Forgive & Forget (Love in the Fleet) (9 page)

Hallie nodded. “She gave birth to me and when her enlistment was up she moved back to the States to live near her sister. She named me Hallie, which is Greek for ‘thinking of the sea,’ which is pretty ironic. She didn’t meet Sam McCabe until I was almost two years old. They married and he adopted me, so I got his name. I never knew any of that. I thought Sam was my dad. And that’s why it hurt so much when he left. Thank God I had my Uncle Pete in my life.”

Philip wrapped his arms around her and kissed her hair. “I’m so sorry to hear all this. I mean, about your dad. And Sam. Every-body should get to have a dad.”

“I’d always wondered where I got my blue eyes, because Mom and Sam had brown eyes. And neither of them was particularly tall either. Mom told me that night that Rick was six-foot-three and that’s where I got my height. Oh, God, she kept telling me about his eyes. The wine was talking and she said it over and over. She just kept looking at me and saying, ‘You have his eyes.’ I’ve wondered since that day how hard it must have been for her to look at me and not think of him. She held that secret for fourteen years. Not being able to say anything.”

Hallie turned to Philip, curled into his embrace, and wept against his chest. He held her, rocked her, and muttered soothing words into her hair.

“I didn’t fully forgive her until she got sick. I had to. I learned that life is short and you have to forgive someone you love, so you can move on with your life. So at least we were at peace with each other before she died.”

Philip continued to hold her close, stroking her back rhythmically. But, Hallie pulled away.

“Anyway, learning that at fourteen was hard to deal with, but when I started high school that fall, things got worse because that’s when those pictures started floating around and the older guys started hitting on me. And now I knew this secret. I felt like I was being punished for something when I hadn’t done anything wrong.”

Her eyes pleaded with him. “I tried hard to blend in at high school and stay away from those kind of boys, like my father had been. Why do you think I’m here with you? Because you’re not like them. You’re like an anchor for me.”

Philip’s heart ached for her, but his ego soared. His mother had been right: “Just be yourself, Philip. Be your sweet, wonderful self. The smart women will be looking for a nice guy, someone they can count on.” And the fact that Hallie was allergic to anything in a flight suit gave more Surface Warfare guys like him a fighting chance. Most chicks glommed to the jet jocks.

Aw, hell. Hallie was hurting. This wasn’t about him. So he just rocked her. “Shhh. It’s okay. I’m right here.”

“I know it’s a sore spot for you, but can you please be patient with me when I get all weird about things? I’ve been working on this for years, but I’m not there yet. And I really don’t want to meet your friend right now.” She attempted to smile through her tears. “See? There are still things you don’t know about me.”

Philip held her for the longest time. His mind raced. Major landmine. Doesn’t trust aviators. F-14 pilot named Rick. Richard? With an Irish last name? Mid-eighties.

Did she want to find her father? He could tell by her angst that she hadn’t let anything go. Should he put his dad on this? The aviation community was pretty close-knit, especially as they got older and attended reunions so they could re-live some of their youth.

He just wanted Hallie to be happy, and he was more than willing to keep dancing around landmines and red flags as she worked this stuff out. He knew Sky would tease him that this woman had more secrets than Colonel Sanders had recipes, but he didn’t care. He figured it was a small price to pay for the rest of her that was utter perfection. So he continued to comfort her and snapped the red flags in half and buried them in the sand, along with the landmines, as soon as she kissed him.

The guilt of deception deepened its hooks in Hallie. Philip was too decent a person to deceive, but she loved him too much to put him in jeopardy, or lose him. Once she told him the truth, he would be honor-bound to walk away. How could she willingly push this wonderful man out of her life? He was a tonic for her soul. 

She’d managed to avoid all get-togethers with his shipmates, pleading too much homework, but she could tell he was tiring of her excuses. The clock continued to wind down and a week before the deployment, Philip arrived home with an invitation that nearly knocked her socks off.

“Hey, good news. My parents are driving down for a couple of days to visit and see the ship off. I can’t wait for them to meet you.” His face beamed with pride.

