Condemned (7 page)

“Can’t do it.”

“But you claim to be my friend. A true friend would end my
life now, quickly. It’s over anyway. Wouldn’t you prefer me not to suffer?”

“When did you decide all this, Brett?” Jesse tried to take
the bottle from him.

“Don’t even think about it,” he snarled as he gripped it
tighter. “Earlier tonight.”

“So how’s Tish taking this?”

“Tish? She couldn’t be happier. Ask me why. No, let me tell
you. Tish is getting a wedding, something I’m beginning to suspect she wants
quite a bit. She’s landed herself a wealthy husband who comes with a nifty
house in an upscale neighborhood. She gets to keep her little charities and
socialite activities. Fuck yeah, Tish is thrilled. Not that she actually said
any of that. No, all she said was yes. Just reading between the lines here. Of
course I could be wrong.”

“Have you called Jordan yet? What does he have to say?”

“How can I call him? He and Kiley are so happy about being
together. I can’t dump this on him,” he paused for a gulp. “Don’t pay any
attention to me, Jesse. I’ve granted myself the night to wallow. I just need to
get used to the idea. Tish is a great girl and I’ve always planned on getting
married at some point. We’ll be fine.”

“Wait a second. How is she going to keep up with her
charities once you move?”

“Did I leave that part out? I get to move all that shit back
here. I’m going to have to sell the other house, since she’s decided we’ll be
staying here. Damn, I liked that house.”

“You say she decided to stay here? Seems to me that Tish
gets everything she wants and you’re the one giving it all to her. Other than a
glitzy wife, what are you getting?”

“Ding, ding, ding, give the man the prize. It’s just amazing
the way you catch on so quickly.” He took another swallow. “Funny how going
without can change a guy’s entire life.”

“Going without? Sex?”

“Yep. We came close, damn close, only she had a bad
experience when she was younger and decided to remain celibate until after she
got married.” He shrugged. “I was so relieved to learn she hadn’t run out on me
last week because she’d been raped or something, that one thing led to another
and now we’re engaged.”

“You can’t be serious! There’s other women out there, Brett.
You don’t have to marry Tish just to get laid.”

“I know that. But she was so passionate when we almost got
together. Damn it, Jesse, I want her. I know, thinking with the little head
here but it’s done and I can’t just back out. I’m a decent man and I asked. And
she really is a very sweet girl.”

“Maybe there’s another answer.”

“There is but you won’t help me and I’m too much of a coward
to take care of it on my own.”

“You aren’t seriously considering that, Brett?”

He sighed and met Jesse’s eyes as he drained the bottle.
“No. It’s not really all that bad. Tish may not be exactly the woman I pictured
as my wife but she’ll be fine. And just think how beautiful our kids will be.”
He rose unsteadily and searched the cabinets for more alcohol.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”

“Two choices Jesse. Shut the fuck up or get the fuck out.”
In response, Jesse just stared at him. “Hey what are you doing here anyway? I
thought you’d be with Andie if you were in town.”

“We had dinner earlier. Since I hadn’t seen you lately, I
thought I’d drop by on my way home.”

“Bet you wish you hadn’t.” Brett grimaced at the taste of the
gin he had found.

“You’re going to have one hell of a hangover if you keep
this up.”

“And your point is?” He tipped the bottle again.

“Can I say something?”

“Can I prevent you? Go ahead. Give me your best shot. I’m
not likely to remember much after Tish left anyway.”

“Don’t go through with this, Brett. If you really wanted
this, you would be calling all your friends and dancing in the street, not
sitting here alone, drinking yourself into oblivion. Other people have broken
engagements. You can’t marry her if this is the reaction you’re having to the
mere thought of it.”

“I have to. I asked,” he repeated vehemently. “And she’s
already off making plans.”

“But you don’t even like her all that much. I’ve seen you
with plenty of women and I’m surprised she made it long enough for you to even
want to have sex with her.”

“What about the emails? What about the auction? I have to
try.”

“Promise me you’ll take a few days and think about it at
least. After the hangover fades and you have a cleared head, give it some more
consideration. I really think you should call Jordan and Shane. I know they
wouldn’t want you to let yourself be forced into anything even if it is of your
own doing. After all, you gave both of them moral support when they needed it.”

“It’s not the same. And I’m not alone, Jesse. I have you.”

“Yeah, you do but I haven’t shared all they have with you.
Sometimes you need the people who know you best.”

