02 Awaken-The Soulkeepers (35 page)

Chang`e smiles at my naive question. “These are holy weapons, Sophia. The arrows will come as you need them.”

Holy weapons with an endless supply of ammunition. How freaking cool is that?

“You have chosen wisely,” Kanati says, but I detect a slight disappointment that the
Okichitaw
weapons didn’t call to me. But he’s being a good sport about it. He sees
that I’m happy with my weapons. They have selected me as much as I have selected them.

“Now you must learn all they can do for you, and you for them,” he says, guiding me to stand before the giant tree in the center of the meadow. Chang`e straps a belt around my hips; it’s thin and light and I hardly know its there. I have a sheath for my dagger, and two holsters for my thighs that hold the pistol crossbows. All three weapons are within easy reach, and I adjust my stance, ready for practice.

My first target is the tree trunk itself. I throw the dagger and easily hit where I aim. But I’m immediately awash with memories—throwing the knife at Steve and throwing the knife in the haunted mansion when the demons pushed me too far. It felt strangely natural then, as it does now.
I was made for this
.

Back and forth I go, throwing and retrieving. I hit everything I aim at, but this exercise becomes daunting—throwing and then fetching the dagger.

It’s not until ten mintues later that I notice Chang`e and Kanati grinning. What I’m doing amuses them, and I think I’m missing something. I look at the dagger in my hand, considering things. Then I haul back and throw it hard, sending it to the top of the tree. It slams into the branch and nearly severs it.
The weapons will answer to my call
. I raise my hand and concentrate, willing the blade to return to me. It shakes itself loose and backtracks into my palm. I grasp it, smiling.

“You could’ve told me,” I say. “It would’ve saved a lot of time.”

Chang`e laughs. “Your weapons obey you, not me.”

I switch to the crossbows, wheeling them around like a kid with a new plaything. Which is exactly what I am. I pelt the tree with an endless stream of tiny arrows. They are small and lethal. I almost feel bad for the tree but since it’s supernatural and nothing can harm it, I go at it. Three hours pass and I’m in love with these things.

Kanati wants me accustomed to fighting with weapons on my hips, so for the first time in my training, I take on both of the demon hunters. We have short fighting sticks and are clacking our way across the open meadow. The grass is cool under my feet and I move easily, keeping up and not taking too many hits. When they change tactics, I drop the sticks and roll, whipping out my crossbow. Kanati has run toward my left flank, and I fire at the moving target. He flips in the air and swiftly lands on his feet while three arrows impale his fighting stick. Chang`e is charging with her stick whirling overhead. I spin away, slicing her stick with my crystal dagger. It strikes like lightning and splits the wood in half.

Then out of nowhere, the blue sky over our heads cracks like a whip and a man falls through. He is backward and wearing body armor and flailing with a sword in each
hand. His blond hair dances in the wind as he sails down, kicking and jabbing. He looks like a child having a tantrum. He hits the grassy meadow with a hard
whump
and lies perfectly still. Within moments, his helmet sails down and lands next to him.

I think he must be dead, but then he grunts and rolls onto his stomach and looks up. It’s Michael! He seems disoriented for a moment, and then his eyes lock with mine. We stare, both in shock to see the other. He opens his mouth but doesn’t speak. I hold my breath, and then the sky cracks again and a grotesque creature falls out and lands a few yards from Michael. It’s some hairless, four-legged beast with horns and a serious overbite of jagged fangs. Its gray skin is nearly translucent and shows a map of black veins. It looks wet and juicy, like it’s covered in ectoplasm.

Michael scrambles up and runs at the creature just as it charges; a supernatural bull with its head down and horns out. Michael drops to his knees, sliding across the grass and under the creature’s belly. His swords cut two swaths from neck to gut, and then he rolls out. The creature wails an unearthly sound. It is mortally wounded but it’s big and will take time to drop. Another crack from the sky and two others like Michael crash down in body armor with swords flailing. They hit the ground and roll over. All three pounce on the beast, driving their swords in deep. It screams and claws the earth but eventually stumbles, collapsing onto its horrendous snout.

