A Life In A Moment (5 page)

I could do
nothing but listen to him, nodding my head. We were brothers, but
each of us had led a separate and different life.

«You’re
a hero, judging by what I’ve heard.»

«We’re
both heroes, Vassilis. You grew up here without parents. I grew up
there without parents, and in charge of a business. But without the
pub, I don’t know where I’d be now.»

«Aunt
is a heroine, too. We owe her so much.»

«Yes,
indeed. She’s truly remarkable. She brought you up; she was
there for me whenever I needed her; she also had to take care of her
own family, as well as run the restaurant... She may be the most
tragic person in our life-story. She lost her sister, her
brother-in-law, and she voluntarily brought up her nephew... All this
sounds unbelievable, as if it wasn’t me who lived it.»

«I’ve
thought about that as well.»

After a
pause, he looked at me tentatively. «How did you feel when you
learnt you had a brother?»

«Well...
it didn’t come as a surprise. I don’t know why. I’ve
always wished someone had remained alive, so that I could meet them.
I meant my parents, of course... Our parents.»

Pavlos
gave the same mechanical smile. «It’s odd you haven’t
asked me anything about them.»

«Hmm,
I don’t know. Probably, it would be natural to ask, but I’m
not sure if I want to. I grew up in their absence. Actually, I don’t
know what it feels like having parents. I can guess, of course,
seeing what Aunt Urania does for Natalia or me, but I’m scared
that I’ll really begin to miss them if I learn more about them.
That’s not what I need right now. I may ask you in the future,
but till then...»

«I
understand», he said. «I’ve always felt guilty they
took only me with them. There was nothing I could do, though. I used
to look at a photo of you — the one that Mum had kept —
and I imagined us together, playing and talking...»

«They
obviously had to choose someone and it was reasonable to choose you,
as you were already thirteen. After all, I was in good hands»,
I said, trying to allay his guilt.

«They
shouldn’t have picked either of us, Vassilis. Mum was forced to
do it because Dad was... an idiot. A bloody idiot!» he blurted
out, his voice trembling. There was a pause before he continued. «I
almost hated him for what he did. I didn’t speak to him for
more than a month after we moved to England. I saw Mum dejected and
sad, while he seemed just fine. I wanted to swear and scream at him,
and then, one day, I saw him crying. I got confused. Why had he
insisted on leaving you behind if he didn’t really want to?»

«Pavlos,
you don’t have to look back. I’m far more resigned to
reality than you may think. I don’t hold anyone a grudge for
being raised the way I was. At times, I got angry at Aunt, who
insisted on hiding the truth and only smiled at me, but now that I
know, I understand her. And I don’t blame her. I owe so much to
her and her family I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to
repay them.»

We ended
our discussion and gazed at the lighthouse — our destination.
It would only take us five minutes to reach the top of the hill,
where it stood. The meandering road was a little rough, but Pavlos
was a keen driver. We parked the car in an open lot, at the end of
the road, and continued on foot to the edge of a steep cliff.

«You’ve
been here before?» he asked me, eyes fixed on the view of the
sea that stretched out before us.

«Yes,
with the guys, two or three years ago.»

«It’s
majestic... Breathtaking. It reminds me of some of the coastal
landscapes in Southern England.» He revelled in the view, then
turned back to me:

«You
know, before I came, I was planning to ask you to come to London with
me. But seeing how happy you are here, how badly you want to open a
bookshop and having met Ellie, I can imagine you probably won’t
want to leave.»

«You’re
right. I couldn’t leave now. But I will visit you in England
soon. I’ve already asked Ellie to join me.»

«You
can come any time.»

We were
only a few metres away from the steep cliff that fell into the sea. A
couple once ended their love story jumping off that cliff. Though
nobody could tell with any certainty what had happened, the fact that
their parents were opposed to their love affair was perhaps reason
enough for what transpired that tragic dusk, six or seven years ago.

That story
crossed my mind when I saw the two wooden crosses on the edge of the
cliff. They were slightly slanted, as if they were gazing at the sea
beneath, as the two lovers must have done for some moments before
their end. At their bases sat two bunches of fresh flowers. Their
parents visited the spot every day. Even on the first day of New
Year. That’s what love is like: mother of the greatest bliss
and stepmother of the most tragic misery...

 
13

Two days
later, at the airport, I was spending my last minutes with Pavlos. I
didn’t know when I would see him again, which made parting even
harder. It felt like only two days before that he had come to visit
us. At least we had gotten to know each other, said what we had
bottled up inside for so long, and signed the letting contract with
Mrs Yiota.

It was
with sadness that I heard his flight announcement. I looked at him
for the last time. Aunt Urania was in tears.

«My
child, why are you going again so soon? It wasn’t long enough
for us...», she told him. She would have told him exactly the
same thing, even if he had stayed for 2 years.

«Don’t
worry, Aunt. Things will be different from now on», he
reassured her, waving Uncle Haralambos goodbye.

«Take
care, my child.»

It was
Natalia’s turn.

«You,
sweetie, keep your nose to the grindstone, and you’ll be able
to choose whichever university you want. Take care of yourself and
this guy», he said, pointing at me. «I’ve said this
before, but you can come whenever you like. It’s not that far,
you know that.»

I nodded
and we gave each other a hug. «Call us when you get there.»

«Sure.»

He stooped
to pick up his luggage, looked at us for the last time, winked at me
and walked away.

Never
before had I parted with a relative. Even if I had had, though, it
would not be the same. He was my closest kin. I had found him and now
I was losing him. The only redeeming thought was that I could find
him again whenever I wanted.

