Her Guardians: Her Guardians Trilogy Book 1 (31 page)

“Yes, and I can bet you it will be centred around me again.
It always is lately.” I sighed, instantly regretting what I said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“
A lot has happened in the last few days. It’s no wonder you feel that way.” He paused for a moment. “Why didn’t you tell me you were a virgin?”

I laugh
ed. “I can’t see that making a difference.”

“I don’t know.
I think I would have handled things differently—made a more gentle approach, perhaps.”

I laugh
ed again. “There’s nothing gentle about you, Paul.” I realised my mistake and covered my mouth. “Sorry. That came out wrong. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“That’s ok
ay.” He chuckled and patted my arm. “Maybe I’m more transparent than I thought.” He looked at me for a little while, pausing before his next sentence. “Listen, I don’t know your reasons for still being a virgin at twenty-five, but I’m guessing it’s because you haven’t found the right one yet. You have been denying yourself this all these years and when the opportunity arises, you deny yourself again. Maybe it’s time you were a little selfish and thought about your own happiness above others. Only you can make a choice and only you can follow your own destiny.”

I reared my head back a little
, regarding Paul with a sense of appreciation. “That was quite poetic.”

“I know I’m a b
it rough around the edges, but it doesn’t mean I’m a bad person.”

“I know it doesn’t
, and I know you’re not.” I placed my hand on his arm and he placed his hand on mine. When he does, I brace myself. It is then that I see something that completely baffles and shocks the hell out of me.

Through
Paul’s eyes, I saw that he was with me. I was crying and I looked completely heartbroken. Paul lingered on my face and leaned in. I could feel how deeply he cared for me, but I could also feel how much he wanted me. He leaned in and kissed me, and I wasn’t pulling away. The minute I saw him touch my lips, I jolted out of my seat.

“
I’m really not feeling too well.” I found myself trying to explain my sudden anxiety.

“Do you want me to take you home?”

“No, that’s fine.” I shook my head. “Thank you. Maybe I will see you tomorrow.”

I race
d out of the door, unable to find meaning to that vision. I would never consider kissing Paul. I was too involved with Michael and Stephen for that. How on earth could I turn either of them down for Paul? It just didn’t make any sense.

I
tried to shake it off, hoping that what I was seeing was just a figment of Paul’s imagination. I sometimes thought that I had imaginary visions. I was never known to be wrong, but I couldn’t rule out the fact. I knew I would never put myself in a position like that with Paul. It must be wrong. It must just be a fantasy in his head and I picked it up.

W
alking back into the office, I saw no sign of Kali, but a concerned Fiona is glancing my way. “You look very pale, Cassie. I think you may have come into work too soon. Why don’t you go home? I value your input here, but I’d much rather you were healthy.”

“Thank you, Fiona.
My head has been hurting me a little today. I can’t seem to shake it off.”

“Well, if it’s not gone by later this afternoon
, I would suggest you see a doctor.”

“Ok
ay, I’ll do that.” I thanked her and walked over to my desk to gather my things. I told everyone else that I wasn’t feeling too well, and they all told me to get better soon. I take the flowers, and the card I just noticed that was slipped behind it, and headed for the door.

As I get down the first flight of stairs
, I noticed Stephen down the hall. He looked lost and somehow afraid. In a sense, it was torture to look at. At first, I couldn’t look away, but then the thought that he might see me made me get out of there.

Racing outside as fast as I could
, I make my way home. I needed to lie down and get some sleep. I hadn’t been sleeping very well, but the thought of my bed right now filled me with exhaustion.

Once I go
t in the door, that was exactly what I did. The minute I changed into something more comfortable, I practically dove under the sheets.

Getting settled
, I buried my head in the pillow and sighed, feeling the exhaustion kicking in. I felt devastated beyond words. I hadn’t lost anyone, but why did it feel like I had?

I curl
ed up into a ball and stared vacantly at the walls. I let my mind go blank and, eventually, I felt my eyes begin to close as the immense pressure weighed down on me. Before I knew it, I was blissfully asleep.

Chapter 15

I was woken by incessant banging on my door. Sitting up a little groggily, I yawned and wiped my eyes. I looked around the room and spotted the time on my bedside table. It was only just after two.

Getting up
, I noticed how much effort it took, but I managed it even though my bones cried in protest. Without putting anything over me, I looked out the window. Michael was standing there, looking worried. I kind of had a feeling it was him. He would have just finished work.

Upon
opening the door, Michael immediately spotted my tank top and boxer shorts. “Um…can I come in? I don’t want you standing here for the world to see you like that.”

“Why?
What is wrong with people seeing me like this?” In an effort to show him who was boss, I deliberately stepped out into the cold.

Wh
at he did next shocked me. Picking me up, Michael practically threw me over his shoulder, as if I weighed absolutely nothing, and carried me to my room.

“What do you think you’re doing?”
I suddenly felt flustered as he put me down.

“Look
. I know you’re a little pissed with me at the moment.”

