Authors: Mark Bego
Bette Midler (66 page)
Ruthless People
Barbara: “Am I to understand that I am being MARKED DOWN?!!? I’ve been kidnapped by K-MART!”
____________
Barbara: “Oh my God! I’ve been kidnapped by Huey and Dewey!”
____________
Barbara: “So, if I look like his mother and you look like his father, this is what our son would look like. Pretty strong argument for birth control.”
____________
Barbara: “My husband worships the ground I walk on!!! When he hears about this, he will explooooode!”
____________
Barbara: “Nice butt, that’s what they’ll say on your first day at the men’s club. The San Quentin Country Club. With a cute little rear-end like that, you’ll be the belle of the ball. Your dance card will be full every day! You’ll be making all kinds of new, close, personal friends. Big, ugly, hairy friends. Not that you’ll ever see what they look like. Because you’ll be facing the other way.”
____________
Barbara: “Sometimes, if it’s a firing squad, they miss all the major arteries. BANG! And you don’t die right away. . . . you just kind of hang on . . . bleeding, bleeding . . . endlessly!”
____________
Barbara: “You miserable scum-sucking pig! Oh, I’m sorry, dear! They made me say that!”
____________
Barbara: “Help, police, I’ve been kidnapped! Oh, how the hell do I know where I am?!”
Stella
Stella: “You can buy a girl a book . . . but then when she gets home . . . who she gonna talk about it to?”
____________
Stella: “I wish I knew stuff . . . stuff that’ll make her happy. . . . I wanna her happy.”
____________
Stella: “A person’s happiness is as good as shows in their FACE. . . .”
____________
Stella: “I’ve got two hands. . . . I can do it myself.”
____________
Stella: “I love yah Jenny-girl.”
That Old Feeling
Lilly:“I’m not neurotic, I’m just a bitch.”
____________
Lilly: “A metaphor! Are WE literary!”
____________
Lilly: “Your twenties are for having sex with all the wrong people.”
____________
Lilly: “I haven’t been this happy since it was OK to take drugs.”
____________
Lilly: “You have more hair. Rogaine? Hair Club for Men? Is it rug?”
____________
Lilly: I hope she’s getting those lines above her lips right here, ya know. She’s always had that
fabulous tan. I hope she’s a fucking raisin!”
The Rose
The Rose: “I am not a hoochie-koochie woman!”
____________
The Rose: “Well, that’s okay, cause we don’t eat ’em, neither.” (in reply to “We don’t serve hippies.”)
____________
The Rose: “Someone’s spreading a rumor that being rich is a drag, but I tell you whoever’s spreading that rumor is dead-ass broke!”
____________
The Rose: “I don’t even know where the °°°° I am! All these clouds look the same!”
____________
The Rose: “Colonel! Yoo-hoo! Oh, you know I’m talking to you. Air-borne, Houston, air-borne!”
____________
The Rose: “People say to me, ‘Rose, when’s the first time you heard the blues?’ You know what I tell ‘em? I tell ‘em, ‘The day I was born!’ ”
____________
The Rose: “Where ya goin’? Where’s everybody goin’?”
____________
The Rose: “Honey, if you had to work for a living, your ass would be draggin’, too!”
____________
The Rose: “Oh my God! That drag queen’s doin’ me!”
____________
The Rose: “Are you trying to get in my bloomers, sonny?”
Huston: “Working on it.”
The Rose: “Oh you brown eyed motherfucker, where you been all my life?”
1.
The Fabulous Bette Midler
HBO
First broadcast: June 19, 1976
2.
Ol’ Redhair Is Back
NBC-TV
Guest Stars: Dustin Hoffman, Emmett Kelly
First broadcast: December 7, 1977
3.
Bette Midler: Art or Bust
HBO First broadcast: August 20, 1984
4.
Bette Midler’s Mondo Beyondo
HBO
Guest Stars: Bill Irwin, Paul Zaloom, the Kipper Kids (Martin von Hasselberg and Brian Routh)
First broadcast: March 19, 1988
5.
