Back to Life (10 page)

Bennett sound
ed shocked. “I said the same stuff I always say. You’ve never had a problem with how I pick up broads before,” Bennett reasoned.

Ty
responded coolly, “Well first let’s clear this up right now; she isn’t ‘some broad’. How some of these females let you talk to them is between you and them.  How you talk to mine is completely different.”

I could tell Ty clenched his jaw because his tone echoed the tone he used in the elevator when I first to
ld him about the incident with the creeper aka Bennett.

“N
o offense Ty, but are you really coming at me over this? Over this girl?  You just moved down here a few weeks ago and now you have a girlfriend? I mean, don’t get me wrong, she’s hot and she seems nice, I guess. Definitely uptight. But you’ve been single forever… you get down here for not even a full three weeks and you’ve already made some girl wifey? Something is not adding up,” Bennett scoffed.

“First of all, she’s not just some girl. And you will never talk to her the way you did earlier,” Ty warned.
Tell him again baby,
I thought with a grin.

“Fine, whatever man.
I said my bad! I didn’t know she was yours. But back to her being your girlfriend… what the hell? You just got here and you are in a relationship! You don’t even know her!” Bennett’s voice raised slightly in frustration.

“
We know each other,” Ty said simply.

Laughing, Bennett said, “
Ohhhhhhh I get it. She put it all the way on you huh?”

“That’s the shit I’m talking about Bennett. I’m not going to tell you again not to disrespect her,” Ty threatened cutting Bennett’s laughter short.

“Sorry man. Look, I’m just trying to understand. I’m trying to look out for you homie. Is this about Grandpa Jimmy?

“What is that supposed to mean?” Ty sounded incredulous.

“Well Grandpa Jimmy passed away and as soon as you move to his hometown, you throw yourself into the first relationship you can.  You’re not alone. Part of the reason I’m here is because my mom and dad wanted me to come check on you. Mom said you sounded off when you first got here. I told her it was probably the opening and then she didn’t hear from since then.  You know she thinks you’re her son too so she blew my cell up until I agreed to make this hellacious drive.”

He paused before continuing, “I just don’t want you to act recklessly and jump into something just because you miss him. We all miss him.”
Bennett’s voice sounded thoughtful.

Is that what this is? Is our relationship predicated on grief and heartache?
I thought shocked.  I held my breath because I didn’t want to miss the answer.

“Bennett, man, I appreciate your concern. I do. And I’ll call Mom tomorrow, I promise. But that’s not what this is.
Grandpa died in January.  And jumping into relationships has never been my style.  But if I wanted to just jump into something for the sake of jumping, I would’ve done it when the pain was fresh.  Yes, I miss him. He was my only family. I know I have you and your family but losing him broke my heart man.  But when I met Sahara…I don’t know how to explain it.” Laughing, he continued, “Anything I say next is going to sound soft, but when you know, you know. And with Sahara, I know.”

My heart pounded in my chest and I exhaled noisily.
  So there’s the confirmation,
I thought feeling a familiar mix of excitement and dread.
I will tell him tonight. No backing out. No matter what. Even though this conversation will change everything.
Deciding I had eavesdropped enough, I walked to the parking garage as I heard Bennett say with a laugh, “Alright man. You’re right. You do sound soft.”

Chapter 10
  

“Dinner was delicious! Second favorite restaurant of all time,” I said as we walked from the restaurant to the car hand in hand.

“
Second favorite?” Ty asked as he opened my door for me.

I
turned back to him before getting in and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Yes. Second favorite,” I whispered against his lips.  Pushing my body into his, I kissed him slowly, sensually.  Our lips parted to deepen the kiss and when his tongue touched mine. I felt it everywhere.  Pulling away, I gazed deeply into his eyes. “Jimmy’s is my favorite restaurant of all time. I’m quite partial to the owner.”

Leaning in to kiss me again, Ty responded, “
How do you know the owner?”

Grinning from ear to ear, “
He’s my man,” I said.

After showering kisses all over my face, he replied, “It’s good to hear you say that baby girl.”

“Is that right, baby?” I flirted.

“Oh yeah,” Ty leaned in to give me one final kiss before I got into the car. 

We drove the 45 minutes to the art gallery in Baltimore.  Walking in, I noticed large abstract pieces that individually were beautiful, but collectively, were awe inspiring.  I stopped and admired the pieces.

“Baby girl, I’m going to go find Frank and say hi. I’ll bring him over so you can start the tour
of the exhibits. They are arranged by section.”

“Have you seen these before?” I ripped my eyes away from the pieces to look at my handsome date.

“I’ve seen this exhibit, but not most of the others.  Frank is a business associate from Boston. This is called Love. When I get back, we can discuss why,” Ty winked at me before he walked toward one of the security guards.

I looked back at the Love exhibit
.  The four pictures were vibrantly pixilated and visually stimulating.  I blocked everything out and focused on the work. I tried to get caught in the mood of the pieces, but two women behind me jarred me from my art trance.

