was eager to get them out of the way as soon as possible. As I sunk to my knees I kissed a trail down his belly, capturing lost rain drops with the fluttering tip of my tongue and when I finally knelt for him I felt a shudder pass through his body.

“My girl,” he murmured. With the candle light I could see him gazing down at me, but I wish I could have seen his eyes better, seen the lust I inspired in them. “You are so beautiful on your knees.”

I preened beneath his confession and eagerly unbuttoned his cargo pants. I used to make a full show of undressing him before taking him into my mouth, but tonight six years of starvation had left us hasty and rabid and all I wanted was to get him naked so I could have what I’d always believed was mine.

His erection rewarded my haste and I didn’t even get his pants fully off his hips before I wrapped my hand around the base of his cock and took it into my mouth. He moaned, swore, begged… so much pent up need causing as much pain as it did pleasure. Sean dug his fingertips into my hair, cupped my head and pushed fervently for me to take him deeper, but this time I disobeyed and made him wait for it, made him suffocate his moans a little longer while I licked and tasted him.

Everything about his cock was familiar and new at the same time, the taste of him, the size of him, but it had been a long time since he stretched my mouth and I forgot just how big he really was. I moaned for him, vibrated the head of his cock against the roof of my mouth as I licked my way down his shaft. He closed his fist in my hair and struggled to take control back from me. He pushed, forced the head to slide to my throat and I let him face fuck me with several long thrusts.

I could tell by the way his thighs trembled and his cock jerked and danced against my tongue that he wouldn’t last long at this rate. He was already panting and my thighs were too slick with wetness to let him only make it as far as my mouth. He must have sensed his building orgasm too because he reluctantly abandoned my mouth and scooped me up off the floor.

Sean tossed me onto the bed and I watched the candle light flicker across his wet muscles and his engorged erection, slick from my mouth. He climbed onto the bed after me, grabbed my ankles and yanked me hard towards him. I gasped and fisted the blanket beneath me. Sean towered over me, his gorgeous body stronger now, more sensual with experience and age. He wrapped his hand around his cock and stroked it slowly for my pleasure as he explored my body with his eyes. I thought of the girl in the photographs and I channeled her, relaxed beneath his inquisition, opened myself up to his demands, and when I turned my eyes up to his he saw for the first time my insatiable need.

Sean fell upon me, pinned my wrists and covered my mouth with his. I was distracted by the force of his kiss that I didn’t feel him guide his rigid cock to my entrance until he drove forward and began assaulting me with hard, demanding thrusts. His mouth captured my screams, silenced them, shared them between us. There was nothing soft or sweet as he pounded my drenched pussy, but there’d be time for that later. Right now we needed to fuck each other ceaselessly until we couldn’t stand.

I dug my fingers into his back and dragged my nails along the hard muscles, making him swear and accelerate his thrusts. I grinned and rolled my hips up to meet him which only caused him to growl and pin me possessively into the bed.

“Who do you belong to?” he whispered and tightened his hold on my wrists. I arched my body up into him and moaned prettily.

“You. I belong to you.”

“Kara,” he begged and lowered himself down along the length of my body. He shifted his palms to meet mine and our fingers threated together. He crushed me with his weight and I let go of all the doubts and longings I’d held onto for so long. I closed my eyes and buried my face into the crook of his neck, kissed and licked and bit his tender skin as he ground his hips down into mine.

“I haven’t stopped wanting you,” he confessed into the soft folds of my hair. Something in those words drove him harder, deeper into me to resume his urgent hunt for release. He pounded between my thighs, forced me to spread them wide to accommodate his zealous worship. I strained against his restraints, trapped by his wrists, writhing my sweaty body against his.