Hallie felt the blood drain from her face. “Your parents. How nice.”

He rubbed at the back of his neck. “Yeah, I’ll try to get away a little earlier on Wednesday so we can all go out to dinner. Maybe Thursday, too. What do you say? Or are you too busy with homework again?”

Hallie straddled his lap, dug her fingers into his shoulders, slid her thumbs up under the base of his skull and hoped her nervous laugh covered her trepidation. “I’m not too busy to do this.” Then she kissed him. Gently and tenderly, tracing his lips with her tongue, murmuring what she was going to do to him, all the while digging at his aching muscles. She hoped he’d think her pounding heart was due to passion, not anxiety.

There was no way she deserved to meet his parents.

Philip groaned, kissed her back, and pulled away long enough to ask, “So what about dinner?”

Hallie kissed her way down his neck. “Plenty of time to figure it out. What you need right now is a little appetizer.” She pasted a smile on her face. “Come on, skin down and I’ll give you a backrub.”

“Well, I’m sure not going to turn that down.” Philip pulled his shirt over his head and lay on the carpet.

Hallie retrieved lotion from the bathroom and lathered her hands. She knew he thought this was about loosening up his muscles, but it was more about loosening him up before spilling her guts. This had gone on long enough. The parent thing was the last straw. She would tell him today. And if he was going to ask her to leave after she told him, she was going to make damn sure it was after a lovemaking session that neither of them would soon forget.

“Nope, pants too,” she said.

“I need my pants off for a backrub?”

“You know, your buddy, Sky, would probably say, ‘Don’t ask stupid questions.’”

“You got that right.” He stripped off his jeans and lay back down in his briefs. “Okay, honey, have at me.”

Hallie started at his feet. She knelt down and bent his knees, then dug her slicked-up thumbs into his arches, her fingers massaging the small bones on the tops of his feet and the joints of his toes. He grunted in sweet pain and she knew she’d found the right spot.

“Reflexology says your feet rule the rest of your body. If your feet are relaxed, then you should be relaxed all over.”

He answered with another guttural sound.

Hallie thought about the first time she’d seen these toes, thinking them sexy as the “Geek god” dug them in the sand on the afternoon they’d met. Here it was more than a month later and she was madly in love with the man. Not just in love with him. She
loved
him. Deeply and fully. A dull ache echoed in her chest at the thought of what she was about to do.

Not the lovemaking part. The soul-baring part.

She banished it from her mind and focused on his pleasure. The moans that escaped him told her she was successful. She slid her hands down the backs of his calves, then traced the trail of his sciatic nerves up the sides of his legs to his increased groans.

“Surely I’ve died and gone to heaven,” he mumbled, face in the carpet.

“Not yet you haven’t,” Hallie said, laying his feet back on the rug and sliding up to sit on his rump. She leaned down and kissed the side of his neck, then whispered in his ear. “Not even close, Cowboy.”

Hallie drizzled lotion on his back and rubbed it in, both hands working in tandem, thumbs tracing his vertebrae from butt to skull. She started at the bottom and, digging deeply, slid her way up, ending behind his ears. After kneading his shoulders, she went back to square one and glided her way back up again and again. Mumbled sounds of ecstasy were her reward.

She switched to tracing his spine with her left thumb and forefinger, so she could unbutton her blouse. Slinking out of the right sleeve, she switched hands and shirked off the left sleeve too. It only took one pop of the front clasp of her bra to loosen her breasts and she slipped out of that as well. Now naked from the waist up, she resumed the upward slide of her thumbs, but leaned over and let her breasts follow the trail her thumbs forged.

“Mmmm,” he mumbled. “This must be where the heaven part starts.”

She slid her thumbs up his back once more, but this time she lay down and kissed his neck while her hands worked his biceps. “We’re almost to the pearly gates. Turn over.”

Philip rolled, eyes still shut, a lazy smile sliding from one side of his five o’clock stubble to the other. Hallie slipped off her jeans and straddled him again. He obviously was enjoying more than a backrub. She leaned down to kiss his mouth, trailing her nipples across his bare chest. Philip took a breast in each hand, sliding his thumbs over the centers.