“Yes! In that navy and grey!” shrieked woman Number 1. The hair
on the back of my neck stood up.
Are they talking about Ty… my Ty?
I thought as I turned around.  Their backs were to me but I could see they were double fisting alcoholic beverages.

“I could just eat him up! Yum!” laughed woman Number 2
as she threw her curly blonde hair.

“Do you think he’s single?” asked woman Number 1.

“Men who look like that are never single. The question is, is he happy? Because I’ve been known to make a man or two forget whoever he has at home,” the blonde remarked.
That shifty bitch!
I thought as I pursed my lips.

I scanned the room and found him in seconds. 
As I watched him talking to an older gentleman, I noticed a woman dressed in all white walk up to them. She greeted them both, but left her arm resting on Ty’s bicep for a little too long.  Admittedly, she was beautiful: glowing, brown skin, full, dark wavy hair, long legs, straight white teeth that I could see from across the room. She looked like an Egyptian model. And I smiled when he stepped away allowing her hand to fall off of his arm.  She said a few more words to them and then headed to the bar. My smile only intensified.

“Do you think that is his wife?” woman Number 1 asked.
Um, no bitch,
I thought as my smile dropped in irritation at these two women plotting on my man.

“No
Shay, he doesn’t have a ring on. Always look for the ring, girl! But if that’s his girlfriend, I think I found my in. Did you see the way he side stepped her? Must be trouble in paradise!” chuckled The Blonde. Shay and The Blonde laughed so hard they started drawing attention to themselves. 

Ty and the man I would presume to be Frank looked over in the general direction of the Love exhibit. 
Shay and The Blonde straightened up and bustled with excitement as Ty and Frank made their way to the exhibit.  As Ty got closer, The Blonde not-so-discretely adjusted her perky breasts and poked out her booty.
She is officially doing the most right now,
I thought as I shook my head.

Ty and Frank gave the ladies a polite smile as they walked around them and to me.  Ty slipped his arm around my waist and introduced me to his business partner.  I glanced at The Blond
e and raised an eyebrow before shaking Frank’s hand. 

“Hello Sahara!
Beautiful name!” Frank said in a gruff voice.

“Thank you Frank. It’s very nice to meet you,”
I said sweetly.

“Frank and my grandfather grew up together. He helped me with the photos at Jimmy’s.” Ty said with a smile.

“Oh I love those!” I said excitedly. “You are a very talented man.”

“I like her. She’s a keeper, Tyree,” Frank said with a wink. “I need to go mingle. Call me sometime Tyree. I’ll be in Baltimore for the next few months and then I’m going to
New York for a while.”

“I will, Frank, I will,” Ty said and shook his hand.  Frank gave me a hug and went to mingle.

Ty wrapped his arms around me and whispered, “You are so beautiful baby girl. Let’s get through the rest of the exhibit so I can get you home.” We walked hand in hand through the exhibits. All of them were nice but none as
striking as the Love exhibit.  At the end of the night, as we walked toward the door, the flirtatious woman in white smiled brightly at us as she gave a gift bag to Ty only. He made a face and handed his bag to me. Once we got out of the door, I laughed to myself.

“What’s so funny baby girl?” Ty asked with a smile as he guided me toward the car with his hand on the small of my back.

“Women,” I laughed as I poked him in his side.

Walking into my loft, I slipped out of my shoes.  Ty followed close behind. I
headed straight upstairs to change; Ty went to the living room.

“Tonight was awesome!” I
called to him from upstairs. I grabbed my slippers and put my shoes back in the closet.  I looked in the mirror to ensure that I still looked confident and slowly descended the steps.

“I’m glad you had a good time, baby girl. So did
I,” he said as he watched me from his position on the couch.  I felt him undressing me. 
I should’ve kept on the heels,
I thought with a smile before quickly dismissing it.
Now is the time for talking, not mind blowing sex! Ugh, the talk! I wonder if he even remembers.

“You want something while I’m up?” I asked nervously. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water. “You want one?”

“Yes please,” he responded, his eyes still trained on me.

I took my time walking to the living room. 
I handed him his bottle and I took a gulp of mine before I set it down on the coffee table.  I went to my IPod docking station and hit play on my Slow Jam playlist.  This conversation was going to need some music to soften the blow of whatever inevitable damage will be done.  I took a deep breath…and then another before I turned around.  Ty had removed his jacket and was sitting at the edge of the couch with his elbows resting off of his thighs and his hands clasped in front of his chin.
He must not have forgotten that I said I wanted to talk,
I thought as I took a seat next to him.

“What’s on your mind baby girl?” he questioned with a hint of uneasiness in his voice. 

“Well… I, um, I want to…um, talk to you about my past,” I stammered. Taking a deep breath, I rushed through the sentence again, “I want to tell you about my past. I don’t want you to interrupt or I might not get through it. I’m going to tell you as much as I can.”