“And sometimes the people who know you best are the ones you
should avoid the most. Want a drink?” He held out the bottle. “You still
haven’t congratulated me yet.”

“Fine,” he said, taking the bottle. “Congratulations on your
impending nuptials. You’ll make a dandy husband. Damn, can’t you find anything
better?”

“Help yourself.” Brett gestured toward the cabinets. “Since
I thought I was moving, I haven’t been restocking too much. Guess I’ll have to
remedy that tomorrow.”

Jesse rummaged around until he found a bottle of Southern
Comfort. “Too sweet but it’s a little better than that.”

“Sharing?” Brett asked although he’d already snagged the
bottle. “What do you think my chances are of having a small, intimate
ceremony?”

“Probably nonexistent.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought too. Have to invite all of
Daddy’s friends, not to mention everyone on the charity boards.” Brett stared
into the bottle. Before Jesse could interrupt, he said, “Talk about something
else. You said you saw Andie tonight. Tell me about her. How’s it going between
you? Make it good so I forget for a minute.”

“What can I say?” Jesse grinned and shrugged. “Andie is
Andie. She hasn’t changed in the few days since you’ve seen her. She did ask if
I’d talked to you since we haven’t seen you this week.”

“You think she’s going to think poorly of me for getting
married so quickly?”

“No. I think she’s going to wish you all the happiness in
the world and hope you’ve really found true love. I think she’s going to be a
bit hurt when she realizes you didn’t call her with your news right away, now
that the two of you are friends. You could, you know. Call her.”

“Yeah,” he snorted. “Right. Call Andie Sloan and cry on her
shoulder. That’s what you’re thinking, isn’t it? Why the hell would you even
offer your girl like that?”

“One, I’m not so sure she is my girl. Two, Andie is the
kindest, most caring woman there is. If she can help, she will, even if it is
only by providing a friendly ear. It’s no one else’s place to dictate who she
speaks with and who she doesn’t. Three, Andie honestly cares for you. Haven’t
you noticed that?”

“What do you mean, she’s not your girl? You’re always
kissing and cuddling her.”

“Brett, Andie kisses and cuddles everyone she cares for. She
seems to thrive on physical contact. I won’t deny that I enjoy it but I don’t
think it means as much to her as you’re reading into it.”

“She doesn’t kiss and cuddle me.”

“You haven’t ever let her. I’ve seen you back away when
she’s around. She must think you don’t want her to.”

“Oh.” Yeah. I guess you’re right. You still didn’t explain
why she’s not your girl.”

“I think we both know that we make better friends. Then
again, if I show up tomorrow and she greets me in some lacy lingerie and tells
me she wants more, I doubt if I’d turn her down. We’re just taking it slow, not
rushing into anything.”

“Wise man. You aren’t going to fuck her over, are you? Andie’s
not like that.”

“You really think you even need to ask?” Jesse waited,
staring until Brett shook his head. “Why didn’t you ask her out when she first
got here? I know you spent time with her and Sadie.”

“I was an idiot. I let a preconceived notion keep me from
looking beyond the exterior. Hell, I admit it. I thought she was a dull mouse.
Another fine example of my extensive lack of abilities to accurately judge
women.” He raised the bottle in mock salute. “My compliments to your
superiority.”

“Don’t do this, Brett. You don’t deserve it and you know it.
There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to a certain type. You know plenty
of wonderful women who happen to also be beautiful.”

“But Andie is beautiful. I just never really saw it before
she and Charlie were at the piano. She’s so alive. And genuine. I bet if you
were in my situation with Andie, you’d be shouting from the rooftops.”

“Absolutely. So would you if you were found yourself
suddenly engaged to Andie. Doesn’t that tell you something?”

“Sure. Same thing I said earlier. My life is royally fucked.
You think my soul will be damned to hell if Tish has an aneurism? Ah, what am I
saying? I’d never wish that on her, no matter what. See? I truly am a bastard
who doesn’t deserve to live. Isn’t that enough proof for you to shoot me?”

“If I do, your other friends would never forgive me and I’d
lose them too. Do you really wish that on me?”

“God, no!” He slammed his fist onto the table.

“Breaking your hand won’t help anything. Go pass out, Brett.
Sleep it off. Blow off the agency for a few days and get your head on straight.
You really don’t have to go through with this even though you asked. Be a
bastard and tell Tish it was lust talking and that you’ve changed your mind.
Don’t wreck both your lives with something that is so clearly not what you
want.”

