A Bluestocking Christmas (23 page)

With the woman guiding the way, they wove their way through crates and barrels until they reached the shop’s back door. As she stepped into the fetid alley, Ivy touched the woman’s arm. “Thank you, Mrs. Bailey, and if you would be so kind, would you please send my usual order to the house.”

“But of course, Miss Beecham, of course I will. You take care of yourself. It’s not just yourself you have to worry about now you know.”

Nodding, Ivy lifted her skirts and hurried along the narrow mews toward Brook Street. Blindly, she stumbled out into the main thoroughfare and into a solid shoulder. Strong hands steadied her as she excused herself and moved away.
 

“Miss Beecham?”
 

The deep voice calling her name sounded familiar, but she couldn’t quite place it. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw Lord Halstead moving toward her. Dear heaven, if it wasn't bad enough that Simon had brought Caroline to London, now she had to endure conversing with his friends. She forced a smile to her lips as she turned to face him.

“Lord Halstead, what a pleasant surprise.”

“Are you feeling well, Miss Beecham?” The penetrating look he sent her forced her to stiffen slightly.

“I’m quite…well, thank you.” She swallowed hard at the stern frown on his face.

“I don’t believe you. You’re quite pale, and most women don’t venture off the main streets into the mews alone.”

 
“I’m sorry, you see…” Ivy looked frantically around her. “I really do…please forgive me, my lord. I must go home.”

Not waiting for his reply, she whirled around and hurried down the street. She’d only gotten a few feet when a strong hand stopped her. She flinched and recoiled from the man as he turned her to face him.

“It’s obvious you’re unwell, so I’ll see you home all the same.”

The man didn’t wait for her agreement as he gently, but firmly, pulled her toward a waiting carriage. Once they were seated inside, the vehicle rocked forward and Ivy kneaded the leather drawstrings of her purse. Staring out the window, she tried to focus on the moment at hand to disguise her true state of anguish.

“Let me help you.”
 

They were simple words, but the strength and kindness behind them nearly pushed her over the edge of rational thought. With a shake of her head, she straightened her shoulders as she turned toward him.

“Thank you, but I’m fine, really. I’m simply feeling a bit peckish. I should have eaten before I left home.” She forced a smile to her lips, and the muscles in her face ached from doing so.

“I’m not unfamiliar with the circumstances of a woman’s delicate condition. I’m an uncle three times over.” Again, the kindness in his voice touched her. She shook her head as she met his look of assessment.
 

“No, really. I…”
 

The image of Mrs. Bailey’s rotund figure warning her that she had to worry about others besides herself bolted its way through her mind. Inhaling a sharp breath, her chest tightened as the reality of Lord Halstead’s words sank into her consciousness. A woman’s delicate condition. Simon’s child. She was carrying Simon’s child.

Closing her eyes, she shuddered as she frantically counted backward. They’d been lovers for less than three months, and the last time she’d had her monthly cycle was a week or two before Simon had made love to her in the library. The irony of it all lashed through her with the sting of a whip. Warm fingers closed over her icy hand, and she looked at the man seated opposite her in the carriage. There was no judgment in his dark eyes, only concern.
 

“I think perhaps I should call a doctor when we reach your house. You’re not looking well at all.”

“No thank you, my lord. I simply need to rest.” The knot in her throat tightened as she shook her head. “I have actually been contemplating visiting a warmer climate. I have always found London so cold during the winter.”

“Is there nothing I can do…no one I can—”

“No.” She jerked her gaze away from his sympathetic eyes. “I appreciate your kindness, my lord, but I…there is no need to concern yourself with me. I shall be fine.”

As she stared out the window, she heard his sigh of resignation, but she ignored it. This was her problem and hers alone. A short time later, the carriage came to a halt, and Lord Halstead immediately stepped out of the vehicle and offered his hand to her. When she was on the sidewalk, he escorted her up the steps of her townhouse. At the door, he took her hand and raised it to his lips.
 

“I wish you would allow me to fetch the doctor,” he said with a hint of frustration.

”No. Thank you just the same, my lord. I’ll be quite all right after I rest.”

“I can see why Abigail took to you so quickly.” With a shake of his head, he smiled at her with open amusement. “You’re as stubborn as she is.”

“Thank you again, my lord, for your kindness.” Turning away from him, she entered the house and closed the door behind her.