Ty smiled gently
and nodded.  He took my hand in his, not saying anything.  The gesture relaxed me a bit and I felt able to proceed. “This is hard for me to say, but I feel compelled to tell you. And I don’t ever feel compelled to tell anyone anything. But with you it’s different.” 

He squeezed my hand and lifted it to his lips to kiss it, communicating his feelings without words.  His eyes held mine as I quietly confessed, “
It’s been a long time since my heart has felt as full as you’ve made mine feel the last couple of weeks. I can honestly tell you that this has been the best two weeks of my life. You are perfect.  You are absolutely perfect.  But I know I don’t deserve you. I’ll ruin you like I ruined the lives of everyone else I’ve ever loved.” My eyes watered and I fought to keep the tears at bay.

Pausing to take a sip of water, I continued, “
At the exact same time, I know that more than anything, I don’t want to lose you.  And I don’t want our relationship to go any further until I’m able to share this part of me with you.
”
My eyes filled with tears and I glanced down at our hands.  He was still rubbing my hand with the pad of his thumb.

Taking a deep breath I decided to lay my feelings out on the table first, “A quote that has always stood out to me is ‘Art and love—the only two things that can bring you back to life.’  I don’t deserve love because I ruin love, so I threw myself into art and made that my love substitute.  I never had the desire to get close to anyone after everything I’d been through.  So for almost ten years, I’ve had polite, superficial relationships with people.  Right after everything happened, I promised I’d never allow myself to care about anyone because I didn’t want to ruin them. And then I realized I stopped knowing how to care about people at all. I became cold and standoffish really quickly.  But when we met, you awakened something in me.  Something I thought had died,” I said. 

I took a ragged breath and confessed,
“I didn’t mean to fall for you. That was never my intention. With everyone else, for years, I was in control. With you, I had no control over anything. I didn’t think, I just felt. And you made me happy and I forgot what happy even felt like until you appeared.  And… I’m sorry. I just wanted to tell you that before I tell you…everything else,” I shuddered with uneasiness because I didn’t know what was going to happen after I confessed.

Taking another sip of water and drying my eyes, I braced myself for the fallout.  “
My mother died while giving birth to me. I’m the reason she’s dead,” I said sadly.

I looked up at him and Ty appeared to be fighting the urge to say something. But I didn’t want him to say anything so I hurried to finish, “And although that’s sad, I moved passed that.  My dad was the best father. He took such good care of me.  We were a team.  And I know he didn’t blame me, but a small part of me thought that if I hadn’t been born, his soul mate would still be alive.  He never really got over my mother’s death. He loved her fiercely and never remarried.  He dated some here and there but he never even bothered to remove his wedding ring.  He never blamed me for her death but I know he missed
her every day. Every single day.” My voice broke, but I was determined to let it all out.  I needed him to know the risk. I needed him to know everything.

Ty opened his mouth but I shook my head.
“No, I’m not done. It gets worse. Please let me finish. I just need to finish,” I cried. He kissed me on my head and nodded again.

“Freshman year, I talked my best friend…Emily,” I sniffled. Pulling me into a hug, I cried on Ty’s shoulder for a
few minutes before I pushed away gently and wiped my face dry.  We were sitting closer after the hug and he held one of my hands and stroked my arm with his free hand.  I attempted to start the story over again.

“Freshman year, I wanted to go to this party.
Biggest party of the year.  We had just finished finals…and um, Emily didn’t want to go. She didn’t feel well, but I kept pushing.  Even though I knew she had a big recital the next day. I kept pushing and she caved because, well, we were like sisters. Her mom was like my mom. Her dad was like my cool uncle. Her brother…” I gasped for air. Feeling as though a panic attack was coming, I did my breathing exercises while Ty whispered that I would be okay.

“
Em and I ended up getting drunk. So we called Emanuel, Emily’s brother to give us a ride back to the dorm. He picked us up and we were on our way. We were so close.  We were at the stop sign before the dorm, Ty. We were right there.  But a truck came out of nowhere.  And he was speeding. And he was…drunk…and he didn’t stop. He slammed into the back of us. And we careened into oncoming traffic. Campus police…they didn’t have enough time to stop,” I paused for a long time, holding my breath to try and stop the outburst that bubbled underneath the surface.

“If I didn’t want to go out that night everyone would be okay,” I croaked out in a barely audible whisper.
Unable to contain it any longer, I sobbed loudly into my hands with my head resting on his chest.

After calming me
down from a sob to a silent cry, he asked gently, “Is that why you got upset that night when I asked you about Emily?”

“Yes. It hurts to think about how I ruined her life.  Our relationship didn’t survive that night.
I moved away after the accident and changed my number.  I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want people to say it wasn’t my fault because I knew in my heart that it was.  But more than that, I didn’t want Emily to say it was my fault, because even though I knew that it was, hearing her blame me for ruining her life would kill me.”