Black Flag (Racing on the Edge) (45 page)

Her head turned
slightly revealing more bruises along the side of her neck. My breath caught in
an audible gasp when I realized what those bruises were from.

“Sorry.” Sway
apologized attempting to hide the marks.

I felt the anger bubble
inside that she felt that need to apologize for something completely out of her
control.

“I don’t want to ever
hear you say that again.” My fingers curled around her chin, turning her to
look at me. “Do you hear me, honey
...
don’t
apologize. Ever,”

She blinked slowly
sensing the boundary. “Where’s Darrin?”

“I took care of it.” My
eyes dropped to our interlocked hands and then back to her eyes to gauge her
reaction.

Confusion garbled her
features for a moment and then she searched my face.

I hadn’t looked in a
mirror, afraid actually, but I could tell my nose was broken, I was pretty sure
my lip was swollen and my hands were bruised and swelling.

“Oh my god Jameson!”
she gasped taking in everything. “What did you do?
Oh my god
...
” she looked down at my battered hands,
pulling them in for a closer look. “Are they broken?”

“
Shhh
...
shhh
...
honey,” I soothed when I noticed her and
the baby’s heart monitors were accelerating. “Calm down, you need to relax,”

“Oh god, are you going
to prison? Oh man
...
I’m going to be one of
those wives that
has
to have those conjugal visits
...
oh man
...
what
...
” her voice finally
trailed off after her rant. I couldn’t help the small smile that appeared when
she was talking about conjugal visits.

“Calm down, I
...
we don’t have to worry about him
anymore.”

“Calm down?” she
repeated incredulously.
“Seriously?
What if you get
arrested?
Oh, god
...
why did you? Why not
just let the police take care of it?”

“You don’t understand.
It was—”

“I understand
perfectly!
You
don’t understand. What if something happens to you?” Sway
interjected incredulously. “Goddamn it, Jameson
...
you are so obtuse to this that you can’t see beyond
protecting me?”

“I
will
protect
you. I
will
keep you safe.” I growled pulling at my hair. “I
won’t
let something like that happen to you again.” I intoned, trying to make her
grasp the meaning.

Sway’s face flushed
pink with anger. “Do you even realize what you’re saying? You can’t control
everything, Jameson.” She snapped back, the heart monitor began beeping;
warning us, this was too much for her and the baby. “You think everything is
within your power. That you can control everything that happens to me, you
can’t!”

My own anger got the
best of me, and I jumped to my feet, my fists clenched at my sides, trying not
to launch something across the room. “I’ll take a lot from you Sway, but I’m
not going to take that shit. I have a right to want to protect you and my son.”

She said nothing, but
it was easy to read the sequence of emotions across her face. There was shame,
anger, and then defeat.

“Why do you feel it’s
your responsibility?” she asked slowly, shrugging her shoulders.

And then I saw the
hurt. Hurt for us. Hurt for her. Hurt for me.

“Because I had to
do
something Sway,” I finally exploded. I couldn’t take it
any longer. “I couldn’t sit back and act like it didn’t happen. Act as if he
didn’t take something so personal from you, from me! I can’t be with you every
second of the day, though I would if I could. It scares the shit out of me. I
don’t want to be like this
...
so
precariously codependent on you. But I am.” My voice cracked in frustration. “I
had to do something.” I turned away from her, unnerved by the moisture in my
eyes. Several tense, painful seconds went by as I struggled to get it together.
“He could have
killed
you and my son, imagine how that felt to me.”

Sway’s voice was just
above a whisper. “Don’t you see Jameson—you can’t protect me all the time. You
shouldn’t have to. We shouldn’t be
...
”
her voice faded.

My eyes tightened at
her words. I fucking knew this was coming. I knew she would have a reaction
like this at some point. And now she was at the worst possible time.

“Sway,” I pleaded,
reaching for her. “Don’t do this
...
please
...
honey
...
”

“You don’t understand.”
She said pushing me away.

How the fuck could she
possibly think that? What didn’t I understand?

I shook my head slowly
staring at the floor and not a lot else.

“I don’t understand?” I
repeated in disbelief. Reaching forward, I placed my hand under her chin
forcing her to look at me. “I’m going to pretend
...
you didn’t just say that to me.”

Sway flinched at the
sound of my icy voice. It was rare for me to ever direct this type of anger
toward Sway but that statement royally pissed me off. I was absolutely livid
that she believed that enough to say it.

“Are you thinking
...
of leaving me?”

She didn’t say anything
just stared at me, blank and completely unreadable.

I pulled away, anger
pulsing through me as I tried to control myself in front of her, and which I
was failing at miserably. Instinctively I hurled a vase of flowers toward the
wall, the loud crash of glass hitting the wall echoed through the silent room.

My furious gaze met
hers. Sway just continued to stare back at me in abject horror before I turned
to walk away. I just laid everything I had on the line for what
...
her to leave when shit got real?

What I knew in my heart
though, that wasn’t Sway.

“Oh god!” she cried
hysterically. “Jameson, I’m so sorry, no
...
no
...
I
can’t leave you, please
...
don’t leave
...
that wasn’t what I meant
...
” her voice trailed off as speaking
became impossible through her tears.