“The words of wisdom from a true friend.” He drained the
last of the bottle. “I think I just might do that. There’s nothing left to
drink anyway. No point in staying up any longer.” He almost fell when he tried
to stand. “Shit. Everything’s spinning already.”

“Come on.” Jesse steadied him and was surprised when Brett
didn’t resist. “I’m putting you to bed and I’ll lock up on my way out. I’ll be
by tomorrow. Don’t even consider not letting me in because you know I’ll just
pick the lock if you do. And if you take off, it’ll piss me off and I’ll find
you anyway.”

Brett muttered the entire way to his bedroom. “I can
manage,” he grumbled when Jesse efficiently stripped him down to his briefs but
didn’t fight him. “Hey, Jesse, thanks. You’re a good guy to stick around when
I’m fucking up more than I’m not.”

“Don’t mention it. That’s what friends are for,” he replied
even though Brett had already passed out.

Chapter Nine

“Morning, Jesse,” Andie said pleasantly when she opened the
door. “It’s great to see you.”

“Can you come with me? We need to talk.”

She studied his face, becoming increasingly more concerned.
“What happened?”

“I don’t think we should do this here. Can you come?”

“Of course.” She grabbed her coat and told her aunt that she
was going out with Jesse for a little while.

He drove her in silence to his apartment. He didn’t know how
strongly she would react but wanted to ensure her privacy if she needed it.

“Where are we?” she asked, glancing around.

“My place.”

“I thought you didn’t let anyone come here,” she tried to
tease.

“I couldn’t think of anyplace else to bring you.”

“You’re scaring me. Just tell me. Whatever it is, just say
it.”

“Andie…”

“Tell me!”

“I saw Brett last night. He and Tish are getting married.”
Jesse waited but Andie stood motionless, as if she were frozen in place.
“Andie, say something.”

Finally, she blinked. She took a deep breath and said, “I
guess that’s it then.”

“Andie…”

“Thanks for trying, Jesse. I appreciate all you did for me.”

“Andie.” He folded his arms around her and held her gently
against his chest. Before long, her sobs started. Feeling helpless, he let her
cry, murmuring comforting words as he rocked her against him.

“Why?” she finally managed.

“It’s a real mess. I don’t think he meant to propose. I
think it just sort of slipped out.”

“While they were having sex?” She snorted.

“No. From what I can piece together it was when she was
explaining why they couldn’t have sex. Because she wouldn’t until she was
married.”

“Bitch,” Andie swore and then looked horrified. “I didn’t
mean that.”

“Why not? It’s true. I had the same thought last night along
with how she tricked him.”

“She doesn’t love him. I do. So much. Why can’t it be me?”

“It should be you. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. You didn’t do it. I guess I was misreading the
cosmic plan all along.”

“I don’t agree. Maybe sometimes fate doesn’t manage to make
things work out the way they were supposed to. I still think you and Brett are
meant to be together.”

“How is he?”

“Honestly, he’s worse than you can imagine. But he won’t
walk away now that he’s made the commitment.”

“But this is wrong. They don’t belong together. He has to
know that.”

“With how he was reacting, I’m sure he does. But he asked.
He’s got some misplaced sense of honor that won’t let him back out. Or not yet
anyway. Hopefully he’ll come to his senses before he’s trapped.”

“I’m a mess.” She sniffed.

“Bathroom’s the second door on the right.” While Jesse
waited for Andie to freshen up he debated on whether or not to share the conversation
he and Brett had had about her. Finally, he decided she needed to hear
everything. “Sit with me. There’s more.”

“More? Oh God,” she moaned and let him pull her onto his
lap.

“I know this won’t help but ninety percent of our plan
worked. Brett wanted to change the subject so he asked about you. He sees you
for yourself now. He admitted that he was an idiot to not ask you out when you
first moved in with Sadie and thinks you’re beautiful.”

“Jesse.” Andie was crying against his chest again as he held
her.

“I wish I could do something to make this easier for you. I
almost didn’t come get you this morning.”

“I’m glad you did. I couldn’t have handled it if I’d heard
by accident from someone in passing. You telling me did help.”

“Not enough. It doesn’t take away any of the hurt for you.
You shouldn’t have to feel this way. Brett doesn’t deserve it either, even if
he was being impulsive.”

“Impulsive or not, he asked her. We both know he thrives on
feminine attention. He’s never asked anyone else so there must be something
there. Or is she the only woman who’s ever said no to him?”