Diva Las Vegas
HBO
First broadcast: January 18, 1997
6.
Bette
CBS-TV series
Broadcast dates: 2000–2001
Continental Baths (1970–1972)
Carnegie Hall (1972)
Philharmonic Hall at Lincoln Center (1972)
The Divine Miss M Tour (1973)
Bette at the Palace (1973)
Clams on the Half Shell Revue (1975)
The Depression Tour (1975)
The Club Tour (1977)
The World Tour (1978)
Divine Madness! (1979)
De Tour (1982)
Experience the Divine (1993–1994)
Diva Las Vegas (1996–1997)
Divine Miss Millennium Concerts, Las Vegas (1999–2000)
1. Bette Midler Webpage
http://www.experiencethedivine.com/
This is a well-maintained website, full of information and links. There is an outline of her career, news of her family, and even a listing of her movies currently running on television.
2. lerenti.com: Bette Midler Lyrics
http://digilander.iol.it/lerenti/lyrics/full/m/midler_bette.htm
This is literally a website devoted to the recorded lyrics of Bette Midler, from
The Divine Miss M
up to
Bathhouse Betty
. In the instance of
Mud Will Be Flung Tonight!
only the song lyrics are transcribed, not the comedy routines.
3. My One True Bette
http://www.crosswinds.net/~myonetruebette/
This site contains an album list, movie list, photos, downloadable computer wallpaper, puzzles, lyrics, and various website links.
4. Best of Bette
http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Academy/6179/
An informative site with separate sections of Bette’s TV specials, films, albums, and a musical jukebox on which you can play several of Bette’s songs.
5. Bettechive
This site contains an interesting overview of Bette’s life and career with trivia quiz, bibliography, and more. There is also an interesting timeline of recent events, especially of Midler’s events in 2001 and 2002—complete with photos.
6. Delve into the Divine
http://www.delveintothedivine.cjb.net/
A well arranged overview of Bette’s life and career, with separate sections on television, films, music, multimedia, news, quotes, and more.
7. New York Restoration Project
This is the official site of Bette’s pet project, responsible for cleaning up New York City’s parks and other public places. She can be found on a couple of the site’s pages.
8. Klingman, Moogy
This is the site of singer, songwriter, and keyboard player Moogy Klingman. Moogy wrote Bette’s signature song, “Friends,” and was the producer of her
Songs for the New Depression
album. He was also a member of Utopia and has worked with Todd Rundgren, Bette Midler, Johnny Winter, and more. The site contains a page devoted to Bette.
Name:
Bette Midler
Namesake:
Bette Davis
Childhood nicknames:
The Librarian, “Harriet Craig”
Alter Egos:
The Divine Miss M, Baby Divine, Delores DeLago, Soph, Nanette
Occupations:
Actress, singer, author, songwriter, producer, and diva extraordinaire
Height:
5′1½12;″
Hair:
Presently champagne blonde, occasionally red-orange, and sometimes a dark brown
Eyes:
Brown
Date of Birth:
December 1, 1945
Place of Birth:
Honolulu, Hawaii
Father:
Fred Midler
Mother:
Ruth Schindel
Siblings:
Judith (deceased), Susan, Daniel
Religion:
Judaism
First Job:
Working at a pineapple factory
Marital Status:
Married Martin von Hasselberg, December 16, 1984, at the Candlelight Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas, Nevada
Child:
Sophie Frederica Alohilani von Haselberg (born November 14, 1986)
Pet:
A Jack Russell terrier named Puddles (a.k.a. Queen Puddles)
Charities:
Adopt-a-Highway, Get Out the Vote, the Manhattan Restoration Project, and AIDS Project Los Angeles
Melissa Manchester, Robin Grean, Merle Miller, Charlotte Crossley, Sharon Redd, Ula Hedwig, Diva Gray, Jocelyn Brown, Katie Sagal, Linda Hart, Jenifer Lewis, Siobhan O’Carroll, Helena Springs, Carol Hatchett, Melanie Taylor, Rhae Ann Theriault
WELCOME TO THE CONTINENTAL BATHS
“Wheel of Fortune”
“Sha-Boom Sha-Boom”
“Happiness Is a Thing Called Joe”
“Honky Tonk Woman”
“Lady Madonna”
“What a Difference a Day Makes”
“My Forgotten Man”
“Ten Cents a Dance”
“Come Up and See Me Sometime”
“Love Potion Number Nine”
“Great Balls of Fire”
1972
—Bette releases her first album,
The Divine Miss M
.
