Dakota Love (37 page)

“What do you mean?” He was always very forthcoming with his dating intentions. Had he been with Sarah?

“I mean, do your actions speak louder than your words? Are you saying you don’t want a serious relationship—yet still doing all those little caring things you did while we dated, things that instill hope in a woman?”

Mark noted the slight edge in Diane’s voice. Not quite sure what she alluded to, he crossed his arms over his chest and rocked back on his heels. With a grin, he kept his voice tone even and teasing. “Do I need to remind you that you broke our relationship off?”

Diane smiled sadly then shrugged. “No, you don’t need to remind me. I thought if I broke it off, you’d have a change of heart—but you didn’t.” Sorrow infused her words.

She was serious. Is that what the other women had done, too? They hadn’t gained self-confidence and planned to move on? Instead, they hoped by breaking it off, he’d come running back?

Diane laughed. “Your expression is priceless. You had no idea, did you? I wouldn’t change one thing about my life right now, but Mark, you broke my heart. Just be mindful of this with”—Diane stopped and checked the envelope—“Sarah. Just be mindful of her feelings. They may be stronger than yours and, well…” Diane shrugged. “A broken heart’s kind of hard on the self-confidence.”

Mark felt like he’d walked behind a bowler who, just as the bowler swung the ball back for momentum on his roll, had clipped Mark in the stomach. Mark had broken Diane’s heart, hurt her self-confidence. His body deflated. He was a Sanders man, through and through. “I’m s–s–sorry.” Disbelief filled his words with the realization that his dating theory wasn’t foolproof.

Diane adjusted her purse strap over her shoulder as she jutted out her chin.

The buzz of the air conditioner kicking on broke the thick silence in the store.

Diane fidgeted with the zipper tab on her purse. He’d broken her heart. What could he say to that?

“Well…” Diane sighed and turned to go.

Mark needed to say something. He caught her arm. “I am sorry, Diane. You’re right. I had no idea that I hurt you like that. Please accept my apology.” To how many other women did he owe this same courtesy?

Diane’s lip curled into a sad smile. “I forgave you awhile ago, but I do accept your apology. Again, my life is better than I ever thought it’d be, but I’ve needed to hear that from you. I’ve needed that closure for a long time. So, thank you. And now maybe you could do me a favor.”

“Anything.”

“I know this is none of my business, but…don’t hurt Sarah the way you hurt me.” Moisture filled Diane’s eyes, and she blinked rapidly before giving him a weak smile. “I guess I’ll see you Saturday at the walk.” She turned on her heel and headed for the door.

Mark watched Diane leave the store, then the parking lot. He stared blankly through the plate glass store window. What had he done? Followed right in his dad’s footsteps, that’s what. He might not have been married to the women, but he deserted them in other ways. Was he giving Sarah false hope? When push came to shove would he back away from her?

Mark watched a cloud pass over the sun, blocking out its rays, just like Diane’s admission covered his heart with sadness. How on earth did he think his dating plan was fair?

Lord, please forgive me for hurting all the ladies I dated in the past. I’ve been blind to the feelings of others, and I’m truly sorry
.

He didn’t deserve Sarah. Maybe he didn’t deserve anyone. Sanders men just weren’t dependable. Mark turned from the window. Yet he’d helped his mom run this store, and he didn’t hesitate when Walt asked for his assistance earlier in the week.

He’d do right by Sarah even if it meant his heart got broken.

Would this light never change? Sarah rubbed her right arm, but it remained dead. Using her left hand, she moved her right arm to a comfortable position on the armrest. With difficulty she guided her car through the intersection, taking it slow for easier steering. Even though it was Saturday, she’d taken the long the way to the park where the MS walk started, to avoid heavy traffic.

