Dick (10 page)

At that moment, my only concern was that she was happy. Nothing else mattered. Not diamonds. Or money. Not even Asian drug lords.

Yet.

I knew there was no way I could share with her how I felt.

FIFTEEN

Jess

HE
was bald, short, and had a kidney-shaped mole on his chin the size of a dime. With eyes that were filled with excitement and a tone of voice that came close to matching, he explained the dilemma. “A gem like the one you’re describing won’t come easy. Did your husband give you any indication of what he paid for the one that was lost?”

His transparent short-sleeved polyester shirt had two wet spots beneath his arm pits, and another in the center of his hairy chest. Black and gray hair sprouted out of the top of his undershirt, which was easy to see through the opening created by the three buttons of his shirt he left unbuttoned.

“Oh, it wasn’t lost. It was
stolen
. As sure as I’m standin’ here.” I glanced over each shoulder, squeezed my boobs together with my upper arms, and leaned forward as if telling him a secret.

With his beady little eyes fixed on my tits, he leaned forward.

I cupped my hand around the side of my mouth and pressed the back of my hand against the front of his ear.

“There were some Yankee women in the parlor. From back east. Philadelphia, I heard one say,” I said, forcing my breath into his ear.

He gasped and stood straight up. “God damned Yankees. I’m sorry, but you can’t trust ‘em.”

“Oh, believe me. I’m sure my poor Preston is turnin’ over in his grave. I bet he is. Bless his soul.”

“A diamond like you’ve described…” He sighed heavily and began to drum his fingers against the receiver of a phone that was sitting on the lower counter. “A difficult one to find.”

I reached for the tennis bracelet Dick gave me to wear, and adjusted it on my wrist without looking, making it seem as natural as I could. “Now Preston didn’t share such things with me, especially with it bein’ a gift, but I do know we had it insured for $5,000,000 – but only if it was taken from the home. I’ve already called the underwriter. Now that’s a thief for you. I tell you what, let me give you some free advice.”

I folded my arms underneath my boobs and pressed them up as far as I could without causing them to fall out of the top of the bra. I leaned forward and his eyes fell to my chest. “I’ve got another secret for ya,” I whispered.

With his eyes glued to my awesome cleavage, he bent over and rested his elbows against the glass display case.

“Read the fine print,” I whispered. “Those insurance companies are the biggest thieves of them all.”

“Isn’t that the truth.”

He stood, and I stayed leaning over the glass case, my boobs bubbling out of the new bra and free for him to eye fondle through plunging neckline of the dress.

His eyes shifted back and forth between my tits and my eyes. “A cushion cut, was it?”

I blinked a few times. “Yes, Sir, it was. Five carats.”

“And you’re wanting an exact replacement?”

“Nothin’ in life is exact, is it?” I chuckled. “Now with my blessed Preston gone, I suppose I could go a little larger. In his memory, of course. Back when he got the ring, oil was down at $33 a barrel. Right after he passed, it was just under $100. I sold the field in Harris County right after he…”

Without standing, I paused and wiped my eyes. “I think he’d want me to go a little bigger. And I’ve always said bigger’s better. Preston would just laugh when I did. He had a sense of humor like that. Laughin’ at my jokes, you know?”

He grinned and nodded. “With diamonds and a few other things, bigger
is
better.”

“Oh, let me tell you how we met,” I interrupted. “That darned Maserati Preston bought me. I’d just as soon have me a big ol’ pickup truck. Bigger is better when it comes to vehicles, and that’s a fact. A big truck just makes me grin from ear to ear. You see, I grew up dirt poor. We had us a trailer house outside of Tomball, Texas, and my daddy told me I’d never amount to a hill of beans. I knew better. I didn’t tell my daddy, because there’s some things you just don’t tell your daddy, but…”

I glanced over each shoulder and bent over the counter again.

Baldie leaned forward, locked eyes with my tits, and grinned.

“I could suck a golf ball through a garden hose, and swallow an axe handle without gaggin’. That’s how I met Preston. I was dancing at the Pink Taco right off of 249 and Spring-Canyon Road, and in he came. He wanted him a lap dance, but I saw that watch he was wearin’ and I just said what the heck.”