She kissed him again then pulled away and nuzzled his neck. “You don’t smell like ship tonight. Did you shower before you left work?”

“I did.”

“Good.” She scooted down and began to lick his toes.

Philip exhaled a rush of air.

When Hallie finished with his toes, she kissed her way to his ankles. She loved his toes and his ankles and his knees and every square inch of this man. She loved the curls in his hair. She loved his smile and his muscles and the way his body worked when he swam butterfly or made love to her. She loved the way he thought, the way he cared, the way he laughed, the way he loved. She treasured everything about him and she could not bear to let him go.

Without warning a dam burst inside and tears came out of nowhere. She grabbed him behind the knees and lay her head down in surrender.

Philip bolted upright. “Hallie? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

She shook her head gently from side to side. No. Not okay. “I can’t do this.”

He scrambled to his knees, wrapped his arms around her. “You don’t have to do anything, honey. Talk to me. What just happened? Did I do something wrong?”

She rocked back on her knees. Avoiding his eyes, she reached for her clothing. “No, Philip. Trust me. You’ve done nothing wrong. Ever. I just—”

She hooked her bra, reached for her shirt, then finally looked at him.

“We need to talk.”

Holy shit. Philip’s heart slammed in his chest. Cold fingers of uncertainly clutched at his gut. He grabbed his jeans. A man doesn’t want to get caught with his pants down, or off, when there’s a chance his ass is about to get dumped. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry. I can’t meet your parents.”

Relief flooded him and he blew out the breath he was holding, but his hands still shook trying to get his foot into his jeans. “Is that what this is about? Don’t worry. They’ll love you.”

She threaded her arms into the sleeves of her shirt. “I’m not what you need, Philip. You’re too good for me.”

“What are you talking about? Is this about your parents not being married? It doesn’t matter. Times have changed.”

Hallie continued, nonplussed. “And besides, you’re leaving next week. Maybe we should, you know, back off a little.”

“What? After what we’ve shared for the past month you think we need to back off a little? Is this about your dad abandoning you or something?” He tripped over his pant leg, hopping around trying to get his physical and emotional equilibrium. “Hallie, I’ll be back. I’ve fallen hopelessly in love with you and I want you to wait for me. You know, write me. Email me. Send me care packages. Think of me while I’m gone. Come on,” He laughed self-consciously. “Every man in a foxhole needs a good woman to come back to.”

“What?”

“It’s just something my dad used to say to my mom when he deployed. Every guy needs a girl to think about when he’s deployed, Hallie, and I want it to be you.” He joined her on the sofa, but she wouldn’t look at him. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my life. I love you. I want to marry you.”

He hadn’t really intended for that to come out of his mouth, but he damn well wanted her waiting on the pier when he returned from the cruise. If needing to propose to her would guarantee it, then he was not adverse to the idea. He’d feel more comfortable leaving Hallie McCabe with a ring on her finger than just sailing away and hoping no one else took his place while he was gone. So if proposing would do it, he was game.

She continued to button her shirt, stoically looking straight ahead. “No. We can’t do that.”

“Why not?” His pulse raced. His stomach churned. Jesus Christ, what was wrong?

She slipped on her shoes, staring pensively at the floor. “Because I’m…”

“You’re what?” He hoped he didn’t sound as desperate as he felt.

“I’m…I’m…We just can’t.”

And then Philip knew she wasn’t done. Because she turned to him, intensity radiating from her eyes, stabbing him point blank in the heart. “There’s something else, isn’t there?”

She shook her head affirmatively, took a deep breath, and continued. “There are still things you don’t know about me…You see, I’m in…” She swallowed hard.

“In what? Are you in trouble? In debt?” What the fuck was she trying to tell him? He’d fix it, whatever it was.

Her tears erupted again and all the words flew out in a rush. “I’m in love with you but as much as I’ve tried to figure this thing out we just can’t be together anymore!”

And she walked out the door.

And out of his life.

Leaving him in a minefield with red flags flapping every-where.