Color Blind (Able to Love) (7 page)

“Cassie, are you going to make me sit here all day? Because I’m not leaving until we talk!” Saul called out.

“I’m getting you lemonade and talking with Annie for a minute. I’m coming,” Cassandra yelled back.

The younger woman twisted her fingers. “I’m saying this all wrong,” she explained. In a whisper she continued, “My father has never dated outside his race. In fact, he’s quite against it. Did he tell you that he and I haven’t spoken in four years because I married a black man?”

Her mouth popped open. “We’re not dating, or did you forget about Macy?” her brain just caught up with Cassandra’s revelation. Had she heard right? “Did you say he didn’t speak to you because you married a black man?”

“Yes, and my husband died without my father’s blessing. He’s never even seen or spoken to his granddaughter because of his refusal to accept what he calls a mixed breed.”

Annie held her hands up. She couldn’t comprehend what she was hearing. She shook her head finding it hard to reconcile the monster that Cassandra painted with the man she was coming to know and even falling—no. He had a girlfriend. She wouldn’t entertain that thought. “I need some air. I’ll be back. No, wait, can you take him home for me?”

Her blue eyes depicted understanding. “He doesn’t know, does he?”

“Mommy, can I come out, now?”

Annie’s eyes zoomed in on the most beautiful child she’d ever seen.
 “Emily, meet Miss Annie,” Cassandra said, bending towards her daughter. Emily hid behind her mother’s skirt and peeked at Annie. “It’s okay, honey. Can you shake Miss Annie’s hand and say hello?”

“Hi, Miss Annie. I’m Emily and I’m three years old.” The little girl held up three stubby fingers and Annie’s heart melted. She was so precious, how could Saul deny his own flesh and blood?

She couldn’t help the tears that sprung to her eyes. She stooped, until she was on Emily’s level. “Hi, Emily. It’s such a pleasure to meet you.”

Emily smiled, before looking up at her mother. “Can I go watch television?”

“Yes, honey.”

Emily skipped off towards the living area, where she would meet her grandfather for the first time. A grandfather who wouldn’t be able to see her. It was all too much for Annie to handle. She put a fist in her mouth, trying to keep her emotions in check.

“I—I need to think. Go talk to him.” Annie spun on her heels and departed from the house. She ran from the ugly stench of prejudice, which had reared its head, attacking her growing love like a parasite.

As she raced out the driveway, she called herself all kinds of idiot. Here she was pining after someone who didn’t know the real her? She looked in the rearview mirror seeing her natural curls, her brown eyes, her coffee-colored skin. If she were fat, she could lose weight. If she had bad skin, she could treat it. If she had crooked teeth, she could get braces. But, there was nothing she could do about this. She couldn’t—and didn’t want to—change the color of her skin.

Overcome, she pulled into a parking space outside the shopping center. She choked back the floodgate of tears. The doctors had said that Saul could regain his vision without warning. How would he react if he saw her in his kitchen—in his home? Would his face transform into one of disgust?

Annie couldn’t take that chance. She wasn’t about to stick around and watch his face curl with scorn. She loved every inch of her black skin. She wasn’t going to let any man make her feel less than desirable. Not now. Not ever.

Chapter Thirteen

“I was an idiot,” he said.

Seated next to his daughter, Saul wished he could see her face. The two hours he’d been there had sped by. Cassandra had told him that Annie had gone shopping and she’d volunteered to drive him home. He welcomed this time with his daughter, determined to make up for lost time.

“Yes, you were,” his daughter agreed. “How could you have thrown our relationship away like I meant nothing to you? How could you ask me to choose between you and my husband? Then you wonder why I didn’t answer the phone.”

He heard the tears in her voice and pictured her lips quivering like she always did when she was about to cry but didn’t want to. “It was never about you, Cassandra. It was the way I was raised. From a child, I can remember the words I heard, and the things my parents said. I didn’t think to question it. I wish I had loved you enough to give Kellan a chance.”