“A
little
pissed.” I interrupted him. “You lied to me.”

“Now, Cassie, that’s not true.
I just didn’t tell you.”

“But why?”

“Is it relevant?”

I laugh
ed. This was farcical. “Of course it’s relevant, Michael. You and Stephen are brothers. Don’t you think that’s the kind of detail that shouldn’t be left out? Why did you never tell me what he did to you?”

Michael looked down
. “Would it have made a difference?”

I felt
an immediate pang of guilt wash over me. It would have made a difference, but him now knowing I have feelings for Stephen made it all seem tainted somehow. Whatever I say to Michael would never take that away.

Surprising
him, I walked up and stroked his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into my hand. “You’ve been through so much and you couldn’t trust me to share your pain with me.”

His breathing became laboured as he looked into my eyes.
“I’m sorry.”

Smiling
, I trailed my hand down from his cheek to his chest. “I know you are.”

“Do you forgive me?”

“There was never anything to forgive. I was just hurt that you couldn’t confide in me something that was a big part of your life. I would like you to tell me what happened, but I don’t want to push you.”

“I’ll tell you.”
He reached out, grabbed my hand, and led me to the edge of the bed.

We sa
t down and I watched as Michael took a deep breath. It would seem that the pain of it was still fresh in his mind even after all this time.

“As you know
, her name was Elizabeth.”

“Was?”

“Yes. It won’t be the same now.”

“Where is she?”

“Placed somewhere far away from Stephen, doomed to wander the earth as punishment for her crimes.”

“For being with Stephen?”

“Yes,” he answered. “Elizabeth and I were in love—or so I thought. We were mated together and angels mate for life. Stephen kept telling me she was all wrong and that I didn’t realise of what she was capable. I didn’t believe him. I told him that he was just jealous of our relationship as he hadn’t found his mate yet. He told me that he was going to prove it to me. And, boy, did he. It tore me apart. The Archangels were disgusted by what they had done. What made it worse was that Stephen and Elizabeth didn’t even care for one another. She said that she fell for his cheeky charms.”

L
ooking away for a moment, I felt ashamed of myself. Lord knows what Michael thinks of me now.

“If you’re thinking you’re just like Elizabeth, don’t.
You are nothing like her.”

“Aren’t I?”
It seemed apparent to me that I was
exactly
like her.

“Elizabeth never showed any real remorse for what she did
. Of course, she went through the motions, and I believed she still wanted to be with me after what happened, but I could never believe that she wouldn’t do it to me again. Whether it be with Stephen or someone else.

“
She was a little like Stephen, you see. A bit of a free spirit, not wanting to stick to the rules. The big difference was that Stephen seemed to show some signs of guilt. He did seem like he was sorry for what he did. I asked the Archangels to take pity on them once punishment was handed down. They were both banished. Elizabeth was to live a human life from the very beginning. Her memory was erased forever, but she will always feel like there’s something missing.”

“That sounds terrible.”

“I know it does. They didn’t listen to my pleas for Elizabeth, but they listened to them for Stephen. They, too, could see remorse. He was given a less harsh sentence. He still has his memories and he also has a chance to redeem himself. He can earn his place back with the angels, if he makes that choice once handed to him. He does want to go back home. He misses it.”

“I bet you do
, too.” I reached out to comfort him.

“I did…until I laid eyes on you. You took that homesickness away so that it was just a dull ache rather than a gripping one. You make it seem like life on earth could be pretty cool.” He smiled a little, making my heart skip a beat.

Stroking
my cheek with his finger, I shuddered underneath his touch. He pulled my hand up to his lips and kissed each one of my fingers. The fire came then. I wanted those lips on mine.

A
s if sensing my urgency, he leaned forward to kiss me. He was right there until another knock at the door made me jump.

Q
uickly grabbing a blanket, I pulled it over me before I answered the door. It was Stephen. I knew he wouldn’t let this lie as much as Michael would.

“T
winkles,” he said, when I opened up. He spied my expression and winced. “Sorry, Cassie. Old habits and everything. I just wanted to see you—to explain.”

“There is no need to explain, Stephen.
I kind of got the gist of what happened.”

“You don’t understand.
She was
really
bad for him. I thought I was doing him a favour, but I just went about it the wrong way. Michael said some not very nice things to me before I went with Elizabeth. I was angry and my anger made me make the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life. I never meant to hurt him.”

“That’s exactly what you meant to do and you know it.
You knew what you’re intentions were before you sought Elizabeth out. I can’t believe you could have done such a thing.”

“Please
, listen to me.” His voice was pleading and it made my heart ache a little, despite what I knew he had done.

R
epositioning myself by the door, my blanket opens a little, revealing my tank top and boxer shorts. Stephen looked over me and once his eyes came back up, he spotted something over my shoulder. I looked up and could see Michael behind me.

“Of course.
” Stephen looked away a moment, then his eyes found mine again. “I’m sorry, Cassie. You don’t know how many times I wished I could have done something different on that day to save all this pain. I can’t say I’m sorry now.”