She yawned. What a busy week she’d had, but at least after this morning, she could cross one thing off her to-do list. By the afternoon, another item, the last curriculum meeting, would be marked off; then maybe she could get some quilt blocks sewn together. She flexed the fingers of her right hand as her arm rested. Hopefully, her medicine would kick in soon. She’d needed to refill her prescription but just couldn’t work a stop at the pharmacy into her schedule this week. So she’d skipped her dosage a few days, to stretch her meds out until today when she could get to the drugstore.

Maybe she should have taken Mark up on his offer of a ride to the walk. The parking lot was packed. Awkwardly, Sarah turned her steering wheel with her left hand. Pulling her compact into one of the few remaining spots was tricky one-handed.

Sarah slipped from her car then zipped her car keys in the front pocket of her backpack. After several attempts to get her backpack in position with a numb right arm, she finally just inserted her left arm in the arm strap and let the backpack dangle at her side.

With each step toward the Gert’s Gang gathering spot, Sarah’s right leg tingled. She took deliberate and slow steps. Why of all days were these MS symptoms so intense? Mark waved as soon as he saw her. Caroline and Rodney turned and waved, too. Sarah straightened and tried to walk her normal stride but felt like her right foot was sliding into each step.

“Sarah, we were getting worried that you stood us up.” Caroline patted Sarah’s back as Sarah stopped by the group of people gathered around Mark.

“Here is a shirt for you.” Mark held out a red MS walk T-shirt with the corporate sponsors listed on the back.

“I’m glad I wore navy yoga pants.” Without thinking, Sarah tried to pull on the T-shirt. Her right arm failed to move in the direction it needed to.

Mark stared at Sarah. “Are you okay?”

“Just a little MS problem.” Sarah forced a smile and wrestled with the T-shirt sleeve. “I think it’s due to the unseasonable heat and humidity that blew in this week.”

“Let me help.” Mark took her backpack and guided her arm through the sleeve. He pulled the back of the T-shirt down while Sarah pulled the front. “Should you be walking today?”

Already annoyed with the flare in her MS symptoms, anger surged through Sarah. “I’m fine.” She snapped the words as she fought back a yawn.

“Okay.” Mark held up his hands in defeat then grinned. “I missed you this week.”

His smile and words warmed her heart. “I missed you, too. I’m so behind on sewing my quilt blocks, but I’ve been working late and had two church meetings.” Sarah tried to suppress another yawn but failed.

“Have you been getting enough rest?” Mark’s beautiful hazel eyes were hidden as he narrowed his gaze on her.

“I went to bed late last night, that’s all.” She wasn’t about to tell Mark that she’d been up past midnight every night this week. He was beginning to sound like Karla and her mother. She didn’t need that today. It was taking every ounce of her strength to stand. She looked around for a bench. “I’d like to sit down.”

“There’s a chair over there.” Mark crooked his elbow.

Praise God that Mark was a gentleman. Having him to lean on made her walking easier. She eased into the chair.

“Would you like some coffee? They have a stand over there.” Mark pointed.

“I’d love some.”

Sarah listened to the anxious chatter of the other walkers. She’d looked forward to this day, but now she felt too tired to enjoy it.

Mark handed her a cup of coffee then sat on the ground next to her. “They have doughnuts, too. Would you like one?”

“No thanks.” Sarah sipped the bitter beverage brewed stronger than she really liked.

“Is any of your family coming?”

Sarah rolled her eyes. “I doubt it. They aren’t too supportive of my activities.”

“I don’t know two of the people who gave you very generous donations. I assumed the couple with your last name was your parents.” Mark winked.

“Yes, the other one was my friend, Karla.”

“Isn’t she the one—”

“That thinks I’m doing too much? Yes, but then that seems to be the general consensus of everyone I know.” Sarah looked pointedly at Mark.

His Adam’s apple bobbed as he set his jaw. “Sarah, I think their concerns are valid. You don’t rest enough. Fatigue is a huge issue for MS patients. You are overdoing it.”

Sarah rolled her eyes. “I’m just proving that a person with MS can lead an active life.” She let the terseness she felt flow into her words.

