Heartless (3 page)

He glanced over at
her and their eyes locked. “I have different dreams now. I don’t need a white
picket fence and two-point-two kids to make my life complete anymore.”

She cleared her
throat, trying to decipher the look of intensity in his eyes. “What do you
need?”

“I want someone to
share my life. I just want someone to laugh with or someone who’ll listen when
I want to bitch and moan about my day.” He shook his head as though he were trying
to decide how much to reveal. “I want someone to cuddle with, make love to. I
want to know I’m not alone.”

Ashley was struck
by his vulnerability. It wasn’t like Derek to share his feelings on a whim.
Maybe his brother’s sudden death had forced him to reevaluate his own life. “We
all want that, don’t we?”

He pulled into his
parents’ driveway and cut the engine before turning to face her. “Do you want
those things, Ash?”

“Of course I do.”

“Why haven’t you
found them?”

Did she have the
courage to tell him that every man still paled in comparison to her memory of
him? No, she wasn’t that brave. “I don’t know. I haven’t given up hope,
though.”

He smiled before
kissing her hand again. “That’s good. Neither have I.”

Chapter Two

Derek slipped out
on the back patio, needing a moment of peace to catch his breath. He looked out
over the open fields, most of which belonged to the neighboring rancher now. He
could still see himself and Dave as kids, playing baseball in that field and
later taking shots at old tin cans with BB guns. They both wanted to be
sharpshooters, even back then.

With less than two
years separating them, they were closer in age than any of the other brothers.
Growing up, they were inseparable, best friends who always had each other’s
backs. Now his brother, his hero, was gone, and he didn’t know how to come to terms
with the fact that he never said the things he always intended to say. Even
though they both put their lives on the line every day, Derek just assumed they
would have a lifetime to reflect. He imagined them sitting on their parents’
big, old wraparound porch when they both retired, reliving some of their best
memories. Now they’d never have that chance.

Derek turned
around when he heard someone clear his throat. He smiled. He and Trey Turner
had been the best of friends in college. They were football teammates that
never outgrew their love of the game. Trey had turned to music when his
football dreams died in college, while Josh and Derek pursued careers in law
enforcement. Those choices meant that Josh and Derek remained tight after
graduation, while Trey forged a different path. Still, Derek was grateful that
Trey was the kind of friend he could see only once a year, but it seemed no
time had passed since the last time they spoke. Friends like that meant
everything to Derek.

Derek extended his
hand and Trey pulled him into a hug. “Thanks so much for comin’, man. I know
you had to cancel a couple of tour dates to be here.”

Trey slapped him
on the back. “Hey, you’ve always been like family to me and Sierra. You know
that.”

Despite his hectic
life, Trey always made time for his friends, and Derek was no exception. The
phone calls, text messages, and dinner when they were in the same city meant
the two had maintained a friendship that probably would’ve died a long time ago
if not for the mutual effort to stay connected.

“When do you hit
the road again?” Derek asked, watching the neighbor’s cows grazing in the
meadow bordering the two properties.

“I was plannin’ on
headin’ out the day after tomorrow, unless you need me to stick around longer?
It’s not a problem if you do.”

Derek smiled. Just
knowing his friend, a multi-platinum selling recording artist with sold-out
concerts all over the world, was willing to put his life on hold to support him
through a tough time meant everything. “Thanks, man, but there’s nothin’ you
can do here. There’s nothin’ anyone can do. He’s gone.” He looked up at the
clear, blue sky. There was barely a cloud in sight, but it felt like one of
those days when the sky would open up and beat you down at a moment’s notice.
“We all have to figure out a way to come to terms with that.”

Trey leaned
against the octagonal cedar table Derek’s father had made in his woodworking
shop. “It’s never easy to lose someone you love. You figure out how to get
through the day, but you never forget, and you never get over the pain.” He
crossed his arms and scowled. “Whoever said ‘time heals’ was a goddamn liar. It
doesn’t.”

Trey and Sierra
lost their baby girl years ago, and Derek knew the loss cost them their
marriage. It took years before they finally found their way back to each other.
“I know you’re right. We’ve lost a few men in the line of duty. I even lost my
partner the first year I was out in Arkansas, remember?”

Trey nodded,
indicating he remembered.

“It hurt like
hell, but this’s different. It’s family. And it’s not just what this is doing
to me. I mean, how the hell are my parents supposed to deal with this? And what
about Christine and the kids? Where do they go from here?”

Trey looked him in
the eye a long time before responding. “Your brother, their son, husband,
father… he was a hero. How many people can say that a real, honest-to-God hero
touched their lives?”

Derek smiled,
appreciating the sentiment. He knew that’s how those who knew Dave would
remember him. He put his life on the line countless times, saved numerous others,
and he never lost the essence of what made him a great man. Derek felt so
blessed to be able to call him his brother. “You’re right.”

Trey pointed at
him. “You and Dave aren’t all that different.”

Derek rolled his
eyes. He didn’t need false praise now, and he knew Trey wasn’t usually one to
dish it out. “Spare me, buddy.”

“Listen to me.
You’re a hero to the people whose lives you’ve saved. You’re a hero to the families
who stayed awake nights praying their child’s murderer would be brought to
justice. You’re a hero to the kids you rescued from abusive homes.” Trey shook
his head. “I sure as hell couldn’t do what you do. Josh told me you’re the best
cop he’s ever known.”

Derek held his
hand up to silence his friend. He didn’t need to be reminded that his life had
meaning. He knew it did. Even on those dark days, like today, he knew his work
mattered. “Listen, I appreciate—”

“Just shut up and
listen for a minute!”

Derek was taken
aback by his friend’s outburst. “Okay, I’m listenin’.”