I’m staring, breathlessly. My heart is a jackhammer. I’ve never seen anything like this. Michael and the others climb to their feet, panting from the fight. They are worn and bloody, cut to shreds, but still I can see the amazing beauty in their faces. Their sharp cheekbones and chiseled jaw lines as though carved with diamonds. Their eyes sparkle with mystical light. Angels are unmistakable, even if they’re dripping with blood and glaring at me.

I can’t read Michael’s expression. Nor can I feel his heartbeat inside my chest. I don’t feel panicked yet. It could be that he’s too far away. It could be that I’ve inadvertently severed our tie by creating Ka. Not that it matters. I still love Michael with every part of me. But I can’t bear the idea of never feeling him inside me again.

His eyes tighten and then drop to my hips. He sees the weapons, and I wonder what he’s thinking. Does he finally approve? Will he tug on my heart to let me know?

Two warriors walk into the meadow. They are apart from the others, and I’m guessing they’re the Halo Masters that Michael spoke of. Kanati waves and they make their way over to us. I can’t take my eyes off Michael. This must be his Halo training, but why does he look so angry? The others have relaxed and are discussing the kill. Michael is still coiled for a fight.

It’s me. Michael is still upset with me. He doesn’t think I belong here
.

Kanati greets the men as Camael and Sachiel. To my surprise, Rama pulls himself from the flowerbed and joins them. I stand aside while they talk with their indoor voices. I can barely hear them.

Camael says, “How are things progressing?” and Rama says, “We are almost there.”

I look over.
They’re talking about me? The Halo Masters know about me?

The one called Sachiel breaks from the others and comes to me. He asks if I remember him from the Borderland and a light goes on.

“Oh, yes! I mean, I don’t remember you specifically but yes, I remember seeing a band of warriors. That was you?”

He laughs warmly and nods. He seems pleased that I remember. Over his shoulder, I see Michael pacing like a caged animal. Back and forth, he watches me and Sachiel. He doesn’t seem pleased that we’re getting along.

“And you weren’t afraid of us then, were you?” Sachiel asks, and I cock my head in question.

“No, I never felt afraid of you guys. Should I have been?”

“No. Definitely not. I’m glad you weren’t afraid; it’s a sign that the warrior in you recognized the warrior in us. A sign of trust. We sensed a strong light within you and we were curious to see …” He pauses with a strange look in his eyes, as though he wants to say more. He shifts uncomfortably and then, remembering his manners, tentatively offers his hand. “Welcome … to the family.” We shake and I get the distinct feeling that he is hesitant to touch me, as though he isn’t allowed. I smile and thank him for welcoming me. He says he heard that I’ll be ready soon.

“I hope so,” I say, glancing at Michael. The other candidates have joined him and they’re walking closer. “Are the Winter Trials winding down, too?”

“Just finishing. We have our warriors.” He turns and we watch them approach. Michael looks anywhere but at me. When he’s within range, my second heartbeat springs to life, and I bite into my smile.

It’s still there! Thank God!

Michael plays it cool and shows no sign of feeling my heartbeat inside him. The more he pretends not to feel it, the more I know it affects him.

While the Masters chat about some official ceremony at the end of the trials, Michael’s eyes wander around the ground and then slowly climb up my legs. He takes a closer analysis of my weapons; he’s curious about which weapons I’ve chosen, or rather, which weapons have chosen me.

I see a faint smile tug at his lips, and then his eyes slowly lift to mine and I know.
He approves.

I hold my breath, hoping he’ll say something,
anything
, to show that he has changed his mind about me becoming a spirit walker. About us.

I feel a gentle tug at my heart, and I wring my hands, nervously waiting for two more tugs.
Please let there be two more!

We stare without saying a word, but I can see the love in Michael’s eyes. He looks drowsy with it, and I wish he would try again.
Please, Michael, tell me we’re not really over. Please don’t let me go so easily
.

There is another faint tug and then … nothing. Michael turns and walks away.