“The key word there is
active
. You are leading an
over
active life. I don’t think I could keep the schedule that you do, and I don’t have MS.”

Sarah blinked. She’d never really considered that before. Had she been this involved in activities before her diagnosis? She’d worked overtime on her old job during the holiday season. She’d always been involved in at least one church committee. Really the only thing new was Mark, the quilting class, and the MS walk.

“Discouragement is not what I need today.” Her own body’s rebellion was enough to handle without everyone else thinking she should give up. But she’d learned from Job’s story that if she trusted God, He’d help her to understand this affliction. See her through. After all, He’d already provided so many good opportunities for her that she shouldn’t even be grumbling about her MS symptoms today. “I’m finishing this walk.”

Mark pursed his lips. “Well, I’m staying right beside you. You do realize that I recognize the subtle MS signals that maybe your mom and Karla miss.”

“Like?”

“The shuffle of your feet to hide the slight limp or sliding your feet along versus taking a step.” Mark touched her forearm.

She pulled it away. “You are the one person I felt was on my side. Because of your mom I thought you understood how important it is for me to continue on with life as normal as possible.” She tried to push off the chair, but her right arm slid off the canvas arm. Mark’s strong arms stopped the chair’s wobble.

“Sarah, let me help you.” He stood to the side of the chair and wrapped his arm around her. She leaned into his warmth, and as he lifted, she stood.

“Thank you.” Her appreciation came out more clipped than she’d intended, but she was tired. She was in pain. She was fed up with all the people wanting her to give up.

“I am on your side, Sarah.”

Someone called Mark’s name before she could respond. She pulled free of his embrace. “Go, where
you’re
needed.”

The immediate hurt that registered on Mark’s face twisted her heart with regret. Yet the disappointment she felt in the knowledge that he agreed with her mom and Karla justified her remark. Maybe she was wrong that Mark cared for her.

“I’ll be right back.” Mark let go of her but kept his eye on her as he walked away, no doubt looking for those telltale MS signs.

“A few of us are going to get started.” Caroline stopped beside Sarah. “I’d ask you to join us, but I’m sure you’re waiting for Mark.” Caroline’s blue eyes twinkled as she teased Sarah.

Sarah glanced to where Mark stood, his back facing her. “Actually, I’d like to get started. I’ll join your group, and Mark can catch up.”

With concentrated effort, Sarah bent down and picked up her backpack. Straightening, she brought up the rear of the small group of people. The short rest in the chair eased some of her symptoms. Although her arm ached, she felt she’d regained some of the control in her right leg. Not quite her normal gait, but she was keeping up with the group.

The sun blazed in the morning sky. She prayed that the front that moved into the area, bringing unseasonable mid-May warmth and humidity to South Dakota, would pass by this day. Her prayer went unanswered.

Although the temperature was actually a comfortable seventy-five degrees, the dew point made it feel more like eighty-five. Her sweat-dampened hair stuck to the nape of her neck. She raised her left arm and swiped the side of her face with her T-shirt sleeve. The weather fought against any good her MS meds were doing for her today.

Pain shot up Sarah’s right leg with the next step she took. She grimaced but managed to stifle a groan.

“Sarah!” Mark’s voice rose above the noisy laughter and chatter of the walkers.

She didn’t want Mark to see her difficulty in walking. It took all her resolve to try to take a normal step. Whether anyone liked it or not, Sarah was like Job. She wanted to accept the bad with the good that God sent her way. Why couldn’t others see their negative attitudes weren’t conducive to her well-being?

“Sarah, wait.”

Glancing over her shoulder, Sarah saw Mark jogging toward her. Once again, with concentration, she moved to take a normal step.

Her leg didn’t cooperate. She started to wobble. The loaded backpack threw her balance off. She let it fall to the ground and tried to overcompensate, but with the lack of feeling in her leg she had no idea where to find her footing. She tried to throw her weight to the left, but the movement increased the speed of the fall. Her body pulled her backward. She closed her eyes and braced for the impact with the sidewalk.