“So hurt and still defending the man. I know all about
Brett’s reputation but you really shouldn’t believe everything you hear. I
won’t deny that he’s had his share of sexual encounters in the time I’ve known
him but they weren’t nearly as frequent as you’d think.”

“Why are you telling me this now? Why didn’t you say
anything when we talked about him before?”

He shrugged. “Because I’m his friend too. Maybe I wanted to
be sure that you truly loved him. If you’d balked at what you thought was his
past, I would have doubted your sincerity.”

“Oh and since I was willing to ignore it I was good enough
for him?”

“Something like that. Andie, why couldn’t you have loved
me?”

“I do, Jesse. Just not the way you mean.”

“If it helps, I love you too. As much as a friend can.”

“So it’s good I don’t love you like that.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“About Brett.”

“I’ll be staying close. Don’t worry. He hasn’t called Jordan
or Shane yet. I’ll keep pushing him to but I really can’t do it for him.”

“Why can’t he see that he’s the one putting the distance
between all of them? I bet they both would have come last night, even if he’d
insisted they shouldn’t.”

“I know they would. At one point, he asked me to shoot him
so he wouldn’t have to suffer.”

“He wouldn’t—”

“Never. Even though I’m positive, I still added some
insurance by mentioning what it would put all of us through. He’s out of it but
not so far gone that he’d hurt everyone like that.”

“She just doesn’t seem very affectionate to me.” Andie
gasped as if horrified by her judgment of Tish. “I shouldn’t say that. I don’t
even know her. Besides, she’ll have Kiley and Alyssa nearby to use as examples.
They’ll show her how to warm up.”

Jesse shook his head. “They’re staying here. Brett says he’s
selling his house and commuting. I’m not exactly sure how that came about but
it seems to have been decided just as impulsively as the proposal.”

“Well then, if that’s the case, they’ll be needing a
housekeeper. Maybe I should apply.” She seemed semi-serious. “I could be the
evil hired help who steals the husband from the cold-hearted wife.”

“Only one problem. You’re not like that. I can’t see you in
that role, even if it is Brett.”

“Maybe I need to grow up and change my reputation,” she
declared hotly. Sadly, she shook her head. “Who am I trying to kid? You’re
right. I’m not like that. If that’s the way I got Brett I’d be so full of guilt
that I’d ruin it. What a selfish bitch! How can she choose playtime at charities
over building a life with him? Brett loves that house. It’s perfect. Maybe I’ll
buy it. Do you think Aunt Sadie would loan me the money?”

“I’d give you the money if I didn’t think it would be pure
torture for you to live there. Do you really believe you’d be happy?”

“No, not without him,” Andie sighed and swallowed the tears
that continued to threaten. “How am I going to face Aunt Sadie every morning?
I’ve never been very good at hiding my feelings. I’m devastated and I’m sure
this hurt isn’t going away any time soon. I’ll have to manage somehow. I know
she loves me but I don’t want to worry her. I will if I hide in my room like I
want to.”

“You’re more than welcome to stay here. I have a spare room.
Since I’m planning on spending limitless amounts of time at Brett’s, you’d have
plenty of privacy. And you can borrow my car, since I know yours is getting
painted this week.”

“He’s really that bad at the thought of marrying her?”

Jesse nodded.

She thought for a moment. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I want to. I can’t think of any other way to help. If I can
provide you with a temporary sanctuary to regroup without interruptions, I’d be
more than pleased if you accepted. I’d also be more at ease, knowing I’d get to
check on you when I get on Brett’s nerves and I let him think he’s kicked me
out.”

“Are you sure I wouldn’t be invading? Even though we’re
friends, I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

“I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t hope you would take me up on
it. I wouldn’t have brought you here today if I felt uncomfortable with you
being here. You’ve been hurt, Andie. I care about you. A lot. Let me give you
what little comfort I can.”

“You’ll tell me if I’m overstaying my welcome?”

“Scouts honor.”

“What am I going to say to Aunt Sadie? I can’t just run away
with you without a word.”

“Hmm.” Jesse felt her relax and grinned. “Imagine how it
would boost my ego having everyone think a pretty girl ran away to be with me.”
Andie managed a faint smile. “I’ll take you home soon and tell her what’s going
on. I’m going to have to make her give me her word that she won’t call Jordan
but I think I can twist her arm.”