Rama and I have two more successful sessions but I sense he’s growing concerned. I’ve entered the rainbow aura, which is the pinnacle of my transcendence, but I haven’t tapped into something he calls
Kundalini
. It’s the full release of my spiritual energy. I worry that I’m losing my nerve after seeing Michael at the barn. I don’t know what to take away from the encounter; I saw the love in his eyes, felt my second heartbeat, but he didn’t reach out to me. He didn’t say he loved me anymore, and I’m reeling from the loss all over again. For two days I’ve struggled to regain my mental footing.

Rama says I have achieved a great deal but I must master the last step in the third trial—the empowerment of the physical form—or I can’t complete my Awakening; it’s that crucial.

Kundalini
, or “the coiled-up one,” is the essence of my spiritual energy. It’s coiled inside the deepest part of me, waiting for release. Once activated, it must join the spirit through an organic journey, rising and passing through every chamber of my spine in a process called
Sushumna
. As it drifts upward, it opens the capacity to all intangible things: compassion, commitment, strength, confidence, and courage. It’s a threshold I must pass through. The body is the temple of the consciousness, but inside the consciousness no obstructions can remain. The mystery of myself is not from discovery but from release of those primordial obstructions: desire and fear. As they are released from the consciousness, no obstructions remain and the body—the temple—drops off to complete the true empowerment of the physical form.
This
is the Awakening of all things possible.

“You have released the desire within you, Sophia. It is no longer a device of service but integrated within you. So what is this
fear
you hang on to? What has you so afraid that you remain tightly coiled within yourself?”

I open my eyes and look at Rama seated across from me. He speaks from his meditative state, through his Ascended Master voice.

The answer is ready on my tongue; it came without hesitation but I’m ashamed to say it aloud.
I am afraid to kill. I am afraid of the beasts that Michael and the warriors fight. I am afraid to fail. I am afraid of the dark side that Dante brings out, and I am
forever afraid of what is truly inside me
.

I stare into my lap. My hands are as tightly coiled as I imagine my spiritual energy to be. I’m furious with myself. I know I want to do this. I want to be a spirit walker, but I’m afraid to release the familiarity of my fear; we’ve been together for so long, I would feel naked without it. To surrender it doesn’t feel like freedom but subjugation, a terrible weakness.

Rama opens his eyes and leans back on his hands. He regards me thoughtfully and then nods. “Don’t fret,
wahine
. It’s not uncommon to flounder at the end of the ride. But the spirit is like steel; it’s gotta be tempered with fire. And nothing takes it to dah macks like spiritual warfare. Some people need slaps upside the head to get their courage, and some need to take tea with demons.”

“Tea with demons?”

“Face your fears. You dig?”

“Uh-huh.” I think about La Croix. It was crawling with evil and I was petrified. I felt safe only because of Dante. When I watched him kill to protect me, I was scared but excited, too. The fact that I felt safe with another demon is more frightening than all of my primordial fears combined.

Rama tells me there is plenty of time and I shouldn’t worry. I should never rush this part of the process. It’s too important. My courage will come when all is ready within me.

“In the meantime,” he says, standing up. “I’ve got something for you.” He goes to the rucksack he’s taken to carrying around. He reaches inside and withdraws a handful of braids. They are long, crocheted dreadlocks.
Kanekalon
, he tells me, while arranging them carefully on the bed. They’re beautiful and match my dark brown hair. He explains that he gives these to all his students who reach the rainbow state.

“Take as many as you like.”

I look them over but they all look the same. Still, I’m drawn to four in the middle and one on each end. He smiles with satisfaction and then stuffs the remaining ones in his sack.

“Yeah now,” he says, taking them from me. “You’ll be marked as my
lani wahine
. My heavenly girl.” He lifts them up like an offering to the lightshade over our heads, mumbles something, and then lowers them again. Then he uses some supernatural hairstyling technique as he wraps his hands around the dreads and my natural hair and fuses them together: two on the right side of my head and two on the left. He runs one down the middle in the back and then looks at his handiwork.

“And this one for the master.” He takes the last dread and adds it to his own head.
I realize that his dreadlocks aren’t just a hairstyle but a show of his accomplishments, one for each student.

He turns me to the mirror, and we watch as the dreadlocks he has attached to my head and the one to his gradually begin to glow. At first they appear bright like lightning but eventually fade into what Rama calls their
lani
color: indigo.