“You would’ve loved him, Dad,” Cassandra gushed. From her tone Saul realized she was eager to talk about her husband. He heard her wistful tone and knew she was grieving. He knew about that kind of grief. “Kellan reminded me so much of you. If you’d just taken a chance to know him, you would’ve liked him.”

Saul felt a little discomfort at being compared to her husband. He gulped, not sure of what to say. He knew she expected a response. “I’m sorry I won’t get the opportunity to prove you right. No matter what I said, I didn’t wish him dead. Cassandra, I hope you know that,” he beseeched her, with deep regret. “My behavior might have been monstrous, but I would never wish your husband any harm.” He was surprised to find how much he meant those words.

“When Kellan and I left that morning, I had no idea it would be my last time seeing his handsome face. He was a wonderful husband and a caring, considerate father.”

Saul paused. He’d felt that way about Nora. He swallowed. “I’m glad you have good things to say about your husband. I’m sorry Emily will grow up without a father.”

“Do you mean that, Dad. Or, are you saying what you think I want to hear?”
 “When have you known me not to speak my mind? I know I didn’t approve of the marriage, but I didn’t want him dead.”

He heard a great sigh. Then her arms surrounded his in a hug. “I shouldn’t have blamed you for his death. I know you tried to save us.”

He choked up. “I did, honey. I tried to save
all
of you. You must believe that I wouldn’t want your daughter to grow up without a father in her life. That’s the last thing I would wish for anyone. I know what it’s like to lose a spouse so suddenly. It’s a shock to your system and you don’t know how you’ll ever recover. When I lost your mother, I felt that pain for years. I was in a dark place for quite some time. If it weren’t for you...”

He felt Cassandra’s body heave with tears. “I miss Kellan so much. I put up a good front for Emily but every night I cry myself to sleep.”

As she cried, her heartache ripped him to the core. He comforted her, glad that Emily was down for a nap and wouldn’t witness her mother’s breakdown.

“It’s okay to cry, honey. Cry for as long as you have to,” he soothed. “It may be too late, but I will be here for you and Emily. I want to know her. I know I don’t deserve it but please give me that chance.”

“I wish you could actually see her. She has your nose and sometimes your expressions. I swear it’s like I see you looking at me.”

Saul touched her hair to make contact. “I can just imagine that. I know I’m blind, but I can see her, Cassie. I can hear her laughter. I can feel her joy.”

Cassandra moved out of his arms. He heard her blowing her nose and reached over to give her another hug. He felt her tense up but was glad she didn’t pull away.

“I can see that you’re changing and trying.” His daughter addressed him. “I would like us to continue to work on mending our relationship. I know I didn’t answer your calls or message and I’m sorry for that. I’ve been seeing a therapist and funny enough, she’d recommended I reach out to you.”

He felt and heard movements. Cassandra had gotten up to go somewhere.

Saul turned his head towards her when he heard her address him from the far corner of the room. “What’s going on with Annie?”

“Nothing’s going on with Annie. She’s my therapist. Why does everyone think that?” he wondered aloud. Was he giving off some vibe around her?

Like Macy, Cassandra seemed fixated on Annie. “If she’s just your therapist, then why were you holding hands when I opened the door?”

His smile crumbled. “I was?” He racked his brain. He vaguely remembered reaching for Annie’s hand.

“Yes, you were. Don’t pretend like you don’t remember. You like her, don’t you?” Cassandra asked.

Saul grinned. He knew he sounded like a schoolboy. “Yes, I do. In fact, if I weren’t afraid of busting my butt, I would pull a Tom Cruise and hop on your couch like a raving maniac. That’s how good I’m feeling.”

“What if she… wasn’t what you… expect, physically, I mean?”

He didn’t miss her hesitation. Was there something about Annie that he didn’t know? “Is she ugly?” He didn’t care if he sounded flaky. He had a feeling his daughter was holding something from him. “No don’t tell me, she’s has a hideous birthmark?”