I stood up and grinned. “You ever said that? What the heck?”

He swallowed hard. A nod of his head followed.

“Oh my.” I fanned my hand in front of my face. “It’s downright warm in here.”

“It sure is.”

“Now what about my little diamond? I’d sure like to have it before Preston’s birthday. It’d be nice to have it when I go out to dust his headstone.”

“When might that be?”

“The 21
st
. In thirteen days.”

Dick and I hadn’t discussed a time frame, and the idea of using my dead husband’s birthday as a deadline just came to me. After I spoke, I hoped the date would work for all parties involved.

His face was red and he was covered in beads of sweat. He rubbed his palm over the top of his bald head, returned a wet hand, and wiped it against his thigh. “Let me step in the back, and check my ledger. I may be able to help you; I’ll just need to check. I’ll be right back.”

“Take your time,” I said.

I wished Dick was there so he could see how well I was doing with the creepy little jeweler. I could tell he was talking to someone, and although I couldn’t hear what he was saying clearly, I imagined the man with the mustache from the noodle place being on the other end of the phone. I felt that mustaches were the creepiest things ever, and believed the men who wore them were never honest, and only creeps. I threw up in mouth a little bit just as the Danny DeVito look-alike was returning.

“I’m afraid I have good news and bad news,’ he said.

“The bad first. I love ending on a good note.”

“I may be able to help you, but it’s going to be twice the size of the original stone, and it will cost $4,000,000. It’s a bargain at that price.”

I stood there with a smile on my face and stared as if he hadn’t spoken. He cleared his throat.

I chuckled. “Oh, I’m sorry. I was waiting for the bad news.”

“That was the bad news.”

“Oh, well, what’s the good news?”

“I think we can get it by Preston’s birthday, we’ll just have to have the payment in cash or bank approved funds.”

“That won’t be a problem. Now, I have a friend who advises me in such matters, will he be able to inspect the diamond before I purchase it?”

“Certainly,” he said. “Did I say the stone is round?”

“You didn’t. I’m just so excited to get it replaced, I’m afraid the shape doesn’t matter. How do we go proceed from here?”

“I’ll need a way to contact you,” he said. “And I’ll be in touch.”

The thought of giving the sweaty little man my phone number didn’t appeal much to me, but I realized I had no choice.

I gave him my number, a huge grin, and another shot at my tits, then left.

I knew Dick would be happy with what I found out, but I wanted more. I needed to know who had the diamond.

And my bet was it was the man with the mustache.

SIXTEEN

Dick

I’D
never really cared for anyone, at least not that I could remember. I was sure at one point in time I loved my parents, but I couldn’t remember for the life of me when it was.

But Jess?

Jess was alright.

She gagged like she was going to barf. “I don’t think I like it.”

“You’re not supposed to chew the fuckers like a piece of god damned gum. You just swallow them.”

“Then why eat ‘em? I mean, if you’re just going to swallow ‘em?”

We were in a restaurant eating oysters on the half shell as an appetizer while we waited for our meal. She tried to swallow the same one three times, and each time, it came right back up. Determined to succeed, she continued to try until she finally accomplished the task. Now, it was anyone’s guess as to whether or not she’d keep it down.

She covered her hand with her mouth. “You can have the rest of ‘em.”

I chuckled. “You sure?”

She nodded.

I fixed my eyes on hers and slurped another from the shell slowly, exaggerating my slurping to irritate her.

She lunged forward, grabbed her stomach and coughed. The oyster shot from her mouth and landed on the plate in front of her.

She took a drink of water, glared at it, and picked it up.

“If you eat that nasty little fucker, you’re going to make me barf,” I said.

“I said I’d eat one, and I’m going to eat this little bastard.”

“You’ve eaten that same one three times. This’ll make four. That’s gross.”

She flattened her palm and stared down at the oyster. “I can’t tell the difference between when I saw it on the shell, and now.”

“Don’t,” I warned.