 
14

«We’re
going to fill this entire space with shelves, each 35cm high, except
the last one at the top, which will be half a metre. We’ll do
the same there, on that wall, the difference being that...»

Assuming
the tone of a serious and experienced businessman, I was giving
instructions to the carpenter I’d commissioned. I just hoped he
would take me more seriously than I did myself.

After
explaining exactly what I wanted, he started talking about the kinds
of wood we could use, their prices and advantages, so I could make up
my mind.

The next
day, I would pop by to give him some money upfront. He promised
everything would be ready in twenty days’ time, and he would
install the shelves himself. By that stage, I would have obtained
catalogues from a variety of publishing houses and finalised
arrangements to order the books I wanted. The windowpanes were
covered with newspapers, concealing what I was up to from everyone I
knew. This way, I would keep all prying eyes — and all prying
questions — at bay.

Once
I decided on the name for my bookshop, I asked the carpenter to
create a wooden sign, engraved with letters.
Horizons
— a nod to my aunt’s restaurant. It was a symbolic act to
honour her, as well as expressing my deep affection and loyalty for
the family.

While the
bookshop’s development was well under way, things were less
encouraging in my relationship with Ellie. She was pained by my long
absences, and her mind plagued with anxious thoughts.

«What
are you up to when you’re not here?» she asked me one
day, while we sat together in my lounge.

I played
with my lips, preparing an answer that probably wouldn’t
satisfy her.

«I
can’t tell you.»

«Why
not?»

«Because
I can’t.»

«So,
you’re keeping secrets from me.»

I smiled
at her. «You don’t need to worry about anything. When the
time comes, you’ll be the first to know. I promise.»

«Oh,
so until then you’ll just leave me imagining all sorts of
things.»

«Why,
what are you imagining?»

«Whatever
you make me imagine.»

I heaved a
sigh to show her my despair. «Believe me, it’s just an
innocent little secret you’ll learn very soon. Is that enough?»

«Well,
if it really is such an innocent little secret, why can’t I
know now?» she insisted, seeing I was steadfast in my
reticence.

In the
end, reacting either to her pressure or out of disappointment with
her absence of trust, I gave her a final and flat answer:

«I’m
not going to tell you.»

She was
flabbergasted. She shot to her feet. My embrace was too tight for
her.

«When
you decide to tell me this
innocent,
little secret
, as you call it, you know
where to find me. Have a nice evening», she said, leaving the
room with pride that made me smile and love her all the more. I
already knew what the expression on her face would be when she
finally learnt my secret.

Ellie had
taken our discussion much more seriously than I had. I would see the
picture more clearly over the following days, when she avoided
meeting me. However, I decided to wait for fifteen days until I was
ready to divulge my secret. At any rate, I had to be at the bookshop
for hours on end and there was little time to devote to running after
Ellie to convince her.

 
15

Now
it was time for the finishing touches: hang the
Horizons
sign, classify the books and place them on the shelves. Then, I
needed to memorise what each section of the bookcases included,
remove the newspapers off the windowpanes and polish them. Finally,
the floor needed sweeping and polishing.

On the
final day, when everything was done, I wrote on a piece of paper in
calligraphic script:

Horizons, a new bookshop in your neighbourhood. Opening day: March
1st.

That was
Monday, forty-eight hours away.

I walked
outside of the bookshop ten minutes before midnight, to take in the
overall picture of it. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of
exaltation. It was not only a dream come true, but also a very real
personal accomplishment. And all in less than one and a half months.

He
would be proud of me if he were here
, I
thought of Pavlos and smiled.

I returned
home exhausted but determined to reveal the secret to Ellie —
the secret that had upset her so much.

 
16

«Good
morning!» I said to her as soon as her face appeared at the
door.

Her reply
was tentative.

«Come
on, let’s go!»

«Where?»

«You’ll
see.»

The
atmosphere between us was cold. I tried to warm it up by resurrecting
our conversation after every pause.

«So,
this is my secret», I said upon our arrival outside the
bookshop.

She looked
at the place worriedly. «You’ve found a job?»

«You
could say that. I’m starting on Monday», I said,
unlocking the door.

Her face
lit up. «Don’t tell me...»

«You’ve
been pestering me to tell you, and now you say
Don’t
tell me
?»

«You’ve
done all this on your own?» she asked after a furtive glance
around.

«Yes,
on my own! That’s why it was a secret.
An
innocent, little secret
», I
added, reminding her of our last conversation.

«So...
I owe you an apology?» she asked me, her face falling into that
look she knew I found irresistible.

«If
it’s not sincere, you don’t need to.»

She
finally kissed me, penitently.

«I’m
sorry...»

At the
time, I found all those antics endearing, but now, more than a decade
later, I recall them as pretentious and foolish. Yet, at that age,
reality did not count as much as sweet lies and dreams.

Just
like Ellie, all the rest rejoiced at the news. They couldn’t
wait to see the bookshop, but I didn’t give them the address.
Natalia was the exception, of course, who — like an inquisitive
little imp — hunted
Horizons
down. When she saw the inscription, she knew she’d arrived.

The
opening day was far better than I had expected. Aunt Urania alone
bought more than three shelffuls of books and I’m sure she
would have bought the shelves themselves if she could. There were a
lot of people attending and proceeds far surpassed my expectations.
Everyone wished me good luck, while Ellie, unofficially playing
hostess, showcased all her networking talents to forge strong human
relations.

Her
father came to congratulate me. He was happy that a parentless child,
as he also was, had climbed one rung up the social ladder. Her mother
made similar cordial wishes, while Michalis and Thanos, whom I hadn’t
seen for a long while, teased me by calling me
The
Boss
all the time.