Bewitched, Bothered, and Bitten (8 page)

Turning over, I was greeted by the same sight I saw in my dreams a few nights ago. Finn was stretched out on my bed, chest bare, and the blankets pulled up to his hips. His arms were bent, his hands locked together behind his head. His eyes followed my movements, an inscrutable expression on his face.

I tucked my hands beneath my chin, smiling a little. “Hey.”

Finn didn’t smile in return. I tensed, suddenly unsure of myself. He rarely hid his thoughts or emotions when we were together, in reality or in dreams. I hadn’t realized before how much I relied on his openness to read his mood and thoughts.

Unconsciously, I gripped the top of the sheet covering me and clutched it to my chest. “What?” My voice sounded hesitant and meek, and I hated it.

“You realize this changes everything, don’t you?” he asked, his expression still closed.

“What do you mean?”

Finn turned toward me, rolling over onto his side, his elbow cocked and head resting on his hand. “What do you think I mean?”

“Well, it could mean several things. Off the top of my head, it could mean that you think us having sex means we’re in a relationship. Or that I’m going to flagrantly ignore coven edict and flaunt our hypothetical relationship in front of other witches. Or…”

In a flash, I was on my back, Finn looming over me. He was definitely back to being angry. “Shut up, Kerry.”

I raised both eyebrows. “Did you really just tell me to shut up? Because that’s just not nice.” Even his grumpy behavior couldn’t kill my good mood.

He growled and muttered under his breath, something about stubborn, prideful witches.

“What was that?” I asked, mostly teasing him.

Finn closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them, his purple eyes were aglow. “You’re playing a dangerous game. We shared something rare and you know it. You understand exactly what I mean.” He lowered his head until his lips touched the side of my neck. “To you, my bite is more than merely pleasurable, it is ecstasy. We’re meant for each other. You belong to me.”

I swallowed hard. I knew exactly what he was talking about. Vampires would often marry and have other long-lasting relationships, but, in their extended existence, it was rare for them to find a true soul mate. These mates could sustain each other. They often were unable to drink from anyone else, even when necessary. Finn was telling me that I was his mate and it scared the shit out of me.

“I can’t belong to you, Finn,” I whispered. “Even if I wanted to, it’s impossible.”

“You can,” he stated. “You will.”

I shook my head. “No, I won’t. Even if the coven wouldn’t condemn me, I still won’t do it, Finn. If you turn me….” I trailed off. The process of turning a witch could have unforeseen consequences. Most of them were not good.

He sighed. “Please tell me you do not believe that bullshit that the coven distributes. You realize that most of it is fabricated to frighten young, open-minded witches away from vampires, right?”

I frowned up at him. “There are documented cases, many of them, in which witches either died in the transition, lost their powers, in some instances, even their minds.”

Finn scoffed. “No, there aren’t. Five hundred years ago, when the Council banned the forced turning of witches, there have only been a handful that have volunteered. Most are warlocks or practice black magic. There are two that left their covens because they mated with a vampire.”

“That can’t be,” I argued. “Why would the coven lie?”

He smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Power, Kerry. It’s always about power. What other things have they told you about witches that are turned?”

I thought for a moment and mentioned the second reason I was reluctant to consider mating with Finn. “Our powers are weakened when we become vampires.”

He laughed. This time it did reach his eyes. “And you believed that?”

My frown turned into a fierce scowl. “Of course. It’s a widely known fact among covens.”

His amethyst eyes shimmered, hypnotic as they bored into mine. “Then why would vampires even want to turn witches? If your talents are diminished so greatly by transition, why bother doing it at all?” He had a point. Before I could mull it over, Finn continued. “I was a great deal weaker than you when they came for me. Within the first year of my change, I gained almost double the power. While my growth slowed considerably after that, it did continue. I’m at least ten times stronger than I was as a mortal.”

I gaped up at him. “You were weaker than you are now?”

He nodded. “Yes. That’s why they chose me, you see. My magic was too weak to fight them off, but just powerful enough to be of use. And I did prove myself to be very useful, even though I didn’t want to be.”

“But, surely you could keep them from compelling you to do what they wanted. All witches have at least some ability to withstand vampire powers.”

“There are other ways to coerce a newly changed vampire into doing as he is bid,” Finn whispered.

My eyes widened. I wasn’t sure I really wanted to know, but I asked anyway. “Like what?”

He stroked my temple, letting his fingers slide down into my hair. As he played with a curl, he didn’t look at me so much as through me. “They starved me. After the first six months, I lost count of how long I went without blood, food, or water. Then, they broke me.”

Unable to stop myself, I lifted a hand and placed my palm against his cheek. This was the first time he’d spoken of the time when he’d changed. Once again, Finn’s eyes focused on my face. “How?”

His expression became grim. “They waited until I was so desperate for blood, food, any sort of sustenance, that I couldn’t control myself. Then they brought in a sixteen year old girl and locked her in the cell with me.” He closed his eyes and I could literally feel the echoes of his pain. “I…I killed her as she cried and begged for mercy. I couldn’t stop myself from gorging on her blood until she was dead and I was sated.” When his lids lifted, Finn looked haunted. “It’s been nearly a thousand years and I still haven’t forgotten a single detail of that day. I can still smell the flowers she had braided in her hair.”

I should have thought him a monster, but I couldn’t. I could see the guilt and the sorrow his actions caused him. “What did you do after?” I asked softly, stroking his cheekbone with my thumb.

He blinked. “I told them that I would do whatever they wanted, as long as they never brought me an innocent human again. For years, I never fought back, never tried to escape, merely did as commanded and fed off the blood of criminals and prostitutes. They ridiculed me for my unwillingness to kill when I fed, but they never pushed me on it until fifty years later. I bided my time, but I waited until it was almost too late.”