She lifted her hand, sucked the oyster into her mouth, and swallowed hard. After a few seconds she widened her eyes and opened her mouth. “Tadah!”

I pushed the plate to the side. “I’m done.”

“There’s like eight left, and you only bought twelve.”

“I’m done.”

“You think me eating that little fucker is gross?”

“I know it’s gross,” I said.

“And you want me to swallow your cum.”

I shook my head. “That’s different.”

“How?”

“It’s during the throes of passion or whatever.”

“That first night? You stuck your big fat dick in me. I was drunk as fuck. You didn’t know me. You were going to fuck me and forget me. You told me that. You said that’s all anyone got from you. And then you stuck your finger in my ass.”

“You told me to.”

“I wasn’t done.” She chuckled. “Anyway. I came all over your big fat cock, collapsed, and flopped onto my knees and sucked you off. You came like a porn star. And I swallowed that shit. So what, you’re going to tell me that was love?”

I shrugged. “No.”

“Was it gross?” she asked.

“No.”

“Okay, then why is me eating that oyster gross?”

“It just is.”

“Swallowing cum is more gross.”

“Why don’t you barf it up?”

She took a drink of wine, cleared her throat, and leaned forward. “Do you think girls like swallowing cum? Do you think we like the taste?”

I shrugged. I hadn’t really thought about it. As many of them did it, it would stand to reason that there was some redeeming quality about the taste. “I guess so.”

“We don’t. It’s fucking gross. Its slippery, slimy, salty, and bitter. It’s like rotten salty raw eggs.”

The three oysters I had eaten were churning in my stomach. “Why do you do it?”

“The same reason every other girl does it. We want to make you happy. To satisfy you.”

“But you don’t like it?”

“Fuck no. But I like
doing
it.”

“That makes no sense.”

“Maybe not to you. But it does to me. Look at it this way. The night I met you I swallowed your spunk. I swallowed that shit and acted like it was candy. Did that turn you on?”

I nodded. “Fuck yeah.”

“Okay. And look at me now. I’m still here. I bet if I would have collapsed on the bed and fell asleep I wouldn’t be.”

“Probably not.”

“Why?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Because you lacked determination or something.”

“And now you know why I tried four times to eat that raw fucking oyster.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Because you wanted me to try it. And for the same reason I swallowed you cum, I was determined to swallow that grotesque little clam or whatever those fuckers are. I wanted you to be happy with me.”

I considered her logic and eventually nodded. “I think it makes sense.”

She laughed. “You think so?”

“I do.”

She brushed her hair over her shoulder and grinned a shitty little grin. “Appreciate me a little more?”

I did. I never looked at things the way she presented them. I never had to. Now that she made her points, I did appreciate her more. It seemed to be something that was happening on a daily basis.

“I do.”

“Good.”

She took another drink of wine. “So, you say my pussy is yours. Is your cock mine?”

“No.”

“Really?” She dragged the two syllables along for two really long seconds. “Why not?”

“I don’t know. Guys don’t do that shit. They don’t say
this cock is yours
. And girls don’t say shit like
whose cock’s in me
or whatever.”

“I want that big fucker to be mine.”

“Why?”

She shrugged. “So I can say it’s mine.”

“Who would you tell?”

She acted like she really thought about it for a while. “Nobody, I guess. Just myself.”

“So it’d be your cock, but you’d just keep it hush hush?”

“Sure.”

“Okay, take it. It’s yours.”

She sat up in her seat. “Really?”

“Yep. It’s yours, claim it.”

“Are you saying that because you know I won’t tell anybody, or because you really want me to have it? I don’t want it if it’s some wordplay bullshit. I want that fucker because I really like it. And I don’t want anyone else to have it.”

“Right now, I’m not considering giving it to anyone else.”

“Right now while we’re eating, or right now, like at this point in your life.”

“The life thing, maybe. Long after dinner’s over anyway.” I chuckled. “Maybe even through the rest of the month.”

She stared back at me. “No shit?”

I took a drink of my beer and nodded. “No shit.”

“Fuck yes, that big fucker’s mine.” She reached for her wine. “I like you.”

“I like you back,” I said.

And I meant it.