1972
—
After Dark
magazine Ruby Award as “Entertainer of the Year.”
1973
—Grammy for “Best New Artist of the Year.”
1973
—Bette set a Broadway Box Office Record for her Palace show, which sold out three weeks running.
1974
—Special-category Tony Award for her Palace Show.
1975
—Bette’s hit Broadway show
Clams on the Halfshell
runs for eight months.
1976
—Harvard’s “Hasty Pudding Award” for woman of the year.
1978
—Emmy for “Outstanding Comedy or Variety Special” for
Ol’ Red Hair Is Back
.
1979
—Bette stars in her first motion picture,
The Rose
.
1979
—Academy Award nomination for “Best Actress” in
The Rose
(Sally Field won for
Norma Rae)
.
1979
—Golden Globe for “Best Actress” in
The Rose
.
1979
—Golden Globe for “Best Newcomer to Film” for
The Rose
.
1980
—“Entertainer of the Year” from Conference of Personal Managers West.
1980
—Grammy for “Best Female Pop Vocal Performance” for “The Rose.”
1980
—Golden Globe for best original song in a motion picture for “The Rose” (this award actually went to the songwriter, Amanda McBroom).
1982
—Grammy for “Best Recording for Children” from
In Harmony
(A Sesame Street Record).
1983
—Bette’s first music video, “Beast of Burden” with Mick Jagger, premieres on MTV.
1984
—Bette hosts the first ever
MTV Video Music Awards
with Dan Aykroyd, live from Radio City Music Hall.
1986
—Bette receives her own star on Hollywood Boulevard.
1986
—Bette becomes a producer and forms her own production company, All Girls Productions.
1987
—American Comedy Award for “Funniest Female in a Motion Picture” for
Ruthless People
.
1987
—American Comedy Award for funniest performance on a record for
Mud Will Be Flung Tonight!
1987
—American Comedy Award for “Funniest Female of the Year.”
1987
—American Comedy Award for a lifetime achievement award for a female.
1988
—American Comedy Award for funniest female in a motion picture for
Outrageous Fortune
.
1988
—Acknowledged by ShoWest as box office star of the year.
1989
—American Comedy Award for funniest female in a motion picture for
Big Business
.
1988
—Bette’s first #1 song—“Wind beneath My Wings.”
1989
—Grammy for Record of the Year for “Wind beneath My Wings.”
1989
—Grammy for “Song of the Year” for “Wind beneath My Wings.” (this Grammy actually went to the songwriters, Larry Henley and Jeff Silbar).
1991
—Grammy for “Song of the Year” for “From a Distance” (this Grammy actually went to the songwriter, Julie Gold).
1991
—Academy Award nomination for Best Actress in
For the Boys
(Jodie Foster won for
Silence of the Lambs)
.
1991
—Golden Globe for “Best Actress” in
For the Boys
.
1991
—Bette receives a Lifetime Achievement/Commitment Award from (APLA) AIDS Project Los Angeles.
1992
—Emmy for outstanding individual performance for being the last guest on
The Tonight Show
with Johnny Carson.
1993
—American Comedy Award for funniest female in a television special for her appearance as Johnny Carson’s final guest on
The Tonight Show
.
1993
—Bette returns to the concert stage after ten years with her “Experience the Divine” tour. The show had a record-breaking sold-out thirty nights at Radio City Music Hall.