“Would it matter?”

Her curiosity was evident in her high-pitched squeal. He gave her question serious thought. Surprised, he answered, “No, I don’t think so. To me, she’s beautiful. She’s positive, she’s bubbly, and she’s forgiving. She has a hot temper to match, too.” Annie was no pushover and he loved that.

“I know you’re adamant that she’s your therapist, but if I didn’t know better, I would think you’re in love.”

Saul heard her teasing tone and opened his mouth to respond, but couldn’t find the words. Was he in love? The mere idea was ridiculous. It was too soon. He had a girlfriend—one who thought he liked Annie. “Well you do know better. What would I want with Annie when I have Macy by my side?”

He’d diverted the conversation but inside his heart was somersaulting. He couldn’t be falling in love with someone he barely knew. If he were going to fall in love then Macy would be the prime candidate. Not Annie.
 Then why was she filling his thoughts?

All he knew was that he’d been away from Annie long enough. He was ready to go home—to her.

Chapter Fourteen

“Annie left.” Those were Macy’s words when he entered his home. She must have been waiting for him by the front door to deliver the news.

“What do you mean she left?” Saul asked.

“I don’t know why she left.”

Saul clenched a fist. “What did you say to her?” he grounded out. “I hope you didn’t mention our ridiculous conversation the other day.”

He dug into his pockets to get his phone. He was going to call her and demand an explanation.

He felt Macy’s breath in his face. “You’re blaming me? I don’t believe you! It’s not my fault she left. I didn’t say anything to your precious Annie.”

Saul’s head snapped back. “She’s not my precious Annie. She’s my therapist.”

“If she’s just a therapist, then why does it matter?” Macy grabbed his face with both her hands. “I asked her several times not to go but she was moving like a whirlwind. Before she left, she told me she had arranged for another therapist to come.”

He lowered his head and Macy released her hands. For some reason Annie had left him high and dry. Who does that? And, wasn’t she supposed to be a Christian?

“I’m leaving tomorrow,” Macy said, interrupting his thoughts.

Saul nodded.

“I’m not coming back,” she announced.

“What?” Saul swiped the air trying to find her. She moved into his space. “Why are you leaving?”

“I’m done,” Macy stated. He heard her voice catch. “I’m not going to stick around pining for someone who doesn’t want me. I have thousands of men who want me and I’m tired of the scraps of affection you throw my way. I’m a supermodel. I refuse to play second fiddle to a therapist.”

Saul stood where he was as he contemplated her words. He knew this was the moment for him to beg her stay. Perhaps propose or something. Macy was right. He wasn’t being fair to her. He couldn’t utter the words she needed to hear.

Saul reached under her head to pull her face close to his. His lips found hers with alarming accuracy. He kissed her long and hard before pulling away. “Goodbye, Macy.”

She sniffed. “I’ll wait until the new person comes and then I’ll be gone. It’s been good. I’ll leave my key in the palm before I leave.”

***

“Look, sir. It’s as I said. Ms. Hays had an emergency and had to leave this position. I’m her replacement. I’m also a certified orientation and mobility specialist.”

Saul snarled. This was the third time he’d asked and gotten this response. In a fit of rage, he took his cane and hurled it. By the crash, he guessed it had broken a window. He didn’t really care. He’d spent the night before tossing and turning upset that Annie was gone.

Large hands gripped his shoulders. “Saul, I’m going to have to ask you to calm down.”

Saul exhaled. He knew the man before him had to be well over six feet because he seemed like the incredible hulk.

“You don’t understand. I need Annie.” He knew he sounded whiny, but he didn’t give two cents how the other man might perceive him.

“Annie is unavailable.”

Corey sounded like he was talking through gritted teeth. Saul knew he wasn’t going to get any information from him. He needed to remain calm and think. “Corey, if it’s not too much trouble, would you please give me my cell phone.”