“Too late?”

Finn looked haunted. “As time passed, I became more and more like them. I was losing what was left of my soul. There were things I swore I’d never do that I did because I couldn’t bring myself to care any longer. Then one night, they found a pregnant woman and they kept talking about the power in the blood of a woman with child. I suddenly realized I had a choice; I could join in their plans and become a monster, or I could stop them. I didn’t have to be what they expected me to become.”

I felt his words wind around my heart like a ribbon. Finn and I were alike in more ways than one. The people around us expected us to be monsters, to choose the darkness because of what we were and who we were, but we didn’t. Surprisingly, I wanted to tell him about my father, the things he had done, and how being the daughter of a warlock had almost ruined me. Instead, I swallowed the words, stroked his face, and asked, “What happened to the woman?”

He shook his head. “She died in childbirth a few weeks later, her son not long after.”

“I’m sorry.” I could see that talking of the past was hurting him, but I had to know one last thing. “What happened to the vampires that turned you?”

The light in Finn’s eyes flared so brightly I squinted and the ice cold triumph on his face sent a shiver of fear down my spine. “I destroyed them. I destroyed them so thoroughly that only ashes remained.”

A
fter our chilling
bedtime conversation, neither of us was in the mood to continue talking. Finn reclined on the pillows and watched me as I slipped on underwear, shorts, and a t-shirt. Once I’d washed the remnants of make-up and mud from my face and brushed my teeth, I returned to the bed.

Surprising Finn and myself, I pressed myself into his side, resting my head on his shoulder and curling my leg around one of his. He hesitated only a moment before bringing both arms around me and holding me closer.

At first, my body relaxed into his and I felt myself drifting toward sleep, both giving and taking comfort in his closeness. When my eyes began to close, a moment from the fight earlier flashed in my mind. Just after I released my power and it swallowed the vampires surrounding my home, a shard of dark pleasure pierced my soul. I had taken life and enjoyed it.

Despite vampire lore, they weren’t the undead, merely changed. It was similar to lycanthropy. It could be inherited or shared through blood. However, their change was facilitated by magic rather than a virus. The magic ran in their veins, mingled with their blood.

Tonight, I had killed a living being, the worst of the crimes a witch could commit. Our purpose was to help, to heal. It was one of the first edicts we were taught as children.

Shudders began to wrack my body, shaking me down to my bones. Though the fire burned bright and hot, I was ice cold. A fine sheen of sweat broke out on my skin. Dear Goddess, what was happening to me?

Finn tightened his arms around me. “Just breathe, Kerry. Focus on the sound of my voice.”

“W-w-what’s happening?” I gasped.

He was silent for a moment. “If I had to make an educated guess, I’d say that you’re having a panic attack or an adrenaline crash.”

“But I was perfectly fine before.” I stuttered over every other word in the sentence, making it nearly impossible to understand.

Another strong tremor twisted my body, tightening my muscles to the point that they ached. My teeth clacked together violently.

Finn shifted us so that I lay panting, sweating, and shaking beneath him. Unfortunately, it was the least sexy thing I’d ever experienced.

“Look at me, Kerry,” he said, his eyes boring into mine. “Listen only to me. Stay here in this moment.”

I blinked rapidly. My vision was becoming hazy and my head spun sickeningly.

“Kerry!” Finn snapped. “Breathe!” I sucked in a deep, shaky breath, the dizziness receding. As I exhaled, he said, “Good girl. Again.”

I kept inhaling and exhaling until the shaking in my limbs calmed and my heart rate slowed to its normal pace. When I knew I would be able to speak, I croaked, “For future reference, if you call me
good girl
again, I’m going to bite the shit out of you.”

Finn’s eyes lit with humor. “Little witch, did you forget that biting is foreplay for vampires?”

I sighed, too tired to give him shit as I normally would. “Whatever. You know what I mean.”

He smiled slightly, smoothing my hair back from my face with his hands. “Yes, I do.” He studied my face for a few seconds. “Do you feel more like yourself?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yeah, I’m okay now.”

Finn placed his lips against my forehead in a soft kiss. “Good. Let’s get some rest. We both need it.”

He rolled to the side, reaching out and turning off the lamp beside the bed. Then he pulled me into his side, the same position we’d been in earlier before my panic attack or adrenaline crash, whatever it was.

Though I didn’t think I’d be able to sleep after such a traumatic night, I cuddled with Finn, letting his body and his warmth seep into my soul. We lay there silently in the dying light of the fire. Surprisingly, after a long while, my eyes grew heavy and I sank into sleep.

*     *     *

The screams woke
me.

I sat straight up in bed, my head twisting, searching for the source of the bone chilling wails. It wasn’t until Finn’s face filled my vision, his hands cupping my jaw, that I realized the shrieks were coming from my throat.

I choked on the scream, cutting it off, refusing to let it loose again. Instead, I whimpered. I hated the pitiful sounds escaping from my mouth, but I couldn’t seem to stop.

Finn released my face and wrapped his arms around me, dragging me into his lap. I pressed my forehead into his neck, trying to gain control over myself. He rocked me, rubbing my back gently. I felt wetness trickle down my face and knew I was crying.

“It’s a dream, Kerry. Just a dream.”

I took a deep breath that caught in my throat and I hiccupped. I tried to calm down enough to remember what the dream had been about, but it was no use. All that remained in my memory was a black void.

After a long while, I finally relaxed against his body.

Still stroking my back, Finn asked, “Do you remember what the dream was about?”

I shook my head.

“Do you want some water?”

Again I shook my head and burrowed closer.