“I should tell her. It’s not right to let you…”

“Yes, it is. I can be very persuasive when I want to be. All
you need to do is call your students and tell them you’re taking a little
vacation.”

“I can’t do that.”

“You can. And you will. Think how they’ll react if you
started crying in the middle of a lesson. If I were a kid, I’d think my playing
caused it and I’d never come back.”

“Oh. I didn’t think of it like that.”

“See? Sometimes, I really do know best.”

“Would you mind if I brought my keyboard? Sometimes, when
I’m upset, playing helps relax me.”

“Want me to rent a piano? I could probably have one here
this afternoon.”

“No. That really would be too much. My electric one will be
fine. It’s the motion of playing that’s soothing, not the sound. Sometimes, I
don’t even turn the sound on. Or I switch it to one of the spacey settings and
see how bizarre I can make it.”

“I’d be honored if you let me listen. Bring anything you
want. For now, this is your home. Rearrange the furniture if it makes you more
comfortable. Want me to find some colored light bulbs? A fishnet for the wall?
Some seashells? I could get you some paints if you feel so inclined.”

Andie was laughing. “Stop. My creativity lies in music, not
art. The furniture is fine where it is. I’m not taking over here. I’m just
borrowing a room to hide in for a few days.”

“Stay as long as you need to. I’m serious. If you leave and
I hear about you crying, I’m going to kidnap you and bring you back.”

“I’m afraid I’ll be crying for quite some time. But I
understand what you mean. I’ll stay until I get it under control enough to
function normally, until I can manage to pick the time and place to let myself
cry. How’s that?”

“Exactly what I was trying for. And you can come back any
time you need a break.”

“Thank you, Jesse. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without
you. I’m so fortunate that you decided to become my friend. I hope Brett knows
how lucky we are to have you.”

“Well, I’ve never cuddled him in my lap but I think he
knows.”

“Gee, maybe you should. Like the next time Tish is due to
show up.”

Jesse hugged her tightly against him. “You’re priceless. I’m
going to like having you around.”

“Yeah, you say that now. Just wait until I’m slobbering all
over you again.”

“I didn’t mind that a bit. Think how big and strong and
manly it made me feel to hold you when you were crying. Use me. Any time.”

“You’re shameless and I absolutely adore you,” she said
softly before she framed his face with her hands and kissed him. “Jesse,” she
sighed as she sought to deepen it.

Jesse indulged her for a moment before easing away. “Andie,
you don’t really want to do this. Not with me. And I can’t let you do something
I know you’ll regret later. You know I was only teasing with that comment.”

“Just a little more. Please? One kiss like you would give a
woman you wanted and I promise not to ask again,” Andie pleaded.

“Don’t do this to us. I’m not the right guy for you. We both
know that.”

“There is no right guy for me. He’s gone. Forever. My heart
is broken without him ever knowing it belonged to him. Don’t even try giving me
that ‘time heals all wounds’ line because I already know it won’t. There will
never be a man for me to share my life with. I will never know how wonderful it
is to make love with the one guy who is everything to me. I won’t even have sex
again because if I can’t have the one I want, I don’t want anyone at all. There
is no one who will ever love me like I need him to, like I want to love him. I
am truly alone forever now and I will learn to live with it in time. But right
now I’m empty inside. If I can’t find some sort of affection to help guide me
through today and make me know that I’m still alive I’m terrified that I’ll die.
You’re the only person in the world I can ask to help me. I need you. There’s
no one else I trust to keep me from pushing for more than a kiss. Anyone else
would let me continue until I had us both naked and sweaty. I know how much of
a mistake that would be. I really would let myself die then. I know I’m asking
too much of you, especially since you’re so generous already,” Andie spoke
steadily, holding his gaze with hers. “Help me, my friend. Please? I need you.”

“Andie.” He groaned as he caressed her cheek. “I know its
lame but don’t give up hope. How many times have you heard of someone whose
spouse died finding happiness a second time? It happens. There could very well
be another perfect guy out there for you.”

“But he’s not showing up any time soon. Even if he did, I
wouldn’t give him a chance. Right now I’d swear that I’ll never be ready to
open my heart to another man. Even though my brain knows Brett didn’t exactly
reject me, my heart and soul feel like he did. Please don’t be the only other
man I care deeply for who rejects me the second time on the same day.”

“You make it very difficult for me to say no.”

“Don’t. Be my friend. Kiss me until I believe that I’m not
completely unlovable and undesirable. Show me that it’s still worth living.”