My aggression got to me
and I punched the door before I had her in my arms instantly, Sway clung to me
as though I was her lifeline to breathe; frantically grabbing anywhere she
could to get closer to me. Her arm circled tightly around my neck.

I wanted so badly to
stay and hold her like I should after that but I couldn’t, I had no other
choice.

“It’s okay, I know.” I
murmured. “I know
...
I’m sorry. I’m so
fucking sorry.”

Kyle rapped lightly on
the door and stuck his head in pointing to his watch. “I’m really sorry to interrupt
you guys but
...
we need to get to the
track.” I nodded annoyed my time with her was up and irritated that we spent
the last few minutes arguing.

My eyes flickered back
toward Sway.

“I’m sorry honey, but I
really do have to go.” Standing beside her bed, my knuckles rubbed against the
rail, wincing when I saw the tears return. “I’ll be back tonight after the
race.”

She only nodded. I
didn’t know if it was all the medication she was on or if this was just too
hard for her, either way, it left me feeling more like an asshole for leaving.

I carefully leaned
forward to rest my hand on her belly, and kissed her. Her lips were soft and
warm and everything I wanted to feel in that instant. Without another word,
only because I knew my voice would fail me, I mouthed “I love you,” backing
away from her bedside. Watching in despondency as tears slipped down her
bruised cheek my heart was breaking, my gut wrenching in pain to stay.

I hated this part of my
job. But I chose this profession, I signed a contract. I had commitments that I
couldn’t walk away from without ruining everything I’d ever worked for. This
was the entire reason why I didn’t want Sway caught up in my life style to
begin with. How could I have asked her to be with me knowing damn well I
couldn’t provide her with the security she needed? Sway needed a man who would
be there for her when she needed him. Be there when their child was born, and
be there when her dad died. At this point, I had no idea where I would be when
the baby was born. I had no idea where I would be when Charlie died.

Alley met us at the end
of the hallway. Emma was leaning against the wall staring at her quarter
diamond ring and holding a wedding planner.

“Emma
...
will you
...
stay with her?” I asked tipping my head toward Sway’s room.

She didn’t answer, just
smiled widely and headed for the room with the wedding planner.

Alley laughed, tucking
a strain of loose black hair behind her ear. “I feel bad for Sway. And by the
way, congrats on it being a boy.”

“How did you know?”

“I just did.”

I’m not sure what color
she intended on dying her hair but now she just resembled my mom’s calico cat
Gasket.

“Nice uh
...
hair,” I smiled as she handed me a thick
manila envelope.

Alley swatted at me.
“Shut up asshole!”

“What’s this?” I opened
the envelope once inside the Expedition.

“It’s the paperwork
from Phillip for the title transfer for Ms. Taylor.”

“Is this everything?”
My fingers slipped through the legal documents with sticky notes where I needed
to sign. “All I have to do is sign and the house is hers, right?”

“Yes
...
sign there and there
...
the rest is taken care of.”

I hadn’t told anyone,
but after I was released from the hospital, I had Phillip help me find a home
in Memphis for Axle’s mom, Sara. She was a single mother, and any money she did
have went into medical care for Axle or his funeral. I deposited twenty
thousand dollars into an account for her, and found a small 2-bedroom house for
her to make a fresh start with her two-year old daughter Mia. I had no idea
what it was like to lose a child and I hoped I never had to feel what she was
feeling right now. The least I could do for her was
help
her out financially and provide them with a place to live.

“What kind of statement
would you like to make to the media?” Alley asked typing away on her
Blackberry.

“Let’s just say
something along the lines of
...
Thank you for all your support and prayers but my family and I ask that you
respect our privacy. I will not be commenting on anything related to my
personal life or associated with my family’s personal lives.
” I paused
reciting it silently to myself once more. “Would that be too harsh?”

Alley smiled but
continued to type. “No, I think that’s perfect.”

“Simplex wants to talk
with you.”

“Great.”

Everything was quiet
for a few minutes until Alley’s phone beeped. She read the message and burst
out laughing.

“What?” Kyle asked
merging onto the highway. I continued to sign the paperwork needed for the
title transfer but listened to what she was saying.

“Wyle Products just
withdrew sponsorship from Gibson Racing. Darrin and Mike are both out of a ride
now.”

It’s not like that made
me feel better, but it did help.

The clouds had parted
by the time we made it back to New Hampshire Raceway. Inside the hauler getting
ready for our team meeting, a NASCAR official told me Gordon wanted to see me.

I wasn’t sure what to
expect when I walked inside the NASCAR hauler before the drivers meeting but I
hardly expected Gordon Reynolds to be in there alone. A typical NASCAR meetings
consisted of Gordon, Director of Competition and Patrick Madden, CEO of NASCAR
and usually a few other officials that I never knew or cared to really know.
This wasn’t a typical trip to the principal’s office.

I walked inside,
closing the door behind me, reticently glancing around.

Would he question me
about Darrin? Would he ask about Sway? All questions I asked myself when I took
a seat.

“I think there is
something you should see.” Gordon’s eyes lifted my direction and then turned
his lap top around to face me.

“What are you talking
about?” I asked looking at the CD in his hand. “What is that?”

“It’s the video
surveillance from the east stairwell of the Concord grandstands.” he said
swiveling his laptop around. “There
are
surveillance
cameras located on each floor and in each stairwell.”