Trey sighed. “When
you lose someone, you think about what you would have said to them, given
another chance, am I right?”

“Yeah, I was just
thinkin’ about that.”

“That’s what I’m
tryin’ to do now, so shut up.” He smirked at his friend. “There have been
dozens of times throughout the years when I thought about you and Dave, what
you do, and I’m in awe. Guys like you put your lives on the line every day, and
you’re not properly compensated for it.”

Derek smiled.
“Thanks, man. That means a lot comin’ from you.”

“I love what I do,
but sometimes I wonder how the hell things got so screwed up, ya know? Here I
am, making millions for strummin’ my guitar, and guys like you and Dave are out
there doin’ what you do, never knowin’ if you’ll live long enough to see the
next paycheck.”

“Hey, don’t make
us out to be martyrs, Trey. Dave and I both got into this knowin’ the risks. We
talked about it, weighed the pros and cons, and decided it was worth the risk
to know at the end of it all, we’d made a difference. Dave made a difference.”
He shrugged. “And I’d like to think I’m makin’ a difference. I’ll go on doin’
what I do, to honor him and his life.”

“That’s what I
wanted to talk to you about,” Trey said as he crossed his booted feet. “I’d like
to pay for his kids’ college education.”

Derek’s mouth fell
open. Trey had always been generous with his family and friends, but this was
totally unexpected. “You can’t be serious.”

“Damn straight I’m
serious.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “What’s more, I’d like to set
up a scholarship in Dave’s name at the university. That place was a big part of
all of our lives. It helped shape us into the men we are today. I think it
would be a good way to make sure that the kids there remember it’s not always
about how much money you have in the bank at the end of it all, but what you do
with the time you’re given. Dave didn’t have a lot of time to walk this earth,
but he sure as hell made the most of it, right?”

Derek nodded. It
wasn’t often he was struck speechless, but he had no idea what to say or how to
thank his friend for wanting to honor his brother this way. “Jesus, you’ve
really caught me off guard, man. I don’t even know what to say, except thank
you.” He extended his hand as he looked Trey in the eye. “I know Dave would be
so honored and humbled by what you’re doin’.”

Trey clasped his
hand tight. “I’m the one who’s honored to be able to do it. At a time like
this, people always say they wish they could do something to help. It makes me
feel good knowin’ there
is
something I can do to help Dave’s kids, his
family. If there’s anything else I can do… if they need help with expenses—”

Derek raised his
hand. “Dave had the insurance angle covered, but thanks.”

“Okay.” He pushed
off the table. “If you need to talk, you know I’m always just a phone call
away, right?”

“Yeah, I know
that.” Derek smiled. “You know, sometimes we take our friends for granted. I
don’t think I’ll ever make the mistake of doing that again. You just reminded
me that without guys like you in my life, I’d be lost.”

Trey smiled and
tipped his cowboy hat. “I feel the same way, buddy. Hey, you still gonna be
around when I get back next month?”

“I don’t know,
maybe.”

“If you are, we’ll
have you over to the house for dinner.”

“I’d love that.
Thanks again, Trey.”

Derek watched his
friend walk away, and he was reminded that, in spite of the years he’d spent in
Arkansas, Nashville would always be his home.

Josh passed Trey
on the way out to the patio and the two men exchanged a few words before
shaking hands.

“You doin’ okay,
buddy?” Josh asked Derek.

He’d been asked
that question repeatedly since he learned about Dave’s death, but he still hadn’t
figured out how to respond or what people expected him to say. How could he be
okay when he just lost his brother? “I don’t know. I still feel kinda numb, to
tell you the truth.”

Josh claimed one
of the cedar chairs lining the patio. “I can imagine. It must have come as a
hell of a shock.”

Derek knew it
shouldn’t have. They all lived with the fear of getting that phone call since
Dave enlisted more than twenty years ago, but he supposed time eased their
apprehension, giving them a false sense of security. “Yeah, you never expect
it. Even though you know you should.”

“You think that’s
how your family feels about what you do?” Josh asked, tipping his head back to
let the sun warm his face. “You think they hold their breath every time the
phone or doorbell rings? You imagine your mama goes to bed every night prayin’
it won’t be your last?”

Derek gripped the
iron banister as he felt his fury rising. “You tryin’ to lay a guilt-trip on
me, man? ‘Cause trust me, now’s not the time.”

“Isn’t it?” Josh
asked as he folded his arms over his chest. “I happen to think it’s the perfect
time. I just had a long talk with your mama. She’s a wreck over what happened
to Dave. You gonna let her go through that again? You gonna make her bury
another son?”

“You son of a
bitch,” Derek said, unable to believe what he was hearing. If anyone should
understand what being a cop meant to him, it was his former partner. “What the
hell gives you the right to come out here and start makin’ judgement calls?”

“You and I have
been like brothers for the better part of three decades, man. You’ve been there
through it all. You told me what I needed to hear, even when I didn’t want to
hear it. I’m just returnin’ the favor.”

Derek sank down on
one of the benches flanking the table. “What are you tryin’ to say? You think I
should quit because I could get killed in the line of duty, like my brother
did? You know I’m not a quitter.”

Josh smirked. “If
you meant to imply that I am, your insult missed its mark. I don’t miss the
force, and I’m not sorry I walked away. I got to watch my boys grow up. Now I’m
watchin’ Aiden and Brianna grow up. I wouldn’t have missed out on that for
anything.”

Derek dropped his
head in his hands. He didn’t want to insult his best friend, and he didn’t want
to argue with him. He knew Josh was just looking out for him. “Look, you know I
love bein’ a cop. It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do, and I’m good at
it, damn good.”

“You don’t think I
know that? I’d be dead if it weren’t for you.”