Her back pressed into the wooden barrier, she stood there for a long moment. Eyes closed, she tried to stop her head from spinning as the reality of her situation began to sink into her consciousness. First one tear and then another streaked down her cheeks until she was sobbing softly. The sound of footsteps coming toward her from the kitchen sent her racing up the stairs. She had no wish for anyone to see her like this. The last thing she wanted from anyone, including her staff, was pity.
 

~~~~

Sunshine streamed through the salon window, warming Ivy’s cheeks as she read through a set of documents her barrister had sent her earlier. When she’d returned home yesterday, she’d allowed herself the luxury of tears for only a few hours before she realized she’d been right when she’d told Lord Halstead she needed to leave the country. The sooner she left England the better.
 

She’d immediately sent word to her attorney that she had decided to travel to Italy the day after Christmas instructing him to make the proper arrangements. Now, as she reviewed the travel plans outlined in the paperwork, a sense of calm settled over her. No matter how much her heart and body ached for Simon, she had to focus on the baby’s welfare from this point forward. Nothing else could take precedence.

Picking up her pen she signed the documents then returned them to the stiff envelope for delivery back to the attorney’s offices. The scent of fresh greenery teased her senses as she pressed her fingers against her forehead. Christmas Eve. The thought made her close her eyes, as she swallowed the sudden onslaught of tears threatening to pour out of her.
 

Fists clenched with determination, she inhaled a deep breath and concentrated on controlling her emotions. She’d almost succeed in regaining her composure when the front bell rang. She jerked at the loud jangle. Seconds later, she recognized Simon’s deep voice and tension laced every muscle in her body. Why had he come? She didn’t want him here. Intent on locking him out, she sprang to her feet. She’d only take a couple of steps when the door swung open.

The sight of him took her breath away. His smile was brilliant as he closed the distance between them and caught her hands in his. The warmth of his touch raced over her skin until she was on fire. Shaken by the strength of her feelings, Ivy tugged her hands free. The frown furrowing his brow forced her to straighten her shoulders as she silently met his steely gaze.

“Something’s wrong.” Quiet certainty threaded through his words. It was an understatement, and a sharp laugh passed her lips.

“Not at all. I’m simply surprised to see you.” The serenity in her voice sent relief coursing through her body. She simply had to withstand being in his presence for just a short time longer. He’d explain the purpose of his visit and they would part company. Narrowing his eyes, he studied her for a long moment before he shook his head.
 

“No, that elusive air of yours is back. The one that shuts me out.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she scoffed with a wave of her hand and turned toward her secretaire, but he jerked her to a halt and settled his large hands on her shoulders.
 

“Look at me,” he snapped. “I’ve been gone less than a week, and you’re acting as if we’ve just met.”

“Has it been that long?”
 

She heard the slight crack in her voice, but she managed to keep her expression nonchalant as she struggled with the way her body was responding to his presence. Fire raged through her blood at being so close to him, the heat of him burning through her clothing to warm her skin. She wanted it to be the way it had been before he left. Before Caroline.
 

“Bloody hell,” he hissed as he glared down into her eyes. Then in a movement so quick she couldn’t escape, he captured her mouth in a searing kiss.
 

The sweet passion of his touch wilted her willpower to refuse him. Clinging to him, she trembled against the solid strength of him. If only for a few short moments of heaven, she was willing to endure the years of hell without him. The moment of pleasure was all too brief as he broke away from her. A flash of what she thought might be relief sprinted across his features as he smiled at her.
 

“That response, sweetheart, explains everything. You’re angry that I’ve been gone so long. But there was an excellent reason. I went to find you a Christmas present. One I think you’ll like very much.”

Her heart fluttered at his words. Was it possible she’d been wrong? Had she perhaps imagined she’d seen him with Caroline? Confused, she shuddered as he moved quickly toward the salon door and gestured for someone to enter.

First one little girl, then another entered the room. They were lovely children, their eyes bright with excitement. Smiles heightened their sweet features, and as they saw her, they offered her a curtsey. Who on earth were they? The poor dears wore clothes that, although neat and clean, were threadbare and worn. Had Simon suddenly taken to fostering orphans? For that was what they looked like.
 

A moment later, a third child entered the room. Rocked by the young girl’s appearance, she swayed on her feet as she stared at the child in front of her. Blond curls framed her angelic features, and the green eyes watching her threw her back into a past she preferred to forget. It was as if the Caroline she’d known as a child had stepped into the room. She was beautiful. As beautiful as her mother had been at the same age.
 

Pain nipped at every nerve in her body, and her stomach churned violently. What had he done? Surely, he hadn’t thought to bring Caroline here. He wouldn’t be that cruel, that heartless. She saw him glance over his shoulder at her and frown slightly. Then the moment she feared the most happened. He
had
brought her cousin to her house. The moment Caroline entered the room, she hurried across the floor toward her.

“Ivy.”
 

Horrified, she shuddered at the smile on her cousin’s face. The woman was here to gloat. To rub salt into the open wounds of her heart. To point out that the nobility were far superior to mere commoners. The moment Caroline took her hands and kissed both her cheeks, Ivy jerked away from her and stumbled toward the window. This was by far the most malevolent thing anyone had ever done to her.

One hand braced against the window jamb, she pressed her other hand against her stomach in an effort to stop the nausea roiling in her belly. Eyes closed she could only stand at the window in silence, desperately trying not to completely lose what little composure she still possessed.
 

“Go away,” she uttered in a hoarse whisper.

“Ivy, please. You never gave me a chance to explain.” Caroline’s soft voice scraped across her skin like a branding iron. Each word seared her cousin’s betrayal deeper into her soul. She didn’t need an explanation that was nothing but lies. Did the woman think she was stupid? Caroline had married Whitby without any misgivings whatsoever.
 

“I have no need of any explanations, my lady. The past is dead. There’s nothing in it that I care to remember.”

“Don’t say that,” Caroline exclaimed sharply. “We were like sisters. I loved you. I always have. I wanted to explain, but when I came back to Parkland, you were gone. No one would tell me where you were or allow me to find you.”

“You would have found me no more forgiving then than you do now. If you came here expecting to vindicate yourself, you’ve wasted your time.” Ivy glared at her.

“No, I came because Lord Wycombe told me it would give you pleasure to see me again after all these years.”
 

At Caroline’s response, she quickly turned her head toward Simon. The scowl on his face infuriated her. How dare he act as if she were the one who had committed a sin? Did he expect her reaction to Caroline’s visit to be a giddy one?
 

She’d only spoken of her childhood that night in the library after his coaxing, and now he’d betrayed the trust she’d placed in him. He’d said goodbye to her, only to return with a part of her past that was tearing her to shreds. Discovering her innermost secrets, he’d recklessly chosen to bring her face-to-face with demons she had no wish to ever see again.
 

“I also came because it was my hope that I could make things right again between us, and I wanted you to meet your namesake.”